Reviewed The Equestrian Box

Rejecting

This is an adventure story that starts quickly and advances at a break-neck pace, featuring all the members of the mane six, as they look for something called the Equestrian Box.

On one hand, I like adventure, and I know a lot of other people do too. I watched Lord of the Rings, superhero movies, Star Wars, all that good stuff... adventures are pretty damn fun. This one here starts off really, really quickly as they only just enter the Everfree Forest, and doesn't spend much time at all detailing what was going on before they got there or what they were doing. A lot of people would say that it starts too brusquely, but I'm hesitantly okay with it. I like a story that gets to it's point quickly, after all.

Unfortunately, this abrupt beginning foreshadows some rather sore pacing problems. Everything goes by incredibly quickly, and whilst some of it works, some other bits (like Zecora's chat) were too quick and should have been drawn out more to make the dialogue less of a plot device (the item you are looking for is this and you must go here to get it) and more of a natural discourse. There's barely any discussion at all between Zecora and the others before the zebra changes her mind and gives them cryptic hints.

Sometimes elements like the Umbra are given very little introduction: again, I believe this stems from the fact that the story doesn't seem to pace itself. Had it taken more time, the inclusion of these shadowy beings might not have felt cluttered and instead more natural, but given the speed they were introduced, they felt tackled on.

Particularly in Applejack's case, the dialogue sometimes felt clunky and wrong. I can't say anything specific, but it's like her voice is off.

Finally, whilst I have to admit I like the idea of a mysterious item that we know nothing about, the vague nature of the box doesn't lend itself to this situation quite well. This obviously feels like an adventure, and the mystery of the box is barely touched upon. Worse still, the vague threat it presents makes their journey less impactful. If we don't really know why they're out there, it makes their quest less meaningful.

If anything, I can appreciate what the story seems to be trying to do: present a fun, enjoyable adventure, and I can get behind that. But there are elements that need correcting and the pacing should slow down in parts, and not rush towards the end of the chapter.

Finally, grammar and phrasing:

Rarity finishes with an hmph.

Most ponies don't Twi." Barely containing her own laughter.

Zecora replies as she backs away bumping her shelf, but luckily nothing falls over.

In short he is not the most helpful a Host...

Uh-Oh pinchy knees… Something Scary is about to happen…

In Everfree Forest, Tree Bucks you!

It was coming right at them, only to fall shortly after hitting a beam of... Moonlight...

it’d be nearly impossible to out race a shadow!

I'd give this story another look over, and preferably read it out loud too to try and smooth out the pacing. As it is, I don't feel I can accept this story into the bin.

4270943 I think the tree bucking comment is a reference to Yakov Smirov (sp) A comedian who did In Soviet Russia jokes with the same rythem. But yeah, pacing is an insanely important factor to a story, doubly so for adventure.

4270955 The tree bucking comment I included was less because of the reference, and more because of the improper capitalization. References are references, but capitals in the middle of sentences are evil.

Reviewed Beach Day

Rejecting

Here we have a romance story between (of all people) Spike, the fourteen year old... guy, and Rainbow Dash, the almost adult student.

I can't really get around the fact that I'm going to look like I dislike the ship, and in all fairness, I do, but I have other reasons besides that to reject this story. I'm going to start by explaining what I think Spike x Dash needs in order to successfully work:

How to get a seventeen year old to convincingly fall for a fourteen year old, who for that matter has very little in common with Dash to start with. This is what should be explained properly: it's not something that you could easily brush aside like other romance stories can try to if they have the right premise: this is a matter that should be handled carefully, subtly, with delicatesse...

because well lately she stated to feel a little something for the guy

Goddammit. Even Rarijack gets more explanation than this.

the fact that the female was older and more domineering certainly was against many of the norms of society.

Oh, no, not at all. I'm perfectly comfortable liking an older woman. There are postgrads at uni who really are quite stunning, not to mention intelligent, and the age difference between me and them is larger than three years. One of them can even kick my arse, too, since she's a few grades ahead of me in my martial art. What gets me here is the fourteen/seventeen thing. Spike has only just reached adolescence (the story even says he's preadolescent), and Dash is on the verge of being an adult in the eyes of society (or mine, at least). I get that there's bound to be a divide between what I view as 'normal' and what other people see as normal, but I can't help but feel that this needs a helluva lot more explanation than is given for me to go with it in way too many societies.

