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Ch.1- Look, All I Want is a Job1,746 words
Ch.2- Look, I Just Want an Interview1,968 words
Ch.3- Look, All I Want is Camping Grounds2,190 words
Ch.4- Look- I Just Want a Chance1,914 words
Ch.5- Look, I Just Want an Explanation2,009 words
Ch.6 Look, All I Want is Peace 1,721 words
Ch.7 Look, All I-1,964 words
Ch.8- Look, I Just Want Answers2,277 words
Ch.9 Look, All I Want is an Ending2,073 words
Epilogue117 words

Ch.7 Look, All I-

Look, All I-

“Twilight?” Spike peeked his head out of the kitchen. “Breakfast is ready!” At the dragon’s beckon, the purple unicorn picked up her head from her desk. Darn it! She’d done it again! Sleeping on her books over her research. This time? She was looking back at records of humans in Equestria. Very few of them actually had... Worth.

She cringed to herself, releasing a sigh. The words from yesterday had gotten her thinking. What would become of her friends if they stayed the same? Would it be that bad? But, they weren't moving on themselves. Especially her. She moved down the stairs to head into the kitchen, the smell the haystacks and give Spike a small smile.

“Did you fall in love yet?” Spike asked, moving to cross his small arms on his chest. He had his left eyebrow raised, as if expecting her to say no.

“I dunno...” Twilight admitted, letting her head hang down a bit. The one thing she did realize from her studies? She had not studied male friendship. Sure, she had seen it between other stallions, humans, and between siblings- but nothing conrete or platonic. Chuck had been the only human she could remember that cared they were all supposed to be role models to Equestria. And what were they doing?

Bucking apples, making dresses, caring for animals, doing stunts, working in a bakery, and in her case? Head tucked away in books. Not that there was anything wrong with that, they were all doing what they wanted to do. But, was that really the best for Equestria? Spike raised an eyebrow, not sure what was going through her head.

“What do ya mean?” Spike asked. Twilight released a sigh and moved over to start chewing on her food. After taking a swallow, she turned to look at her assistant.

“Love hits us all in a strange way. Butterflies in the stomach, floating on clouds, and any other number of things.” Twilight moved to grab a napkin with her horn and start wiping crumbs from her mouth. “But... I don’t feel that way towards Chuck. Often, it builds to love. But with him, it’s not wonderment, excitement, nervous, or even elated. I feel... that I simply want to learn more about him first.”

“Ok?” Spike asked, unsure of where this was going.

“Spike, almost all the other humans that show up have a common element that links them. It can be their intellect, their emotions, their state of being, or their drive... But this Chuck Norris is the first human to stand out in so many ways.” She stopped there to look at her food again. “I don’t want to worship him, but I don’t want to forget about him. It’s like I just want to be a witness, and see what he does next.” A small smile passed on her lips. “I-”

“Stop yourself. You sound like the school filly that has a crush on her teacher,” Spike replied, a bit bored. Then again, this was the first time he’s seen her like this.

“Oh Spike, it’s not like I’m hoping Chuck will lift me in his arms and-”

“What are you doing with your fork?” Spike asked, lifting his left claw to point at her plate. Twilight was using her aura to move her food. The weird part? She never used a fork to eat! Most horses don’t use utensils. Twilight stopped herself, looking down at her food.

Somehow, the image of Chuck Norris was in her haystacks.

“Just... how did I do that?”

___________________________________

Chuck had his eyes narrowed for a bit, wondering what exactly was wrong. He couldn’t put his finger on it just yet. He was still way too new to this land to just guess. All he had was this feeling building on the back of his neck. Still, he decided to prepare.

___________________________________

“Sweetie Belle, now promise you won’t go and bother Mr. Norris, alright?” Rarity said. She was helping her beloved sister to get ready for school by brushing her mane.

“Why not?”

“A lady wishes to make a proper introduction first to her family. Introducing yourself as a “Crusader,” She stopped herself, looking down at her sister’s eyes with a smile. “-is a bit strange. He doesn’t know what a Cutie Mark is, nor the reason why it’s so important. I want to be able to help Mr. Norris understand things.”

“Ah!” Sweetie Belle closed her eyes. “You want to date him!”

“No no no Sweetie,” Rarity released a chuckle. “He’s not interested in mares.”

“Oh. Does he like stallions?”

“I...” Rarity stopped herself, wondering for a moment. Now that she thought about it, Chuck Norris never mentioned his preference. Even better reason to ask him out to dinner! “In any case, do wait a few days before you talk to him with your friends, alright? I just want to make sure he knows how to act around a lady...”

“Oh, ok.” Sweetie opened her eyes and nodded. “Do you want me to sleep over at a friend’s house so you can date him tonight?” Rarity released a sigh.

“Please do.”

__________________________________

“Gotta work faster,” Rainbow Dash mumbled to herself. For once, rain was scheduled for Ponyville. Nothing serious, just some nice drizzle to water the grass and trees. But because it was a small rain, sometimes it was hard to gauge right. Storms? Big black clouds. Lots of rain? Lots of big gray clouds. A drizzle? You actually had to either start from a small cloud, or take away from a larger one. It was also important to spread the clouds so they didn’t join up and form a big one.

