The Winning Failure

by marley

Chapter 57

Chapter 57

Rainbow Dash awoke and groaned as she rolled over. Her wings and back ached from her trip the day before. She slowly flexed her wings and stretched. Eventually, hunger drove her to her hooves and she made her way down to the Ponyville market.

“Well look at you,” said Applejack as Rainbow Dash approached her stand. “You look like somethin' the cat dragged in.”

“I feel like it too,” replied Dash. “Gimme a few apples, I'm hungry. Those Golden Delicious look good.”

“They are,” said Applejack. “Here you go Rainbow, that'll be two bits.”

Rainbow Dash paid her the bits and sniffed at the apples. “These smell like they're just ripe. You do know your apples A.J. Say, do you think you can lend me a hoof in the next couple of days. I need to stake out my land before Celestia's spell fades.”

“Sure,” said Applejack, “but what do you mean?”

“The Princess cast a spell that outlines the land I picked for my new house but Twilight said it won't last,” explained Rainbow Dash. “I need to put down some real markers before it does. The Princesses are building a retreat next door to me and their land is outlined too.”

“Where is this land?” asked Applejack.

“Out by Whitetail Woods,” said Dash, “I have five whole acres to myself. Hey! If you want to extend your farm, you better get ready to stake your claim. Ponyville is getting bigger. If you go to the outskirts you can see how much bigger, Celestia marked the new border too. I'm kinda surprised that the mayor hasn't announced it yet.”

“Really?” said Applejack, “I saw the Mayor's aide nailing up a notice at Town Hall this morning but I haven't looked at it yet. Thanks for the heads up, Rainbow.”

“No problem,” said Dash, “let me know if you need any help. I have to get over to Twilight's and go through my mail. It's probably going to take all day.”

“What's your mail doing at Twilight's place,” asked Applejack.

“I was too tired to lug it up to my place when I got back last night,” said Dash. “you are not going to believe all the stuff I got. Some idiot even proposed and sent a diamond ring.”

“You didn't say yes, did you,” said Applejack in amazement.

“Of course not!” said Dash. “I don't even know him. I have fan mail, requests for autographs, invitations to do ads, the works. Two full sacks of it. Heavy sacks.”

Applejack laughed. “Well, you wanted to be a celebrity. There's Applebloom, I'll send her back to the farm to tell Big McIntosh about this land deal.”

“See ya later A.J.” said Dash as she headed to the library.

Rainbow Dash entered the library and found that Twilight and Spike had been busy. All the packages were in one organized pile by size. Personal letters were in another pile and letters from companies were in another. The letters that were opened the night before were sitting on the desk.

“I thought this might go easier if you were organized,” said Twilight. “Ready to get started?”

“Gee, thanks Twilight,” said Dash, “are you and Spike going to help me go through all these?”

“Sure,” said Twilight, “if you want us to.”

“Yes! Please!,” said Dash in relief, “how do think we should do this?”

“You open them and read them and decide what to do with them,” said Twilight, “and we'll put them in stacks. Companies that want you to endorse their products in one stack, requests for autographs and pictures in another, trash in another and so on.”

“Well, lets get started then,” said Dash. She tossed an apple into her mouth and sat down in front of the stack of boxes.

The two ponies and dragon worked all morning sorting through the mail. It went faster than Rainbow Dash had thought and the 'to do' piles were now quite a bit smaller than the finished piles. Dash was getting bored and suggested a break.

“Spike? Do we have any of that lemonade left?” asked Twilight.

“Sure,” answered the dragon. “I could go for some myself.”

Dash rose and stretched. She flapped her wings a few times sending some of the opened letters flying.

“Careful, Rainbow,” said Twilight, “you'll get them mixed up.”

“Oops, sorry,” said Dash, “at least it was the trash pile. I need to stretch a little bit. I'll be right back.”

Rainbow Dash left the library, flew up and circled the library. It felt good to feel the wind in her mane after the stuffy library. She circled a few more times but stopped short when she heard a familiar voice calling her name. She looked down to see Rarity walking towards the library.

“Rainbow, what are you doing?” asked Rarity. “Are you trying to make a tornado around Twilight's tree?”

Rainbow Dash laughed. “No, just taking a break. Twi's been helping me go through my mail.”

“You have enough mail to need help?” said Rarity. Her voice had the slightest tinge of jealousy.

“Come on in and find out,” replied Dash.

Rainbow landed by the door and she and Rarity entered the library. Rarity looked at the stacks of mail with her mouth open.

