The Unexpected Sexual Harassment of Twilight Sparkle
BY: cleverpun
Twilight Sparkle leapt out of the pegasus-drawn carriage. She looked around at Ponyville and let out a deep sigh.
Spike hopped out of the carriage as well. “Ponyville, huh? Pretty nice town.”
“I guess. My tower is still nicer. And it’s better ventilated.” Twilight turned to the guards, levitating a piece of parchment and quill out of the carriage. “Thank you, sirs. You can leave our things at the library, then return to Canterlot. It’s built into a tree, so it should be easy to spot. The keys should be in my saddlebags, right purse, center section, third zipper down, behind the comb and in front of the chapstick.”
The guards nodded and flew off.
Twilight floated the parchment in front of her face. “First item, catering from Sweet Apple Acres. Guess we better ask for directions.”
“Shouldn’t we settle in, or something?” Spike asked.
“Spike, I want this over with as soon as possible. Bad enough I’m here at all when I could be researching Nightmare Moon.” She took another look at the town, then trotted over to the nearest pony, a pink stallion with poofy hair and balloon cutie marks. “Excuse me? Do you know where—”
The pony leapt into air, let out a prolonged gasp, and vanished.
“Uhm, okay…” Twilight scratched her head.
Spike chuckled to himself. “Looks like you’re popular already, Twilight.”
Twilight jerked her head and started walking. “Come on, I saw a barn on our way here.”
“Didn’t the princess order you to make some friends while you were here?” Spike asked.
“The last thing I need is friends. I just want to get these errands out of the way so I can go back to doing something important.”
“You’re always so negative, Twilight. Maybe everypony here will surprise you.”
Twilight rolled her eyes. “Well, I suppose first impressions don’t get much worse than that.”
Walking to Sweet Apple Acres did not take very long. Despite a few grumbles about the heat, Twilight and Spike found it fairly easily. As Twilight walked up the path, she looked around for ponies. She spotted an orange stallion with a cowboy hat and an apple cutie mark. He kicked one of the trees, and a shower of apples immediately fell into baskets sitting below.
Twilight approached him. The stallion stopped mid-kick and turned to Twilight. “Well, hello there!” he said cheerfully. “Welcome to Sweet Apple Acres! Name’s Applejack! What can I do ya for?”
“Good afternoon. My name is Twilight Sparkle. I’m here to supervise preparations for the Summer Sun Celebration. And you're in charge of the food?”
“Sure am. My brother ’n’ sister should be in the kitchen preparin’ things as we speak.”
Twilight turned around. “Well, sounds like you have everything under control. We’ll let you get back to—” She found a hoof draped around her shoulder, steering her in the other direction.
Applejack smiled. “What’s the rush? Don’tcha wanna check things out a bit?”
Twilight picked his hoof up with a small bit of telekinesis. “Thanks for the offer, but we really do have a lot of—”
The hoof was back. “Oh, nonsense. Won’t take but a moment. And I gar-unn-tee this is the best chow in Equestria!”
Spike started walking alongside the two ponies. “Now that you mention it, I could eat.”
“Spike, be quiet,” Twilight whispered loudly.
“Besides,” Applejack patted Twilight’s side with his hoof, “a pretty mare like you needs to keep her strength up.”
Twilight opened her mouth to say something, but Spike cut her off.
“C’mon, Twilight! Celestia told you to oversee the preparations, right? We gotta be thorough!”
“Spike—”
Applejack flung open the door to the house and led Twilight inside. A tall red stallion was stirring something on the stove, and a yellow filly was slicing apples at the kitchen table.
“Miss Sparkle, this here is Big Mac and Apple Bloom. Y’all, this is Twilight Sparkle and Spike. They’re here to inspect the food for the Celebration.”
Big Mac nodded at Twilight. Apple Bloom leapt over.
“Wow! So y’all are from Canterlot?”
Twilight pushed Applejack’s hoof off her shoulder. “Yes, we are.”
Apple Bloom smiled. “Well don’t you worry. Me and my brothers and granny make the best food in Equestria!”
Twilight smiled. “How could I disbelieve such a cute filly?” She turned towards the door. “Clearly everything must be fine. No need for us to be here. Spike, let’s go.” She got a few inches towards the door before Applejack said something.
“Say, A.B.” Applejack knelt down. “Why don’t you and Big Mac show Spike the entrees? I know you were braggin’ about that apple stew earlier.”
Twilight cringed at the mispronunciation of “entrées”. If the stallion was trying to impress her, it was having entirely the opposite effect.
“Okay!” Apple Bloom bounced into the living room. Spike licked his lips and followed her.
