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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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i like it
4234469
Indeed
Definitely interesting
4393372 I hope you realize this is just the prologue. Aside from that, I agree that it is a bit slow, but I find myself eager to know what happens next.
I'd probably still read this story even if it wasn't about technicolor magical ponies. This prolog is interesting enough on its own, and i am eager to see this story get better!
So, an interesting start so far and now I can't wait to see what you have planned next.
...
>>Xenomorph666 cn i get a reason why the retard alert went off
6113195 Because the sun sets in the west.
Seems like the line above is missing a word.
Consider revising?
Anyways, love the intro. Builds up the feel for the protagonist's personality quite nicely imo. Promising is what it is
Inventory - 1 New Item!
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You have received new items!
Heavy Trench Coat | Electric Grey
Classified Trench Coat
Exterior: Field-Tested
A big Trench Coat with lots of pockets, useful for carrying lots of different items. Mainly bullets, though. This one has been dyed an electric grey. "Well, I guess I'm not having rabbit stew tonight." - Kestral, master thief, 'A Thief on the Rise'.
7228733 I love pockets.
He had to ration, as evidenced by him doing the exact opposite.
You don't need to write out the caliber for the round, it should just be .357.
Shotgun rounds are the only ones referred to as shells. When a rounds has been fired, it can be called spent brass, empty brass, casing, empty casing, spent cartridge.