This acts as more than just something that irks me as a person, though: because it's something that feels it should get a bit of an explanation, and doesn't, it's distracting and jarring to a reader. If you spend most of your time wondering why the characters are thinking what they're thinking, you're not going to be spending that time really enjoying the story.

Spike's behaviour I can understand: he's actually surprisingly in character. In most romance stories, characters can get warped by the romantic feelings the author forces on them (I should know, I've done it myself) and whilst that's understandable from where I sit (you behave differently when you're in love than when you're not) it's nice to see Spike treat this in a relatively Spike-like manner. He's fourteen and is coming to terms with stuff every fourteen year old has. Dash, on the other hand, baffles me. No real explanation is given as to why she has feelings for Spike, and since it's not a natural leap in logic because of reasons I've said before, it comes off as disjointed and out of place.

But the most obvious reason for rejection has to be the grammar:

Others though, instead of paying addition to the lesson, were on their phones, checking on Facebook, looking up crap that normally doesn't matter, but will still make a big impact in social media.

Several eyes of the student body stare at the clocks on the wall, or on their wrist watches groaning as time goes by.

the new smart phone and the benefit of it,

OK girls any ideas on what we should all do tomorrow, I'm sure there is various activities to we can accomplish together"

Um Pinkie ah reckon we needa lay down the partyin down for a little while, our parents are still mighty upset with the mess we made while we were studyin’ for our history test

blushing when he gave her a complement

Then an idea pop into Rainbow’s mind.

You’re so screwed (full stop missing. We kind of like those lil' things.)

The night that Spike came over, she hadn't plan on Spike slipping on an empty pie tin and crashed on the floor head first.

In short, even if I could just dismiss my not liking the pairing due to shipper's bias (which no shipper is truly immune to, no matter how much they say they are) I think I have enough reasons to back up my dislike, and the grammar alone needs to be looked at. Take more time to give Dash, especially, a better reason to have these feelings and get a proofreader/editor.

Reviewed Princess of Friendship

Accepting

In my opinion, this isn't a flawless story: there are elements about it that I disliked (as there are in almost any story I read) but this is such an interesting story that I feel it belongs in the Bin.

This is a story about Twilight trying to save her friends from an impossible situation... a situation she has gotten them in due to her own overconfidence. This story really does earn it's tag as it presents a situation that cannot be won and that has no positive outcome, which is part of tragedy in it's strictest sense.

Things that bugged me were minor: things like how the magic was described (overdescribed in my opinion) and how it sometimes felt like it was dragging on. The grammar was surprisingly good for what I've come to expect from the author: I don't know why, but I didn't pick up as many things that bugged me as in, say, 'I ain't your sacrifice'.

for one and a halve ponies

or a sense of obligation

you can stop the time anytime you choose to

These were some of the only errors I could find, and I don't believe that this quantity of mistakes really warrants me failing the story, especially considering how interesting the rest of it is.

One other thing that bugged me was this line:

I was so focused on the rock falling toward me that I completely overlooked the big boulder breaking off over my friends.

It feels like these thoughts are awfully slow and sluggish for what feels like it should be fast and panicky. But that was it, really.

The biggest failing of the story would have to be how it described Twilight being overconfident: sometimes it just felt a little forced. But again, if the worst I can say about it is that it's 'a little forced' then something's been done right.

The story has an overall chilling tone that unsettles me, and that's only ever been done to me twice before (once due to an atmosphere that had been created that just felt wrong, and another time because of the sheer awfulness of the story in question I had to question my own sanity and how it even got more than one upvote, but that's another story).

The characters (aside from Twilight) are all in character, and the story treats what's happening with all due weight and gravity. Moreover, it felt sincere: it wasn't just sad and tragic for sad and tragic's sake. It's hard to describe, but the scene where they all accept what's happening felt very 'normal', I guess. In any case, it's strengths far outweighed it's weaknesses this time around, and I'm glad to let it in.

