Ch.8- Look, I Just Want Answers
Look, I Just Want Answers
Eric Norris, the oldest known son of Chuck Norris, wasn’t the legend his father was. But what man could be? He was an actor and knew martial arts like his father, and he’s helped out in the Norris family endeavors whenever he could. So when his father went missing, he joined up with his brothers to start chasing him down. He did posses his father’s chestnut hair and a strong physique. A trait shared by all the brothers.
It was hard- chasing your father through time and space without a TARDIS or a Delorean was tricky.
Mike Norris, born only two years after the firstborn, was also accomplished. An actor and stuntman, he’s done a few roles alongside his father. He was also championship NASCAR driver, winning the 2002 NASCAR K&N Pro Series West. Still, he was not match for his father and his legendary feats. So when the Norris clan needed his help, he knew he had to tap into his potential once more.
It was a shame though. He would’ve won more racing records, but damn NASCAR and the need to always use car..
Dakota Alan Norris, the youngest (known) Norris brother, has yet to step out and claim his spot. For you see, young Dakota was born 38 years after his oldest brother. Let it not be said Chuck Norris wouldn’t ever be the virile god that he is. Barely reaching the age of manhood, this was his first time to join his brothers to retrieve their wayward father. Still, he had the most energy out of them all. He’s even been trained using the same methods his father had, and even trained by him as well.
It is said that he and his twin sister had to share their powers, making the Wonder Twins check under their bed for them.
Now they were all after their wayward father- and this schmuck of a super coke fiend was in the land of multi-colored ponies impersonating the almighty Chuck Norris. Each one of the boys narrowed their eyes at Charlie Sheen. Too focused on the drug addict, they ignored the ponies. Mostly.
“Why are you impersonating our father?” Dakota stepped out, lifting his right hand to point.
“Impersonating? I’m researching a role. What about you? Son of Norris and not even in a movie yet,” Charlie responded. “I don’t have to answer to you anyway. I’m on a drug, and it’s called ponies.”
The mares slowly begun to gather around Twilight, not sure what was going in. Who was this man that lied to them? Was it all really for a role? Applejack narrowed her eyes and snorted angrily. To think she was going to bring him home! Twilight lowered her head, biting her lower lip. Had another human just broken her heart? Fluttershy looked between the children of Norris. While that was a fake mask, she could clearly see how they were all related. Dakota for his credit, looked really cute. Rainbow shut her eyes dejectedly. Why? Why did she have to fall for the bad guys? Mayor Mare growled a bit. How dare this human toy with them all? Rarity blinked twice, wondering if the ‘Chuck’ she started to like was still inside this ‘Charlie.’
“Girls?”
“Pinkie Pie?” Twilight picked up her head. So the last one had showed up after all. “What are you doing here?”
“Oh! I was chasing after Gummy! I was going to show him off to-” She stopped hopping, turning to look over at the men gathered. “Uh... No one told me I was going to have to throw a party for all the new humans. Are they-”
“Girls, we need to get outta here, now!” Phoenix Wright called out. One look at the faces of the Norris spawn and he knew they meant business. “Everypony get into City Hall!”
“Phoenix?” Rainbow called out. “When did you get here?”
“You are so going to pay once our real dad finds out what you've been doing,” Eric moved to punch his left hand into his right palm.
“You can’t catch me! I've got tiger’s blood running through me!” Charlie Sheen took off, running in the opposite direction from them.
“Get him!” Mike called out. The men took off, leaving the mares and Phoenix behind.
“Shouldn't we help him though?” Fluttershy picked up her head. While still trying to understand what was going on, she was still concerned with the well being of Charlie.
“He’ll be fine, he’s a wizard,” Phoenix moved to the doors of the building and push the doors open. “Let’s get in here.”
With their minds still trying to cope, they all moved inside the hall.
__________________________________
“Damn coked out washout,” Dakota muttered under his breath. While Charlie Sheen was crazy, there was no denying he was no slouch. High on any possible amount of drugs, Charlie ran like his life depended on it. Also, he had a better layout of the land.
“Seriously going to murder this guy!” Eric called out. He was saving his power for when he could actually catch the Sheen. No telling how much power they would need to chase after their father afterwards as well.
