• Published 8th May 2013
  • 10,705 Views, 635 Comments

Home in Banishment - Shadow Lord Malice

Sasuke and Naruto defeat Madara and the Juubi together, but are betrayed and thrown into time and space. Ending up in Equestria, their presence brings forth unforseen consequences.

  • ...

Pest Control and Job Hunting.

The sun shone with cheerful brightness as Naruto was helping Twilight and Spike clean the library. Groups of clones were shelving discarded books as Spike directed them as to where everything went. Twilight herself was dusting and cleaning.
"Hurry you guys, the princess will be here tomorrow, and this place needs to be spotless." She said in panic.

"Hey, we're just putting the books away. You're the one who's dusting 'til everything sparkles, Sparkles." Said Naruto, causing Spike to fall off the ladder in laughter.

"Very funny, Naruto, and would you quit it with the nickname." She ground out. Soon every book in the library was properly put away, and Twilight nodded in satisfaction. She then passed the duster to Spike. "Alright Spike, you finish up the cleaning. Naruto and I need to check how everything else is doing." Saluting, Spike got to work, though he was still snickering a bit from Naruto's joke. The unicorn and ninja made their way through Ponyville, and things were looking good. The decorations were set up, the plants were being watered, Derpy wasn't causing pandemonium, and Berry Punch was sober. Unfortunately, said mare and Carrot Top had messed up a bit on the banner, having run out of room for Celestia's name. This got them chewed out by Twilight. After that, the two passed Bon-Bon who was taking care of the flowers, and headed for Sugar Cube Corner. Upon reaching the bakery, the two looked within and saw Mr. and Mrs. Cake working on the desserts for tomorrow.

"How's everything coming, Mr. and Mrs. Cake?" Twilight asked, getting the attention of the two.

"Oh everything's coming great." Said Mr. Cake.

"Sasuke's being such a big help." Mrs. Cake added in.

"Wait what? Sasuke can bake?" Naruto asked in confusion.

"Oh no, not to my knowledge. He's helping keep the confections safe." This got confused looks from Twilight and Naruto, when suddenly there was a bang and crash in the kitchen, and Pinkie Pie blasted through the doors like a shark, jaws wide and her prey, the baked goods. Halfway to her destination, she was snatched up by a skeletal hand of lavender chakra, causing the Cakes to let loose a hefty sigh of relief.

"Great catch, Sasuke" Said Mr. Cake.

"Nooo! Sasuke, let me go!" Hollered Pinkie as she tried to wrest herself out of the grip of Sasuke's Susanoo.

"I don't think so Pinkie. As much as I hate sweets, you can't go eating these." Replied Sasuke as he walked out of the kitchen and into the shop, the ribcage of his Susanoo enshrouding him.

"Uh, Sasuke," Said Naruto, getting the Uchiha's attention, "is susanoo really necessary?"

"Yes, actually. She was completely tied in ninja wire before you guys came in, and somehow got herself untied." Sasuke answered. Just then, Fluttershy burst through the door, excitement plain on her face.

"Naruto, Twilight." shouted Fluttershy, though her shout was more like an indoor voice. "You won't believe... oh, am I interrupting?" She said shyly upon seeing how much of an audience she had.

"Not at all Fluttershy, come on in, and make yourself at home." Said Pinkie Pie, who then tried to snatch up a passing cake with her tongue, but Sasuke yanked her back before she could.

"So what's the big deal Flutters?" Asked Naruto in curiosity.

"Oh, you won't believe what I found at the edge of the Everfree Forest." She responded, then with some gentle coaxing, three little insect-like creatures flew out of her mane with cute chirrups, though the number surprised her.

"They're amazing." Said Twilight, looking at the creatures in wonder. What are they?"

"I'm not sure. I'm also not sure where these other two came from." Fluttershy replied. Twilight offered to take one, saying it would be great for spike to have a companion so he wouldn't bother her so much during her studies. Fluttershy then offered the third one to Pinkie Pie, who had a very different reaction.

"Blech, a parasprite, are you kidding?" She snapped, then squeezed herself out of Susanoo's fist and headed out of the bakery, much to the shock of her two friends. "Now I have to go find a trombone." That got even more confusion from her friends, who brushed it off as Pinkie being Pinkie. Sasuke however, was suspicious, and upon deactivating susanoo, followed after Pinkie.