Reviewed To Drown a Butterfly

Rejecting

Here is a story I'd have been glad to accept had it not been for how it was written. The protagonist is entertaining (if horribly cliched) and kept my attention throughout. I've enjoyed his type since I got introduced to them, and he really is a lot of fun. He's a bit flawed too, and unpredictable: even he doesn't seem to completely know what he'd do, and I like that (as someone who never knows what I'll be doing next).

It's paced well too: the first chapter felt like a one-off, but then segued very nicely into a proper story. I'd be more than happy to see more like that in the future.

And unlike other stories from the same author, this story felt much more focused: it knew which story it was telling and stuck to it. The only tangents felt in keeping with both the tone and style of story, and I enjoyed them.

What I'm rejecting this story on is it's writing. The prose ranges from overflamboyant to clunky and sometimes wrong. It's neither skillful enough to properly back up it's incredibly colourful writing, nor is it pragmatic enough for me to follow without being distracted. Not to mention, a lot of the phrasing comes off as very uncomfortable to read:

Grayish mane that looked to have just been stylized by a rather expensive beauty parlor only hours before
Her green eyes with curly eyelashes had a glare like she couldn’t believe was going to succumb to a lowlife like me.

where the deep shadows covered my body more efficiently than my trench coat could do.

she lived in a gated community under the Hollywood sign.

She had a rich husband, from which all her recent problems (me) started.

I would act a little more pleasant with this situation.

and breathed in the smokey delight

I though you would have sold it already to some pony who was a meth head

“Not till after dinner, darling”.

Velvet tried to take the power of the situation away from me.

it would be remade in less than a month

She gave a tightly closed smile and walked away

raped a mare, and then beat her with a rusty pipe until her eyes gouged out of her head

I did my default mode: RUN!

What this story needs is a proofreader and editor, and focus on making it's very colourful sentences fluid and comfortable first, and then if it can manage that upgrade them to something prettier, because it's really the only thing holding the story back at this point.

Reviewed Gleaming Armour

Rejecting

I feel a bit bad about this one. It's obvious a lot of effort went into this story. It's got lore, the writing is nice and flowing, and Shining Arm-- sorry, Gleaming Armour is fun to read for a character in a gratuitous porn fic.

But it is what it is, and this is a story about Gleaming Armour who starts our story taking a bit of happy alone time, goes to the Everfree forest to bring home Eris (inb4 Ultron) and proceeds to get turned into a guy (Shining Armour again, I guess) and then they have some happy together time.

Enjoyed, upvoted, but no way am I letting this in.

4271106 I was joking about 5 reviews a day >.>;;; I didn't mean you had to do it or I'd steal your hip-flask >.>;

4271128 Speaking of...

Reviewed A very Sore Sunbutt

This is a story that had a hard act to follow after Gleaming Armour. As a story that's entirely about Celestia getting 'disciplined' I don't feel I can let it into the Bin (being gratuitous titillation). That said, if I'm going to offer any advice, it'd be... go all out. If you're going to do stuff like Celestia getting spanked as a hobby, you might as well make a meal of it and finish the job.

Like Gleaming Armour, this has no real story behind it that doesn't serve to be sexy. That doesn't mean it's bad, but it does mean we're not looking for it here.

4270992 Your review was awesome! I’ll fix the weak parts that you pointed out.

The story Princess of Friendship is more polished then the rest of them because I managed to get a few editors to drop by, and I also must have read it at least a hundred times to make it ‘perfect’.

4271636 Anytime. It was a worthwhile read.

Reviewed My Diamond

Rejecting

A promising story that suffers from lack of polish, and not really being at a stage in the story where much has really evolved. Rarity is now famous, and good for her: out of all the ponies in the mane cast, the only one I felt was ever more ambitious than her was Rainbow Dash herself. But I digress. Rarity is unhappy (in part) due to her newfound fame. It's made very clear why, and I like that.

Upon returning to Ponyville for a while, she meets Spike again, who has grown into an adult, mature dragon. The shipping veteran I have become recognizes the traditional ploy to allow for Sparity romance to occur, circumventing the inconvenience of having Rarity fall for a child (which some stories (see Beach Day)) did not really allow for. Maybe it's not new, but it's certainly effective.