“Is that all you got? Guess you no name Norris's can’t handle winning!” Charlie cackled as he ran out of town and head into Whitetail Woods.
“You son of a-” Mike, being the racer- Managed to pull ahead of the rest of his brothers to jump out and tackle the impostor. He jumped out, moving both arms to wrap around the actor and pull him down. “By the way, loved you in Hot Shots!” Mike called out as they landed.
“Hot shots?” Dakota questioned, running over to them. “I only know him from Two and a Half Men.”
“Before your time Junior,” Mike said as he moved to look down. The two brothers moved to restrain the wizard to make him get up. “Who told you how to travel between the dimensions? Was it Dad?”
“I'ma wizard kid,” Charlie spat out as he stood up. “By they way, thanks. I enjoyed making fun of Sylvester Stallone in that movie.” Mike grinned, only to stop when his brothers gave him the stink eye.
“You got two seconds to tell us if you know where our dad is before we roundhouse kick you back to Men at Work,” Mike warned him.
“Oh my god, I do not want to act with my brother again!” Charlie frowned. “Fine. I’ll tell you what I know. Leggo, ok?” Eric turned to look at his brothers. Dakota shrugged, not sure what to do. Mike nodded, obviously a fan of the Sheen. With a nod for the oldest, they released their dad impersonator.
“Ok. What’s up? Why our dad?” Dakota asked.
“Ok. Fine. I wanted to be in The Expendables 3... I asked your dad for a favor, but he asked for a solid in return.” Charlie moved both hands to straighten out his clothes. “He wanted to take a small vacation, so he roundhouse kicked me and a few others that wanted into the movie. If we could act being Norris, he would come get us back.”
“Act?” Eric asked. “Who else was there?”
“Oh, I think it was Morgan Freeman, Jackie Chan, Robert De Niro...” Charlie shrugged. “Dunno how many exactly. You know how fast your dad can be.”
They all raised their eyebrows and nodded.
“Alright. Least dad threw some guys to get the scent off his trail. Let’s go guys...” Eric sighed.
“What about him?” Dakota asked.
“Well duh. We get his autograph and take him home. We find out who else wants to be in the third Expendables and track them. Least we know dad’s not here.”
__________________________________
“We should be in the clear now,” Phoenix said as he shut the door behind them. “Sorry about-”
“Somepony tell me what is going on right now!” Mayor Mare exclaimed with a frown on her face. “I am starting to reconsider having humans around at all!”
“Oh...” Phoenix moved his left hand up to his neck and pulled off his mask.
“Le gasp!”
“What a twist!”
“Oh, I saw this coming...”
“Huh?”
“Sweet Celestia!”
Chuck Norris smiled down at them all. “Sorry about that. Had to throw my kids off my trail.”
“Why you no good rogue!” Rarity chided him, smiling a bit and glad the real Chuck was alright.
“What a prank! That’s has gotta be the most awesome switcharoo ever!” Pinkie Pie called out with a grin.
Applejack shook her head to the sides, finally clearing her head. “How do we know you’re not pulling another fast one?”
“Really? I told you I was an actor...” Chuck replied with a sigh. “How to prove it now...” The human turned to look around the hallway. “Want me to throw City Hall? Let me tell you, it’s easier than throwing a party- so it may take 5 days to land back down.”
“Uh... No, that will be alright,” Twilight Sparkle quickly frowned and moved to step out from her friends. “But was it really necessary to lie to your own children?”
“They’re old enough. They’re my kids, so if they really need me for anything- they can handle it themselves. Part of being a parent is knowing when to let go. Dakota is going to start college soon too...” Chuck smiled with pride. “But I’m not ready to just retire just yet.”
“What kept you from showing up earlier?” Pinkie Pie asked.
“Oh, I had to do something. I felt a disturbance in the Chuck Force.”
“When did you switch anyway?” Rainbow asked, frowning a bit. Did she fall in love with Charlie, or Norris?
“Oh, that was this morning. I sensed something was wrong, so I decided to take precautions. Charlie Sheen owed me a solid. Please don;t get mad at him, it’s not his fault.” Chuck shrugged. “Been a while since I’ve been in a suit.” Chuck moved to dust off the blue suit and chuckled. His acting was soo good he fooled his kids.
