noise."Story Notes: Mongolian Horse Friction · 12:14am Aug 2nd, 2018
By now (’cause I’m late on the blog post), most of y’all will have noticed that neither Mongolia nor friction particularly feature in my latest offering. It’s also light on actual horses, depending on your headcanon.
There’s a reason for that.
Now, we all know that we can’t post song lyrics, because the AMA’s lawyers are like rabid sharks, except meaner. So I can’t quote Harry Chapin exactly, but in the live version of his song about 30,000 pounds of bananas he says at the end that he was debating how to end the song and decided to end it like he’d found out about it. And I took his advice to heart.
We were all standing around at Trotcon, coincidentally near the bar, and talking about ponies and research and all the other things that writers do, when someone--and I don’t remember who (EDIT: ROBCakeran53 says it was Max)--asked if I’d heard about Mongolian horse friction.
I don’t remember who all was there. Present Perfect was, and Holly Oats, and I think Uncr3at1ve, and probably other people (EDIT: Max and CaptnemoVII456 and Morning Sun). I hung out a lot with Zyrian and ROBCakeran53 (he wrote My Little Dashie, you know) and Bad Horse and Trick Question and I’m surely forgetting some.
Well, I hadn’t heard about Mongolian horse friction. It turns out that it was a way to get drugs in Kyrgyzstan: you wash thoroughly, and ride a freshly-washed horse though a field of marijuana. If you did it right, you and the horse would get coated with sweat and a substance called plastilin, which is apparently really good stuff. I’ve never tried it (neither the naked horseback riding nor the plastilin).
Overall, the first half of the story mostly wrote itself. In fact, I had nearly the whole thing done before Bronycon, with the exception of the narrator’s experiences after he licked the pony. And that’s one place where I only had the vaguest idea how to proceed; I figured I’d be falling back on normal writing tropes to write a drug scene.
Luckily, I was working on it in Quills and Sofas,* and there were lots of people willing to help me. Clockwork Mage, for one, explained the differences between LSD and marijuana in how it affects your body, Super Trampoline accused me of putting him on the spot (to be fair, I think I said “write a drug scene for me right meow”), and Zyrian reminded me what SSRI stood for (and I think that’s how marijuana doesn’t work, but I’m not 100% sure). Jake the Army Guy suggested that Cloud Chaser might taste like oatmeal (he also said something else which I mercifully didn’t put in).
I was going to say that the narrator suddenly understood quantum physics, but of course that was silly. Nobody understands that. And then I was going to say that he suddenly understood the vacuum diagram for a 1984 four-wheel drive S-10 with a 2.8L motor, but that was oddly specific.
As luck would have it, Hap was sitting right across from me, so I asked him to give me a weird mathematical theory, and the super-condensed version was Pythagoras was a bit nutty and triangles were involved, so I went with that (and there was also a theory [which Hap named and I have forgotten] EDIT: by Claude-Nicolas Ledoux) that the shape of the city architecturally made people happy. He had drawings, and so of course somebody modded a game so you can walk around in it.
That I did remember to bookmark, so here’s a walkthrough:
I think that’s the right thing, anyway. I’d imagine that the ideal city has fewer monsters, but maybe not. I need to do some more reading on the theory.
_____________________________________
*Writing on my trusty Smith Corona typewriter, of course.
Source
Also, amusingly, this blog post is 666 words long.
Edit: Also also, I should probably write a Bronycon blog post. I’ll get around to that.
Yeah, I wouldn't have been much help on this one. Not on the drug experiences, anyway. I might have been able to suggest pegasus flavors or incomprehensible mysteries, though.
Stupid '80s and their stupidly-complex vacuum systems.
Ha
Conquest is friendship eh? In the Paradox grand strategy Sci-Fi game Stellaris, there is a race called the blorg who are very lonely and very ugly and love the other races very much.So they go to space to make friend.
By force.
I think I vaguely remember that. I learnt about it in high school. But it is very very far away in my memory.
I would've gone with "And suddenly he could understand train schedule", but that an obscure reference. I tend to go with inside joke too much.
It was the one guy, who wears those hand glove things that's friends with Midnight Quill. I forget his name, but I know him when I see him. Has the glasses, and wears the black bandanna around his head. He was the one who told us about it, and then all of us, mostly me, said you had to write it or I'd make Bad Horse write it, and either that would have been amazing or awesome either way.
