It's Not Going To Get Better, Is It?
It’s Not Going To Get Better, Is It?
The silence in the room was deafening.
(Not nearly a deafening as that train that no one but Twilight seemed to notice, but hey)
(And Pinkie Pie, but she's not a real person.)
But while silence makes for good drama, this is comedy almost certainly written under cupcake-related threats. So the silence can’t last for long.
“Twilight, what’s going on?” asked the sleepy voice of a baby dragon.
Spike
Who?
All eyes turned to see Spike walking down the stairs, rubbing sleep from his eyes. As he neared the bottom of the stairs, Spike began to say something else, but his voice faded out as he wobbled on the steps and subsequently fell down them.
You may now be wondering why Spike passed out like that. Well, after six mares have a mind-blowing secret revealed to them and gasp, they quickly deplete the room’s oxygen supply.
“Oh shit, Spike!” Twilight shouted as she bolted for the fallen dragon.
The others too ran to Twilight’s side, even though that probably didn’t help in the slightest.
“Spike, are you okay!” Twilight shouted at the dragon.
“Uh, I feel light-headed,” Spike grumbled. “And my head hurts.”
“You should take him outside for some air,” said Fluttershy, her soft voice managing to reach Twilight’s ears.
With a quick ‘Thanks!’ shouted at Fluttershy, Twilight picked Spike up in her magical grip and ran out the door. Unfortunately for Spike, Twilight had him levitating at slightly to her right. So while he did make it out the door, he bumped into the frame on the way by.
(‘Bumped’ is putting it mildly…)
Twilight set Spike down on the grass outside the library, the dragon gingerly touching the fresh bump on his head.
“You alright, Spike?” Twilight asked, concern clear in her voice.
“Yeah, I’ll be fine,” Spike replied. Looking up at the lilac pony, he asked a question of his own. “Are you okay, Twilight?”
Twilight just nodded out of habit, but truth be told she did look like she had seen a ghost. No, wait, ghosts aren’t too terrifying. More like she saw Celestia become anthro, turn into one of those half rotted zombies, and then the abomination took all it’s clothes off.
(TheWraithWriter is not responsible for any mental trauma caused by this story)
Twilight and Spike then went back inside the library to find everypony else huddled around the baby with Shining Armor fluttering around them with a panicked expression.
“So this means ponies and changelings can breed?” Rainbow Dash was saying.
“It would appear so,” Rarity replied, leaning close to the baby for examination purposes.
“That’s so awesome!” Dash shouted, jumping up into the air.
“Why are you so excited?” Twilight asked the celebrating pegasus.
“Because, this means Daring Do and Shadow Mask can be together,” Dash replied like it was something everypony should know.
“Huh?” Applejack voiced her confusion.
“Dash is a Daring-Shadow shipper,” Twilight said flatly, less than amused by the blue pegasus’ antics.
“I must say, this baby isn’t nearly as disgusting as one would think,” Rarity said, leaning back to get the whole baby in her view. “The little tyke is actually quite cute.”
“You find it cute?” Applejack was surprised by Rarity’s statement.
“Well, yes darling. Just because half her genes come from an insect doesn’t mean she can’t achieve something,” Rarity replied.
“And how do ya’ll know the baby’s a girl?”
“Well, I just assumed,” Rarity shrugged sheepishly.
“We have to find out for sure,” Pinkie Pie said, hopping excitedly. “I mean, I can’t make a party banner if I don’t know if the baby’s a boy or girl.”
“What? We can’t have a party,” Shining Armor said, halting his pacing and staring at Pinkie.
“Why not?” the party mare asked.
“Because nopony can know about this!”
“Why not?” asked Fluttershy’s timid voice.
“Because it’s evidence that not only was I completely fooled by a changeling, but I shagged her too. Can you imagine what Cadance would do if she found out?”
“Wouldn’t she just understand?” Twilight asked. She remembered Cadance as a very kind and forgiving soul. Surely she would understand.
“She wouldn’t just understand something like this! She’d likely put me in the hospital.”
Twilight raised her eyebrows.
“Don’t get me wrong, I love Cadance and she loves me,” Shining Armor said quickly. “But she’s also a bucking lunatic.”
“So, no party then?” Pinkie asked.
“No party,” Twilight answered.
Pinkie sighed sadly.
Twilight turned back to her brother. “So you’re definitely not telling Cadance?”
Shining nodded.
“Okay, so what are you planning to do?”
Shining fidgeted. “I, uh, was hoping you would know what to do,” he said sheepishly.
“Are you bu-!”
“Twilight!” cried an exasperated Pinkie. “Think of the child!”
Twilight ground her teeth and growled.
“Perhaps I can help,” Zecora said, turning to Twilight and Shining. “With what to do with the little whelp.”
Twilight and Shining gave the zebra quizzical looks.
“I can find out if it’s really yours,” the zebra further explained. “And not just some trick to make you do your chores.”
Twilight’s and Shining’s expressions became ones of the utterly confused.
Zecora sighed and rolled her eyes. “What, do you think that rhyming is easy?” she asked. “Like just pumping out tasty lemon squeezee?”
“What, I don’t even…” Shining muttered.
Zecora shook her head, exasperated. “Ugh, just come with me.” she turned and headed towards the door. “When we get to my hut, then we shall see.”
Shining nodded and picked the baby up. He followed Zecora with Twilight just behind him.