"Oi Sasuke, where are you off to?" Asked Naruto, who had taken the third parasprite as Pinkie called them.

"Following after Pinkie to make sure she doesn't go eating what she shouldn't." Replied Sasuke, and with that, the Uchiha left the establishment and caught up to Pinkie. "I assume you know what those things are?" He asked the pink mare, who nodded.

"Yup, parasprites, we had an infestation of them once on the rock farm. They'll eat anything edible, and will cough up a number of new parasprites proportionate to the amount they eat in a certain amount of time, which will immediately do the same thing until the entire horde leaves the area barren of food." Sasuke's eyes widened a bit at the information.

"Hn, the ninjas back home would have loved those. Set them loose on an enemy town or hidden village, and sit back as the opposition starves to death." Pinkie shivered at the thought of starving to death, and the fact that the humans back in Sasuke's world would do that to each other. "So I assume you have some way of getting rid of them, or do I have to incinerate them?" Sasuke asked.

"I wouldn't do that. They eat meat too, and can strip a pony-or in your case, human-down to bone in seconds, and they'll start eating anypony that threatens them with lethal force." Replied Pinkie, and Sasuke immediately got rid of any ideas and plans involving violent measures.

"Okay, thanks for the warning. I assume then that you know a way to get rid of them?" He asked, and Pinkie happily nodded.

"Yuppers. We need to play some music."

"Wait, what? How does music help?"

"I don't know the specifics, it's just how we got rid of them the last time. During the pandemonium, the gramophone was turned on, causing the parasprites to start dancing to the music. We then shepherded them off the farm with it, and that was it."

"And I assume you can get us some instruments?"

"I'll have to ask around, and it'll take a while, but yes."

"I'll help gather instruments, but I can't play anything."

"That's fine. I can play everything we need."

"That's good and all, but won't we need more ponies to play everything?"

"No need to worry. As I said, I can play everything we need." Sasuke didn't even bother to reply on that. The two soon came to Carousel Boutique, and Pinkie looked inside. "Hey, does anypony know where I can find an accordion?" She asked, and got no response at all. Sasuke looked into the building, and immediately noticed Twilight, Rarity, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and Naruto, all cuddling parasprites.

"Maybe we should tell them what they are. They'll probably get rid of them then." Said Sasuke.

"Nope. You can only get rid of parasprites if you lead them off with music. Believe me when I say my family tried. They'll just come right back as long as food's available.". Pinkie answered, causing the Uchiha to facepalm.

"Oh you gotta be kidding me. Fluttershy, the one pony whose mouth you'd swear wouldn't melt butter, just screwed Ponyville over. Wow, just wow."

"I know what you mean. Still she didn't do it on purpose or anything, and we're gonna save it before anything too terrible happens."

"Famous last words Pinkie." With that, the two went all around Ponyville, asking for instruments. By the time the sun began to set, they had only half the instruments they required. They were heading off for the night, when sasuke realized something. Rarity had a parasprite, meaning the Boutique would be infested by morning.

"I can't believe I have to do this." He muttered to himself, then called out to Pinkie. "Hey Pinkie, since the boutique is going to be infested tomorrow, may I stay at your place for the night." Said Sasuke, though he really didn't want to, seeing as he had no place to stay. His own house hadn't even been started yet.

"Sure thing Sasuke. Ooh, It'll be just like a sleepover. We'll have cupcakes and cocoa with marshmallows..." Sasuke just followed along, walking behind the pink mare as she rambled on. Eventually the two came to Sugar Cube Corner.

"Wait a sec, you live here?" Asked Sasuke as they stepped inside.

"Yup. Isn't it great." Replied Pinkie, though Sasuke didn't exactly share her sentiments. He hated sweets, and now he was bunking in sweets central in Ponyville. Pinkie Pie immediately tried going for the banquet table, but Sasuke held her back by holding on to her tail and dragging her away, though he had to channel chakra into his feet to keep Pinkie from dragging him around. The two soon made it upstairs, and away from temptation, and after a lackluster dinner in Sasuke's opinion, were ready for bed, though one issue remained, Sasuke's sleeping arrangements. Pinkie offered to share the bed, but Sasuke outright refused, stating the floor would be fine. Pinkie Pie was having none of it, and the two argued for well over an hour until they decided on a coin toss. If Sasuke won he'd get the floor, but if he lost he'd share with Pinkie. Upon nodding in agreement, the coin was flipped.