A small smile crept across Applejack’s face. “And I can show Miss Sparkle the desserts.”
Big Mac glanced at Applejack, one of his eyebrows creeping upward. Applejack’s only response was the same small smile. Eventually Big Mac walked slowly after his little sister and Spike. He shot one final glance at Applejack before disappearing into the living room.
Twilight sighed loudly. The door was right there. With considerable effort, she tore her gaze away and turned around. Applejack had already placed a pie onto the table.
Applejack smiled. “Made it myself. Let me get you a plate.”
Twilight reluctantly sat down. I guess I am kind of hungry. And it does smell pretty good.
There was a clink of dishes and Applejack returned with some plates and utensils. After setting them down, he started to cut a slice of pie.
Twilight squirmed in her chair slightly. She glanced at the door. A particularly loud clink of silverware brought her attention back to the table. A hearty slice of apple pie sat on a plate in front of her.
Applejack sat down. “Dig in.” He leaned in a bit. “I promise it’s dee-licious. Everything in the house is.”
Twilight eyed the pie for moment, then delicately grabbed it with her magic and took a bite.
Applejack smiled again. “Like it?”
“This is actually pretty good.” She took another bite. “I can see why Princess Celestia hired you to cater.”
The pie was just delicious enough to be distracting. As Twilight put another forkful in her mouth, Applejack slid his chair a few inches closer to her. Twilight didn’t notice the gentle squeak as it moved.
Twilight chewed for a moment. She suddenly realized her chewing was the loudest thing in the room. “So…” She swallowed. “You harvest the apples and you bake them?”
“Yeah, me and my brother take shifts. Keeps things interestin’.”
“Right.”
Applejack scooted a few inches closer, and another soft squeak leaked out of the chair.
“Miss Sparkle, do you mind if I call you ‘Twilight’?”
“I guess not.”
Applejack’s chair scraped loudly along the floor. He was rather close to Twilight now. She paused mid-chew to glance at the tiny gap between them.
“Uhm, what are you doing?”
Applejack leaned forwards. “I need to tell you somethin’, Twilight.”
Twilight’s eyes flicked to the side and back again. “Okay?”
“And before I tell ya, I want you ta know that I don’t say something unless it’s the truth. I take honesty very seriously.”
Twilight raised an eyebrow. “Duly noted?” She returned to her food, though her eyes remained fixed on the stallion. She quietly realized she was eating food in a stranger’s kitchen.
“The truth is, Twilight.” He lowered his voice a little. “I think you’re beautiful.”
Twilight froze. Her mouth hung open, ready to receive pie, but she couldn’t quite finish the action.
“Well, Applejack, that’s very nice of you to say—”
Applejack leaned towards her, and Twilight reflexively scooted backwards. Her haunch slid right to the edge of her seat, and her neck moved as far away as possible before her balance wavered.
“No, really, I mean it. Not often a mare as pretty as you comes ’round these parts.”
Twilight put her food down. “I think I’d better leave.” She slid off her chair, but Applejack was right there in moments, his hoof touching hers.
“I ain’t blowin’ smoke here. You’re hot.”
Twilight’s horn started to glow, and a few seconds later Spike floated through the doorway and landed on her back.
“I’m really not interested. Wish I could say I was flattered, but—”
“I know I’m comin’ on kinda strong, but really, you’re just so—”
“Thanks for the food bye!”
The door slammed shut. The entire house rattled slightly.
Big Mac strolled over and stood next to Applejack.
Applejack rubbed his neck nervously. “I guess that mighta gone better.”
Big Mac chewed absently for a moment. The piece of hay in his mouth rolled around a little as he did. Finally, he stopped and opened his mouth to answer. “Eeyup.”
“Well, that was uncomfortable…” Twilight muttered.
“They seemed nice.” Spike popped an apple slice into his mouth.
“That’s because you were too busy stuffing your face! That orange stallion was hitting on me the whole time we were there!”
“Whatting on you? Did he punch you or something?”
“You know what, never mind.” Twilight glanced at the list. “Next up, weather. Says here the captain of the weather team is named Rainbow Dash.”
Twilight stared up at the sky. She was so busy calculating the cloud coverage she didn’t notice the pegasus about to crash into her. The purple-and-blue blur rolled several feet before it finally came to a stop. The stallion lay flat on his back, Twilight sprawled awkwardly across his chest.
“Ow.”
“Hey, watch where you’re going, lady!” The pegasus propped himself up on his forelegs and shook his head. He glanced down at Twilight and smirked. “Unless, of course, you wanted to run into me.” He leaned closer and his snout stopped less than an inch from Twilight’s. “In that case, feel free to scoot down a bit.”
