The Reaction and Forgiveness
"What!" Screamed the rainbow maned pegasus and the lavender unicorn.
"Believe me when I say, I never wanted to keep this a secret from either of you," Celestia replied trying to hold back her tears.
"If this is some kind of prank it's not cool Princess," Rainbow Dash yelled in anger.
"Rainbow Dash I promise this is no prank," the alicorn of day states.
"Why do you bring this to our attention now, why didn't you tell us before?" Celestia's prized pupil asked.
"I wanted to, but it was too dangerous, please, just listen," Celestia pleaded.
"I think we've both heard enough," the tomboy pegasus said.
"Rainbow Dash please," the white Alicorn said.
"So you just gave us away to total strangers without even telling us who we truly were when we were old enough to remember, and you didn't even keep us together at the very least?" Twilight asked.
"Please just listen girls," Celestia tried to reason with them.
"How could you do that to us? Were we not cool enough to hang with our own mother? Was there something wrong with us? Why would you give us away like that?" the cyan mare asked, feeling as hurt as her friend/sister.
"I never wanted to, really, I would have k....",Celestia said before Twilight cut her off.
"No, we've heard the last of this, and to think, Rainbow Dash and I thought we were something special, when all this time you were just covering your tracks just to make us feel like we weren't the outcasts you made us," Twilight bellowed before bursting out of the throne room.
"Not cool, not cool at all," the rainbow princess said, flying off after her sister.
"Girls wait!" Celestia yelled after them before the trone room door slammed shut behind the two mares.
"Let them go sister, they need to sort things out, they'll come around like we did. Thou remember how we reacted when thou told us," Luna said.
Celestia hung her head in defeat and said, "That was different sister, I fear they won't talk to me ever again now."
"Sister if they truly choose to never talk to you again, then they do not realize what you did for them. But if they're anything like their mother we know they will wish to seek the full truth of your actions. We're sure they'll have many questions only they're mother can answer," The Princess of the night assured her elder sister.
Princess Celestia felt devastated and tears rolled down her cheeks as Luna nuzzles her to comfort her. Meanwhile In the labyrinth of the Canterlot Gardens, Rainbow Dash and Twilight sat together crying and feeling their heads spin at the news they had just heard. For hours and hours they voiced the pain their new found mother had given them, feeling more betrayed then ever before. "Why, why would she do that to us? Why would she give us away and then wait sixteen years to tells us who we are? What was she expecting to gain?" Twilight asked her rainbow maned sister as she cried.
"I have no clue, but that just pisses me off. If she knew she couldn't keep us, why did she bother having us? We didn't ask to be born, we just were, but did we get a say if we could stay with her, noooo, she just cast us aside. And what about our dad, I didn't hear anything about him, he probably wants nothing to do with us," Rainbow Dash stated trying to hold back her own tears.
"It just doesn't make sense, I don't understand why she would just let the truth be known now instead of sooner. What was wrong with that, I mean what was wrong then that's not wrong now?" the lavender princess dictated.
"I don't know, but why didn't Luna seem surprised? It's like she already knew. Was she there the whole time and just played as Nightmare Moon? Cause if that's true, that means the elements really did nothing to her, and she played us for fools as well as Celestia," Rainbow Dash exclaimed.
"I thought I knew the Princess well, but it feels like I..... I don't know her at all. I trusted her, and all this time she never even let me know I was her daughter or that I had a sister, now I see why I never really connected with my parents, and my adopted brother, well, at least he gave me some joy, but," Twilight stopped mid-sentence as she fell to the ground crying into her hooves.
Rainbow Dash laid down beside her and wrapped a hoof around her shoulder. "I know the feeling sis. You know now I see why I was so ready to always ready to jump into action with you, guess our sisterly bond runs deep and we didn't even know it," the cyan sister of Twilight pointed out as she started to lighten the mood.
Twilight started to wipe away her tears as she replied, "Yeah, and I'm glad we found each other and many questions have been answered, but even more remain. Now that I think about it, Celestia probably had more to tell us about this, and I guess the least we can do is go back and listen, but I'm still mad at her for this. She should have told us sooner."
