Short Hand: Another Take on the Mysterious Mare Do Well · 6:15pm Oct 16th, 2020
Conversely, the Mysterious Mare-Do-Well episode might go a little differently.
Shepherd: sighs "Seriously? You're going to dress up as superheroes to put Dash in her place?"
Twilight: "She is getting really full of herself."
Pinkie: "I mean, even for me! I love her to death but wow! All that bragging!"
Shepherd: "Look, I know she's gone a little overboard lately but that's no reason to put together a zany scheme!"
Pinkie: "It isn't?"
Shepherd: "It isn't! Why don't we just talk to her about her ego being out of control?"
Twilight: "We have tried. It just didn't work. At all."
Shepherd: "Look, why don't I try? Then you'll have a brand new friendship report for Celestia."
Applejack: "Don't say we didn't warn you..."
Shepherd goes up to Rainbow Dash, who is signing autographs.
Shepherd: "Hey, Dash? Do you have a moment to talk?"
Dash: "Hm? Sure babe, Future Mr. Rainbow Dash."
Shepherd: "Future what?"
Dash: "Listen buddy, we're going to be like this just as soon as I deal with my adoring public, okay?"
Shepherd: "Dash, seriously? You can't just presume that we're going to... Whatever you think we're doing!"
Dash: "Of course we're going to get together! I'm the most amazing, incredible pegasus in the universe! You'd be stupid not to get with me! Here: Have a signed picture, just for you~!"
Shepherd: "Uh... Huh. Dash, I think your recent popularity may have gone to your head."
Dash: "What? No! No, why would you say that?"
Shepherd: "You're dictating that we're going to be together and you're being a jerk."
Dash: "I-I am totally not a jerk! I'm just that awesome! I'm beautiful, athletic, heroic-"
Shepherd: deadpan "Modest."
Dash: "Yes! I'm the most humble pegasus in Equestria! Which is why you'll totally be my coltfriend!"
Shepherd: "Uh huh. Maybe we should talk about this in private-"
Dash: "Sure we will, babe~!"
Shepherd: "Not what I meant."
Dash: "Then let's get private, and comfortable~. I'll take it slow, since you'll be with someone this incredible."
Five minutes later...
Shepherd: "Okay... So maybe she does need to be taken down a peg or two."
Rarity: "I know right?!"
Shepherd: "But we need to do this right... Especially if that costume looks like that."
Twilight: "What did you have in mind?"
Later... When a few Diamond Dogs are menacing a caravan of ponies. Dash flies up above, sees it, and grins.
Dash: "YES! Another chance to prove how awesome I am-!"
Blue smoke erupts from between the caravan of ponies and the Diamond Dogs.
???: "I AM THE TERROR, THAT FLAPS IN THE NIGHT! I AM THE OBSESSIVE ADULT FAN WHO RUINS YOUR CHILDREN'S FAVORITE SHOW! I AM THE MYSTERIOUS MARE-DO-WELL!"
A purple clad pony with a cape and hat leaps into the fray from the smoke!
Dash: "That... That introduction... It was so... So...!"
Shepherd: "Corny?"
Dash: "AWESOME! I need to get my own cool intro like that!"
Shepherd: "And to think: I came up with it off the top of my head..."
I feel like the correct answer here is to roll up said photo and smack her with it.
"No. Bad pony. Your ego's at a twelve; we need you at a five."
Still, I can always appreciate a Darkwing Duck reference.
Is this because of the upcoming DuckTales episode?
Can this joke please fall in a hole and die? Like... a deep hole... and a painful death.
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It is the kind of joke he would make though...
Rainbow's ego is way higher in this fic than it was in the episode.
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I mean, you need to put something in the middle, and you can't use any of the things he ever did. Might as well make it tangentially relevant to the topic.
Puts on a black and white Referee shirt Walks up to Dash, Drops Yellow flag, Blows Whistle. PHWEEEEET....
Begins making Sports like hand Gestures,
"UNSPORTSMAN LIKE CONDUCT: EXCESSIVE BRAGGING!"
Rainbow Dash is penalized. 100 Coolness points Removed, and sent to the Box for 2 hours. ...
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I AM THE ANNOYING LOOSE NAIL ON THE HORSESHOE OF CRIME!
I AM THE BAD REF CALL THAT KEEPS YOUR HOOFBALL TEAM OUT OF THE PLAYOFFS!
The latter was actually Rarity’s idea.
Alternate alternate ending:
Shepherd: "Dash...you're acting like Zephyr Breeze!"
Dash: "W-what? That's not true, that's impossible!"
Shepherd: "Search your feelings, you know it to be true!"
Dash: "Nooooooooooo!"
(... A Darkwing Duck reference... you win EVERYTHING.)