Banishment and discovery
Spike was walking through the Everfree forest, with a bag over his shoulder and a face of depression. He had just been banished from Ponyville for a crime he never committed. He said he didn't do it but no one really believed him, except the Cutie Mark Crusaders but due to their age, they were ignored.
His friends turned on him too; Applejack said she never wanted to see him again, Fluttershy used the stare on him, Rainbow Dash wanted nothing to do with him, Rarity went on and on about him being some sort of Ruffian or something. Pinkie called him a meanie and Twilight? Well, she said she couldn't believe him, she sad she had been with him through thick and thin and that she now wished she never hatched him in the first place.
Get outta here varmint! Ah don't wanna see ya face every again!
How dare you! I thought you were a kind baby Dragon, but your a filthy criminal!
Get away from me Spike, your just a stupid baby! Leave me alone!
Meanie pants! You are worst then Gilda, Trixie and the Flim Flam Brothers combined! Go away before I shot you out of my party cannon.
You Ruffin! How dare you! Go away you dirty, filthy swine!
I wish you were never in my life! I wish you were never born! Even If I never became Celestia's student I would still be happy that you weren't here!
Each hurt as much as it hurt the next one, although his crush with Rarity had already ended, it still hurt from what she said. He reminisced about all he had done for his friends, heck all he had done for Ponyville, he had done so much for so little and yet, they immediately turn on him because of one minor incident.
"Why? After all, I did for them! All I did for Twilight and Rarity! And they turn on me like wolves!" He yelled to no one in particular, he was just frustrated; he then fell to the ground crying.
"Please, someone, anyone. I need help, I need a fresh start, I new life."
"Very well then."
Spike immediately jumped up and looked around, he got frightened immediately, he got into a defensive position.
"Whose there? Show yourselves!" He said.
"Don't worry." The voice said.
"Where are you?" Spike said again.
"Be calm little one." The voice said again.
"Little? I'm a big, tough, cool dragon." Spike said being proud, causing the voice to giggle.
"Of course, you are, but you need to be serious here." Her voice said.
Spike then saw something glowing in the bush, he carefully walked over to it and saw what was glowing. A glowing glass sphere.
"Pick it up, then you will understand." The voice said again.
Spike carefully picked it up, and when he did it glowed brighter and brighter, he was soon blinded by light. Once it dimmed down, he couldn't feel the object again and he wasn't in the Everfree forest he was some black limbo where golden pictures moving around and lighting up the floor.
"What the?"
Before he could say anything a light flashed and a new figure was there, she was an Alicorn, her wings were the same colour as the sun, her mane was the same colour as the night sky, as was the bottom of her hooves, with slowly turned the sun orange before turning white. Her tail was the night sky but slowly turned to the colour of the sun, her horn was white at the bottom and slowly changing the colour of the sun. With light pink eyes, and a night coloured spiral for a Cutie mark.
"Hello there Spike." She said, her voice matched the one earlier.
"Who are you?" He asked scared.
"Calm down Spike, I will not hurt you." She said again with a smile.
"Who are you?" He asked slowly calmed down.
"I am Queen Solana, or so you can understand, I am Princess Celestia's and Luna's mother."
Spike started to freak out, he quickly bowed, he then heard her laugh.
"You don't have to worry, I don't want any formalities." She said, Spike quickly got up with a bead of sweat on his head, he then scratched the back of his head.
"Hehe, sorry." He said.
"No problem, but now to the task at hand."
Soon she showed a picture of a weird sign Spike never saw.
"Spike, your banishment was unfair, but was caused by a group of Discord followers, known as the Templars, this group was the reason you were banished." She said, Spikes anger growing slowly.
"But we have always known this, so I secretly set up a group to combat them, called the Assassins, they are very stealthy and have always prevented disasters that threatened Equestria from destruction and chaos." She said.
"So why am I here?" Spike asked.
"To find the ones who caused your banishment, you must seek this symbol, head to the east Coast, once you find it, all your questions will be answered." She said.
Before Spike could reply the entire place was blinded with light; Spike woke up back in the Everfree forest, quickly got up and looked at the sky which had a sunset in the direction of Ponyville.
"Rise in the West and sets in the East right?" He said, he just shrugged and went deeper into the Everfree, over the Mountains and through some plains, all the way he asked the questions.
Who are the Templars? Who are the Assassins? Why did those ponies blame him? And why did Queen Solana talk to him, him especially, a little dragon who didn't seem like someone important?
Or is he?
Stats
Page generated in 0.023 seconds
Total duration
886 users online
572,121 hits today, 2,280,440 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
The story is good, but rushed like a rocket. You should give info about the whole "incident" in which Spike was involved because if you dont then you wont have a justification for the mane 6's behavior towards him.
Okay, you have my interest.
You're not seriously considering that a baby dragon is trained in, or is capable of espionage and murder, are you?
That's what ASSASSIN implies.
2670872
^
You brushed this over so quickly when you could of really made this something emotional. Something that we can follow to understand this kind of depression and determination that Spike is feeling. Nothing Spike does will really leave an impact unless you make us feel what he feels.