“Ugh, get away from me, you perv!” Twilight shoved his face away with a small spell. She pushed herself backward, clumsily putting a few feet between her and the stallion.
The pegasus got to his feet easily. He rolled his eyes. “Well, I see somepony can’t take a joke. I’m an eligible bachelor, lady. Like I would waste my time with some nopony like you.”
Twilight picked herself up and cast a quick spell to check herself for injuries. “Yes, clearly every mare in Equestria would be lucky to have a jerk like you as their special somepony.”
She looked up and started. The stallion hovered inches above her.
He rubbed his chin with a hoof. “You know, now that you’re standing up, you don’t look that bad. Egghead, obviously, but not that bad.” He leaned closer to her face. “Of course, you still looked better on top of me.”
Twilight fired a spell at him. He moved a few feet to the left and the spell whizzed past him.
“Playing hard to get, eh? I like that.”
Twilight rolled her eyes. “Ugh, would you just you go away? I have to go find the captain of the weather team.”
The stallion’s smirk widened. “You mean Rainbow Dash?”
“Yes! You know her?”
The stallion flipped onto his back and started floating lazily backward. “I might.”
Twilight’s eyes flicked onto the stallion’s chromatic mane and tail, and his rainbow-lightning cutie mark. “Ugh, you have got to be kidding.”
“The one and only! And don’t worry about the mixup, lots of ponies assume things about my name.” He smiled. “Trust me though, name or not, I’m all stallion.”
Twilight buried her face in a hoof.
“I must be even more popular with the ladies than I thought. Usually they don’t come looking for me.”
Twilight sighed and reluctantly put her hoof down. “I’m Twilight Sparkle. Princess Celestia sent me—”
“’Bout time!”
“—to oversee the preparations for the Summer Sun Celebration.” Twilight jabbed a hoof at the smug pegasus. “And you are supposed to have the sky cleared by now!”
Dash waved a hoof dismissively. “Eh, it’ll get done.”
“The celebration is tomorrow!”
“I can clear the whole sky in ten seconds flat.”
“Prove it.”
“Sure, I just need a little motivation.”
Twilight raised an eyebrow. “That being?”
A smug grin spread across Dash’s face. “Kiss me.”
“What!? Ew, no!”
“Suit yourself.” Dash shrugged dramatically.
Twilight narrowed her eyes. “I bet you can’t even do it.”
Dash flipped onto his stomach, his eyes locked on Twilight. “Oh you bet, do you?”
“Yeah, I do.”
“You’re on!” His wings flared out. He shot upward, a rainbow streak the only evidence he had ever been there. The highly visible trail zigzagged across the sky, smashing into clouds everywhere. When Dash settled back down in front of Twilight, the sky was perfectly clear.
“Huh.” Twilight looked all over the sky but couldn’t find a single cloud.
She felt a hoof drape across her shoulder.
“What’d I tell ya? Ten. Seconds. Flat. Now, about that bet…” Rainbow took a long look at Twilight’s rump, and one corner of his mouth slowly snuck upward.
Twilight grimaced. She pushed his face away with some magic and walked away. “What bet? I didn’t bet anything.”
Rainbow grinned that same smug grin. “I cry when you say goodbye, but I love the view when you do!” he called after her.
Twilight shuddered. “Ugh. Spike, please don’t turn out like that when you’re older.”
Spike plopped another apple slice into his mouth. “Like what?”
Twilight sighed. “Never mind. What’s next on the list?”
“Decorations at the town hall, looks like.”
Spike and Twilight stepped into the town hall. Embroidered banners hung on the walls and balcony, and numerous ribbons were tied on the columns and posts.
“Huh. It actually looks really nice,” Twilight said to herself.
“Why thank you, darling.”
Twilight jumped a little. She turned around. A statuesque white stallion was standing behind her. He had an incredibly elaborate manecut and three diamonds for a cutie mark.
He bowed. “Rarity, master tailor at your service.”
“Uhm, Twilight Sparkle, and this is Spike. Nice to meet you?”
“I like your cutie mark,” Spike said.
“Why, thank you.” Rarity rose up slightly and extended a hoof.
“Uhm, what are you doing?”
Rarity withdrew his foreleg. “Ah, forgive me, darling. I was going to kiss your hoof, but sometimes I get carried away with formality. Now, let’s get a good look at you.”
Rarity leaned towards Twilight’s face, and she instinctively moved her neck back. He walked around her once and put a hoof to his chin.