Sasuke was not happy. He was currently sharing a bed with Pinkie Pie, having lost the coin toss, and currently was being used as a teddy bear by the sleeping pink mare. Her cuddling was making Sasuke feel very uncomfortable, in a couple of ways. One, he hated physical contact. Short hugs, and other friendly gestures were tolerable, but prolonged physical contact like now was outside his comfort zone. Secondly, he was sharing a bed with a girl, a bubbly pink pony mare, but still a girl. In no way, shape, or form was this proper, and if anypony caught wind of this, well, he'd never here the end of it. However, it also opened up a third issue. Sasuke had fully realized and accepted that he was pretty much stuck here in this world, but what did that mean for his love life? Talking ponies were not something he was going to put on his list back home for love material. Still, now that he was permanently stuck in Equestria, did he really have another option? He would admit to himself that if Pinkie wasn't being so clingy, and just had a foreleg draped on him or something, he'd actually find it more enjoyable. Sasuke would admit that now that he was no longer pursuing any real life consuming goals such as revenge, he actually felt rather alone. However, one thing killed any hope for a relationship, even with a pony; his immortality. Sasuke didn't want to imagine how painful it would be to watch a loved one wither and age while he stayed pristine, that alone destroyed any chance of him having a relationship with any mortal pony. The only option he actually had in this regard were the immortal princesses of Equestria.

'Oh please, like I have any chance of that.' He thought to himself. 'I mean, the two must have had countless suitors, and every single one of them was turned down. Besides, I'm not even a pony. It's completely impossible they'd see me that way.' Deciding to no longer dwell on the matter, Sasuke ignored Pinkie's grip on him, and drifted into slumber.

The next morning was once again filled with asking around for instruments, though there was little success due to everypony scrambling to finish up for Celestia's visit to the town. The only thing they managed to get was a large drum, and a pair of cymbals. Unfortunately, Pinkie tried getting her friends to help, but they were futilely trying to deal with the enormous parasprite swarm they had brought about. Eventually, the five mares and one human gathered the swarm into a ball and rolled it into the Everfree forest. Unfortunately, Fluttershy had kept one, causing an entirely new swarm to spawn. Rainbow Dash then whipped up a tornado to gather up the swarm. It was working, until Pinkie's cymbals got sucked in as well, causing Rainbow Dash to lose stabilization of the twister. This caused the parasprite swarm to be released into Ponyville proper, and Pinkie's cymbals to go whizzing off.

"Pinkie Pie, what have you done?" Angrily asked Twilight.

"What have I done? I've lost a brand new pair of cymbals that's what I've done." Pinkie irritably responded.

"Would you forget about your silly instruments for one second? You're ruining our efforts to save Ponyville."

"Me? Ruin? I'm not the ruiner, I'm the ruinee, or is it ruiness? Or..." Pinkie then began to ramble on which was the proper term to use, causing everyone else to run back into town to deal with the mess. Pinkie tried to tell them what was going on, but they didn't stop to listen.

"You know, you could have handled that a bit better, Pinkie." Said Sasuke as he re-appeared in front of the pink earth pony. He then dropped the lost pair of cymbals in front of her. "Here, I found those while you were arguing with Twilight and the others." This got Sasuke hugged by the jubilant mare.

"That's great Sasuke. We only need a few more instruments, so let's go." She said, gathering up the cymbals and dashing to town, Sasuke following behind.

"You going to try to get everyone else's help?" He asked, causing her to shake her head.

"Nope. They'll most likely not even listen. C'mon Sasuke, we're on our own for this one." Pinkie answered, and charged faster into Ponyville.

'And just whose fault was that?' Sasuke thought to himself, a deadpan expression on his face as he followed. 'I can't believe I'm even doing this. I'd be like them if I had no idea Pinkie actually had experience with these things.' The two soon reached Ponyville, just in time to see Twilight cast an unknown spell on the parasprite swarm. Soon, the bugs were no longer touching food, they were going for inedible things instead. Sasuke and Pinkie could only watch in shock as Ponyville itself was slowly being devoured.

"Hey Pinkie, what was it you said yesterday? Something about handling the situation before anything terrible happened?" Sasuke asked, causing Pinkie to wince.