“Well, I think you look much better in the suit...” Rarity moved out, sliding a hoof out to run it along his leg. “It makes you look much more-”
“Hey, I saw him first!” Applejack moved out to frown.
“Oh no way! You girls like him too?” Pinkie Pie grinned. “How about we share him?”
“Oh no!” Fluttershy stepped out, frowning at her friends. “I’m going to make him say my name!”
“Oh my, Assertishy,” Chuck raised his eyebrows. “Look, I’m going to stop you there. I already said I’m not dating. I just came for my job assignment.”
“Oh!” Mayor Mare calmed down, her good mood returning quickly. Time to bust out her ace in the hole. “You can be my assistant until I get my receptionist back! You even get your own desk of mahogany!”
“Really?” Chuck smiled at the idea.
“Oh no! As it happens, I sent a letter to Princess Celestia!”
Every pony stopped, turning to look at Twilight.
“She wants to personally meet this new human, and wants to find out more since he’s so different from the others!” The purple unicorn grinned. Her ace in the hole was pulled.
“Aw dang-it... Celestia is gonna git him for sure nah.” Applejack frowned.
“Princess Celestia? When is she coming?” Mayor Mare asked, upset her ace was no match for Twilight’s.
“This afternoon!”
Bonus:
Meanwhile, the cutie mark crusaders as they went to school...
“So this new human,” Scootaloo raised her left eyebrow. “You think he’s into stallions?”
“He’s gotta be! He told mah sis he’s not into mares,” Applebloom responded.
“My big sister is not sure either...” Sweetie Belle added. They were almost at the schoolhouse when they felt the earth rumble a bit.
“Woah! An earthquake in Ponyville?” Cheerilee asked outside the door. The colts and fillies that had no wings had to balance themselves a bit.
The earth opened up a bit, a crevice being creating as it split apart. Down from the ground, Chuck Norris appeared in all of his glory. Dressed in a black vest and blue shirt and jeans, the eternal cowboy frowned. He moved his left hand to the tip of his hat and frown as he stood back on solid earth as it stopped rumbling.
“Who said I’m into stallions?” Chuck spoke in a deep voice that boomed as much as Princess Luna.
Scootaloo opened her mouth, immediately moving her hoof to point at Applebloom and Sweetie. The two fillies had jumped into each other, hugging one another in fear. Chuck narrowed his eyes and then spun around, moving his right leg out in a roundhouse kick.
The two fillies were sent flying back at the force, heading into the school house. Scootaloo’s mouth refused to close as Chuck simply looked skyward and moved out to fly out and put on his blue suit.
“Girls!” Cheerilee shook her head out of the shock to look at the imprints in the wall left by the two fillies. “Are you okay?” The colts and fillies begun to march to the school, wondering if they were alive.
“What... happened?” Applebloom asked. She and Sweetie moved out of the wreckage of wood and debris.
“My everything hurts!” Sweetie cried out. “Huh? Applebloom! You got a cutie mark!”
“So do you Sweetie Belle!” They looked at each other’s flank.
Stats
Page generated in 0.042 seconds
Total duration
965 users online
1,169,620 hits today, 2,004,447 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
and this week as we continue our decent into madness.
this has passed from silly to dumb and made about a dozen laps between each throughout the course of this story.
dat cutiemark
Wait, is it really Obama?
2672407
Thanks man. It means a lot to me I was able to make you feel.
2672444
No, it's Chuck. He's just sharing his pain.
I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you
I don't even know...
A little known fact, Chuck Norris invented the Art of Trolling. He is also good friends with Princess Celestia. Now. . . spot the connection.
Should I leave the room....?
That picture at the ending killed me.
data.whicdn.com/images/51585487/chucknorrismemecoincidence_large.jpg
2672406
*descent
Soon enough, Chuck Norris will roundhouse kick the Mane 6 to the Crystal Empire because they wanted to 'do' him.
2676520 Seems Legit....
Holy crap. You weren't kidding with the random tag.
I haven't read a story that made me laugh like this in a long time
THANKS OBAMA
*can't comprehend the sitouation* *tries thinking but doesn't work*
my head...* rubs temples*
Phoenix takes off mask, *fist pump*
HO YEAAAAHHHHH!!!!