Ch.4- Look- I Just Want a Chance
Chapter 4
“Rainbow Dash! We can’t just look through some pony’s things without permission!” Twilight frowned, looking at her friend’s face. “Especially since we don’t know what this human is capable of.”
“Well, it’s our job to make sure he’s ok, right? That means we have to check him for weapons,” Rainbow Dash smirked. “Besides, if he left it out in the open, it means he won’t mind that someone looks at it.”
“I...” Twilight begun, her eyebrows picking up a second. Rainbow did have a valid point. At one point or another, they would have to go through his things. And if he was trying to hide something, he would’ve taken his things with him instead of leaving them there. “Fine. But be careful with his things.” One by one, they begun to look through the things. So far:
Iron Skillet
Hammer
Box of Nails
Axe, with a leather wrap over the blade part.
Bed Roll
Sleeping Bag
Blue Tent
Foldable Chair
Some bags with the label “Rations”
First Aid Kit
Gold Rings- 10 of them
Umbrella
Lantern
“So far, none of this looks dangerous. I don't sense any magic in these items. Even the axe looks more like a hatchet,” Twilight Sparkle said. A purple aura moved through the items as she scanned each one.
“Well, I think you can camp in Whitetail with no problems-” Mayor Mare had been leading Chuck Norris outside her office to guide him to Golden Oaks Library. She stopped though, seeing Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash, with Chuck’s gear laid out on the floor.
“He he he... sorry?” Rainbow Dash said with a blush. Chuck Norris looked left and right at the ponies invading his personal property and his civil rights.
“I don't initiate violence, I retaliate,” Chuck Norris quoted Chuck Norris. He raised both hands up and cracked his knuckles.
“Huh?” Rainbow Dash raised her eyebrows. Oh, this human better not be looking down on her! Did he think cracking some knuckles and saying a kick ass line like that was going to-
“What the...” Twilight managed to blurt out. The pegasus’ mouth fell open as the human reached in and picked up Twilight. Using both arms, he picked up the unicorn and placed upside down on his right shoulder. Her friend’s neck and head were placed on his shoulder, while each one of his arms moved to stretch out Twilight’s front hooves out in front of them both.
“You got three seconds to explain before I kinniku bust your friend into oblivion,” Chuck growled.
“Huh?” Twilight’s eyes moved left to right quickly, wondering why she was upside down in less than two seconds. “Put me down!”
“Mr. Norris! Please! You are holding one of the Elements of Harmony! Don’t hurt her,” Mayor called out. It took her a second to realize what was going on.
“Put my friend down! We were just checking your things to make sure you weren’t dangerous!” Rainbow Dash flew up, moving her face into Chuck Norris’ face and snort hot air into his face.
____________________________________
“Applejack! Fluttershy!” Pinkie Pie yelled out, running behind her friends.
“Simmer down Pinkie Pie. What’s wrong?” Applejack asked. Both friends were heading towards City Hall, the only clue they had as to where the human was going.
“I dunno- My Pinkie Sense went off! I think it has to do with the human!” Pinkie Pie frowned, looking around. “I couldn’t find Rainbow or Twilight to warn them!”
“Oh, my...” Fluttershy lowered her head a bit. A human that was so bad that it made Pinkie’s sense go off? It sounded so dangerous.
“Well, We’re just-” Applejack stopped talking, turning her head to look over as the main doors of City Hall were kicked open by a human shoe. “What in tarnation?”
Applejack, Fluttershy, and Pinkie Pie all opened their mouths as the human walked out of the building. Twilight and Rainbow Dash were on each of his shoulders, upside down as he held each one by their necks.
“Twilight!” Yelled out Pinkie Pie.
“Rainbow Dash!” Called out Fluttershy, her voice not as loud.
“Come on! We gotta-” Applejack once more found herself interrupted as Mayor Mare and Time Turner rushed out behind Chuck Norris.
“Please! Mr. Norris! You need to calm down! Don’t do this!” The Mayor called out, her eyes closed in concern a bit. “We can put them in jail for violating your rights!”
“Please, listen to the Mayor!” Turner called out. He stopped a moment, spotting the other Elements of Harmony. “Please, stop him!”
“What’s is that human going to do?!” Pinkie Pie called out as they all rushed over to the stallion.
“Please! We’re sorry! I beg you to stop!”
This time, it was Pinkie Pie who’s mouth fell open in shock. That had been Rainbow Dash beging.
“No,” Chuck Norris stated.
“He’s going to take Twilight and Rainbow to make them talk with their parents!” Turner exclaimed.
“...”
“...”
“...”
“Come again?” Applejack asked.