"Hey, in my defense, I had no idea Twilight would do something like this." She timidly responded, causing Sasuke to facepalm.

"I told you Pinkie, famous last words." he said.

"We can discuss this later, we need instruments." With that, Pinkie began to brazenly gather instruments in others' houses, coming back with three tambourines, a flute, and a tuba. Sasuke was admittedly having some fun watching Naruto try to deal with the swarm with his own horde of shadow clones, with little success from the uncoordinated mob. "Okay Sasuke, this should be good." Said Pinkie, as she gathered up the entire collection of instruments they had attained. "Now, help me out with this." It took a while, but eventually Pinkie was laden with every instrument the had collected, and was able to play each one at once.

"Alright Pinkie, you ready?" Asked Sasuke.

"Yup yup, I'll need a couple of minutes to practice, then we'll have these parasprites right out of town." With that, Sasuke left Pinkie to it and disappeared via his Amaterasu body flicker, re-appearing beside Twilight.

"Okay everypony," said the frazzled mare to no one in particular. "here's the plan. Rainbow Dash, you distract them." At that exact moment, Rainbow flew by screaming her head off as she was pursued by parasprites. "Good. Everypony else, we need to make an exact copy of Ponyville right over there. We have less than a minute." She finished, gesturing in a random direction. The only thing going on however, was the mayhem continuing. Sasuke tried, he really did, but Twilight's plan was too much, and he burst out laughing. This attracted Twilight's attention. "Sasuke?! Where were you! We could have used your help way earlier." She screeched at the Uchiha.

"For your information Sparkle," He said, getting his laughter under control. "I was helping." At that, trumpets sounded, and Twilight went pale.

"Oh no, the princess has arrived." Said Twilight in extreme worry.

"Nope." Said Sasuke. "That's the cavalry." Pointing down the road, Twilight followed his finger, and saw Pinkie coming down the road whilst playing a multitude of instruments on her back. The unicorn was about to protest, when Sasuke silenced her. "Look around." He said, and Twilight obeyed. To her complete amazement, the parasprites stopped eating the town, and began bobbing to Pinkie's marching band tune. Soon, the entire swarm was bouncing behind her single file as she carted them off to the forest.

"Wh-wh-wha?" Was all Twilight could manage.

"I believe you have a princess to greet." Sasuke casually remarked, causing Twilight to rocket down the road. Sasuke was then joined by Naruto, who was not amused.

"What the hell, Sasuke? Where have you been this whole time, we've been dealing with this all day, and now that everything's no longer a disaster site, you come waltzing in." Said the blonde, his tone being extremely annoyed and angry.

"Dobe, what makes you think I wasn't doing anything?" Sasuke asked, getting a confused look from Naruto. "Had you used your head yesterday, you would have realized those things were bad news. As soon as Pinkie put a name to these things when Twilight and Fluttershy were drawing blanks, I knew she had experience with these things, so I followed her and helped her out. As you can see, we succeeded." As Naruto tried to stammer out an excuse, Twilight returned from talking to princess Celestia, along with her other five friends

"Ugh, what a nightmare. Now what do we do?" She groaned.

"Now you fix the mess you made." Said Sasuke, and headed for the Everfree forest. "If you need me, I'll be at Zecora's."

"Oi, and who said you can just ditch us when we need you?" Asked Naruto.

"I already told you dobe, I helped deal with the parasprites, instead of make a fool of myself like the rest of you. I've spent all day, and yesterday afternoon dealing with Pinkie, and I'm in serious need of some sensible conversation." With that, Sasuke headed off, leaving Naruto, Twilight, and the rest with the ruined town.

"Well, c'mon everypony. If we get started now we'll probably be finished by... next Friday." Groaned Twilight, getting groans and complaints all around.

It took an entire week to repair the damage done to Ponyville, but after that laborious period of time, Ponyville was better than ever. Sasuke himself was immensely pleased at the time as well. Why? Because he was now the proud owner of his own place of residency. The entire building was built in the traditional architecture of his clan; sliding doors, paper lanterns, etc. It did have standard lighting and power as well, and had a large backyard that would make for a wonderful training field. The house itself however, wasn't completely furnished, so Sasuke still had to get that taken care of. That also led into his next order of business; getting a steady income of bits. The question was what to do. Sasuke admittedly wasn't all that great when it came to repairing things. Doing odd jobs around Ponyville felt way too much like D-ranks, and that was what Naruto was doing. Sweet Apple Acres was an option, but Sasuke knew Applejack's family was stretched thin on money as it was, so taking their money, even if it was well earned, was not a good idea. Sasuke continued to ponder his options as he walked through town towards the library, when the sound of dramatic wailing caught his ears.