“Well, I’m certainly not complaining. Great figure, regal posture, colorful mane… But I told the agency I wasn’t interviewing models today. I’m busy preparing decorations for the Summer Sun Celebration.” Rarity waved a hoof at the banners hung everywhere.
“I’m not a model.”
One of Rarity’s eyebrows shot up. “Really? Well, then, how can I help you?”
“I’m here to check on the preparations.”
Rarity smiled. “Well, as you can see, they aren’t quite done yet.” He trotted over to a pile of ribbons and started sorting through them. “I still have more ribbons and banners to put up. Everything is embroidered and sewn, however, so it should be ready well before the Celebration begins.” He pulled a ribbon out of the pile and held it up to the wall. He shook his head and grabbed a different one. “Did you have any specific questions?”
“Uh, no, not really.” Twilight scratched her head. “Huh. You’re actually the only pony so far who has bothered to be professional about their progress report.”
“First impressions are everything, dear. I may not have grown up in Canterlot or Manehattan, but I do know a few things about manners.” Rarity tied the ribbon around a nearby post and put a hoof to his chin. He nodded quickly and continued to sift through the pile.
“Well…keep up the good work?” Twilight turned to leave.
She was a few steps from the exit when Rarity called out to her. “Oh, one more thing.” She reluctantly turned around.
Rarity trotted over to Twilight and handed her a card. “Take my card. A body like yours should not be wasted on secretarial work.”
“I’m not a secretary, I’m Princess Celestia’s personal student.”
“Well, that would explain your regal demeanor.” Rarity chuckled. “And your stoic attitude.” He proffered the card again. “Just think it over. I know many ponies who model as a hobby. And a lovely body like yours wouldn’t need much extra effort.”
“Thanks, but I’m not interested.” Twilight turned back to the door.
“Ah, I understand. It’s fine. The insecure ponies rarely become models.”
Twilight’s ear flicked. She spun around. “I am not insecure!”
Rarity took a step forward. “Why else would a mare as attractive as you not want to model? I’ve seen it before, Twilight.”
“That’s preposterous.”
“I bet you’ve never had a special somepony either. You have to love yourself before you can love another, after all.”
“Excuse me!?”
Rarity grabbed Twilight’s hoof. “Don’t be afraid to admit to yourself you’re beautiful, Twilight.” He leaned in. “I think you look radiant.”
Twilight jerked her hoof away. “Oh, ew! You’re hitting on me, aren’t you?”
Rarity drew a hoof to his chest in mock horror. “I would never invade somepony’s personal boundaries in such a way! I merely hate seeing talent and self-esteem go to waste.” He leaned forward. “Of course, if you wanted to engage in some harmless flirting as practice, I could oblige you. I know how self-conscious virgins can be.” He smiled. “I’ve taught the same lesson to countless models like yourself, as a matter of fact. It is one advantage of having your home and business in the same building.”
The slapping spell was inches from Rarity’s face when he cast the barrier. The two bursts of magic collided harmlessly.
Twilight glared at him before opening the door. “Spike! We’re leaving!”
“I wasn’t eating his gems, I swear!”
Twilight grabbed Spike and stormed out. She slammed the door shut so hard that one of the hinges clattered to the floor.
Rarity straightened his mane and turned back to his work. “She’ll be back. They always are.”
Twilight’s ear flicked. She shuddered. “Ugh, and I was hoping I’d found one stallion in this town who wasn’t a horny pervert.”
“A what?”
“Oh, never mind.” Twilight looked away from Spike and nervously ran a hoof through her mane. She felt something behind her ear. She pulled it out with her magic and rolled her eyes. It was Rarity’s card. It vanished in a puff of fire and she brushed her hoof on her coat.
She turned to Spike. “Anyway, what’s next on the list?”
Spike pulled out the parchment. “Music. Last thing.”
“Thank Celestia.” Twilight’s ear flicked. “Do you hear that?”
“Hear what?”
Twilight walked a bit further, and she definitely heard faint strands of music wafting through the air. She walked along the path, around a few bushes, and finally walked into a park. She saw a yellow pegasus conducting a choir of birds. Beethooven’s Fifth, she thought to herself.
There was a pause as the stallion gave a few orders to some of the birds. He settled back into place and raised his hooves.
“Hello,” Twilight said.
There was a squeal of fright from the stallion as he zipped into a nearby bush. The birds scattered.
Twilight trotted over to the shrub. “Oh my, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you.” She peeked in between the branches, and spotted a few flashes of pink and yellow. “I was just listening to the music. It sounded beautiful.”