Spike was banished from Ponyville for a crime he didn't commit. This dragon promptly escaped from a maximum security library to the Evefree Forest. Now, still wanted by the Elements of Harmony he survives as an assassin, if you have a problem and no one else can help, if you can find him, maybe you can hire: The Dragon Assassin.
2670896 firstly, it's an assassin's creed crossover...kinda so it's for the greater good then...possibly?
And second, I'll try harder on that. Thanks for the advice
2670872 I will reveal the incident later, but for now, you need to use imagination
and guess
Cool.
2671251
Ah, okay.
I only played the first AC, so my knowledge of the game is limited. I know that the assassins kill people who have done wrong, but they are still KILLING people.
I don't really know what you mean by "for the greater good." Doesn't really answer why a character that has a very distinctive CANON personality would be able to take someone else's life. We know that he's somewhat cowardly, a jokester, but more importantly, is only a child and would not have the levels of maturity to make decisions that could take lives, much less act them out.
will Spike get a really nifty armblade at the cost of one of his claw? Or am I just thinking a little too broad
2671871 SPOILER ALERT! I think I'll give him the hidden blades from AC III,
2672807 so he won't lose a finger then, that would kind of suck if he did
A little too rush! but still like it
Already love this story please dont be one of those dick how dont finsh what they start
Seems like a very good way to start off the story, in my opinion of course. I hope for several chapters to come quickly. Really, I don't want to have to wait about half a year to get a single update about the current story. So please, for the love of god, continue your story.
Video Related.
Oh yes, it is related.
I like.
Time for constructive criticism!
first off, needs more description; I can't put myself in anybody's shoes if I can't understand what I am supposed to.
REMEMBER:
FEEL
HEAR
TASTE
SMELL
SEE
Next is grammer; you're not doing your punctuation right, but practise makes perfect. If you're new, this is a pretty good start. Thank you, and I was just trying to help; I wish you good luck in the future!
Oh, and if you don't mind, could you tell me what 'the crime that Spike didn't commit' was? PLEAAAAAASE???
You have GOT to fix the grammar in this, as well as the way you're writing the story. Rather than writing out the events in a way one can experience them, you're trying too hard to describe everything that's going on, which makes this less readable than usual. The story has to let the reader immerse him/her self in it, and when you write it in a descriptive sort of way, it kind of kills it. Also, the way you described the Assassins was, for the lack of a better word, mediocre at best. The way you described it made it sound as though you were simplifying it for a newb who's never played the games before, and the reason anyone would read a story like this is because they are fans of both MLP and Assassin's Creed. You don't need to simplify anything here.
The proper description would be "A group that has been dedicated to ensuring the freedom of all living things. For hundreds of years, they have been dedicated to stopping the Templar order, who wish nothing more than complete and total control over the minds of the living."
I don't mean to offend, but hopefully this bit of constructive criticism will help in the future.
meiguoxing.com/images/Solana_Lifestyle_Shopping_Park_Beijing2.jpg
So this mall across the street is named after celestia's mother
I wish I could navigate this labyrinth of bad grammar and spelling. Except I don't, because then I'd be lying.
That grammar, or lack thereoff.
The story has got great potential, and as I've seen, you have added more chapters to it. The one thing you are not doing at the moment is CHECKING GRAMMAR. I know a lot of other people posted about this too, but YOU STILL HAVEN'T FIXED IT.
Also, I agree with Random Disco: you should tell us what the crime actually was. Given how short the chapter is, it could use a little more content. I like the whole idea, but you really have to work on the dialogue between characters. Not everything is "said". You should find different words like "reponded" or "repeated" or even "laughed". Put in some emotion! We see Spike is angry, but exactly HOW angry is he? A bigger, better description of the story is needed as well. Don't just rush right to the story part! Make sure you cover some the background detail IN DETAIL. IT IS IN DESPERATE NEED OF DETAIL!
Basically, fix the grammar, add some more detail, and please please PLEASE fix the dialogue! This could be much better than it is now if you just fix it!
Congratulations! If you're reading this, then you either just completely overlooked everything I've said, or you actually read this!
(By the way, READ THE DARN THING IF YOU HAVEN'T)
I would have read further if it wasn't for one thing.....OOC Mane 6. I know that they have to for the sake of the plot but really? Twilight wish him that he will never born/hatch? The least rational thing Twilight would feel is extreme sadness because her pseudo little brother has shamed and betray her.
Funny how she says the Assassins have prevented chaos, when the Assassin's actually support it, in contrast to the Templars who support order.
2671871 Why would he even bother? He's got a perfectly good claw there that's perfectly suitable as a weapon.
This story sounds good, and I really hope the next chapters aren't as bad because I want to keep reading for now...
6167059 While I may agree with you somewhat, you have to realize this... Templars... That pretty much sums it up in my opinion
"Get away from me Spike, your just a stupid baby!"?
....."a stupid baby"
......really
?.......I don't give a shit who your talking about or what crime they committed, you cant use this insult on any one with out being the pathetic bitch of a person and or pony
Whatever the crime was, they took everything at face value and didn’t give poor Spike the benefit of the doubt. DEATH TO ALL PONYVILLE!!!!!!! DAMN THEM ALL TO TARTARUS!!!!!!!