Short Hand: Dashie 3 Alternate · 6:09am Oct 29th, 2020
Zephyr: "COME ON YOU HUMAN MOTHER BUCKER! COME ON!"
Shepherd: "... We're not doing this."
Zephyr: "Wha-COME ON! FIGHT ME!"
Shepherd: "You're holding your spear wrong. I'm not fighting you."
Zephyr: "What are you, scared?!"
Shepherd: "That's... Not the word I would choose, no."
Zephyr: "WELL COME ON THEN! FIGHT ME!"
Dash: "Zephyr, come on! I'm happy! Very happy! Don't do this!"
Zephyr: "I must! I love you too much to let you go!"
Dash: "By embarrassing me?! Really?!"
Zephyr: "Hey! I made that manly promise to marry you some day! And I'm gonna do it! And no stupid hairless monkey alien is gonna stand in the way of my hot blooded shonen determination! COME ON!"
Shepherd: takes a deep breath "Zephyr, if we just talk this out calmly and rationally-"
Zephyr: "Oh! OH! Wait! Wait, I forgot the most important part!"
He slaps Shepherd with a horseshoe, which sends Shepherd slamming hard into the ground. The colts and fillies gasp, as Chewie snarls angrily.
Shepherd very slowly sits up, and wipes the blood from his mouth. He takes a deep breath.
Shepherd: "... I'm going to break his everything."
Dash: "Shepherd, don't."
Shepherd: "I'm gonna. He is literally asking for it."
Dash: "Ugh! Look, he's an idiot but he's still Fluttershy's little brother! And she loves him! We can't just beat the crap out of him!"
Zephyr: "Come on! I wanna go out to the club with Dashie afterwards!"
Shepherd: He grabs Zephyr's spear and whacks him across the face, knocking him and several teeth out "And yet, I just did it."
Dash: "... Okay, point. But you explain it to her, not me!"
Fluttershy: flies in "Explain what? Oh my! What happened?!"
Shepherd: "Zephyr challenged me to a duel for Dash's hoof in marriage. So I knocked him out."
Fluttershy: "Oh my... He's still breathing! It's okay."
Shepherd: "... Really?"
Fluttershy: "I love him, but honestly? Challenging you to a duel? This is the best possible outcome!"
Shepherd: "Yeah. Chewie wanted to eat him."
Chewie: "GROWL!"
Shepherd: "You don't even know where he's been!"
Chewie: shrugs
- - -
So, which do you prefer?
... Yes. ...
no that doesn't quite convey my feelings.
Yes, D*** it!.
The First is Subtle, and Quiet and leaves the actual level of mayhem up to ones imagination.
The Second is descriptive, and bold with Shepherd making his point, and showing Fluttershy's support, and is telling her little brother to get a life.
Hmm maybe you combine both of them that he keeps challenging shepherd to a fight eventually he ended up falling in love with Shepherd and is a huge masochist
This is better.
Gotta admit, this is a bit better.
Chewie's shrug at the end, nice. He's like 'I've eaten worse'.
"Growl"
Shepherd: "No, you can't chew on him!"
"Growl?"
Shepherd: "No, you can't gnaw on him, either."
"Growl..."
Shepherd: "Not even if you do it softly."
Subtle reminder that yes, the two are siblings, and do have a few shared interests.
Also, as per my usual response to a binary choice, I'm pretty sure you can combine elements of both versions into a stronger whole.
This is one much better
I tend to like the first one better BUT I love the hot blooded shonen bit
this is better
I prefer the first - it fits the canonicity better -, but this one is good too.
5388633
I agree wholeheartedly. Although I do wish that there was a more violent alternative. Like Shepard grabs a 2X4 and just smacks him on the top of the head with it like hammering in a nail.
5388126
Thanks. I hate it. But unfortunately now I want to see this happen. What have you done to me!?!