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A Lost Book

A 13 year old boy finds Twilight's book which was sent to him by Discord. Twilight and Pinkie Pie both come to retrieve the book and can't return home for quite some time until Twilight has built up enough magic to go home. Sterling has never had friends before let alone family, so will they live happily ever after? Or will Sterling's little lies get in the way?

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 30 )

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Silver the Sojourner

Silver the Sojourner #1 · May 6th, 2013 · · ·

All right, my analysis of this first chapter is that you know what a a story should like, but that you might have forgotten some of the rules.
For instance,

“Princess Celestia said that Star Swirled The Beardeds personal journal has been stolen.” Twilight explained. Pinkie Pies eyes lit up. “Who stole it?” Pinkie asked. “Discord. He’s stolen it and has transported it to another dimension!” Twilight exclaimed. “Well how are we suppose to get it back?” She asked. “Princess Celestia has given me a spell to find the journal.” Twilight said. Pinkie nodded.

. You forgot the rule about starting a new paragraph every time a new pony/person begins speaking. It's a common mistake so it's nothing to throw a fit over.
Also, I'm not an expert on biology or anything, but vomiting three times in a row can't be good for your digestive system, so he might wanna check that out. But in all seriousness, if was going to be vomiting due to starvation, it would be more like dry heaving due to there being absolutely nothing in his stomach, so it should have one occurred once, maybe twice. Otherwise, he would just be in excruciating pain. But that's just me being all picky.
Now, I move onward to see where this heads off to!

Happy_McDull