I did also enjoy Spike being an adult, but still recognizably Spike. A problem that often surfaces when aging a character is you can't recognize them... and whilst I do understand that people change over time, it's very nice to be able to see where a character has come from as well as where he currently is (if that makes sense).

But unfortunately, the story has only just got past it's first plot point: Spike has pretty much only just been reunited with his friends, and we're not sure what direction this is going to be taking. A lot is promised, and I can't really comment on how this is going to be delivered just yet.

Also, there's a lot that should just get looked over one more time:

I heard that some luck stallion courted equestria’s greatest designer.”

Even if 'luck' was on purpose because of the germanic accent, Equestria needs to be capitalized.

The train hissed to a stop letting out passengers.

because he got greedy, nd that only took a day.”

Our six technicolor made stood in front of Twilight's castle waiting for Spike's arrival.

the dragon who became lost with time, is home.

“Look at you, all...big now,”

we're tryna process this right now,

(if that's just AJ speaking, consider a simpler southernism, like maybe 'tryin''. Tryna is weird, and it offends my delicate sensibilities)

That's because I did silly

I knows that there's more than Equestria out there.

Rarity fell out d her thoughts

suspiciously contorting her face as she did so gaining notice from Applejack.

It's sad to see an otherwise promising story get brought down by things that a spellcheck could often fix. Once the story has progressed a little bit more, and has recieved another layer of polish, I'd love to give this one another look.

Have I just reached 7 stories reviewed in one day? I think this calls for a gif!

4271688 thanks for the tips Hap, working on the next chapter now, and I'll look back over the others.

4271878 Awesomesauce. Send me a PM when you're ready.

Reviewed A Fragile Life

Accepting

I've sometimes described myself as someone who's easily pleased, but hard to impress. This story manages the former with no problems whatsoever, but completely fails at the second. This is why it took me a bit more thought to review this than I normally would.

The grammar is fine, as is spelling. That's a first good sign that it's a reasonable story, and I certainly can't hold that against it. The story itself is quite nice, too: Rainbow Dash gets attached to a bird, which subsequently dies. It's a story that shows a lot about each of the characters involved ( Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash) and presents them at their best. I mentioned in a review of an earlier story (incidentally also about a bird dying) that it's this situation that, in my opinion, reveals the greatest strength of Fluttershy's character.

Really, that's what carries this story. It's highly efficient in what it does: shows us the characters reacting to something, and does it well. But despite this, it failed to impress me, possibly because it's too efficient.

Part of this is how it's written. A lot of it is rather lacklustre, and could use a bit more flair. This might be considered nitpicking, but for a change I think it actually stands out a fair bit:

The storm was powerful, and Rainbow knew that she only had a few minutes left before it would become too dangerous to fly. Still, she was the Pegasus in charge of weather in Ponyville, and it was her duty to be the last one on the scene. She never left until she was one hundred percent satisfied that the storm wouldn't be too strong, or break up too early.

I don't like reciting 'show, don't tell' (mostly because I've been criticized for being very telly myself) but in this story, there does seem to be something missing. It feels very casual in how it describes what's going on, almost lazy. The story itself isn't particularly complex either: once you've read the description, you can pretty much see in what direction it's going to go right off the bat.

I guess you could say I got frustrated with this one for doing everything right, but not being colourful enough to properly keep me entertained. The scene were Rainbow saves the bird, for instance:

Realizing that the poor bird wouldn't survive an impact at that speed, Rainbow rocketed forward. She stayed low to the ground where the wind wasn't quite as strong, and as she caught up with the bird, she swooped upward and twisted in the air.

It does it's job, but its completely devoid of tension. It's so very businesslike and direct, it just feels rather dull to read sometimes.

Thankfully, like I said, the story really is carried by what the characters go through, and there is something pretty charming in something so simple. It's a very easy story to like, but for an ill-tempered youth like myself, I just wish it made itself more interesting to read.

