Fecal-Matter Is About To Hit The Industrial-Sized Air-Circulation Device
“Huh. So, why wasn’t I in the last chapter?” Spike asked.
Spike! When did you get here? Rogue Italicizer, did you know Spike was here?
(Oh, he’s always around somewhere. No one really cares though.)
“But - but-”
Quiet, Spike, I’m trying to tell a story here.
******
Shining Armor swatted at a bug as it buzzed by his face.
“Where did Zecora say this plant was?” he asked irritably.
“She said we would find it in sun.” Twilight answered, a little irritated herself.
“You do realize that there is a lot of sunlight out here and we haven’t found anything that even remotely resembles that plant.”
“Maybe she was referring to the sun cave?” Twilight rubbed her mane in thought.
“Where’s this sun cave?”
“Not too far.” Twilight said as she summoned up a map of the Everfree. “If we’re not lost that is.”
While Twilight began going over the map, Shining sat down on his haunches and began wondering what exactly he planned to do.
If the baby was his…. Well, he had no plan really. He didn’t know if there was any way he could possibly explain it to Cadance without getting severely injured.
Not that Cadance was violent all the time, but ever since being trapped in those caves beneath Canterlot she had a tendency to treat situations she normally would think on with violence.
It was a Post-Traumatic-Stress thing, as the royal physicians had explained. She’d would get better over time, but it was understandable, her reactions.
Still, Shining had found it amusing when his wife had punched out that tabloid rat Breaking News.
But there was an entirely different problem if the baby wasn’t his. What could he do with a baby that didn’t belong to him, particularly this one. He couldn’t exactly go looking for the real parents nor would he be comfortable leaving the child at an orphanage.
Although, he might be able to convince Cadance to be accepting if the baby wasn’t his. He could say that they could raise the child to be a bridge between ponies and changelings. Cadance had on several occasions said that in the end she wanted peace, not war, with the changelings.
Tartarus, they even could groom the baby to replace Chrysalis as the leader of the changelings.
So, current plan is to just tell Cadance that Twilight found the baby, I grew attached while helping her with it, and this is the perfect opportunity. Shining nodded to himself. Yes, that’ll work.
“Ah, here we are.” Twilight said, putting a hoof on the map. “And the cave is right here.” she looked at Shining. “We should have the plant in no time.”
Shining nodded and followed Twilight as she trotted off in the direction of the cave.
********
Rainbow Dash stared at Rarity while the latter swept up pieces of broken glass.
“You - you - you…” Dash found it hard to form a sentence.
“I what dear?” Rarity asked as she dumped the load of glass into the waste basket. “Hm, need a mop now.”
“You just, you just smashed that bottle on her head.” Dash said, pointing to where Rarity had lain the Goddess of Love out.
“Well, what else was I supposed to do?” Rarity asked and she looked for a mop.
“I don’t know, not smash a bottle on her head.”
“Pinkie Pie was about to pass out. In fact she did.” Rarity pointed to where the pink pony in question now lay on a table, drooling. “I did the best with what I had.”
“Well, shouldn’t we move her?” Rainbow Dash said as she trotted over to Cadance’s unconscious body.
“Yes we should, thank you for reminding me darling. Now come on, give us a hand.”
Together, Equestria’s Fastest Flyer and Equestria’s Most Fashionable Dressmaker hoisted Cadance up and laid her down on a table.
“Now, moping.” Rarity said as she headed into the kitchen in search of the cleaning device.
Dash sat herself down next to Cadance and stared at the comatose princess.
“Rarity’s really nice, honest.” she said, “But, sometimes she just acts rashly.” Dash narrowed her eyes. “Hey, I’m supposed to be the rash one! Why am I acting responsible?” Dash glanced up. “What are you doing?”
(He’s not thinking this through before he writes it, obviously.)
Hey!
“You’re brash, Dash.” groaned a voice.
Dash looked over to see Pinkie Pie stirring on the table.
“Huh?”
“Rarity panics and over reacts when royalty is around.” Pinkie explained. “You’re confident and not shy about it. It’s different.”
“Oh.” Dash nodded to herself. “That makes sense. Thanks Pinkie.”
“No problem. Ooh.” the party pony groaned. “I wish I knew she was that good at Party Pong before.”
*******
(Explained it away. And in character no less. I suppose that’s not too bad.)
“I still don’t understand where I went.”
(Spike! When did you get here? Gilda, did you know Spike was here.)
“Oh he’s usually somewhere.” the Gryphon said dismissively.
“Wha-? Gilda, how did you get here?” Spike asked, dumbfounded.
“Quiet Spike, he’s telling a story.”
*******
Zecora was alone in her hut, the baby dozing in a cradle nearby, and Fluttershy having gone for a quick bath in a nearby stream. The herbalist was balancing on her staff, eyes closed, and deep in thought.
She thought over the recent events. Imagine! The Prince of the Crystal Empire having a secret love child with the queen of the changelings! It was ludicrous! Oh, the scandal it would be if it ever got out.
And if it was actually true.
The zebra had her doubts about the baby being Shining’s. She knew Chrysalis well enough to know she was certainly capable of pulling prank like this even if for the sole joy of messing with the ones who had ruined her grand plan.
To further support that, the zebra highly doubted Chrysalis would abandon any of her children without good cause. That changeling queen was very attached to her children and would do anything for them, as the wedding incident would suggest.
But while these matters were important and interesting, they were, as usual, not at the forefront of her mind.
‘What is then?’ you might ask. Well, I think Zecora can answer that question best.