“Not my parents! They’re so going to be so disappointed in me!” Twilight flailed her legs out, her eyes shut as she panicked.
“My folks are going to kill me!” Rainbow Dash called out.
“Seriously?” Applejack shut her eyes a bit. Fluttershy blinked twice, not sure what to think.
“Er, why are you so worried then Mr. Turner?” Pinkie Pie raised her left eyebrow. For all of her friend’s struggling, the human seemed unfazed.
“It took me by surprise when we heard what Chuck Norris was going to do,” Turner explained, his eyes opened wide. “When we realized that parents could be worse than police, to be humiliated like little foals, and who parade around like criminals like that...” The stallion blushed a bit. “I mean, I would be so embarrassed if a stranger was going to carry me to my folks and tell them I was being a foal.”
“Uh...” Applejack turned to look at her friends. Pinkie Pie blinked twice. Actually, it made sense to the party pony. Her parents were some of the few ponies that could actually handle her. Fluttershy blushed a bit, wondering what her parents would think if a human just carried her into their home like that. “Ah guess... That’s bad?” Applejack said. Though, the disappointed looks on Big Mac’s and Granny Smith’s face when she acted like a foal was pretty hard on her.
“Please Mr. Norris! We can all be adults about this!” Mayor Mare called out. “They said they’re sorry!” Chuck finally stopped, turning to look down at the mare with glasses.
“Truly?” He turned to look at the ponies on his shoulders. “You mean it?”
“Yes! Please! I promise not to do it again!” Twilight screamed out into his ear.
“Shout in my ear again. I dare you,” Chuck spoke in a low voice, the frown still on his face. Both Twilight and Rainbow immediately froze in place, gulping. “That’s better. You promise?”
“We Pinkie swear...” Rainbow said in a low voice, moving a hoof to her left eye. “This is so embarrassing.”
“Sorry about the shouting,” Twilight said with a blush. Maybe it was just all the blood going into her head. Rainbow was unaffected, often she had flown upside down. Chuck nodded, lowering himself to his right knee and setting the ponies on the ground. Mayor released a sigh, glad that was over. Then again, this was the most ironic and bizarre thing she had ever seen a human deal with a pony. Least, and adult pony.
“My parents would’ve thrown such a fit,” Rainbow said, releasing a sigh as she stood on the ground. That human was strong, possibly one of the strongest humans she’s been with. She picked up her head and moved a wing out to help steady her unicorn friend. “Give it a second.” She picked up her head, seeing the rest of her friends rush in join them. Seeing the other ponies join in, Chuck frowned a bit but stood up.
“Who are you all?” Chuck asked.
“Like I was saying before Mr. Norris. These are the Elements of Harmony...” Mayor Mare cleared her throat to talk.
“Ah. Let me guess. The adorable shy one,” Chuck smiled down at Rainbow Dash. He moved a hand to pet her technicolor mane. “My friend was right. You only get loud when your friends are in trouble. You are the cute one, Fluttershy.”
“Hey! Wait a...” Rainbow stopped her train of thought. Adorable? Her? Shy?
“You must be the party animal,” Chuck then turned to look at Twilight. “Seriously, you are so random.” Twilight snapped out of her blood loss, only to open her mouth at his implication.
“Excuse me... But I’m Fluttershy,” the yellow pegasus tried to say.
“Oh! You must be Applejack!” Chuck shut his eyes and smiled. He moved his other hand to pet her mane. “So polite and strong. But my friend was wrong. You don’t look like a fuck toy.”
Fluttershy’s eyes opened wide. She fell on her back, making a goat fainting noise.
“You are such a meanie!” Pinkie Pie finally called out. “What makes you-”
“Rarity?” Chuck Norris called out. He brought back his hands from the mares to stare at Pinkie Pie. “Damn. My friend was right. You are a real classy lady. Sophisticated and regal...”
“What?” Pinkie Pie picked up her left eyebrow. “You think I’m Rari-” She stopped herself, seeing Chuck move in. He got down on his left knee, moving both arms out to take her left hoof and place a kiss on it.
“My friend was wrong. You are the most beautiful out of the mares,” Chuck whispered in a low voice. “Pink is such a handsome color on you.”
“Uh...” Applejack moved her hooves to the side of her head, trying to clear the fuzz building in there. Pinkie Pie’s regular senses took a second to kick in as she forced back a giggle, a blush forming on her cheeks.
“Thanks, I think, but-”
“Shh...” Chuck moved a finger to her mouth, placing a single lip on her lips. “I’m sorry for treating your friends so roughly. But they did something wrong, so I wanted to talk with their parents. Can’t you forgive me?”
