Trixie kicks a spigot · 1:17pm Mar 6th, 2021
Trixie eyed the bartender in front of her, struggling with the spigot on the cider barrel in a fruitless endeavor.
“Blasted Flim Flam tech is jammed again,” he said. "Useless bloody money grubbers, I swear one day i'll—”
Trixie said nothing but instead cocked a smile and tilted her performer's hat upward.
Watching the stallion fumble was amusing to see for a few seconds, but unfortunately, the Great and Powerful Trixie had no time to dawdle on fixable problems. Like most problems in life, sometimes a good solid kick or punch was what is needed in order to correct that problem. A problematic and very stubborn spigot certainly fit the bill for such.
"Excuse me, my kind sir," Trixie spoke up, causing the stallion to shift his glance upward.
His attention was drawn to the sight of Trixie hopping over the bar counter, before landing at his side. Landing so gracefully that it looked like she floated to the ground, the stallion found his words stuck in his throat, before he began to sputter them out.
E-excuse me, ma'am, you can't just—"
Trixie waited not for the stallion to finish his words. Instead she watched his hoof move away from the spigot, before her smile turned into a smirk. Taking aim and quickly spinning around, Trixie bucked her hindleg back and feeling all but a pinch on her chiseled hoof, she kicked the spigot cleanly off the barrel. In another quick instance, Trixie spun around again, her cape fluttering in tow as she brought her front hooves up and tilted the large barrel upwards and backwards, causing not a single drop of golden cider to spill to the ground during the whole exchange.
For a showmare like her who would venture around from town to town, whilst carrying her mobile home with her, naturally Trixie was gifted with leg strength - if not even greater - than most stallions she had run across.
She turned her eyes to the floor, focusing on the spigot she sent several meters away. There it laid sprawled in pieces, a mockery of what was once considered something of remote value. Smiling at her handy work, she looked to the stallion next, his face in disbelief while his mouth hung agape.
"M-ma'am did you just—"
Trixie cared not for what he had to say.
A flare of her horn that was hidden under her hat was all it took to silence the stallion. His eyes could see the faint glow of her magical aura surrounding her horn through the hat, before the sound of bits jiggling from the other side of the counter caught his attention. Turning his head, his already wide eyes went wider, nearly jutting out of their sockets as an almost overflowing bag of bits was floated in front of him.
"Keep the change, and make sure to invest in a new spigot my good sir," Trixie proclaimed, cutting off her magic, thus allowing the large bag to fall to the floor. "Trixie will be buying this entire barrel."
The stallion said nothing and could only bumble and stutter as dollar signs glittered in his eyes.
Trixie continued to smile, before she turned her eyes to the prize she was propping up. Looking at the hole in the casket, Trixie flared her horn, lifted the hole to her lips and began to chug as much as she could down.
Trixie care not for the many shocked eyes from the other patrons in the bar, but she felt a burst of pride when somepony began to rally a "chug, chug, chug!" chant in her favor.
She would happily oblige, giving the audience a once-in-a-life-time free show of her making the entire contents of a barrel disappear.
Hmm
Me thinks drinking heavily in these times arent too bad an idea
Realistically, Trixie would end up arrested. Bigots and hateful people will always exist. Violence just breeds hatred, in turn it creates more bigots. I don't want to live in a circular firing squad world.
Anarchy sounds fun, but society does not function if just keep going around hurting one another. A bigot's beliefs just become reinforced through violence.
5468924
Arrested? Probably. Charged? Possibly. Convicted? Unlikely. Look into the concept of anarcho-tyranny. TL;DR: the state has more laws than it can possibly enforce, so it enforces them only when it serves the rulers' purpose. Trixie bucks you? Trixie walks. You manage to withstand the hit and buck her back? They'll banish you, and throw you in a dungeon in the place they banish you to.
5468927
Yeah... in today's world. I fear you may be right.
This is true art
But who will think of the children?
5468924
I feel like I missed something here. Is the spigot a metaphor for anyone? It's just a tap on a barrel, isn't it? Is it a meme? Is it because it rhymes? Or is this one of those native speaker jokes other folks just don't get?
5468934
Trixie did. Without destroying that awful spigot, it could have poured out the entire barrel of cider to the waiting mugs of foals. But now, with no spigot, the children are safe.
5468935
Sometimes a tap is just a tap. A kick just a kick.
spigot is a fun word
Is... is this a reference to something? Like, a specific event?
5468953
Yeah, some hateful bigot who believes in killing people if they have differing opinions.
There’s a lesson here. Percussive maintenance on objects is funny. Percussive maintenance on living creatures is not.
5468954
Antone specific? I don't watch much news anymore.
5468981
It's more fimfic drama.
5468981
You know, I'm actually not sure if I could say who specifically, if that would count as encouraging people to harass someone since it's a user here and not a public figure, so I'll err on the side of caution. If you check Tiddy's latest story, on the second page of comments there, it shows up within a few comments. This all links back to a blog by said someone.
5468996
Ah, that explains why I didn't know about it. I stay away from drama, especially sociopolitical drama. I am content to sit in the back with a beer muttering, "You're all a bunch of fucking idiots."
5468975
AH, yes. The most sage advice given to me as a young M1 Abrams tank crewman:
"If all else fails, hit it with a hammer. If that fails, hit it with a bigger hammer. If that fails, call the mechanics."
5469037
The guys with the biggest hammers of them all...
5469023
Well, you're not wrong. It would have probably been better for this particular event to have not happened in the first place.
Can you imagine writing a story just to piss people off? What a world.
I've heard vaguely about this, and decided that I don't want to get caught up in it, so I shan't read this.
5469037
Luckily, I'm a mechanic.
5469262
Awesome! Then according to Army tank mechanic tradition, you should now look at my vehicle, and no matter how badly damaged or broken tell me, "Yeah, that's operator level maintenance."
5469324
I know bugger all about tanks, but in cars, the solution to weird noises is turn the radio up so you can’t hear them any more, and the problem is solved.
5470213
Was that loud crack a torsion bar snapping, or did we just hit a big pothole?
Yes.
5470222
suspension is overrated anyway. There’s a lot of parts and they aren’t all necessary.