“Hello, Rarity,” said Spike, “care for some lemonade?”

“Why thank you, Spike,” said Rarity, “I am thirsty.” She took the glass with her magic and delicately took a sip. “My goodness, this is a lot of mail. What is it?”

“You name it,” said Rainbow Dash. “There's a lot of regular fan mail like fans asking for pictures, autographs and hoof prints. Then there are the companies wanting me to do ads. There's a lot of trash too.”

“Trash?” said Rarity.

“You don't want to know,” said Dash. She fell silent as she gazed at the pile of trash mail.

Rarity looked at Twilight.

“There was a little hate mail, most sounded like jealous ponies to me,” said Twilight. “Then there were the requests for dirty pictures and offers from magazines like Playcolt. And then there were the dirty letters which suggested all sorts of … things.”

“How many marriage proposals are we up to now?” asked Rainbow Dash.

“Twenty-two,” said Twilight.

“Oh Rainbow! I had no idea things would be like this!” said Rarity.

“Me neither,” said Dash, “I'm going to talk to Spitfire as soon as I can. She'll tell me how to handle this stuff.”

“Is there anything I can do to help?” asked Rarity.

“You can help me weed out the rest of these letters,” said Dash.

“Alright,” said Rarity, “I suppose I could do that.”

Together, Rainbow Dash and Rarity began opening the remainder of the letters. Happily, most of the letters were just from fans. These Rarity passed over to Dash who decided on what to send the fans. It went much faster with two. Rarity stopped as she was reading a letter, a look of puzzlement on her face.

“I don't understand this at all,” said Rarity. “Well, I understand what this letter is but I don't understand why this pony would want you to dance on his face while singing lullabies and wearing a pegasi guard uniform.”

“Wow,” said Dash, “that's a new one.”

“There are more like this?” asked Rarity.

“Worse than that,” said Dash, “and some offered some serious cash.”

“This one will pay two hundred bits,” said Rarity.

“Two hundred for face dancing?” said Dash, “not bad.”

“You wouldn't!” said Twilight.

“No, I guess not,” said Dash. “I can live the rest of my life without meeting that guy.”

“I should say so,” said Rarity as she tossed the letter into the trash pile. “These aren't all like that, are they?”

“No,” said Dash, “some are bad offers, some are hate mail, some are just the regular junk mail like every pony gets. Oh, read that one in the blue envelope, it's a hoot.”

Rarity magically opened the letter and read it aloud. “Dear Rainbow Dash, I saw you perform and you are so awesome that I can never be as good as you. You've ruined my life. I hate you so much that I wish you would just die. Die Rainbow Dash! Die! Die! Die! Sincerely, a second rate pegasus. PS Die!”

Dash was laughing and even Twilight snickered a little. Spike looked a little confused.

“Well, she certainly gets her point across,” said Rarity. “Very polite too. I hope there weren't too many like this.”

“No,” said Dash, “the worst hate mail came from gamblers who had bet that one of the other contestants would get the job. Some were mad at me for not beating Windyday. Some of Frost's supporters were really nasty. She's the home town hero, after all.”

“You're not worried about some pony trying to get back you, are you,” asked Spike.

“Nah,” said Dash, “I can handle it. If there's too many to fight, I'll just fly away. I know they can't catch me.”

“Let's get back to work,” said Twilight, “I'd like to get this mess cleaned up today.”

With that, they started in on the mail once more. They worked for another hour and were nearing the end of their task. Rainbow Dash still had to send her replies but at least the mail was sorted. At this point Fluttershy arrived. She was looking for Rainbow Dash in the hope of getting another session of sky dancing. Dash was ready for any excuse to get out of the library and fly but as they were so close to the end of the mail that she decided to finish. Fluttershy found herself drafted into the role of sorter. With Rarity and Fluttershy doing the sorting. Rainbow Dash started answering the letters that did not require pictures or hoofprints. Spike started gathering up the trash mail and putting it into one of the empty mail bags. Twilight continued taking the letters from Fluttershy and Rarity but also kept a close eye on Spike so he wouldn't be tempted to read any of them.

“Aw,” said Fluttershy, “this one is so cute. Look girls, you have to see this one.” She held up a picture of a little colt in a flight suit and goggles many sizes too large.

All of them, even Rainbow Dash, agreed that this was the cutest fan mail yet. Rainbow read the letter aloud. “Dear Ms. Dash, I want to be a Wonderbolt someday just like you and my great grandfather. How do you get to be a Wonderbolt anyway? Please autograph this picture for me. Your fan, Buzzwings.”