“I guess I do?” Pinkie said, lifting her head a bit to stare into his eyes. This human was a lot more dignified than she thought. She doubted she could scare this man, even if she tried. His hands were still holding onto her hoof.
Chuck smiled at her, eyes closed a little. “You got this delightful little twinkle in your eye. I want to stare into them all day.” Pinkie smiled, her eyes closed. Well, she could let it go since the human was being so nice.
“What’s going on?”
The new voice made them all turn their heads to look over at Rarity.
“Oh sweet lord, it’s Applejack. My friend warned me about you,” Chuck said, moving his hands from Pinkie Pie as he addressed Rarity.
“Excuse me?”
“It’s liberals like you that make republicans look bad. Stephen Colbert warned me to stay away from you. You and your rustic work ethic. It’s people like you that refuse to give jobs to decent folks that my country’s economy fails. Thanks Obama.”
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Looks like you have him confusing both Rarity's and Fluttershy's identity as Applejack.
I don't know why I'm confused but I like this fic so far.
Is he gonna get the villians confused as well?
2643851
I do indeed. Chuck himself is not sure who is who just yet. Also, Chuck is bad with names.
so awesome
but you can't expect anything less from Chuck 'fucking' Norris
Brilliant!
lunduke.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/chuck-norris-loading.jpg
So he thinks that________
Rainbow is Fluttershy,
Twilight is Pinkie,
Fluttershy is Applejack,
Pinkie is Rarity,
Raity is Applejack.
Did i miss any? My brain was hurting trying to keep track of that little scene.
2644012
Yep. Chuck Norris sometimes has a way of making people seeing things his way.
2643956
Chuck Norris doesn't load. It's just his pure awesomeness making the whole universe lag.
Come to think of it, bears was a thing he was warned about too.
cdn.someecards.com/someecards/filestorage/Someecards_Colbert_Card.png
errr... Derp?
The premise for this one is good, but confusing all the ponies this badly stretches my disbelief no matter how little he knows about them. Also, I don't care how retarded on politics he is, there's no way that AJ would be mistaken for a liberal.
The part where his punishment is to tell their parents was cute, but this story is definitely starting to feel like you're just flying by the seat of your pants with it.
2644012
You forgot that Applejack was Applejack.
2644736
I do believe there is a Random and Comedy Tag up there...
This entire story
media.tumblr.com/add86e7df202e73a12ff162a42988adf/tumblr_inline_mh8wwnJZiG1rbw4b5.jpg
Pic related in every possible way
One does not simply expect chuck Norris to be confused
da f**k was that? This guy really doesn't know who they are.
Now all he want, is to have a little notebook with all the sketch of the ponies, with they'r name, just like in L.A Noire..
Actually this isn't a bad idea at all, a crude sketch isn't hard to do, draw a circle, put a pair of eyes, the pecularity of the mane, a note of the color of the mane and coat, and here the pony
Said that, in the next chapter, Pinkie Pie and her crush!
2648171
Well, he actually came here to work, he wasn't a brony , his friend (probably a brony) gave him a piece of paper, with the essential info, like the names of the element of harmony, not pics or anything else
2648198
yes that would have helped if he actually had a crude sketch. But still, its a great story!!
2643864
I noticed he was bad with names. He honestly believes he can call himself 'Chuck Norris' in a different world and get away with it. Ha, as if, the real Chuck Norris needs to make a debut.
Oh Geez, taking adult ponies to their parents is a more terrible punishment than it is with being jailed and have a criminal record? Well... it IS Equestria after all, mostly everything doesn't make much sense, so I shouldn't acted surprised.
But yeah, funny outcome nonetheless, I was really expecting things to be played differently. Good chapter man, keep up the good work
2644034>>2644012 And there is no Rainbow Dash in this chapter that Chuck addressed too, I wanted to hear his thoughts on it
Awesome! The random tags is well deserving of this story!
Since I'm Mexican, I really don't understand how USA politics works... I heard alot about rebuplicans and liberals, democrtas, and whatnot. Can someone tell me the difference, but with actual facts and no propaganda bull? I tried investigating but I don't trust wikipedia.
Oh my sweet Jesus...I cannot believe Chuck just did that!
But who am I to question the acts of Chuck Norris? 
Oh shit...I'm a dead man.
2654954
Liberals typically favor systems which promote equality. The liberal views typically include higher affection towards public-serving programs such as health care. The closest system to liberalism would be socialism.
Conservatives typically favor social diversity. They prefer industrialism and lower taxes/spending. The closest system to conservatism is a monarchy.
The Democratic party is liberal. The Republican party is conservative.
I am an independent, which is basically considering that both sides have good ideas at different times, voting one or another based on the situation.
>Implying that American votes matter.
2977577
Thanks for the clarification!