"I'd know that wail anywhere." Sasuke muttered to himself as he headed for the source. "Wonder what has Rarity on a rant this time. Probably me moving out." His search led him to the spa, which caused him to remember the date. "Right, today is Rarity's and Fluttershy's weekly spa day. Probably just telling Fluttershy about me moving out in her own dramatic way." Sasuke was about to leave, when he was spotted by none other than Rarity.

"Sasuke! Thank Celestia you've come. It's dreadful, it's horrible, it's the Worst. Possible. Thing!" She wailed, swooning at the end. Fluttershy and the spa sisters were doing all in their power to calm the distraught unicorn, but to little effect.

"What happened?" He asked, stepping inside the establishment.

"Our masseuse moved to Baltimare three days ago, and we haven't found a replacement." Answered Aloe.

"Sasuke, you think you could fill in for us?" Asked Lotus, causing Sasuke's eyes to widen and his pupils to shrink to the size of pinpricks. That question scared him worse than Orochimaru's lusty grin and long tongue.

"U-um, I-I'm very sorry ladies," He squeaked, backing out of the spa. "but I'm, uh, very busy at the moment. I'm expected at the library you see. Twilight had some, uh, experiments she needed my help with. So sorry, but I gotta run." And run Sasuke did, like his life was depending on it. Reaching the library, he bolted inside and slammed the door shut, bracing his back against the door.

"Whoa, what's got you scared out of your wits Sasuke?" Asked Naruto, who was eating lunch along with Spike and Twilight.

"Uh, hey Twilight. Got any experiments that need a human?" He asked, a hint of panic in his tone.

"Sorry Sasuke, but Naruto has been a big help with those." She answered, her brows furrowed in confusion. Sasuke always avoided tests and experiments if he could help it, so what had changed?

"Oh. Uh, Spike, need some help around the library?"

"Sorry, everything's finished." Replied the purple dragon.

"Ah. W-well, sorry for just barging in like that, I'll just be on my way." With that, Sasuke opened the door, and screamed like a girl when he saw who was on the other side.

"Sasuke! You simply must fill in for Quake. If you don't my spa day will be rui-hi-hined!" Wailed Rarity as she clung onto the Uchiha, only to feel wood. Opening her eyes, she found herself clutching a log. "Sasukeeeee! Come baaaaaaack!" She cried, running off after the Uchiha. Said Uchiha was sprinting like mad down to Sweet Apple Acres, hoping Rarity would avoid the place like usual. He skidded to a stop when he noticed the Apple family leaving the property.

"Howdy Sasuke, fine day ain't it?" Greeted Applejack. Sasuke noticed that she and Big Mac had Saddlebags on, while Apple Bloom had a blanket, and Granny Smith held a basket.

"O-oh, hey Applejack. Out for a picnic?" Replied Sasuke, panic prevailent in his tone.

"Yessir, we've been workin' so hard on the farm, that Granny Smith practically forced us. Though I gotta say, it's a swell day for a picnic." She said, then noticed Sasuke's panicked state. "You okay Sugarcube, y'all actin' like a timberwolf next tah ah bonfire."

"I'm fine, just fine, no need to worry at all. I was just swinging by to see if you needed help with anything, but seeing as you're all off to a picnic, I'll just be-"

"Sasukeeeeee!" Came the unmistakable wail of Rarity from down the road, cutting Sasuke off, who went as white as the aforementioned unicorn.

"Sorrygottagobye!" Screamed Sasuke, and vanished in a swirl of obsidian fire. The Apple family just blinked.

"Huh, he's more wired than Rainbow in ah dress." said Applejack

"Eeyup." Big Mac agreed.

'Okay, think Sasuke, think! Gotta find something to keep me busy. Library's out, as well as the farm. Can't help Fluttershy, so that leaves...Rainbow Dash!' With that thought in mind, Sasuke kept an eye on the sky, hoping to see the familiar prismatic contrail. He soon found Dash lazing on a cloud.