“Oh, uhm…thank you.” It was barely a whisper. The pegasus slowly poked his head out, and carefully picked the rest of himself out of the bush. Twilight moved a few of the branches apart with her magic, and the stallion settled onto the ground.
Twilight smiled. “Again, sorry about that. My name’s Twilight Sparkle. Princess Celestia sent me to check on the preparations for the Celebration.”
The stallion scuffed a hoof on the ground. “I’m Fluttershy.” He turned his head to the side, his bangs covering most of his face. “Nice to…meet you.”
Twilight put a hoof to her chin. “You know, I’ve been to a lot of concerts in Canterlot, but I’ve never seen such a well-trained bird choir before. Most Canterlot ponies prefer actual musicians.”
Fluttershy mumbled something.
“Sorry, what was that?” Twilight asked.
Fluttershy swallowed loudly. “I…I could…play you some more. If you want.”
“Oh, I don’t want to get in your way. I kind of had something to do, anyway.”
Fluttershy finally looked at Twilight. “It’s…it’s really no trouble. I mean, we have to practice anyway.” He turned his head to the side again. “I mean…if you wanted to, it’s okay. If you want. You seem really nice…so…I’m sure the birds wouldn’t mind. I wouldn’t mind.”
The birds had fluttered back onto the tree branch. Twilight put a hoof to her chin again.
Spike walked up to Twilight. “C’mon, Twilight, why not? This is way better than some dusty old research about Nightmare Moon.”
Fluttershy’s eyes lit up. “Oh my goodness! A baby dragon!”
“Oh, right.” Twilight waved a hoof at Spike. “This is Spike, my assistant.”
“Hi.” Spike waved gingerly.
Fluttershy leaned over. “He’s adorable! I’ve never seen a baby dragon before!”
“Well, that’s not surprising. Spike is the only domesticated dragon in all of Equestria. At least, that’s what they told me when I hatched him.”
Fluttershy bent down to look at Spike. “Wow, you hatched a dragon all by yourself?”
“Well, yeah.” Twilight blushed a little. “I kind of got lucky though.”
Fluttershy stood up. “Oh wow, this is so great. I mean, I’ve never met a pony who liked animals and music just like me.” He blushed and hid behind his bangs again. “Or, uhm, one who was so cute.”
“What was that?” Twilight asked.
“Nothing.” Fluttershy turned back to the bird choir. “You know, maybe after we’re done practicing, you and I could, uhm, go to my cottage, and, well, I could show you all my animals. And then, maybe, Spike and my animals could spend some time together.” Fluttershy gulped. “And then…we…I mean, you and I…could spend some time together…as well?”
“Uhm, what?”
Fluttershy spun around. “I mean, if you want!” He poked the ground with his hoof. “It’s just, we both like music and cute animals, and uhm, you’re really…really pretty.”
Twilight took a step back. “Well, uhm, gee, that sounds nice and all, but—”
“I mean, I’ve never had a soulmate before, so I might not be very good at it. But we could still—”
Twilight turned around. “Sorry, I just remembered I have to go do…something…”
“Do what?” Spike asked.
“You know, that thing.” Twilight grabbed Spike and placed him on her back. “Maybe some other time, Fluttershy. But probably not.”
Fluttershy raised a hoof. “Wait, I—”
But Twilight had already started walking off.
Fluttershy sighed. “There I go being too forward and energetic again…”
“He seemed nice,” Spike said
Twilight snorted. “Yeah, real nice. Another pony who wants to get in my…never mind.”
“Get in your what?”
“I said ‘never mind.’” Twilight sighed. “Right now I just want to get in bed and sleep. This whole day has been exhausting.”
The two were silent during the walk. Finally, the library came into view. Twilight quickened her pace.
She placed a hoof on the door and sighed. Calm down, she thought to herself. After a nice rest, there will be plenty of time for research.
Twilight opened the door and was momentarily blinded by confetti.
“SURPRISE!” a dozen ponies shouted.
Twilight groaned. “Of course.”
A familiar pink stallion hopped over to Twilight. “So? What do you think?” he asked. “I'm Pinkie Pie, and I threw this party just for you! Were you surprised? Were ya? Were ya? Huh huh huh?”
Twilight wound towards the kitchen, pushing more than a few ponies out of her way. “I knew I should have told the guards to lock the door after themselves…” A streamer caught in her mane and she hastily removed it.
Pinkie hopped after her. “See, I knew when we first met that you had to be new in town, cuz I know everypony and I don’t know you, at least not yet. What’s your name?”
“Twilight Sparkle.” She stepped into the kitchen and glanced around.
