• Member Since 26th Feb, 2014
  • offline last seen January 5th

kudzuhaiku


She's looking at you. Yes you. And she is judging you with her eyes. There is no escape.

More Blog Posts2119

  • 50 weeks
    It's late

    But my brain isn't quiet. I'm stoned out of my goddamn gourd. Don't worry, it is just my usual regimen of drugs. That's how I spent a lot of my time now. Wasted. Doesn't really help with the pain much, but makes it a bit more tolerable. All of my drugs cost over 5 grand a month. That's what it takes to keep me going. I'm in somewhat better shape because of all of it, and there's a few bright

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    10 comments · 1,234 views
  • 60 weeks
    Cyborgification is potentially a-go

    Finally found a doctor that didn't run screaming upon seeing my spine images and xrays. The team is coming together. Met with the neurosurgeon the other day, and he thinks I am an ideal candidate for augmentation. The transition is happening, I think. I still have to pass a psych evaluation and other steps, but I am closer now than ever. First I'll have the trial run; they'll sink electrodes into

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    33 comments · 933 views
  • 90 weeks
    Today, life changes forever.


    It's been a long, long road to get to this point. A big thank you to everyone who has been with me during this journey.

    25 comments · 991 views
  • 90 weeks
    Big changes are happening


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    35 comments · 1,231 views
  • 113 weeks
    I suppose it is time for an update

    Been meaning to this, and I've become the King of Pro-Crasty Nation. I kept wanting to report, but there was nothing to report, no good news at all, so I just... didn't. Sorry. Went a bit silent on my end. It just sorta happened.

    I finally got a lawyer willing to take up my case. After that, things started happening.

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    17 comments · 2,017 views
Jul
17th
2017

Celestia teaches Twilight Sparkle history · 3:37am Jul 17th, 2017

“—it’s funny that you should ask about that, Twilight. You see, the animosity between ponies and dragons began when one very smart dragon convinced one exceptionally dumb pony that rubbing butter all over their pelt would leave them shiny, sleek, and beautiful.” Pausing, but only to draw breath, Celestia ignored Twilight’s stupefied blank stare, she kept going. “All of a sudden, butter farmers became rather well to do, as there was a market run on butter, you see. Ponies were rubbing themselves down in butter, slathering themselves, and they were, indeed, sleek and shiny.”

Raven, sitting across the table, held up her hoof so she could snigger behind it.

“And then one day, this smart dragon shows up, and he has a fine meal of hot, buttered ponies. Self-buttered ponies. This destroyed the dairy market, you see, and I was livid. And from that point onwards, there has been some mistrust between us and the dragons.”

“Auntie,” Blueblood said, raising one fine, well-groomed eyebrow. “You forgot the part where the ponies ate bread and apples, so they would be self-stuffed when roasted.”

Comments ( 10 )

Does salivating make me a bad person?

4603886
You are not alone admittedly.

Celestia trolls the Historical Society vol25 :trollestia:

Sad part it this probably isn't a joke.

...

Eh. Sounds legit.

4603886
No, I myself salivated.

"Ooh! And don't forget about the frilly white paper booties that suddenly came into vogue at the same time!" tittered Cadance.

I'm sure Princess Celestia views the event with mixed emotions. One one hoof, so many pony deaths are very sad. On the other hoof, with all the stupid ponies dead Equestria probably had a golden age of progress and innovation for a generation or two.

"I'm back from the store like you asked, Twilight!" Seville trotted into the den where the rest of the ponies looked up expectantly. "Oh, hello. I didn't mean to interrupt."

"You're not interrupting, Seville." Princess Celestia spread one wing out and pointed to a nearby unoccupied cushion. "Have a seat. We were just talking about myths and legends."

"I have to go to the kitchen first, Your Highness." Seville sketched out a brief nod while Twilight Sparkle rose up, making frantic shushing motions with both her wings and forehooves. "You see, Twilight was out of butter, and it was on sale, so I picked up a few pounds of... Why is everypony laughing?"

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