"I know, but you're right it's the least we can do," Rainbow Dash said.
"*sniff* Maybe we were a little too quick to judge, I was so hurt to hear about this, I didn't even stop to think how she felt to tell us the truth she hid for so long," Twilight said.
"Mmm, maybe your right, but I may take a while to think about what she did once I hear the story, she's probably got more bad news to make us more hurt," Rainbow Dash said.
"We'll just have to find out, we need to hear the whole truth, even if it hurts, we don't know the whole story yet, maybe there some light in this darkness we've found ourselves in," Twilight mentioned.
Rainbow Dash shrugged and replied, "I don't know, but I'll give it a shot, for my sister at the very least."
"That's the loyal Rainbow Dash I know, now let's get going and hear what she has to say," Twilight said.
Soon both mares made their way back into the throne room and came before the Princesses once more. "Have you come back to say your peace and leave or to listen to my story?" Celestia asked.
"We have come to listen, we still have many questions left unanswered about this new discovery of our lineage," Twilight replied
"Also, we'd like to know, how long have you known about this Princess Luna?" Rainbow Dash said.
"We, I mean I, forgive me, I'm still getting used to the way of talking in the modern sense, anyways I have known for only a few days, and I will admit I was rather shocked I had two nieces who saved me from my dark form and I thank you all the more for what you did for me," Luna told them as they sigh in relief they were not played as fools when defeating Nightmare Moon.
"Well, your welcome, and I don't know if I'll get used to the fact were related, but we are here to hear the whole truth of what happened. We know we need to know that much," Twilight cut in.
"Alright, now I understand that both of you are hurt by finding out that you are royalty, but there are reasons why I had made my decisions, and if you would just sit down and listen, I will let you why, that is all I ask, I do not seek forgiveness from you right now, but I had to let you know before more damage was done," Celestia negotiated with her daughters.
Twilight and Rainbow Dash sighed, then Twilight said, "Alright, but don't be surprised if we leave after this."
Celestia saw the disappointment in her daughter's eyes and knew that she felt she was not as special as she really was. "I'm truly sorry for what I did, but this is why it happened. Eighteen years, about two years before the two of you were born, I met a certain somepony, a pegasus. Your father's name was Flaming Sword. He was a brave strong pegasus and one of our best soldiers, and as you already guessed, I fell in love and started to see him more often. Many ponies found it to be romantic for us to be dating. Your father would always tell me about his adventures in the guard and made himself noticed by his superiors. He had a navy blue coat and a mane and tale, that if you were at a distance, you would swear it was on fire, but it also had a blue stripe that ran down it, so you can see where you got your pink stripe in your mane Twilight. He also was one of the fastest pegasus in all Equestria, so you got your speed from him Rainbow Dash.
Now after many months of dating, I wished to be courted to him as he did to me. But the corrupt politicians at the time wanted to make sure we would not take our relationship further and wanted to make it official that a commoner, even a member of the guard, could not court nobility unless he was ranked as an officer, giving him the status of nobility. I voted against such a law, for I loved your father, but many politicians claimed heresy, and wanted to strip me of my crown. We kept meeting in secret, but knew a time would come when politicians would find out and we agreed to stop seeing each other, but not before your father told me he would help make thing right. Your father vowed one day he would be able to help regain what we had lost and went off to find whatever way he could to promote himself to officer to make it so the poloticians would not have an argument against our relationship. We agreed not to talk to each other so that the politicians would have a hard time viewing his progress, only sending letters every so often to know what was going on with one another.
It wasn't until a two months after he left, I realized I was carrying the two of you. I knew it would be easy enough to hide the fact I was with foal, but I knew something had to be done to ensure your safety, even if it was something that I would never want to do. I fortunately had some staff members who would be able to keep my pregnancy a secret as well as your birth for they were true close friends. The day the two of you were born, I didn't want to give you up, for you were two of the cutest little alicorns I had laid eyes on," the Princess of day said before she was cut off.
"Wow, wow, wow, wow, hold on, Alicorns?" the rainbow maned princess asked.
