Sophistication, experimentation, and inebriation

by Rhodesm96

Chapter 5 - In which revenge is hilarious

Though he had gone to sleep fraught with worry and paranoia, Positive awoke the next day relatively calm. Despite Discord's threat still hanging over him, he felt ready to take on whatever life threw at him. Magically, he threw his covers off of himself, only to reveal his cat, Creepy, entwined within his tail.

"What the - Get out of there!" Positive said. Creepy just mewed slowly. Looking closer, he saw that Creepy's eyes were dilated and bloodshot. Moving to get up, Creepy fell out of his tail and onto the floor. He lay there on his back with his paws swatting at the air lazily. Positive stared dumbly at him for a moment, before he noticed a small purple flower sticking out of his tail. He pulled it out with his magic, not expecting the sharp pain that came with it. He examined the flower and saw that it had been severed at the bottom, and that there was a small drop of blood on the end. Scrabbling franticly for his tail, he found more shoots sticking out of his very flesh. He sniffed one of them and his eyes went wide with realisation.

"Catnip." He whispered, before his anger began to rise. He raised a hoof to the heavens and let out a cry.

"DISCOOOOOORD!!"

Cabinet was jolted awake by the shout emanating from his cousin's room. Racing across the hallway, he burst into Positive's room only to find him with his hooves between his legs.

"Ah, dammit Positive!" He yelled, jumping to conclusions and screwing his eyes tight shut..

"LOOK AT THIS!" Yelled Positive, advancing on him.

"I'd really rather not!"

"LOOK AT IT!"

"No!"

"LOOK AT WHAT HE DID TO ME!"

"Wait, what?" Cabinet opened his eyes to behold his cousin's rump in his face. Cabinet backed up wildly before noticing the purple flowers.

"That asshat Discord made catnip grow from my tail!"

Cabinet stared dumbly for a moment or two, before bursting into a fit of giggles. Positive glared at him before going to seek breakfast. As he walked past Creepy jumped from the ceiling and landed on Positive's tail, burrowing into it before falling asleep.

---

Pinkie Pie had just opened Sugarcube Corner when Positive walked in.

"Heya Possy, Whatcha doin'?" She asked, oblivious to the foul mood he was in.

"Hey Pinks." He replied without enthusiasm. "Can I get some breakfast? And a coffee?"

"Sure thing!" She beamed. Pinkie trotted off and returned with a tray bearing a buttered croissant and a steaming mug of heaven.

Positive hoofed over a couple of bits, took the tray in his magic and headed over to one of the tables to eat. Pinkie noticed that he was a bit down, so she took a seat at the table and stared at him until he noticed her. Positive looked up at her.

"Yes?"

"What's the matter?" She asked.

"Nothing." He replied evenly.

Pinkie scoffed. "Come on, it's obvious you're upset over something, so I want to help you out. What kind of friend would I be if I just let you be miserable?" Positive sighed and pointed to his tail. Pinkie leaned over to look at it.

"Is that your cat?"

"What?" Positive craned his neck to look and saw Creepy sprawled on the floor. Gummy, Pinkie's pet alligator, wandered over and looked at him. Creepy mewed and shot a thread at Gummy's face. Eyes webbed shut, Gummy began to wander around the bakery, bumping into several objects.

"So, your cat was in your tail? That's what you're upset about?"

"No, I didn't even know he was in there. Yesterday I pissed off Discord and now I've started to grow catnip out of it." Pinkie looked closer and saw the lilac flowers entwined in Positive's tail hairs.

"Huh. So, why's that got you down?"

"Pinkie, my cat is pretty bucking weird. It's half spider or something. Celestia knows what it'll do in there. Besides which, I don't want to have cats following me around all the time looking to get high."

"...Free cupcake?" Pinkie offered.

Positive smiled. "You always know just what to say!" He giggled.

---

Cabinet was having a good morning. After breakfast, he had headed out into the town to get his first proper look around. When he returned, Positive walked past him and breezed into the house ahead of him.

"Hey." He said, smiling happily.

"Hi." Replied Cabinet. "I see you've cheered up." He noted.

"Yep. Instead of dwelling on the problem, I though I'd just figure out how to fix it, so I'm heading to my lab to perform some tests."

"Good for you. So where is this lab then? I didn't see it while I was out."

Positive chuckled. He bent his head down to the bookcase which rested against the far wall. "So naive." He said, before inserting his horn into a hole in the wood. The bookcase swung open on hidden hinges, revealing an array of equipment including an oscilloscope, an large microscope, a telescope the height of the room, and many smaller items like Bunsen burners and laser projectors. A workbench covered the left side of the small room, and had folders and other research materials strewn across it. Positive grinned at seeing his cousin's awestruck face.

"What do you think?" He said.

"Is this it?" Cabinet asked. "This is where you do all of your research? Positive, the room's no bigger than the kitchen."

"Well, it's not the biggest of labs, but I make do." Positive said defensively. "Certainly better than what Twilight has cooped up in her basement. If I want to do some large-scale experiments then I have to go to Canterlot University, but that's rare, so this is all I really need." Positive walked over to his workbench and levitated his microscope over. Yanking a flower from his tail, he proceeded to examine it under the lens.

"Just as I suspected! The protein molecules in the flower stem, especially around the base, show similarities to my own haemoglobin samples! Furthermore, the xylem tubing within the plant itself has developed elastic layers similar to those in pony arteries, which would suggest an artificial method of genetic splicing involving specially created enzymes."

"Wait, I thought you were a physicist, not a biologist?" Asked Cabinet.

"Oh, I am. I have no idea what I'm talking about!" Beamed Positive. "Come on, let's go see if Twilight will help!"

"I thought you said your lab was better than hers, why can't you figure this out with your own equipment?"

"It's physics equipment, duh. Besides which Twilight, much as I hate to admit it, knows more about this kind of stuff than me. You said it yourself; I'm no biologist. Now are you coming or what?"

Cabinet shrugged. "I suppose I have nothing better to do."

---

"I hope she helps." Said Positive uncertainly as they approached the library.

Cabinet frowned. "Why wouldn't she? She seems nice enough from what I saw of her."

"Yeah, it's not that, it's just she and I-" Positive was cut off as the door to the library opened and Twilight walked out, catching them by surprise.

"Hey, Twilight, how's it going?" Positive said, smiling nervously.

Twilight's expression hardened. "Oh, it's you. What do you want, Charge?" She saw Cabinet and smiled. "Oh, Cabinet, good to see you again!"

"Likewise." He said "But my cousin has something he needs to ask of you." Twilight looked sceptically at Positive.

"I... need your help. There's something wrong with my tail." Said Positive sheepishly.

"Why can't you handle it yourself? You're always telling me how you're a better scientist than I am." She replied sarcastically.

"Hey, my field is physics. This is a biological problem, it's not real science." He said. Cabinet raised an eyebrow at his cousin's attitude toward Twilight, when he was supposed to be getting her to help him.

"Hmph, forget it." She said, and started to walk away.

"Wait." Cabinet said. "I know that Positive can be a pain, but please help him. I know that you know that he wouldn't ask unless it was serious."

Twilight hesitated, and then said "Alright, fine. I'll help." Walking past Cabinet, she added quietly so that Positive wouldn't hear "For you." Positive made to move into the library when Twilight stopped him. "But if you make even one joke, you're out of here. Understood?"

"...Yeah. Thanks for doing this, Twilight." Positive said, sincerity evident in his expression. Twilight's expression softened, and she led them into the library.

Author's Note:

So, here's chapter 5, within a month of chapter 4. Not bad, I think.
As always, constructive criticism is appreciated demanded.