"Uh, Rainbow Dash?" he called, getting the pegasus' attention. "I'm in need of a sparring partner, and Naruto's busy. Interested?" Sasuke knew that Rainbow studied martial arts, and would never turn down a good spar.

"Sorry Sasuke, today's my cooldown day. I'm totally up for it tomorrow though." She responded.

"Oh." He squeaked. "Sorry to bother you then."

'She's out! She's out! Crapcrapcrapcrap, what do I do!? Pinkie Pie! Absolutely not. I'm not going anywhere near-'


Sweets sound great right now. I'll bet Pinkie has plenty of things I could help with.' Making a mad dash for Sugar Cube Corner, sasuke rocketed into the bakery. He then noticed Mrs. Cake behind the counter.

"Uh, hi Mrs. Cake. Is Pinkie in?" Sasuke asked, barely managing to keep his voice level.

"Oh sorry Sasuke dear, she didn't tell you? She's taken the week off to visit her family." And Just like that, Sasuke knew he was screwed.

"I see. Sorry for bothering you, I hadn't been told." Sasuke was then impacted by a white missile, sending the two crashing into the wall.

"Sasuke, please be my masseuse today, it's all I ask. My spa day will be absolutely ruined if I don't get my massage." Sasuke was about to outright refuse. Friend or not, this was something he'd sworn he'd never do again. However, he never counted on Rarity bringing out the heavy artillery.

"Um, Sasuke, could you please fill in at the massage table today. It would be appreciated by everypony." Said Fluttershy, a look of pure concentrated adorable on her face.

'No Sasuke! You're an Uchiha, you remember what happened last time you agreed. You will say...you will say... Oh almighty sage, that's weapons grade cuteness. How do her eyes do that?'

"Please?" Fluttershy quietly asked, adding a small tremble to her lips.

'... Dobe, when this is over I'm going to beg for forgiveness. I should never have threatened you with making Fluttershy cry.'

"Once again Darling, we can't thank you enough for this." Said Rarity as the trio entered the Spa. Sasuke was sweating bullets, and the cause was certainly not the sauna. Fortunately, the Uchiha had managed to call in a fall guy.

"Uh, Sasuke, what's this all about?" Asked Naruto.

"Don't ask questions dobe, just follow the plan." Hissed Sasuke.

"Why do I have to do that anyway?"

"It's a matter of life and death. Now get ready, the girls are going in." With that, Sasuke took his place at the massage table with extreme reluctance. Thirty minutes later and the two were ready for their massages. Rarity was first, and laid down on the table. Casting a glance at Naruto to make sure he was ready to spring the plan when necessary, Sasuke got to work. First he began at the shoulders, making sure to apply enough pressure to loosen the muscles, his fingers allowing him to work the muscles far better than a hoof. Rarity let loose a moan at the Uchiha's ministrations, causing him to flinch, but continue massaging. Eventually, he finished the shoulders, and moved to the back, Rarity's moans becoming throatier and more frequent. Finally, he reached the flanks and began massaging, them, thinking the worst to be over. Then he pressed his palms into her cutie mark.

"I can't take it anymore! I want your foals!" Rarity screamed, and pounced for Sasuke. Slamming into the Uchiha, she drove him down to the floor and tried tearing his pants off, causing the three other mares to try restraining her, and Naruto to bolt. Once outside, he caught up with the real Sasuke.

"How long will that clone hold Naruto?" He asked as they dashed for safety. Naruto was about respond when he gained a look of horror on his face.

"Um, he just popped." Suddenly, the door to the spa blew off it's hinges, and Rarity dashed out after the two humans.

"Well Sasuke, it was nice knowing you." Naruto said, before using Kurama's chakra to speed away.

"I thought we were friends!" Sasuke screamed after the retreating blonde, only to catch sight of Rarity gaining on him despite enhancing his speed with chakra. Throwing all male dignity out the window and screaming like a little girl, Sasuke hit the gas. Suddenly, he was caught in a blue aura, and was completely immobile while being brought towards the lust crazed mare. Suddenly, Fluttershy appeared right in Rarity's face, eyes wide and imposing.

"Put him down." Was all she said, and Rarity dropped Sasuke and ran away screaming. "Sorry." she called as loudly as she could, which was regular volume for everyone else. She then went over to Sasuke. "Are you all right? You aren't hurt are you? She didn't...um?"

