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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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This is pretty good, but one thing I will point out: based on the character tags plus some of his comments, it is obvious who Kestrel's benefactor is, but based on the speech patterns, it is not. Unless you have some reason why he's toning himself way down, the character's "voice" is entirely too calm and reasonable for who he is. I like the notion that he feels some desire to protect Equestria/the world and that he's grabbed a reluctant catspaw to do it for him since he's too stoned to do it himself :-), but unless you're speculating that the wackiness is all an act or that being in stone forces a personality mellowing on him (figuratively as well as literally stoned? :-)), his speech patterns are too calm and not funny enough.
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Actually, you are correct in the reason I set him to be so mellow. Partially i put it as to show just how serious he thinks the situation is. Not only that, but his need to focus on the task at hand with the few things he can pull off makes him be forced into a more direct manner. On top of that, Kestral wouldn't take him too seriously as to 'him' being the good guy in this if he told Kestral to go do his dirty work while laughing maniacally. I'm trying to let his natural personality show more when he knows things are settling into his plans
Thanks for the comment, by the way. Helps me with the story more than one would think.
I like the story so far.
Keep on the good work
Is this based off a game? Because it sounds like a game to me with an upgrade system and a whole bunch of others.
And if this is a game I should know I will be disappointed in myself.
Previous Chapter:
You do know that the proper verb is "to sit", right? This a typo and not something you're doing on purpose, right?
Otherwise this is really good so far.
I like the use of how English became a language for ponies while still letting the book of lore Twilight read still have the hieroglyph things. Well done.