"Um, I don't have wings and Rainbow Dash doesn't have a horn your majesty," the element bearer of magic stated.
"I know, I am going to explain why that is. As I was saying, even though I did not want to give you up, I knew your lives would be endangered if I kept you with me. The politicians of the time would have claimed even further heresy if they knew and would have loved nothing more then to vote me out of the throne to take over power, as well as sentence you both to banishment from the castle for life and your titles as princesses stripped. Even though I could easily oppose them and possibly convince the other ponies at the time to not turn against me, I feared they would do anything to take you away from me if I let you stay with me. I could not let that occur and I had to make sure you stayed safe, and that meant that I would have to keep you a good distance from the castle so they would not be suspicious. One day I found a spell that would be able to suppress your magical energy, which required a great deal of magic to work and even more to undo. Another spell was found that would hide your physical identities, and was more then easy enough to cast, but once I cast the second spell though, I was met with an even greater challenge. You, Twilight, kept your horn but lost your wings, and Rainbow Dash, you were the exact opposite. It left me at a stalemate, I couldn't keep you both together no matter which path I were to choose at the time.
If I had you both live with a unicorn family, many of my subjects would have seen it odd to have a unicorn family raising a pegasus, for Canterlot was not keen on mixing pony races at the time, the same would have gone for me sending both off you to live in Cloudsdale to live with a pegasus family, plus, ponies would wonder how a baby unicorn could walk on clouds without falling right through it and no knowledge of spells to keep her there. The transformation spell could be reversed easily, but I would be met with the same results if I were to cast it again, so I was left with no other choice then to separate you.
As you know, I sent you, Twilight, to live with some of my good friends and distant mortal blood relations, the Sparkles and their son, hence your last name as you already know my daughter. And you know of course, Rainbow Dash, that I sent you to live with a former Wonderbolt and his wife. I watched the two of you grow from afar as I did my best to fix the mistakes of the politicians who were soon voted out of office and even some were put into exile not long after you were sent to live with your adopted families, for some had gone too far in their exploits for power and other ponies saw a tyranny coming if they remained in office, which made me more then happy to send them away. The reason I had not done so before hoof was because I had very little to go on to convince other ponies of their treachery, but soon many slipped up and I either threw them in prison or had them exiled if it was so wished by the ponies of our kingdom. The seats replaced with new politicians who at first I was unsure of, but grew to trust in time.
I wanted so much to bring you girls back to me and tell you the truth when you were little, but of course fate changed when the threat of Nightmare Moon grew near. I had no idea what the evil would do if it knew the lineage the two of you bared, so I had to keep it secret still. As you grew, both of you amazed me with the abilities you had that made me feel my own magic would be dwarfed by my young daughters, and I'm proud to admit it that Sonic Rainboom you displayed Rainbow Dash, put my sister's and my own to shame," Celestia said and she blushed.
The rainbow maned princess's jaw dropped at her mother's last statement. "You both have made Sonic Rainbooms?" she asked.
"Mmhm," Luna replied as she nodded.
Rainbow Dash nearly fainted to know she carried on a family trait. "Well, to finish my story, there was a law passed two days ago that nobles may court any stallion or mare they deem worthy, be they of noble or of common blood, and any children who are a result of past courtships in secret shall be given their noble status and keep it as well as future foals on the way with no repercussions or claims of heresy, since the poloticians noticed many nobles beginning to have feelings for the common folk. Course a day later, your father finally sent a letter saying he gained his nobility already and is coming home," Celestia stated.
"He's still alive?" the lavender mare asked in amazement nothing had happened to her father.
"Yes Twilight, now I understand you've been hurt to find out your lineage, and will not force you to call me your mother or to take on your roles as princesses, I just hope that someday you'll find it in your hearts to forgive me," the white alicorn said, and her head once more looked down in regret.
Rainbow Dash and Twilight look at each other and were both thinking they gave their mother more then enough grief with their earlier outbursts and nodded to each other before trotting towards their birth mother. "Princess, er, mom, wow that will take some getting used to, anyways, we forgive you for what happened, we understand now what you did was to protect us, not to make us feel like we didn't belong, and for that, we should be grateful," the possible princess of magic or princess of the night stars said as she nervously nuzzled her mother who nuzzled her back.
