Short Hand: Shepherd and Poison Joke · 8:36pm Aug 8th, 2021
Shepherd is in Twilight's lab again...
Shepherd: "Do we have to keep doing this, Twilight?"
Twilight: "You are literally the only human I have! The only human on this entire planet! You evolved in an ecosystem without any magic! You are completely unique!"
Shepherd: "Says the magic alicorn."
Twilight: "Well, that's not very unique on this planet! You are! So we need to examine you as you continue to adapt to our environment!"
Shepherd: sigh "Fine. Now what are we examining today?"
Twilight: "I want to see what Poison Joke does to you."
Shepherd gets up.
Shepherd: "Ohhh no! No! No! We are not-That is the stuff that makes everything go weird! How do you know it won't kill me?!"
Twilight: "I assure you. There is no indication it will be lethal to your physiology. I've tested it on some of your cells."
Shepherd: "And you want to find out what it'll do to the full enchilada? I don't think so!"
Twilight: "Please Shepherd? I went through it! I have the antidote right here. You will be fine!"
Shepherd: "Why do you want to test it on me?"
Twilight: "Because you weren't affected by it the last time! What if you run into it in the future? You need to know what happens so you can handle it!" She beamed "Besides... You are a scientist, aren't you?"
Shepherd: "I got a degree in bullshit-"
Twilight: "You know the scientific method and you wanted to be an astronaut. Well, you're an astronaut! This is for science! Call it... An adventure!"
Shepherd: "... I hate that you know my trigger button."
Twilight: "We could work together and find a few more buttons..."
Shepherd: "You're getting better at the flirting thing."
Twilight: "Is that a yes?"
Shepherd: "It's a maybe." sigh "Look, is mad science just your way of relating to others? Do I need to tie you up or-" He is sprayed with blue flowers "BWAH?! WHA-?"
Twilight: "This is the Poison Joke. Now... How do you feel?"
Shepherd: "I feel irritated, confused, and horny. I often feel this around you, actually."
Twilight: "Oh... I'm sorry about that. What else do you feel?"
Shepherd: sighs "Hungry? Irritated I will never see another Stanley Cup Playoff game? Sexually confused over your weird mad scientist domme act? I mean, is that what you're going for or-GAAAHHHHH!"
Twilight: "Shepherd! Shepherd, are you all right?!"
And Shepherd... Turns into an Earth pony.
Shepherd: "... What."
Twilight: "What?!"
Shepherd: "I'm... An Earth pony?!"
He shifts into a pegasus.
Shepherd: "A... Pegasus?!"
Then into a unicorn.
Shepherd: "Seriously?! What the fuck?!"
Twilight: "Oh... My. Um..."
Shepherd: "TWILIGHT! EXPLAIN, NOW!"
Twilight: "The Poison Joke, according to Zecora, takes your greatest strength and turns it into a weakness. What would be funniest, I guess. Since you are the only human in Equestria, you were turned into... A pony. But you're randomly switching between the tribes of pony-Even alicorn!"
Shepherd: "Oh, great. So even if I can now blend in, be part of this civilization and not an outsider, I'm still a freak. Yeah, that's funny. Bucking hilarious."
He switches back to Earth pony.
Shepherd: "I swear to God, I will find every single patch of this fucking flower and I'm gonna BURN IT ALL DOWN!"
Twilight: "Ponies have tried that before. Apparently, the effects are multiplied exponentially if the smoke from burning Poison Joke is inhaled. In a few cases, it was actually permanent...you know what, you should totally go for it!"
Well, at least he doesn't feel the pain of having his tissues regularly reconfigured. That wouldn't be funny, and would be a different continuity entirely.
5565942
"So, Shepherd, what do you think of Poison Joke now?"
"I think Estee's gonna sue somebody."
5565937
"Then it's time to get Mister Dactive a full introduction."
5566025
"Oh, of course, how silly of me. Because when I see Poison Joke, I think 'You know, this needs to be even more messed up and mutated. Why don't I introduce radiation to this magical plant, I'm sure that'll be fine!' Good thinking there, Shepherd, stay the course."
5566114
It can't get mutated when it's been converted into plasma.
Ha.