She had to work fast though. Fluttershy had a way of making human guys flock to her without even trying, and Applejack had that rustic charm. And Twilight? Heck, she guessed that being smart was sexy to some guys. She had to get to him first before she had no chance.

The rain cloud started to get smaller as she carefully kicked parts out. Good, she would be finished soon. And she needed every chance she could get, especially since Chucky already said he would have to look up love. That meant Rarity or Twilight. And she was not going to give up without a fight.

____________________________________

Applejack bucked a tree, smiling as the morning chores were getting her mind off things.

Buck kick.

Buck.

Chuck.

Buck Chuck.

She stopped herself, suddenly getting a scary realization in her mind. Please, not again! He wasn’t even interested in mares! He just wanted to work! A good, honest, hard working fella that wanted to earn his bits! One that just gave it all up for a chance at earning his bits! One that had a stable family relationship! One that liked mahogany, a perfectly fine tree!.

“Hey now,” Applejack mused to herself. “That don’t sound so bad at all... Hey Big Mac! Ah’m-a heading into town!”

____________________________________

Chuck Norris walked into town, looking around again to make sure he remembered where shops and places he could find work would be at. He was making his way to City Hall when he felt that feeling in the back of his neck again.

“Ah! Chuck Norris! So nice to see you in the morning!” Rarity called out. Chuck looked left and right immediately. She was way too chipper, especially since it was so early in the morning...

“Good mornin’ to you, lady Rarity...”

“I was wondering if you would be so-”

“HEY CHUCKY!”

They both stopped, turning their heads to look skyward. It was the rainbow pegasus... Hulkcry! That’s right.

“Rainbow Dash?” Rarity raised her eyebrows in question. Chuck really had to get some paper and a pencil to draw these faces to a name. Rainbow Dash flew down to them, a large smile on her face.

“Hey Chucky. Oh hey Rarity. Say Chucky, do you wanna get some coffee before-”

“Excuse me Rainbow Dash, but we were in a conversation...” Rarity harrumphed. “I was going to ask Mr. Norris to dinner.”

“What? Why?” Rainbow raised her left eyebrow, wondering if her friend was interested in her guy. Rarity never went for outdoorsy types!

Chuck was still wondering how he felt about the name ‘Chucky.’

“Rainbow Dash? Rarity?” Fluttershy said as she walked over to the group.

“Chickenshy?” Chuck asked.

“Ah no, it’s Fluttershy,” the pegasus tried to correct him. Oh! She was so frustrated she could kick out at something. She was going to make him remember her name! “I was wondering if your not too busy, could you help me with shopping, maybe?”

“I called dibs on him!”

“How uncouth! You have to romance a stallion properly before you-”

“Oh, was I interrupting? I’m sorry.”

Chuck suddenly narrowed his eyes. He knew what was going now. Time to leave these crazy mares and get to City Hall before-

“Mornin’ Mistah Norris! Ya want a job at Sweet Apple Acres?” Applejack walked in front of his vision as he turned around.

Damnit.

“Applejack? You got the last human!”

“I agree with our friend. You must given another mare a chance.”

“Um, I could use some help with my bags...”

“What are you all doing here?” Applejack turned to look at her friends. “Can’t ya see he wants to get his job?”

Chuck Norris was not having this. Even with coffee. This was not the attention he wanted if he wanted to woo his wittle Woona. He shut his eyes as the Elements started to converge on each other. He could just roundhouse kick them all into space, better yet, into the past- but he could not afford to get the heat on him just yet. He slowly took a few steps away from them and turned to look back at City Hall.

And Twilight Sprinkles and ‘Mayor were outside waiting for him.

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

“Mr Norris! Good morning!” The Mayor said with a smile. “I was just telling Ms. Sparkle now that your residency was established, her services are no longer needed.”

“Like I was telling our Mayor, I needed to do a few follow-up questions,” Twilight announced. Both mares now looked at each other, narrowing their eyes.

“But Miss Sparkle! His job was already picked! Surely you can give him some space?” Mare moved her face closer to the unicorn’s.

“Already? We agreed to give him a job assessment in the library first!” Twilight moved to butt heads with the earth pony.

“He is going to work in City Hall as my assistant! I do need one temporarily until my secretary returns!” Mare raised her head, pushing into Twilight now.

“And I say that for the Good of Equestria-”

“Who are you?”

They all stopped their arguing, turning to look at a new voice talking.

Mike Norris, the eldest Norris child, pointed at Chuck Norris.

“Huh? I’m....”

“Take off your mask!” Dakota shouted, eyes narrowed. The youngest Norris brother frowned. They had all just finished their brisk job through Everfree and headed to the place with the most people. Which had been around our hero.

“Mask?” Mayor Mare picked up her head.

“Who are you? Take off our dad’s face, imposter!” Eric called out. Twilight frowned, immediately narrowing her eyes. So something was up with this human! She used her magic to place it to remove the fake Norris mask.

“It’s-”

“I can’t believe it!”

“Not possibru!”

“Oh my...”

“Holy Celestia!”

“How can this be?!”

“Who are you again?”

Phoenix Wright jumped out, lifting his left hand out to point his most powerful finger out accusingly.

“Charlie Sheen!”

“I’m winning.”

Author's Note:

Actually, I think his name is Charlie Estevez now...