"Yeah, I mean, it would so not be cool of us to hate you for looking out for us, even if it felt uncool to let us go to begin with," Rainbow Dash adds feeling a bit less comfortable of being cuddly at this point.
"Just like that, you forgive me, after so many years of keeping my distance from your true identities?" Celestia asked, surprised at the way her daughters changed their minds so quickly.
The two young sisters nodded and Twilight replied, "I'll have to get used to flying though, haven't ever used wings I didn't even know I had."
"Oh yeah, well you don't have a bunch of new spells to learn, sis," Rainbow Dash fired back.
"Hey, learning magic's easy, once you get the hang of simple spells," the purple maned mare stated as she smirked at her sister.
"Well flying's a breeze," the cyan alicorn replied.
"You just make it look so easy," Twilight responded.
"I make everything look easy," Rainbow Dash boasted before adding, "But seriously, it ain't that hard."
Celestia chuckled then politely interrupted, "I'm sure the two of you can help each other out in the area's that you need work on."
"Well, aside from that fact, what do we tell our friends, I mean, this changes a lot of things and they will want to know about us," Twilight stated to her mother.
"I know and we'll find the best way to let them know of your heritage. But for now, we need to inform the castle of your identity," the alicorn mother replied as she started to walk towards the throne room doors.
"Um, aren't you forgetting something pri, er, mom?" Rainbow Dash implied as she looks at her head and her sister looks at her back.
"Oh, hmhm, silly me," Celestia said before she reversed the spell to let their missing alicorn parts reappear.
Soon the the reversal spell revealed Twilight's wings and Rainbow Dash's horn. They also noticed that they had grown to almost as tall as their aunt Luna, who towered them by a few inches. Rainbow Dash had longer wings and Twilight's were the same length as her sisters. Their horns also were longer then a normal unicorns. "Well I gotta say, It's gonna be awsome to have a new flying buddy," the rainbow princess exclaimed.
"Yeah, and it will be great to have somepony to practice spells with, once your up to speed of course sis. Nice wing span by the way," Twilight said.
"So you noticed, and you don't look too bad yourself sis, boy it still feels weird calling you that," Rainbow Dash replied.
"I know, but the more we call each other sister and, well, Celestia mom, then we'll find it easier as time goes by," Twilight assured her sister.
"I know, it's just weird still," Rainbow Dash stated.
"Well, I know it will take some getting used to, but I also know the two of you will do your best to embrace it," celestia said with hope in her eyse.
"We sure hope so your hi, I mean, mom," Twilight said, before she facehoofed herself.
"Now let us head out and inform everypony in the castle so they don't think somethings off and then have a nice family meal together ," Celestia finished.
"Sounds good to me, I'm starving," replied Rainbow Dash.
"Me too," Twilight added.
"Me three," Luna said to let the family have a laugh.
They soon head out the door to let the castle staff and guards know of what transpired and the two young princesses awaited the arrival of their father and had many more questions now that they were princesses.
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MOAR and
finally one update, hmm interesting, keep it running
the resolution of the internal family conflict almost seems too quick and easy to me. still its a very interesting premise and I am looking forward to seeing what happens next
not bad but got one problem in my eyes
at that point Rainbow is still technically a pegasus (even if she is an alicorn with a spell to hide the horn) so shouldn't that be cyan pegasus?
or was it intentional
but otherwise good story so far and I hope you make a chapter with Twilight teaching Dash magic and Dash teaching Twi how to fly etc
I noticed quite a few mistakes that spellcheck mistook which word was right... Might wanna have an editor read through it.
2870099
I agree the pace was a bit quick but still a fun read
And once again politics ruins everything.
As for this chapter despite some rushing pacing this is pretty intresting. I kind of wonder if your original idea for this fic has been scrapped.
...
That seems way too extreme to be allowed in any sort only twenty years ago.
I mean come on. Even if she was somehow stripped of her ruling power the idea that they would just kill two foals seems a bit heavy for equestria.
