Hands: Entertainment · 7:53pm Dec 6th, 2019
In a field near the Everfree Forest...
Shepherd and Chewie are fighting furiously, a pitched battle of grit and sheer masculine strength! Shepherd swung his staff, extending it, but the Manticore leaped over it to try and pounce! Shepherd rolled, retracting his staff and swinging it again as hard as he could at Chewie's front paw! Chewie took the hit, but jumped forward to slash at Shepherd! His claws caught on Shepherd's shirt, and the human pulled back, his shirt coming off!
Shepherd: "GAH! Hey, Rarity's not going to like that!"
Rarity: "I'M FINE WITH IT RIGHT NOW, DEAR!"
Shepherd: "Huh?" *Gets clocked on the head by Chewie* "GAH! HEY! Chewie, time out!"
Chewie: *ROAR!*
Shepherd: "I said time out! It is NOT cheating!" *Looks at a small hill within the field of battle* "Rarity? Is that you?"
Rarity: "... Um... Noooo? I'm the ghooost of a forsaken pony maidennnn~! Your sweaty, masculine fighting has aroused-er, awakened meeee~! Ooooh~! Don't stop!"
Dash: "YEAH! Get back to the action!"
Shepherd: "And who is that?"
Rarity: "Uhh... MY SISTER GHOST! WOOOO~!"
Shepherd and Chewie exchange looks. Chewie prowls over to the hill, and grabs onto something with his teeth. He yanks it away, a gigantic cloth painted to look exactly like the hill coming away. It reveals a picnic blanket that Rarity and Dash are sitting on, with a picnic lunch.
Rarity: "Oh! Hello Shepherd! Um... That strange wailing, was it you?"
Shepherd: *Glare*
Dash: "What? It's actually kind of awesome to watch you struggle against Chewie! It's not like we're the only ones doing it!"
Shepherd: "You aren't?"
*Chewie points up at another hill. Shepherd extends his staff, and strikes something solid where there should only be sky. A gigantic screen flickers, revealing a gigantic pane of one way glass. Behind which are several bleachers filled with mares (and a few stallions) all watching him. Several Discord clones are in the bleachers, selling merchandise and snacks*
Discord: "Get your popcorn! Peanuts! Veggie dogs! Shepherd the Human body pillows!"
Mayor Mare: "Ooh! I'll take three!"
Shepherd: "DISCORRRRRRD!"
Discord: "What?! You can't let me pass up an opportunity like this!"
Shepherd: "I'D BETTER BE GETTING A GENEROUS CUT, YOU UNCREATIVE, MORALLY BANKRUPT SCHEISTER!"
Discord: *offended* "Uncreative?!"
Luna: "Pay him what he wishes, NOW RESUME THE FIGHTING! WE PAID EXTRA FOR THE MUD PIT!"
Shepherd: "... I probably should have been suspicious when it started raining on our battles every single time these last two months..."
Look on the bright side, Discord. With Shepherd getting a cut, now they're official, licensed body pillows!
Discord: And here is the winning bid on an evening with our gladiator!
Shepherd: You’re pimping me out?! Does Twilight and Fluttershy know about this?
Twilight (shouting from a different hill): That’s the bit we get to watch!
Shepherd: This town is crazy, and perverted.
The best part is? That WOULD be what gets him.
Good going, Rarity. You ruined to for everypony now.
All I'm getting from these is that ponies have incredibly dirty minds.
Asking Discord for a 'generous cut' sounds like an invitation for a 'one lump or two' routine.
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But not to scale, as life size was considered to be an eye poking hazard.
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It's also possible she was worried Shepherd was going to stop out of concern for the shirt and therefore wanted to reassure him.
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Shepard is once again in the hospital. Redheart is stitching him up once again, though her dentally dangerously gritted teeth are making it more difficult. Twilight and her friends aren't looking much happier (though their anger is slightly lessened because Shepard has his shirt off) and Fluttershy is the angriest of all. If looks could kill, nothing could stop Discord's upcoming demise.
Fluttershy lets out a little growl. "How could you do that to him?" She narrows her eyes and goes snout-to-snout to Discord. "How could you hurt him like that?!"
A sheepish smile crosses Discord's face, and a brightly lit halo appears above his head. "My dearest Fluttershy, he asked for a generous cut, and I was not in a position to refuse him, and--"
A slow, pained groan comes from the hospital bed, and the group turns to see Shepard slowly extending his middle finger to Discord. Applejack scoffed and shook her head.
"Can't say Ah disagree with him there, Discord."
Discord clicked his tongue and rolled his eyes. "Do you know what your problems are? Unlike that manticore, you have no appreciation for physical humor."
"He almost bled to death, Discord!" Twilight cried. "How is that funny?"
Discord shrugged. "Well, I suppose--"
"Gonna kill you," Redheard growled. She spit the needle out from between her teeth and grabbed some bandages. "I will kill you slowly."
"Well, I suppose that the plus here is that we get to see Shepard without his shirt on," Rarity muttered.
Shepard slung his finger out in her direction.