"In order, yes, no, and thank the sage no. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go kill Naruto.

"Whoa Sasuke, is that any way to treat the guy that got Fluttershy here." Asked Naruto from behind Sasuke.

"You ditched me, Dobe! I was about to be raped!" Sasuke screamed at the blonde.

"I didn't ditch you, I went and got Fluttershy so she could stop Rarity. Hopefully 'The Stare' snapped her out of it."

"I think it worked a little too well." squeaked Fluttershy.

"So what the heck was that all about anyway? You just massasged her and she was about to rape you." Remarked Naruto.

"Dobe, how do you think I got my fan club back in the day? Back rubs. I've got magic hands."


"I'm practically a master masseuse despite having no training of any kind in it. I've been trying to avoid this fiasco before it began, but Rarity doesn't know when to quit." Fluttershy then hugged the Uchiha.

"I'm sorry for dragging you into this mess Sasuke. It's all my fault." Said Fluttershy, tears brimming in her eyes.

"Fluttershy, I don't blame you one bit. You're just impossible to refuse. And don't you dare cry, I swear there's a law that'll get me sent to the sun if you do." The group shared a laugh at that, and they went back to the spa. Aloe and Lotus profusely apologized to Sasuke for being unable to stop Rarity, but he waved their concerns away. Then Rarity came back and begged Sasuke to forgive her.

"I'm so sorry, darling. I have no idea what came over me. You were doing a marvelous job, when out of nowhere it's like I was hit with my heat times ten. I couldn't stop myself."

"You're not going to try and go for me again right?" Sasuke asked in worry.

"Heavens no darling. I'll admit, I'm still winding down from that, but I'm in complete control of myself and my urges. I assure you it will not happen again." It took a lot of convincing on Rarity's part, but Sasuke finally managed to forgive the alabaster unicorn. Sasuke then headed to Twilight's in order to conduct an experiment.

"You want to what?" Twilight asked.

"I want to touch your cutie mark." Said Sasuke.

"Um, aren't you being a little...forward, Sasuke?"

"Why, is touching it wrong?"

"Well, no. It's just that, a stallion initiating physical contact around that area is considered an expression of interest towards the mare." Now it was Sasuke's turn to blush.

"Ah. Okay then, are cutie marks...sensitive?"

"Um, I'm not sure I follow."

"Does touching them induce pleasure?" Twilight's blush began to rival that of a certain Hyuuga girl.

"Um, well, no actually, though I can't really say I have any sort of experience in those kinds of matters."

"I see, only one way to find out." With that, Sasuke jabbed Twilight's cutie mark before she could react. The result was immediate.

"Whoa!" She screamed, her tail shooting straight up and away, exposing her. Thankfully for both sides, Sasuke facing her side, and as such saw nothing. Twilight then collapsed onto the ground, panting hard, her blush intensifying to atomic levels.

"Theory confirmed. Cutie marks are pleasure points. Extreme ones if your reaction was anything to go by. Sorry for that Twilight, I had to figure out what could have caused Rarity to suddenly try and violate me. Now I find it was all my fault."

"It's...okay." She gasped, getting back onto her hooves. "Just, don't do that again."

"Got it. Anyway, I got to get back home. And I still have to find a job." With that, Sasuke began to head home, his thoughts still on earlier events.

'Dammit, I need a job, and the spa has a masseuse opening. Flip side; a single massage nearly got me raped. However, that's because I touched her cutie mark, so if I avoid it, then that might very well kill any chance of a repeat incident occurring. Pros and cons bounced around in Sasuke's head, and finally the Uchiha decided. Entering the spa, he was greeted by Lotus.

"Oh hello Sasuke, how are you holding up?" She asked with a smile.

"I'm fine."'I can't believe I'm doing this.' "I'd like to apply as a masseuse."

Author's Note:

And this folks, marks the start of that adventure tag I have on this story. Won't be dealing with any large periods of slice of life for a good while. And yes, I know, I rushed this chapter horribly, or at the very least the first half of it. I did that on purpose as to get it out of the way. Now my readers, the real story begins. I hope you're ready. Oh, and to avoid any and all confusion. Call of the cutie mark, and Running of the leaves happen before Winter wrap up, so expect Cutie mark Crusaders possibly next chapter if I can fit them in.

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