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Scaredy Belle

Sweetie Belle suddenly develops a fear of Big Macintosh. How did she get it and can she overcome it?

Chapters (2)

Comments ( 7 )

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Comment posted by Agri_Yob deleted Jun 18th, 2013

Cloud Flare

Cloud Flare #2 · Jun 18th, 2013 · · · Chapter 2 ·

Great fanfic must Finnish. I love it so far.

Zeyon The Green

Zeyon The Green #3 · Jun 18th, 2013 · 2 · · Chapter 2 ·

REDRUM!
What was that?
Would you like a piece of apple pie?

It's always the quiet ones...

2737902
Finnish? I wouldn't say anything about it cause I know it's finish, but the capitalization made me think of the language.

SilentBelle

SilentBelle #4 · Jun 19th, 2013 · 3 · · Chapter 2 ·

Hmm. I think this fic could use a fair amount of work. You switch between past and present tense numerous time which will toss the reader out of the experience. The story could also use more description, especially alongside the attributions. Most of the dialogue could be improved upon. It feels quite bland and bare-bones at the moment.

Just an honest opinion, because I know feedback is what an author needs in order to improve.

Thank you for writing,
~SilentBelle

Dan50