“I'll have to take my time with this one,” said Dash, “and send him something extra. That really is an old Wonderbolt outfit in that picture. I wonder who his great grandfather was.”

“You're lucky, Fluttershy, you got a good one,” said Rarity. “Here's two more for the trash.”

“What are the trash ones?” asked Fluttershy.

“You'll know if you see one,” replied Dash.

Rarity opened another letter. “This one has a check in it,” she said. “Ugh, it's from one of those magazines.”

“How much is the check?” asked Dash.

“Four thousand,” said Rarity.

“Cheapskates,” muttered Dash. “Playcolt was nine.”

Fluttershy blushed so much that her face turned orange. “They offered me ten thousand,” she said quietly.

They all stared at her with open mouths. Twilight was the first to recover. “They offered you ten thousand bits?”

“Yes,” said Fluttershy, “right after I was a model but I turned them down. You're not going to pose, are you Dashie?”

“No, of course not!” said Dash with some heat. Even though neither of them was going to pose for the steamy magazine, being offered less made Dash feel like she was losing a contest. “I'd never be able to go out in public again. Write void on the check and I'll send them a reply saying no and not to ask again.”

“That's what I did too,” said Fluttershy. “They will though, ask again I mean.”

“Great,” said Rainbow Dash, “what a pain in the flank. If the good things about this job didn't outweigh the bad, I'd quit right now.”

“It's not that bad, Rainbow,” said Twilight. “Sure you got a lot of nasty mail and bad offers but you got a lot of good stuff too. Real letters from real fans that admire you, good offers from good companies and a lot of neat gifts and stuff.”

“Yeah,” said Dash, “that's true. I always thought having fans would be really cool, and it is. I'll have to back to Cloudsdale again and see about getting pictures printed so I have something to send. I'd better find some time to practice or I'm going to look like an idiot this weekend.”

“We can skip the sky dancing sessions if you need time to practice,” offered Fluttershy.

“Oh no you don't,” said Dash with a smile, “the sky dancing is part of my practice and we're going flying later. You may not know it but you've really helped me, Fluttershy. Frost isn't anywhere near as good as me at sky dancing.”

Fluttershy smiled. “Thanks, I'm glad I could help.”

Rarity was still working on the mail. “Two more for the trash and five more requests for autographed pictures. Here is one that you might want to take a look at, Rainbow.”

Rainbow Dash looked at the photo held magically in front of her. She laughed. It was a signed picture of Firelight, Firewing's father, as a young member of the Wonderbolts. There was a note clipped to it that said simply; 'trade you'.

“Yeah, I'll definitely send something to this guy,” said Dash.

“I don't blame you,” said Rarity, “he's very handsome. Why would a Wonderbolt want to exchange pictures with you? Surely he could get one from the Wonderbolts, couldn't he?”

“Easy there, Rarity,” said Dash, “that's Firewing's dad. He sure was handsome. He still is but he's a little too old for me...and married.”

Rarity laughed. “Oh well, that's too bad. Born twenty years too late. I suppose you did get some pictures from handsome eligible colts?”

“A few,” admitted Dash, “and a couple of letters from some guys I met at the party. There were a few sort of in between kind of letters. You know, nice letters, not dirty ones but I have no idea who they are. I'm not sure what to do about them.”

“Here's another one,” said Rarity. “Oh, it's another proposal.”

“Twenty-three!” cried Dash. She started laughing again.

“Twenty-three proposals?” said Fluttershy. “Oh, my!”

“Yeah,” said Dash, “if I really wanted to get mated up, I sure have a choice. Well, my choice of losers anyway.”

“Come on girls,” insisted Twilight, “we're almost done. Let's finish this.”

“Oh, alright,” said Dash. “How many are left?”

“Twelve letters,” said Rarity. “Is that box yours?”

“I hid that one so you'd have something special for last,” said Spike.

“Okay,” said Dash, “let's do the letters first. Four for me and four for you and Fluttershy. Divide them up, Rarity.”

The last letters were quickly opened and sorted. All were simple requests for autographs and pictures. One from a young filly, Dash felt, required her personal attention. She had been cut from her school flight team and asked how she should handle it. Rarity passed Dash the final box.

Rainbow Dash opened the box and found a large bottle of clear, slightly amber liquid packed in cotton. There was an apple on the label. There was also a letter with it. Dash read the letter aloud.

