MOAR!!!

... ... ... ... ... ... ... well... *grabs glass of scotch* THAT escalated quickly...
If you have plans on making this a longer story' I'd suggest you slow it down, but it's your story... do with it what you will and I may keep my eye on it (though this genre isn't something I'm particularly keen on)

Vicviper6 Collabed on this? He's one of my readers! Now I'll have to check this out-Have a like

Not bad. I do remember reading the Manga before, but only a couple pages. Well, anyway, this story is good, but some grammar errors are in it. But I don't care about the grammar, this is gon' be good.

2813391 Read the manga, this is only the beginning man! This will be an ongoing story, don't worry about it ending anytime soon!

2813631 Ugh, grammar >.< I'll fix it, don't worry. I'll also make sure the next chapter has as few as possible.

2813391 In the manga...that is how it happens...sort of....

Oh... My... God... KissxSis crossover... Fav!

2813991 Haha, glad you enjoyed it! And Show Stopper was a most excellent story, and the last two chapters were well worth the wait!

2814040 Indeed. And Thank you so much! glad you enjoyed it!

Oh my gosh, I can't wait to read this story. I've been finding that stories with Flitter and Cloudchaser to be exceptionally good.

2813991 No way...YOU'RE HERE! *GASP* omigosh omigosh!
^
Is what my inner self is saying my outer self is...i think drooling

2814211 Lol Hey, I'm just like everyone else. I pay my taxes one leg at a time.

2814236 Only one? dang thats better than me...i keep having to give my right leg and right eye every time...i don't know how they grow back every time...

2814242 Lol It was a line off of DBZ abridged. If you haven't seen it, they are hilarious.

kissxsis crossover?! it's time for the chocolate lipstick!

If this is supposed to be a first person fic from Rumble's point of veiw than there shouldn't be a scene without him in it.

2814678 This story is going to be modeled after a manga. Otherwise, it will follow one character (first person perspective), but will also show you where the plot develops, even without the main character being there. If that makes sense, if not just read the manga haha.

Oh shit... This is gonna be good. KissxSis was good, this'll be so good!

2814713 No I understand, I'm just saying that it's not really first person if the story isn't told from one characters perspective. It's more like a first person third person hybrid which is weird and awkward to read.

2814782 After reading a few mangas, it's something I don't notice, sorry that it's awkward for ya!

2814790 No I read lots of Manga that's not the weird part. In hindsight I think you might just have a few typos. You used he's and hims where you wanted I's and Me's.

2814811 Probably, this is a colab between me and another writer, the prob that we faced (and solved, not a big deal) was the first/third person writing. He wrote third person, I wrote first person. I'll get to fixing ASAP, just have to try not to get distracted-Something that's a little hard right now. I get hyper as hell at night.

2814836 I can relate. Other than that it's a pretty funny story. Happy writing.

2814848 Thanks man! You too.

pretty sure i have a comic depicting something similar to this....

Okay, I gotta say, this looks like it's going to be fun.
Just one question. What's Rumble's problem?
They aren't even technically his stepsister's. And besides that, with no blood tie, there shouldn't be any problem. I seriously doubt if anypony in Ponyville sees them as siblings. So his two (presumably, it's MLP anthro, after all) smoking hot live in non-relatives want to bang him, and the only adults in the house are all for it. And he says no. Does not compute. Unless...

Rumble, don't take this the wrong way, but...

2815630 Rumbles problem is that Flitter and Cloudchaser have been around for eight years, which is why he is close with them, and sees them as sisters and nothing else. He shares a lot of physical traits with Thunderlane, along with the fact that Rumble has seen his older brother as his father since he was born, which made ponies believe that Thunderlane id Rumbles true dad (Thunderlane is 30 in this fic). And its not so much others point of views, as it is Rumbles, as in, only Rumble percieves a problem. Inner conflict and all that jazz.

You sir, deserve a like AND a fav from me. JUST from the fact that this is a kissxsis crossover!

Carry on!

2815844
8 years? Okay, now I see where his problem is. Here's hoping the girls help him fix it.

GIMME MORE!

Whoa that was fast! Try to pace it more slowly next time.

Also, if I wasn't familiar KissxSis already, than the two beginning flashback scenes and sudden change to present day would have been confusing as hell.

“Stay away from him!,” Cloudchaser’s high pitched voice cut through my crying.

“Yeah, leave him alone!,” Flitter’s almost identical voice soon joined [in].

The stray dog that had once been harassing me, ran off cowardly into the forest. “Th-thank you Cloudchaser! Thank you Flitter! You two are the best big sisters ever!,” I slowly rose to my feet, wiping tears from my cheeks.

Almost as if they read each others minds, they replied in unison, “Anything for our special colt!”

Since I am familiar with KissxSis, I know that this is a reference to when they were kids as Keita was playing outside, but in this scene you didn't tell us what Rumble was doing when he got attacked...or how old they were. Their age, in my opinion, is the more important information.

Just some constructive criticism, take it or leave it.

2818101 Dude, that's about as fast as the manga goes, again this story is directly influence by the MANGA, it's going to escalate, de-escalate, then escalate again. The end is nowhere in sight, and it's barely just begun. I get where you (and a few others) are coming from here, and I appreciate the criticism, but the manga escalated a little quickly as well, and that's a little bit of what's going to go on in this story. Just mindless plot and shenanigans.

2818523 And that's what I hate about Manga......I recently tried reading a new one, (That was actually really popular) but I just couldn't get into it.

And I get where you're coming from, but you are not writing a manga, you are writing a fiction... a story...without pictures. I'm not trying to bring you down man, just tryin' to build you up with some tough love.

Celestia pleaaaaaaaaaassssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee gimme moreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee i loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee it

RUN Rumble! jump out yo window and RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!!

2820869
Fuck that shit! they'd catch him in less than a couple of seconds. Curl into ball and stay very still. if they cant find a way to "spread" him then they will give up... Probably?

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Fav and liking, and willingly waiting for more!

Also, I can't see this anywhere, so...

>Cover image : i2.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/000/228/dat.jpg

ich liebt

2822453 No love?

2822931
Ich liebt (translates) I love .. If you didn't. Know

2822949 Google translate failed me... Donka

I've never heard of this anime before. It sounds bad actually, no offense. But the story is pretty good. Also, the word you're looking for is "danke" not "donka". Don't use Google Translate since it only effectively translates single words about 50% of the time. Phrases consisting of two or more words, it's even worse.

2824205 Thanks man, didn't take German, opted for Spanish. And read the manga, it's not as bad as it sounds. It's pretty good. Kind of like a more perverted Love Hina. A little funnier than Love Hina, actually.

Ah, you're going to have help me a little more than that. The only anime's I've ever watched are Fairy Tale, One Piece, Naruto, and the only European anime in the world-Avatar: The Legend of Aang. So, what is Love Hina like? Could you compare it to one or two of the characters from these animes so I can get a good idea?

P.S. Good going opting for Spanish, but in this day and age, you should also learn Chinese or Japanese. If you speak one of those, companies like Wal-Mart will hire you with a 6 figure salary as a translator.

2824229
I've seen love Hina!
I love that anime!

Have you read A.I.LoveU? It's by the same mangaka.

I was actually just asking Theta about it. I've never seen Love Hina before or read any of the anime.

2824216
If you like love Hina... You should read
Ah My Goddess!
It's just as funny, and provocative, but the art style is way better.