Reviewed Fluttershy's Bad Patient

Accepting

Actually, a few people reviewed this story. Back in the day, I used it as a sort of 'test story' some reviewer candidates could take a crack at, mostly because I had already read it and it came a bit in between what I'd consider an 'easy accept' and an 'easy reject'. Most notable, MOTM took a shot at this one (whereas Charles decided he'd viciously tear apart my own work... still smarts.)

The story is slice of lifeish in nature, and actually progresses quite nicely. The protagonist is a pretty likeable guy. In MOTM's own words, he's spiteful and secluded (which kind of makes me eat my own words when I say likable) whereas Fluttershy is kind and worldy.

If I have a major problem with this story, it's Nocturne. There are some elements that are obviously only explained in other stories by the same author, and that's a pretty big problem in my opinion. However, it's my decision that for the majority of the story, it's easy to understand who he is and what he's doing.

However, the story is an enjoyable enough story about two different characters interracting together, and in that regard, it's quite enjoyable. It's also a very casual story that doesn't try too hard to be anything more than what it is, which is very pleasant.

If I had to describe this story, it'd be 'pleasant'. It didn't knock my socks off, and I don't feel I know enough about Nocturne to properly appreciate him, but it's a nice story with a nice moral with nice characters and nice pacing.

Reviewed Beyond Equestria

Rejecting

Mmm. Crossover... mah favourite.

This story is a crossover with something called Beyond Earth, whatever that is, and it seems to involve leaving one's planet in order to find a new one. I imagine there are some fights in there too. Here, this is done by having Equestria's sun spontaneously die, giving our heroes (minus Celestia, who decided to kick the bucket) only ten years to get into space and get out of dodge.

Well, I can't say I find the setup particularly novel, but I suppose that if the story takes it's time and treats the scenario diligently, it may well turn out to be very enjoyable.

Her idea was wild, cuckoo, crazy, completely bonkers, and so insanely stupid it just might work.

No such luck.

The first chapter is very messy: it's essentially a massive infodump designed to get us to understand how everyone got up in space. Humans were in there, too, 'cause I guess they were in the game/movie/whatever, but it's not really addressed as more than a 'hey, humans are there too'. It's highly distracting.

What else is distracting is the pacing: we start by having Celestia and Luna having tea. Then, BAM! Sun's dying. No foreshadowing, nothing. That's not the end of it either: after a tiny discussion with Celestia, Luna ends up in Ponyville a whole line later, and fast-forwards a few paragraphs and lo! Space Travel has been achieved. Absolutely no time is taken to properly introduce each element, the story almost brushes over every detail it presents. The Mane Six are all princesses now, apparently, but this is neither shown nor explored in that chapter, nor even treated as the massive bombshell it is.

The second chapter is even worse, in my opinion, because unlike the first chapter, it's actually impossible to follow. They're in spacecraft now, but they're... fighting each other? There are different ships? I have no real idea what's going on. Again, more time should have been taken to slowly introduce us to this sort of scenario instead of just rushing to the action.

We don't really see enough of the characters to get a good feel for them. Twilight's okay, I guess, when Luna was getting her to get Equestria spaceworthy. But aside from Discord, she's the only one we really get to see a fair bit of, even though others get dialogue as well (like Rainbow, Celestia, Luna, and even Scootaloo).

And don't get me started on Discord.

It started saying exterminate over and over again before Discord snapped his claws, causing it to disappear. "Don't mind him, that robot was chasing me the whole darn time while I was trolling a bipedal creature that called himself the Doctor.

Have you ever heard of subtlety? If you haven't, that's fine. It tends to be hard to notice, I'm told. Unlike this blatant reference.

There are some cases of uncomfortable phrasing and even errors in here as well, a few of which are shown here:

It was almost as if somepony had suddenly dropped a mountain on her back.

Nice try Tia, tricking me to think that you may die just because the sun ran out of juice. You have to try better than that to pull one off of me.

Tia how can this be possible.

I’d say we’ve got 10 years until the sun expends my power, 11 if we’re lucky.