Deeply bemused and disturbed that 'Mongoloid Horse Licking' didn't make it into the tags on this post.
Max (Present's friend with the Fallout doohickey) was there, as well as that guy (Paul?) who drank himself into the hospital. Sunny was definitely there, too. Oh, and whoever wore that Vinyl Scratch suit
I learned something new today. Not sure I wanted to learn it... but there you go.
Numerology aside, Pythagoras was quite a nut. Or allegedly one according to stories and legends about him written down a century or two later. Few, if any firsthand accounts survive.
http://existentialcomics.com/philosopher/Pythagoras
As far as ideal cities go, I recall this famous column from several years ago.
https://www.overthinkingit.com/2012/11/08/my-little-pony-plato/
Personally, I prefer Cicero's less idealistic ideas on constitutionalism and laws for ideal society.
Claude Ledoux and his architectural ideas. You can find books on his utopian theories which go into more detail.
upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/f/fc/Chaux_-_Maison_de_surveillants_de_la_source_de_la_Loue.jpg
And yes, that's the building you explore in that video (starting at about 18:15) and, yes, it should have fewer monsters in it - ideally.
Your blog post are as entertaining (and educational) as your stories
As there is no other method to upvote a blog post - there you go: 👍
4912337
If you’ve got a list ready, I’m willing to listen. There’s every chance that a future story will feature either licking a pony, an incomprehensible mystery, or both.
I bet Pinkie Pie tastes a bit like that one flavor you’re sure that you know but can’t quite identify.
4912374
I know. I really ought to keep a copy of that, and whenever someone says that they don’t make them like they used to, give it to them.
4912401
That is pretty much what you said, as I remember.
4912402
It’s one way of doing it. Maybe not the best, but it’s certainly one way.
“Love me or perish.”
Presumably the nutshell version is that each affects different pathways in the brain, likely in different ways.
That’s not a bad one. Kids these days don’t understand timetables at all.
4912415
Yeah, Max, right? PP’s friend? Had the pip-boy on his arm one day?
4912443
Aw, man I could have. Well, I still can, I suppose.
4912482
I don’t know who it was that wore the Vinyl suit, but the other names have been added [I’m so bad at names]. Rob thinks that it was Max that suggested it and that sounds right to me.
4912582
Of course you wanted to learn it. I bet in the future if somebody asks you if you want to ride a horse naked through a field of marijuana, you’ll say yes, knowing that you will soon unlock the hidden mysteries of triangles.
4912606
It’s not like he was alone; that famous guy who invented Calculus (long may he suffer
) also was into some really weird stuff. It’s also possible that critics exaggerated some of his wackier theories (or maybe not; he could have been kind of nuts; who can say?).
I should re-read that. I read it years ago and forgot most of it.
Honestly, I think that while it’s nice to have idealistic ideas about civilization, people being people there can’t really be an ideal society, and a healthy dose of pragmatism/realism is a good idea.
EDIT: or banishments to the moon; that could keep the rabble in line.
4912636
Ah, yes, thank you! I know I wrote that down, but I’ll be damned if I remember where. Probably on a piece of paper that’s still in my backpack (which is still in my van), at a guess.
Although, thinking about it, maybe ‘be good or a monster will eat you’ is also a way to keep the rabble in line. All you need is a bunch of well-trained monsters who have an appetite for human flesh. . . .
4912835
I’m educating y’all through ponyfictions.
Thank you!
4912972
That about what I remember, yes. Now wich is wich... not so sure.
Not sure how it is in the states, but the joke came from france where the railway company have a long history of complex schedule with hair-pulling rule with not very intuitive pictograms to explain it.
From experience, neither the canadian nor the french train schedule are that bad, but finding the rigth information can be quite the adventure.
4912974
Yes, it was Max. I knew I'd recognize the name. He had the pip-boy on. He also shoved a 20 in my mug of SunWhisk because he was trying to be nice.
4913130
I should’ve remembered right away, but I think as soon as he mentioned it, my mind went right into story mode then and there.
4913130
He's spent $70 on me these past two years! Max is way too generous and there's no way I've shown him enough appreciation
Kicking myself for forgetting they're called Pip-Boys
4913163
It's decided then. We all gotta gang up on him next Trotcon and buy him Dinner. No arguments.
4913174
Yes! And we'll need to buy Present dinner as well, otherwise he won't have any fun
4913163 4913174
I’m totally on board with this plan.