What a bitch it is to have to rhyme. the herbalist thought. All. The. Mother. Bucking. Time. Honestly, of this gimmick I tire. It is the source of most of my ire. I wish I could stop. But it is a habit I cannot seem to drop.
(At least she stopped selling that coffee with cocaine in it.)
Out loud, Zecora said, “I must think of rhymes to say, while the other ponies are away.”
Suddenly, Zecora felt the staff knocked from underneath her. She flailed her legs in the air for a second before falling flat on her back. The zebra sat up and saw Fluttershy standing there, mumbling an apology.
“Have you gone mad?” Zecora shouted, thoroughly miffed and rubbing the back of her head. She then looked off into space, thinking. After a time, the zebra found herself rhyme-less. “Fuck.”
And then a frying pan crashed into the back of her skull.
(This happens way to often.)
“Please don’t hate me.” Fluttershy said to the now unconscious zebra.
She gently placed the aforementioned frying pan down on the floor and then began looking around for a pillow. Taking one from Zecora’s bed, Fluttershy placed it underneath the zebra’s head. She tended to comatose herbalist, making sure she was alright and not in need of any immediate medical attention.
Fluttershy then went over to the cradle where the baby was sound asleep.
“Everything’s alright, little one.” the yellow pegasus said in a tender tone. She then gently took the baby out of the cradle and held it close to her chest. “Everything’s going to be just fine.”
And Fluttershy took the baby and left the hut, plunging into the Everfree.
******
“So why did Fluttershy do that?” asked Spike.
“Spike! When did you get here?” Gilda exclaimed. “Narrator, did you know Spike was here?”
I had no idea.
“Oh, come on guys, I’ve been here since chapter three!”
(That’s debatable.)
“You know what’s debatable? Why Gilda is here.” Spike said accusingly.
(Quiet Spike, he's telling a story.)
Dun
Dun
Duuuuuunnnnnnnnnnnn!
So why did Fluttershy do that?
Are you high?
2903251
That will be revealed in the next chapter.
2903269
No, that's the scary part.
This story has best title.
Chrysalis sure knows how to fuck with the lot of them. But Flutters being a secret changeling, a desperate mother or a very insecure animal caretaker can be very scary and reasonable for her to do that just now.
2903278
Am I high? This is so random but I love it denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw299_1298776425927.jpg
2903389
Thank you.
2903545
One of those guesses is half right.
2903551
I love that image. It speaks to me on such a deep level. *thumps chest*
2903587
You just at random everyday yell out "My brain is full of fuck and I love it!" don't you?
2903594
Maybe....
2903613
I do.
2903587
No prob, Bob!
This is all a clever ruse to take over ponyville while this mane six chase this party conflict around!
Moral of this story: Celestia is a porn star.
2904029 WHAT!?!? *explodes*
2904029
........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................What?
2904305 ur face! *runs off laughing like an idiot*
2904315
................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................Vengeance
2904326 *whips out lightsaber* bring it boytch.
2904330
*Pulls out shotgun*
As you wish. But before this ultimate battle of ultimate destiny, I have a single question to ask you.
Do you like bananas?
2904345 I like them when they are shoved up your ass and explode! *does said action* I WIN!
Now I shall feast upon your spleen while damning your soul to the eternal flames of Tartus...
2904353
So, you are a bitch that likes bananas?
2904371 no I only like them when they kill people.
He is possessed by a demon. STFU.
2904381
So you are a Bitch that Doesn't like bananas?
Is that what you are?
2904381
Someone doesn't get friendship is magic bitch reference.
2904381
Moon! Thousand years Moon!
2904798
Moon! Nine-Hundred Ninety-Nine years Moon!
2904829
But I have a dental appointment next week.
2904829 one thousand years? Fucker. Too cliché, Discord stoned 1000 years, Nightmare Moon, 1000 years, Crystal Empire, 1000 mother fucking years!!!
Fucking Hasbro, their imagination is of a sexy walrus. And what's up with that one year? One thousand years ago musta fucking sucked!!!
2904947
Well, alright, but just remember you're the one who brought it up.
Moon! One-Thousand One Years Moon!
2904899
What's his name? He can go too.
2905031
Doctor bicuspid in Manehattan.
2905172
Thank you.
This is a very weird Conversation...
2906817
What is?
2906889
How is Celestia A pornstar... Oh wait... I forgot
2906902
It's okay, I was just as confused.
And then Pinkie Pie woke up with the worst hangover of her methamphetamine-shortened life.
2908456
How do you people keep finding my story notes!?
2908527
Quick grab my buttershy
...
2908527
My name is Ceiling Cat, perhaps you've heard of me?
Now come on, give us a hand.
Should be hoof.
WAT.
“Not too far.” Twilight said as she summoned up a map of the Everfree. “If we’re not lost that is.”
I can't believe I have missed this.
Everytime you type dialouge when it's a statement, make sure you replace the period with a comma, I've seen this a couple of times, so just look through your stories and fix it. But still, your doing a good job.
3681428 Funny, I thought of the same thing
Ahhhhh, now I get that line from earlier. So, I have to ask, is the fourth wall going to obliterate here?
No, not yet.
Yet?
Well I haven't read the sequel exactly.
Okay, I'll give you that one.
~Sylpheed and Eli
This whole "(insert name here) when did you get here." Bit is not funny it wasn't funny here or in that doctor who vid where the doctor does the same with rory.
I loved this chapter but was confused why Fluttershy did what she did.
*eyebrowraise*
3690005 I don't even think there IS a 4th wall here
so far i can't tell if i should feel bad about this or if i should laugh may ass off