I like a good challenge but this is way beyond me Princess

one so i could study them in, person

In short, this is a story that relies heavily on execution to be interesting. Spacefaring ponies is not a new concept, nor is it a particularly unique one, so it needs to have strong writing to back it up. With poor pacing, infodumps and a very hard to follow second chapter, this story does not provide adequate technical ability to back itself up. We've barely seen anything of the characters, they don't interact much outside of Discord throwing references at people, and the whole story just moves at breakneck speed.

Granted, this is the author's first story, so I don't expect it to be a work of art. My first story had absolutely horrible pacing. However, I can't in good conscience allow this into the bin.

4274010 I hoped I'd get one accepted eventually.

Thanks for the review. Again, feel free to read up on my other Nocturne stories if you want to know more about him.

4274789 Persistence pays off.

I learnt that on the first try!

4283919 Could have sworn I left someone in charge of this thread...

4286763
It apparently died. :L

4286765 He's probably just stuck on a long story. Still, It'd be best if we have at least one review here after four days worth of radio silence.

*nagging intensifies*

Imma be a stereotypical housewife for this group now. Honey! Didja rememba to press yer troosers?!

4286775 trousers? I thought that was the souffle you made for dinner with my boss tonight!

4286775
4286844

Read: Would You Do Discord?

By: NixWorld

Accepting

I'll admit I was having a hard time making the decision on this one, but in the end it met my standards. Here we have a question that has plauged shippers all around: would Celestia do Discord? Being completely honest, the title alone was enough to draw me in even though the description was at the most seven words. But I still read on, and it was quite enjoyable to say the least. one major problem was randomness. I know that it was tagged as random, and it adhered to that tag quite well if I might add, but I had to go back a few times towards the middle of the story just to make sure I didn't miss anything.

Another thing I noticed was that Twilight seemed a little out of character, not enough to turn me around no, but enough to notice. Like, we all know about Twilight's natural curiosity hell, we're like her most of the time, but I think that Twilight's respect/fear of Celestia would prevent her of asking questions geared towards sexual intercourse with the god of Chaos.

Nothing to bad that Can point out with grammar (damn I need to watch more Cinema Sins. I'm losing my nitpicky edge) except here:

This aspect suited Celestia well, specially when she took a few calm walks around the castle.

Couldn't let that slide for it caused much confusion (hm maybe I'm not losing my edge).

All in all, entertaining story with a premise that I know a lot of people can get behind, namely shippers.

Thank you for your time...

~Motm

4287919
I saw you derp. :P

It was a good derp.

4287922
Yeah, heh. Happens to the best of us

Read: Apple Surprise

By: Derpartor

Accepting

Yes, finally another breath of fresh air that has unfortunately been forgotten by the fandom. Never before have I ever though of the two most recognizable families in the Mlp universe ( so far ) to be related to each other. here we are back in Manehattan with Babs who is enjoying her lunch when she reads a letter from Apple bloom who tells her that she's gone on a road-trip to find that the Apple and Pie families are related. The moment I read that letter from Applebloom I took of my glasses and sat there processing what I had just heard. Seriously, the last time I had a mind blow like this was from Petriculture.

Okay, enough fanboying around. Like I said before a very interesting premise this was. We don't think that much about Mlp families mainly because the show very seldom highlights them. There's still that standing debate if Scootaloo was an orphan who was adopted, or just a general orphan. Anyway, here we learn that everything isn't as cut and dry as it seems to be.

Now to some strong point that made me accept this into TGB...

The title of the single chapter:

When You're Family You MAKE the Time

This speaks volumes to the story itself in the way that it's centered around the true moral: Family.

She recognised the writing on the envelope, immediately filling her with glee. It was Apple Bloom’s, no doubt.

Although "recognized" is misspelled here we have another example geared towards the main theme. Now we all saw when Babs came to Ponyville right? (yeah she became a btch) Yes she was ...initially, but in the end she turned around out of that good ol' unconditional family love.

Now I present the final strong point (don't wanna bore the hay outta you guys and gals) .