“Welcome to Ponyville, Twilight!” Pinkie punctuated his sentence by throwing a pile of confetti everywhere.
Twilight glanced behind the stallion’s back. “Where’d that confetti come from?”
“So, since you’re new in town, official Pinkie Pie party policy is that you get a super-duper welcome party!” He bounced upward to punctuate the last word.
Twilight grabbed a glass and took a drink of water.
Pinkie smiled. “You still haven’t told me what you think of the party! Do you love it? Or do you really love it?”
Twilight narrowed her eyes. “You broke into the building I’m staying at, dragged a bunch of party stuff into a library, and then you invited dozens of strangers to a loud party that I don't want to have. How do you think I feel?”
“Ecstatic?”
“Annoyed!”
Pinkie's face fell. “Wait…are you saying you don't like it?”
“Yes!”
Pinkie scratched his head. “Huh. Normally everypony loves it when I do this.”
Twilight rolled her eyes. “Yes, clearly breaking and entering is a great first impression.”
“Ohhhhhh, I get it! You’re grumpy! That is perfect!”
“What?”
“It means I get to sing my song about smiling! A pretty mare like you shouldn’t have such a frowny face!”
“It’s my party and I’ll frown if I want to!”
Pinkie draped a hoof around Twilight’s shoulder. “Aw, c’mon, frowning’s not any fun! And it causes premature wrinkling! Are you sure you don’t want a really upbeat musical number to cheer you up? There’s a whole bunch of background dancing and uplifting lyrics and possibly some hopping around on roofs!” Pinkie swept a hoof in front of Twilight.
“I’m sure.” Twilight glanced suspiciously at the pink hoof hanging on her.
“I promise you’ll love it! All the mares swoon when I do it for them. I mean, I do it for stallions too, but you look kinda mad and I don't want you to get the wrong idea because I'm definitely not hitting on you or anything.”
“You aren’t?”
“Nope! But if in theory I was hitting on you, how am I doing?”
Twilight pushed Pinkie off her and jabbed a hoof at the door. “Get out.”
Pinkie gasped. “But if I leave, then who will introduce you to all your new friends?”
“All the ponies in this town are creepy! Why would I want to be friends with them?” Twilight pushed past Pinkie. She headed out of the kitchen and tried to find the stairs in the sea of ponies.
Pinkie bounced out of the kitchen after her. “Oh, I get it! You’re one of those ponies who doesn’t like to make friends. That is perfect!”
“Good. It means you can stop following me.” Twilight shoved her way towards the stairs. Pinkie matched every step with a bounce.
“No, silly! It means we get to ease you into friendship! You and me can hang out together, alone, and then once you realize how amazing having friends is we can go back to the party!”
Twilight paused at the top of the stairs and turned around. “Oh please. What would you and I possibly do together?”
“Oh, I know lots of games for two ponies! Charades. Checkers. Go Fish.” Pinkie smiled. “Other stuff.”
“Ugh.” Twilight stepped into the bedroom and slammed the door behind her.
“Don’t worry!” Pinkie Pie shouted. “I’ll give you a raincheck on the song! But you don’t have to be in the rain, and you don’t have to check anything. I’ll just sing it for you later! And until then you can still enjoy the party!”
Twilight let out a deep sigh as she flopped onto the bed. A loud cheer pierced her door from the floor below; It was going to be a long night.
I'm not the only one who thought The Unexpected Love Life of Dusk Shine was sexist, right?
...Right?
Maybe I'm just whiny.
2891242 Words cannot describe how much I love you for this fic right now. So have a cute pic 24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m67fd2Agm01qdv0p0o1_500.jpg
I see what you did there. Hehe.
Uh, dude? Did you just replace the first few paragraphs of the gender-swap edition, then get bored?
2891794
Thanks
2891835
I wouldn't recommend it. Glad you liked mine though
2891956
I triple-checked all alternate versions of the story. I am only human, however; if you see any mistakes all the gdocs have comments enabled
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You would frown too, if it happened to you.
Umm... if all potential element bearers are perving on Twilight, how will they become friends and get the jewels to work?
I mean I don't think a girl would like to be friends with those three. Way too creepy.
Heh. Well, this is amusing. I'm looking forward to more. Though some of the alternate versions could use a little work. (Spike doesn't swoon over female Rarity? Really?)
2891242
Well, it's not like any part of that story is meant to be taken seriously. I realize that doesn't excuse that sort of thing, but it does lessen the sting a bit. I think. Maybe. Unless you disagree.
2891242 I read it, and it was more random and crazy than sexist to me.
I love this story, and it sounds like a carbon cut out of The Unexpected Love Life of Dusk Shine. I expect more.