Bit rushed and you seem to be rushing a little with the whole calling of mom and sister and the dad was edging on bad OC territory.
On Twilight's reaction. It seemed OOC. Twilight isn't the kind to react that way. She has a habit of trying to be optimistic even if it's hopeless. I think she would be more distraught over the fact that she didn't feel as special for being Celestia's student than for being given up young. She was around Celestia for years and doubtlessly some of those nobles. She would have had somewhat of an inkling of how polatics work and how Celestia having kids would cause chaos.
On RD's she seemed a bit too sad. I think of RD angry/sad I think of her showing more anger than sadness while around others and then being sad while she's alone. Remember the Mare Do Well episode? Yeah like that.
Now of story flow.
Break up those big ass paragraphs. Please. for example instead of this
This looks much better
See? One separation and it's already easier to read.
hence your last name as you already know, my daughter
Otherwise it sounds like Celestia has some other daughter out there that Twi knows.
wow
ok......when I get down to it... I am fine with this as a story idea....I am not sure the way this is going is the best way to handle it....as some of the other comments said there are noticeable spelling errors and even some of the wording/pacing seems off.....that being said I am fine with the idea and if you like I would be willing to help where I can....whatever your decision good luck on this story and other.....speaking of which is scootaloo's guardian going to be updated anytime soon?
brakes...brakes...brakes, brakes BRakes, BRAKES,BRAKES! this story is moving wayyyy too fast. if you were to stretch these two chapters into a possible 5 or 6 then MAYBE it would work.
OK, Twilight and Rainbow accepted the situation WAY too quickly. I mean, they was just told that the Ponies that looked after them for 16-18 years was all a lie, ON TOP OF THAT, the PRINCESS OF EQUESTRIA has just admitted that she is their biological mother. Their whole life just got flipped out of control and they accepted that in a few minutes. IMO I think you should look into the chapter again and try to get across the feeling of having your whole life turned up side down.
Better as the Last Chapter, indeed.
No offense, but the Nobility seems absolute fucking retarded here. Who is going to raise the sun if they vote Celestia out of office? Bob from Accounting? Sure, unicorns may once have been able to raise it, but that was thousands of years ago, I very much doubt any unicorn alive knows the spells to do so today. They'd have no choice but to reinstate her perhaps two days after voting her out, upon realizing that absolutely no records remain on how to raise the sun using unicorn magic. Also they are LITERALLY playing with fire by attempting to dick Celestia over. She could just work with the Royal Guard to manufacture 'evidence' that all of them have committed treason, have them all arrested, tried, sentenced to death, then swoop in at the last moment and pardon them all in exchange for their titles of nobility. Then she just goes and has the (greatly reduced) parliament repeal the 'no relationships with commoners' law, and problem solved. Or just make your love interest into a knight or something, after all, you're the sole reigning monarch.
Not to mention the fact that Celestia might just go full mama bear the instant they start talking about executing her daughters and slaughter all of them without blinking an eye or shedding a tear. After all, Luna went crazy over the course of centuries because no one appreciated her night. Celestia has a far, far better reason to go full 'Solar Flare', protecting her loved ones. Sure, she'd feel bad about it once she snapped out of it, but I doubt she'd regret it that much.
Forgiven for everything
Already calling each other by their sibling titles
A family meal!
denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw2608-facehoof.png
I Think it's a bit rushed at some points but overall it's great. There are missing a few words here and there.
Mutha fuckin MOAR!!!
You rush things.... Very much... They run out from the castle.... hide in the labyrinth... 5 min after they find out that they are siblings, royalty, princesses and so on...
They call each other Sis..
Seems legit....
This chapeter gets 6/10 Photo Finish's.
Eherm....
...
WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?
2870332 They will soon hit 87mph! WE MUST STOP THEM!
I cant remember the exact speed... i thinkmit was 87..
I'm going to agree with everyone else, the pacing is way too fast. And Your Brony God made some very good points as well.
2871532
One does not simply not remember this number...
And, seriously? Kick Celestia out of the office and banish her daughters? And apparently originally it was kill them?