Surprise Pie. Or as most would say, light gray pegasus Pinkie with blonde hair, presents herself to Babs in a way all too familiar to all of us. The pie tackle. This was honestly a little odd for me because the author put Pinkie in Manehattan, but now she's a little filly, with the same cutie mark Sorry but that was a little unoriginal. I've seen the character that he (or she) was referring to. Actually, Surprise Pie was Pinkie in Petriculture...seeing a pattern here. But anyway it was an odd nice touch that you fixed at the end when she defended Babs from her bullies,

“So what?” Surprise said. “She’s my family, and that’s the best thing about it. She’s more fun to me than you could ever possibly be.”

Kinda reminds me of my large family

Thank you for your time...

~Motm

P.S.

They were related. They were Apples.

Apples to the core.

Although "recognized" is misspelled here

No it's not; it can be spelled with a 'z' or an 's', depending on where you live.

4288259
I've only known the American way :P...That plus it was underlined red in my spellcheck...

4288264 Overly-british british person testifies that it's true. Also, you uncouth Americans never put 'u's where they should be. And you spell 'tyre' wrong.

*sigh* do I really have to do the stereotypical british bloke bit again? It's like the third time this month...

In any case, it doesn't really matter either way. Story was accepted, after all. You just might want to bear in mind the ole' english spelling of ours, since a fair few of us are going to use it (including yours truly).

4288272
Yup, I'm studying abroad when I get into collegde

Man, been a while since we got a review in this section.

4300556 Well don't just post a comment! Use the 'reply button' to nag him!

Like so.

4288277 Yoohoo! HapHazred to Moon, and Man situated on it!

(Probs just real life, but nothing wrong with a bit of nagging, amirite?)

4300576 As long as you make it plain that while you're nagging, you do understand that real life happens and shit, as you obviously did.

4288277 Hey, come on, we're dying to see what else is awesome in the self-submission folder!

4300608 Obviously. He knows I'm just playing.

I'll have to schedule offline-time myself soon: exam revisions. Anyway, MOTM is usually pretty good about getting a few done in a week, so I'm not too worried. Even better, I'll probably be returning to this thread myself in the near future, so it should be business as usual eventually. Winter and Charles have done sterling jobs in the normal submissions thread.

4300632
Indeed. I'll keep watching the threads and reading the reviews!

4300632
4300654
Sorry guys, I'm still at school I'll do some when I get home. Been taking state mandated tests all week. They determine if I graduate highschool so no problem for me

I'll get back on soon though.

4300796 No problem. Real life does take priority.

4300796 I expected something along those lines. School and work take priority, as always. Good luck!

4300850
We finished our last today (thank goodness).

4300854 Sweet. Think you did well?

4300866
Won't know until either next week or mid May

Read: Steven Multiverse

By: Monotone Anxiety

Rejecting

Well, then this one was uh... A little bit of a throw off in terms to put it simply. There was absolutely nothing wrong with the story at all. Written well and characters were spot on, but It suffered by what most crossovers always have: based on previous knowledge...

Me, I love Steven Universe and follow the show avidly, but there are readers here who either haven't watched it, or never heard of it. Despite that it was very enjoyable to say the least. It felt like I was watching an episode except for the adult themes. I don't mind a subtle innuendo or the occasional joke ( I mean come on at least over 50% of stories on this site are mature), but openly talking about sex and all around characters that aren't depicted to be 18+ is a no no.

Speaking of characters, again nothing wrong. I love how the author keeps all of them in check, I would be lying if I said I didn't enjoy some of Amethyst's dialogue.

"Yeah, it's Steven. Let him make some waffles and gorge himself until his balls explode!"

As vulgar as she is I could imagine this happening if the show was intended for a mature audience.

The plot is a frequently used on with somewhat of a twist. Now, instead of such and such just so happening to stumble onto a portal, the Gems have actually found a 'warp pad' that can take them to different multiverses, hence the title, and of course the lovable brony gem that Steven is he wants to know if a portal could lead to Equestria.

But honestly I loved it, but if you're doing a crossover give a little info about the foreign show, game, movie etc.

Thank you for your time...

~Motm

I just wanted to be the four hundredth comment.

Later mates.

4301183 Fail. You're the 399th.

4301233

That's not what I see...

4301233

Oh, I'm the 399th reply. It's the 400th comment though.