2892188
You'll have to wait until the end of the story to find that out
Maybe I don't know
2892242
It is a response to Love Life, it is emphatically not a copy of it.
2892202 2892218
Perhaps. Love Life felt more like a fantasy than a joke to me. I couldn't sit through very much of it, though, so who knows.
And the point is that all the alternate versions play out the same
2892298 Not necessarily.
2891242 Yep. Turns out, looking for sexism in everything just makes you mildly irritating.
That said, sixsome doesn't sound right, so let's just call it a sextet. Huehuehue.
I preferred the all mare version myself. Any reason you can't just have three copies of each chapter? You could put links to the next chapter down in the authors note.
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I considered giving each version a FIMfic entry and leaving all but one unpublished, but that seemed unwieldy. I didn't want to cram them all in a single entry (would confuse readers and inflate wordcount). Archive Gdocs was the best solution I came up with. Perhaps I'll rethink it when more is written.
Would Celestia give Petey a work visa?
2891242 Well, at least it doesn't try to make us think that ponies would want to have sex with bronies, like SOME stories I know.
Actually, that could be a followup; parody all the bad second-person human-on-pony clop out there by writing one where ponies have absolutely zero interest in human males (not even Lyra), and "you" have blue balls because of it.
2891242
TULLODS is your typical harem story, if you read Mangas or watch Anime. They're silly, sexist, and incredibly amusing at times.
Just like this story!
Well, I kinda liked the male version of the names. Doesn't really matter for Applejack though.
You know something, I've seen more harem fic parodies on this site than I've seen actual harem fics. There was this trilogy but I count them as one really.
Also not counting clopfics, just saying. The story can have sex but it has to be focusing on something else.
I predict she will wake up with five other ponies in her bed.
2891242
This is really good, and I'm definitely watching this, but why do you say The Unexpected Love Life of Dusk Shine is sexist? Frankly this is just as sexist, given all the male characters (save Big Mac because he's a boss like that) all act like horny assholes? Last time I checked sexism could work two ways.
Now I'm not saying this is bad, or that Love Life is in essence bad, but both provide opposite gender stereotypes. I don't mean to offend, but while this is obviously not a "copy" of Love Life, you said yourself it is a response to it, and this story is, once you boil it down, a reverse Love Life showing the other side of sexism.
In short, both are sexist and both have my admiration: Love Life for it's quirky humor and this story for it's satirical humor. You earn a mustache.
2893159
I think those stories do a pretty good of parodying themselves, actually tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/PoesLaw
2893341
I'll take your word for it; I don't see a lot of harems or harem parodies, but I don't read as many fics as I should.
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But this story is sexist and indignant
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Love Life struck me as sexist because of the way it used negative gender stereotypes in a wish-fulfillment scenario. Love Life has other issues, but I feel the same way about all harem stories.
Of course this story is sexist, that's the point. You may notice, however, that I have included a version of this story for four different gender combinations
Even if we disagree, thanks for the thoughtful comment
2891242 Well, I went through the first thousand comments, not a single person wrote the word sexist, so I suppose it was just a typical harem story to most of them.
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I think other harem stories are sexist too. Love Life just happens to also be popular.
Twilight:i.imgur.com/htrQAsR.gif and i.imgur.com/jVuiioc.jpg
The Other 5:i.imgur.com/hwVnwyU.gif
Me:i.imgur.com/38dKLUi.gif
2893629 Eh, I guess they are a bit. But it's just fictional romance, doesn't really matter if it's sexist on this site, people get off on the characters they hate, being tortured and raped, so sexism should be alright.
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Well, when Nightmare Moon starts hitting on Twilight...
/wildguessing
I'll give it a like but eh, this story seems to try too hard to make a point when really nobody cared too much about the obvious sexism in Love Life in the first place.
Ugh, liked the story but the point it made in response to Love Life seemed a bit... high strung, no offense, author dude.
So I take it that Twilight's the one with the crowbar in this fic...
2893644
Oh if only they were as awkward as The Inbetweeners; it would actually be an improvement
2893645
Too late, I already wrote a parody clopfic too
And you can ignore the point if you want, I'm
not greatinept at making them, if comments are any indication.2893746
If this is your idea of a feminist rebuttal to the Unexpected Love Life of Dusk Shine then you're right, you really aren't good at making a point.
It's a cute idea/shoutout to the fic, but if you actually think it's sexist then just write your own version of it (it should probably be rewritten seriously because the concept is hilarious, the author just likes to get very side-tracked and throw way too much head-cannon into it).