You know, I very rarely have problems with Celestia not doing anything in all those fics, because her intervention there would cut the story in short, but here? Celestia not instantly vaporizing anypony who would suggest that and promising to do the same to others is a plot device I cannot agree with. She's a mother and her children are in danger! Screw the politicians, it's family we are talking about here! Burn! With !!FIRE!!
Though that could theoretically spark a civil war if she did that openly. But arranging 'accidents' with her position should be easy as pie.
I also agree on the pacing. Way too fast. I can understand that they return for more info. And only that! Talking 'sis' so fast feel completely weird and forgiveness... well, it supposedly is My Little Pony and they are far more lacking in holding a grudge department, one or two exceptions notwithstanding. Still, days. Easily weeks. Even months. Not minutes.
Though I do wonder what conflict are you planning to introduce here. Seems like everything is peachy and with their father coming home they are going to be one happy family...
And some of your spelling/grammar errors were cringe-worthy for me... though I admit, it doesn't take much to make me cringe. You just have to hit the right spot.
Please, continue. This might even go places.
2871722 Thanks,.. it was 87+1... Its been 5 years since i saw that movie
Its implussiblul!
MORE
Good chapter, and story, but a have to agree with some coments here, like YourBronyGod, a bit rushed specially the reacctions of Twilight and Rainbow.
Anyways this is good and original (as far I have read) and I want MOAR.
So has the original idea been scrapped? I agree with all of the criticism before me: pacing is too fast, characterization is sloppy, plot devices seem contrived... and the beginning of this chapter had pretty bad LUS, which isn't a complaint that I really use all that often but come on you used like five different descriptions for each of them.
Meh, I'll continue reading to see if your writing improves as there is potential... but, I was mostly reading because the original concept sounded interesting, so now it doesn't stick out in my mind as much as it would had you tried age regression and the like; I'm assuming it was going to be used in the context of them living their lives completely over as alicorns.
Word of advice, only change your story if you yourself feel it won't work out, only listen to people talking about the execution of a concept not the concept itself.
That...was possibly the most amazing thing i have ever read
Thank you
Faster than Rainbow Dash
, spelling and grammar errors everywhere
, and while not quite as bad as Pinkie
it's definitely lacking in the logics department on the plot points. I love the concept of the story, really I do. But I gotta say this needs a ton of work.
2871064
The quoted text that follows isn't necessarily from or in reply to the above post.
First, in a monarchy/diarchy, the leader isn't voted in or out at all. They're royalty. They rule. End of story. The only way to be removed from power is to pretty much have a coup or voluntarily step down. She technically doesn't need her office to raise/lower the sun, either.
I do agree that the plot points like banishment and/or killing Twi and Dash are contrived, as is the point about Celestia not having much power over a twenty year span late into her current millennium+ year long rule (both with and without Luna). If that was the case, its not a monarchy at all, she's just a figurehead for a parliamentarian governing body, and thus, not the ruler of Equestria.
As a ruler of a monarchy (technically diarchy, with the second missing), the ruler can pretty much repeal any law or sign one into effect, at will. Sure, everyone involved, which would be among the nobility and possibly the public as well, might be upset as hell, but that doesn't mean it's not possible.
Possible fix #2: Knight/promote the love interest. Done; Problem solved.
Discarding all the stuff before, i will agree that Celestia would have every right to go mama bear, when talking about punishment for her children.
In short, as awesome as this concept is, its execution is flawed. No story is perfect, and the only way the author can know such is wrong with his/her story is to let them know.
Love your story and please continue^^
To anyone reading this, if yo are a good Editor and Proofreader, I NEED HELP!
. I have gone and looked in the proofreader and Editor groups and asked around but no one has answered my call. I want to keep my readers interested, but I cant seem to please a good group of them and I understand constructive criticism, but I grew up in a small town, so if my emotion and explaining sounds a little dry and fast paced, I apologize
. When I get an Idea in my head I try to get it out as fast as possible before I loose it and can't write it any more. It's my line of thinking and line of work to be fast
. Please forgive me, I'm trying the best I can, and if your willing, I would appreciate the help and be sure to point out your help on my story. Thank you to anyone who answers the call.