“Um, I think I should go too,” said Fluttershy, causing the others to halt. “I know the Everfree well and, well, the baby is small and, uh, helpless, so…”
Shining looked at Twilight who said, “Fluttershy does know the Everfree and having her along will, at the very least, keep the cockatrices away.”
Shining opened his mouth to ask exactly how a mare that seemed afraid of her own shadow was going to keep away mythical beasts. But he then decided that he should just take Twilight’s word on it and nodded his consent.
Fluttershy gasped softly and joined the procession, bringing up the rear.
Twilight turned back to look at Spike, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, and Applejack. “Now, I need you guys to keep things locked down here.”
“Locked down for what, exactly?” Dash asked.
“Cadance,” Twilight said simply. “If she doesn’t already know where Shining went, she’ll figure it out soon and she’ll likely come looking for him.”
“And what do we do if she does come here?” Rarity asked.
“Lie through your teeth. Say anything that will keep her as far from the truth as possible. I know lying is wrong, but this sort of thing could ruin Shining’s life and Cadance’s as well. With that in mind, Applejack?”
“Yes, Sugarcube?”
“I forbid you to speak to Cadance under any but the most dire circumstances.”
Applejack sighed. “Ah understand.”
“Good, now you all be good while I try and figure this manure out.”
And with that, Twilight closed the door and caught up with Zecora and the others as they approached the Everfree Forest.
As they disappeared from sight, those that remained in the library looked at one another.
“So, dears, anypony got a plan for what to do should Cadance come calling?” Rarity asked.
“Ooo, ooo, ooo!” Pinkie said, jumping up and down.
“Yes Pinkie?”
“We should throw a party!”
They all stared at Pinkie.
“And how exactly does that help?” Spike asked.
“Well, ponies like to drink at parties, right?” Pinkie asked rhetorically.
They all nodded.
“So, if and when Cadance gets here, we throw her a huge party and get her drunk off her plot. That way, she won’t even remember if she finds out about the baby!”
They all stared at Pinkie Pie for a time. Rarity then broke the silence.
“Pinkie Pie?”
The party pony beamed.
“That’s…” the fashionista took a deep breath. “That’s bucking genius.”
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Chapter Three is up.
RAMBLING ITALICS!
"figure this manure out." Way to keep it clean
.
Good, but rogue italic.
whelp. this is the strangest story I've ever read.
fave'd.
Yes. There is no way this could go wrong.
Yeah...
Wild chapter appears what Do?
Read it.
No. No. No it's not. ... and yet ... Yes it is
cdn.meme.li/instances/300x300/22048162.jpg
me after reading the title
denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw299_1298776425927.jpg
Yeah.
2891263
Oh you!
2890622
Congratz! You have given that weird text in my stories a name.
(The Rogue Italicizer)
Celestia help us all.
Wow Rainbow everyone knows Shadow Mask is clearly in love with Golden Clouds.
2891530 but isn't golden clouds a filly fooler!
2891595
Shadow Mask is a changeling. They can be anything they want.
2891703
Not actually important to the story witty back and forth banter.
if you were looking for where this all came from, read chapter 3.
2891782
Nope, pulled the name Shadow Mask out of a proverbial hat.
Although, I now have a character for a Daring Do story.
Hmmmmmm...
2891796 set phasers to daring do fan fics
2891616 But you forget Golden Clouds parents were killed by changelings. How can she accept Shadow Mask if hes wearing a mask
2891898
If he takes it off, he dies.
I'm liking this.
2891909 Its about the building of trust that buds their romance.
2891796 set phasers to daring do fan fics
2891970 This Daring Do fanfic needs to happen. I would follow it so hard if it came into existence...that sounded like a boner joke. (so hard... came... I have Deadpool's maturity and intelligence.)
2892704
Clap... clap... clap
Clap.
Challenge Accepted
best part of the story right there XD
I...I, uh, I think I'm in LOVE with you. This is so good.
2896015
Then my work here is done.
2896028
You forgot to close italics after this part.
2899207
Whoops.
Thanks for pointing that out. Has now been fixed
Pinkie, either incredibly random, or secretly the smartest pony in all of equestria
2983374
Was it ever a secret?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Last sentence=AWESOME!!!!!
Also, found no mistakes in this one either! Good job!
Clop! Clop! Clop! Clop! Clop!
3682681 That's My Fetish.
2983374 Why not both? :pinkie gasp: MIND. BLOWN.
Not even worth the effort of the link...
2983374 And so the Ponyville Hangover Stories begun where Cadence tried to figure what exactly went wrong while searching for Spike who is locked in some Watertower.
Wonder if there are some Pony-Hangover-Stories out there...hmm...
Oh and nice story! Love the random here.
llllllloooooooolllllllll
to good
i command you to do more
Josh, bro, where in the hell did you even find this though?
I know people.
Liar, as far as I know I'm the only friend you have.
Heeey the-hmmmm...yeah, you're right.
~Sylpheed and Eli
Pinkie said she heard it too...
In that case, I shall hold Twilight's operating system responsible. I can now hold you responsible for creating it. Hah!
That was awesome I loved it all so much and can't wait to see what happens next to them all.This is going to be bucking awesome.
I love the disclaimer
Four elements of harmony and a princess blasted off their plots... yea I don't see any potential chance for a major buck up.
You know how I said I was browsing for horror earlier thanks for that zombie image that fulfilled my want for horror for the next decade.
Yeah....I just saw Rarity said bucking
4127240 FuLlFiLlMeNt Of HoRrOr? ThErE iS nO sUcH tHiNg...
BEST COMEDY EVER!!! I'm crying with laughter