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Ok i'm sorry I have to change my reaction to this i.imgur.com/6mrjw0s.gif
I like the version where Twilight is the only one gender swapped. I don't know why but I always found it amusing to have girls chasing guys and frightening them in the process.
I wish I could put voice actors to the characters. Pinkie Pie became Eddie Murphy in Shrek, and Fluttershy had her poisonjoke voice (mixed with Chef from South Park), but the others were more challenging. Or maybe I'm just really tired right now.
Anyway, snickered throughout the whole thing. Good read!
A highly amusing story where I found myself flipping around all four gender versions for kicks till I just settled on the all mare one after Rarity since I found it funnier with none of the cast being gender swapped. I'll be keeping an eye on this to see if you can keep the funny coming.
Things that worked was how you followed the similar aproach of going from one pony to the other but altered the scenes for the most part so it wasn't just a show play-by-play with extra stuff added. Also, them being bad at hitting on Twilight along with it not being TOO over the top made it more believable and thus enjoyable for this kind of story. Also, I laughed hard and loud with Fluttershy jumping the shark after having a few similar interests with Twilight. It's always the quiet ones eh?
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I'd say Love Life is more about absurdity humor than anything wish fulfilling as it were. The author said at the start of the story that it wouldn't be a harem story and that it was making fun of them (and harem anime are typically - read "always" - sexist to begin with). There's also the whole Dusk was getting tortured continuously - and sometimes too graphically for me - by Pinkemena Diane Pie along with him not being totally oblivious in the story and actively trying to figure out how to "friend-zone" some mares without losing his first and only friends and possibly still get with his one love interest (Fluttershy).
EDIT: Course, you can find sexism anywhere really. Hell, I could make a case for the show MLP being sexist with how so many guys are portrayed as idiots. Snips, Snails, Rarity's Dad to a degree, Soarin, and that window worker pony in the Rarity goes to Canterlot episode for idiots. I don't think I've seen any mares portrayed as idiots/slow folk quite like that. With the possible exception of Derpy (depending on how you view the character edit they did of her and of her actions as a background pony).
2891242 I didn't think it was sexist, I just felt really filthy after I stopped reading it. It just got overwhelming. And since this fic is a response to that fic, I can't help but compare the two, and I think the first one had a better start to it. This one kinda feels like you're launching into things without really giving them much of a chance to start, almost as if all you're trying to do is, "See, I can do it too!"
That's not to say it's bad, in fact it's quite funny. I can easily see Rainbow Dash acting the way he does in this story if she were male. And excellent point about the names at the bottom; I never thought of it that way. I like the alternative names myself, but you're right, the names don't have to be different if the gender changes.
Looking forward to more, but I had to get out of TULLDS before it was over after it made my skin crawl one too many times, so I really hope this one's just a little bit... cleaner.
In my opinion, the best is this! I mean the parodies from the episodes with whatever content.
2893746
I see why you won't use the r63 names and I respect your decision. Although I have to adapt to it to get use to it..
You should throw up the other versions here too. Makes them easier to read,
Probably "cheap exploitation." A quick glance through (note: not thorough by any means) indicates that the alternate versions are a copy-paste-replace job. There are also some pronouns you missed (eg. a mare sliding "his" flank over).
I'm not saying that you can't create multiple believable gender-swapped versions of a story to see audience reactions, but you should probably do a bit more than swap pronouns.
It's like a reverse "unexpected love life of dusk shine"
2893159
I actually remember coming across a fic like that, and reading it. Except I can't remember the title for the life of me right now
I wish I could cause I'd link you to it. And I can barely work the search function on this darn site >.<
I love the all-mare version. Keep it up, I'll be watching!
I didn't think Love Life was sexist. I thought it was hilarious!
I don't think this is sexist. I think it's hilarious!
Either I turn off my higher brain functions when reading fanfiction or I'm just shallow. Whatever the case, I found this MOST amusing. Please do continue.
Thank you very much for the All Stallions Edition!
You are one hell of a well-prepared author
2891242
No. Do not start with the sexist crap in our pony. This is the one place that needs to be free of chauvinism and feminism and all the gender-dominance -isms.
It was just a comic/fanfiction-thing. Leave it alone, don't try to throw it at the sexist wall and see if it sticks. We have generally two genders, if it wasn't a guy going around meeting a bunch of girls, it'd be a girl going around meeting a bunch of guys. If one is sexist, so is the other. So no. Just a comic/story, not a sexist agenda message thing. Shame!
This must be like the best fic title on this site
Good Story, you've earned yourself a follower.
2891242
No, you're really not.