2872793
Ohh indeed, Celestia would have every right to go full overprotective mother the moment ponies start talking about killing her daughters for the mere crime of daring to exist. Though upon reflection, a simple move of just refusing to raise the sun for a day or so would shut like 95% of them up.
And as far as I can tell, Equestria in the show at least, is more of an absolute monarchy, with the unusual difference of having two absolute monarchs. Hell, I'm don't believe if the show has even implied that there is any branch of government beyond the executive. Celestia could probably just cut the heads off any pony talking smack about her family and the rest of the nobility could do nothing but smile and say "what a wise move your highness." Sure, that would be an absolute last ditch maneuver by her, but the possibility exists.
In this story, it seems the author is trying more for a constitutional monarchy or some weird form of Prussian Constitutionalism, where Celestia would indeed have checks and balances on her exercise of power.
Sorry if I seem kinda incoherent at all, I'm writing this past midnight and i work in five hours, plus im absolutely bushwhacked.
Hmm... very fast to the point it becomes a unrealistic. One does not merely get over betrayal in so short a time.
In all honesty, I understand your writing style: Get it down quick and efficient. But after you've typed out the main points, you should go back and describe in more detail the scene. What does the throne room/place they are meeting Celestia look like? Where did the two run to after learning their lineage? What did it look like, smell like, feel like? What fond memories did it bring back for Twilight, if any?
All of these are good ways to slow the pacing of your story and give the reader a sense of passing time. If Twilight gets lost in the past, running through memories of her apprenticeship, she can convince Rainbow to return with her. After all, she has experience with their shared mother, and would most likely know Celestia wouldn't keep something like this from her if there wasn't a darn good reason. If they exited the castle/ fled to a secluded corner, you can describe the scene before the flashbacks, then after describe what it looks like in fading light. Finally, have the make-up meeting in a seperate, personal location like Celestia' s room.
Adding some hindsight into the flashbacks, like Celestia' s implacable mask cracking when looking at filly twilight with a profound sadness, etc...
If you want someone to chat it out with, contact me on Steam at http://steamcommunity.com/id/TheUltimateNightmare.
when can we expect to see the next chapter?
2873123
No no, your coherence was never in question. Truth be told we're probably in a similar situation, writing comments rather late at night.
Yeah, that was kind of what i was getting at.
FiM is a kids' show after all, unless it's specifically about the types of government it'll only include what's absolutely necessary.
Unless she's trying to intimidate or cow the rest of the nobility into submission, an action like this will never work properly, or for long. I do see where you're coming from with this train of thought though. She can pretty much do anything she wants and the average pony will probably think she did it for the good of the country. Unless its completely outrageous.
So much for Celestia's Ballad. The only decent part of the season 3 finale episode. Then again, this whole thing is better than that stinkwad of an episode.
Yes, in my opinion S3 Ep13 was the worst episode ever.
2873068
I'll edit the 2nd chapter and you can see if you like my editing skills.
I am still mad I never thought of this! and I still want to ship the sisters together! am I wrong for wanting this?
Now I feel sad for still wanting to ship Twilight and Rainbow Dash, but you know what they say "Incest is the best put you sister to the test!!" I can't wait to see how this plays out so all I can say is...MOAR
!!!
2893225 No
2935755
ME WANT MOAR!!!!!!!!!!!
SO AWSOME!!!!!!!!!
hope you update this soon
Perfect balance of emotions, although the acceptance seemed a little fast.
I would like to have seen a bit more of Rainbow and Twilight talking on their own after they had accepted the truth about each other.
Will we be meeting their father? Will RD be as powerful magically as Twi, and will Twi learn to be as good a flyer as RD?
Looking forward to update
i love it and i got a question when will more chapters of this story come out
Here is a question, why did you have them grow?
2871532 I'm 87! The number your looking for is 88
3062080 xD
Its 8xZ+Y+Y!
Wrong correction of the number....√
3062090 nope it's definetly 88mph
3062102 Ik it is.
Im just taking my mathbooks number code.
Z=10
Y=4
X=1
And it continues..
3062116 well how am i supposed to know what that was?