'Dear Ms. Dash, Please accept this sample of our fine new liqueur.' Rainbow Dash had difficulty pronouncing this word and it came out li-kue-ee-ur. 'It is made from the finest ingredients, all natural and is distilled under the strictest controls. If you like it, we would be happy to discuss the possibility of you being a spokespony for our company. We eagerly await your response. Very Truly Yours, W.C. Barleyfield.

“Sounds like a real offer,” said Dash. “Let's all try it. You've all helped me so much, it's the least I can do.”

All the ponies were curious enough to give the beverage a try. Spike brought in some glasses and Rarity uncorked the bottle. The white unicorn then carefully used her magic to pour a glassful for each of them. They gathered around the table.

Twilight sniffed the glass and wrinkled her nose. “I don't think I'll like this,” she said.

“Come on,” said Dash, “where's your sense of adventure?”

“Oh, alright,” said Twilight. “One little drink can't hurt.”

By unspoken agreement the ponies and Spike each drank the liquid. The reactions varied.

Rarity swallowed and stiffled a cough. “Interesting,” she wheezed.

Fluttershy waved her hooves in front of her mouth and panted.

Rainbow Dash, trying to be cool, swallowed hard and said nothing. She used all of her will power not to cough but a few tears formed in her eyes. The heat in her throat faded and moved to her stomach. It was a nice warm feeling. She started to think this stuff might have some merit.

Twilight Sparkle had taken her sample more slowly. The flavor was good but the effect when swallowed was not something she was eager to repeat. However, as the pain in her throat faded, she too decided that she liked the warm feeling in her belly.

Spike tossed his glass back and sat it down. “Pretty good,” he said, “can I have some more?” Suddenly he belched and a flame came out twice the size of his best effort ever.

“Pour me another too,” said Dash. “but not as much.”

Rarity obliged and refilled Spike's and Rainbow Dash's glasses. Fluttershy shook her head no and Twilight put a hoof on the top of her glass.

“I think I know what this is,” said Twilight, “let me see that bottle.”

Rarity levitated the bottle over to Twilight who sat it on the table and read the labels carefully. “You might want to be careful with this stuff, Rainbow. It's very potent.”

“Like a magic potion?” asked Dash. She sipped her drink slowly.

“No, potent not potion,” said Twilight. “This stuff is more than half alcohol.”

“Oh, okay,” said Dash.

“Rainbow, that little glass you drank was like drinking three mugs of hard cider,” said Twilight.

“Wow,” said Dash, “I guess that explains why I feel like this, hee hee.”

“I don't feel any different,” said Spike. He belched again sending out a large flame. “Excuse me.”

“That's because you're a dragon,” said Twilight, “you just burn it off. Ponies absorb it and it affects us in different ways. Look at Rainbow.”

Spike looked at Rainbow Dash. She was listening to Twilight with half lidded eyes and a goofy grin on her face. Her second glass was empty.

Fluttershy got to her hooves a little unsteadily but smiling. “Let's go sky dancing now, Dashie. I really feel like flying.”

“Me too!” announced Rainbow Dash. She arose and trotted a not so straight path to the door.

“I think I'll be leaving as well,” said Rarity. She got up and after a slight wobble, paced carefully towards the door.

“I don't think you should be flying,” said Twilight as she got to her hooves. She sat back down.

“We'll be fine,” said Rainbow Dash. “Let's all meet for dinner at the cafe. My treat.”

“Alright,” said Twilight, “but please be careful.”

“We'll be okay,” said Fluttershy, “we can't hit anything in the air. We're pegasus, I mean pegasum. No, pegasi. We're some pegasi. Right Dashie?”

Rainbow Dash giggled. “Right! We're definitely some pegasi. Let's go.”

Spike looked at his glass and sniffed it. He couldn't understand why they were all acting so funny.

“Spike,” said Twilight, “go get Pinkie Pie or Applejack and have one of them keep an eye on Dashie and Flutters. I'm going to go lie down for a while.”

“You got it!” said Spike and ran out the door.

Twilight forced herself to walk to the sofa which seemed to be further away and taller than she remembered. She curled up on it and let her head rest on the arm. “Should have read the label first,” she said to the empty room.

Comments

[moguera]

Oh boy......This isn't gonna end well.

[Fluttermac36]

If they think two proposal's are bad go to shane dawsons channel and look at his mail bag.

[marley]

3186668
proposals reach 23 by end of chapter. I imagine celebs get some pretty strange s*!t from time to time. Anyway, the next chapter is sort of fun and then it's back to Cloudsdale for Dash. She's going to get in a lot of flight time until Firewing and Frost come to visit the following week.

[marley]

3183604 Dang irresponsible pegasi! :))