• Member Since 1st May, 2013
  • offline last seen 41 minutes ago

Knight Breeze

Just your average gaming geek/college student. I study computer science, play pathfinder, and write stories, and have a patreon!

More Blog Posts170

  • 3 weeks
    So, good news and bad news...

    The good news is that I've gotten a new chapter ready for editing! I'm not entirely sure if this is the direction I want to take with this, but it's ready for you guys to have a look over, so have at it!

    What I Am: Chapter XXXI

    Read More

    22 comments · 289 views
  • 4 weeks
    Hello again!

    So, after sleeping on it for a little while, I came to the conclusion that I really wasn't happy with how I handled the unpublished chapter. It's been mostly rewritten, but not edited yet. If you guys aren't sick and tired of me yet, you could probably check it out. For now, I'm tired, and I'm headed off to bed. Goodnight!

    Read More

    7 comments · 103 views
  • 6 weeks
    On a roll!

    Next is about ready too! Just need to edit it!

    Not much to say about this one right now, mainly because I finished it late last night, and I'm posting this at work on my phone. At any rate, let me know what you guys think, and I'll try to get it edited and posted before the day''s out. Toodles!

    Read More

    6 comments · 142 views
  • 9 weeks
    Well, that was fast...

    Next chapter's just about ready. Not sure if I want to keep it as is, but if you want a sneak peak and want to throw your two cents in, you can take a look here:

    What I Am: Chapter XXIX

    Read More

    3 comments · 164 views
  • 11 weeks
    It's done, just needs some editing.

    Hey, guys! It's me again!

    Read More

    18 comments · 352 views

My nerves getting the better of me... · 10:23am Jul 14th, 2017

Hey, guys. I know you're all wondering where the next chapter is, and I assure you, I'm working on it. I know exactly what I want to do with this, too, so it's not a problem of not knowing what to write.

The problem is that whenever I start to write, I look at what I've written, and my brain just says: 'no... this is stupid.'

I mean, I've been planning this for a while, now, so it's not like this is going to be from the seat of my pants out of my butt sort of thing, but each time I start writing, I can't help but think that this reveal i's going to be seven levels of stupid, and just as poorly received. If you want me to let you in on it, to gage for yourselves the stupidity of the idea, let me know. I'll tell you all about it in the comments. Spoiler covered, of course.

Report Knight Breeze · 602 views · Story: What I Am · #This is stupid
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 24 )

If you want, I will give my 100% honest opinion on whether I think it is stupid or not, but knowing you, it won't be stupid at all, it just seems that way to you because you're the author and not the reader only.

4601148. Okay, here''s the deal: Alex isn't the sole survivor of the crash. One other person survived, and he has a... shall we say, vested interest in the things inside Alex''s head, and he''s been staying with Chrysalis for some time now. It's really just setup for what''s going to happen later, when the traitor faction of the Krin finally show up at Equis. And before you ask, he avoided Hazalk''s detection by removing his transmitter.

Everytime I start writing this scene, with this big reveal, I keep thinking that this is stupid, and that I haven't foreshadowed this enough. Am I second guessing myself? Or have I backed myself into a corner?

Hm... well first thing is, one of the biggest reasons (maybe, I don't fully know you obviously) is that it is a cliché idea, and people seem to have a massive aversion to cliché's. That said, while I will need to go back and read it, I honestly don't think you have foreshadowed things too well with that kind of reveal. That said, as for the concept itself, it isn't that bad of a thing. Again, it's cliché but w/e about that. If you truly feel that it isn't something that fits too well with the story and it just messes with the flow too much and it just doesn't make sense, then scrap it and the plot points that required that stuff, well just retroactively change the reasons into something else.

You're a fantastic writer and this is your world, build it as you see fit, and if you don't like it, then with a wave of your hand you can remove those bits and replace them with something that you think makes it better, you aren't written into a corner yet until you post the reveal as 100% canon. Of course even that can be fixed by just re-writing that chapter and getting rid of that plot point. But only if you're not happy with it.

4601166 what if I add something back when the changeling was interrogating the minotaur? That''s honestly the only place I can think of to add some more foreshadowing that would fit...

-shrugs- I don't know to be honest, it's really up to you. I say just keep it the way it is, and if you really really think it needs to, then add that foreshadowing, but that's not really the problem here, you could add that foreshadowing and you would almost certainly be thinking "I don't know if I want to do this with my story"

So it isn't a case of where you need to add foreshadowing, it's a case of "Do I really want this to be the direction my story goes?" If the answer is yes, then just do it. If the answer to that question is No, then you need to ask yourself, "Where DO I want to take this story? What is the end goal, and how can I best get there?"

I'm simply just a reader who greatly enjoys your works, I will follow along with whatever (metaphorical) train tracks you lay, and i'm 99% certain I will still greatly enjoy it all so long as you are certain in your destination. The path doesn't need to be certain. So long as you get to the destination that you were wanting to get to in the first place, the path can be made up of anything.

One way to deal with the lack of foreshadowing would be to do short snip flashbacks and show where they would have been and show that they happened off screen, or what this persons reactions were to all of the developments going on back at the hive. Sure, it might seem like a bit of a cheat, but it is one way to help handle it.

But like Lanafilly said, if you want to keep this plot point then write the reveal and you will find a way to make it work. Cliche's become cliche's for a reason, not because they are easy or stupid, but because they worked really well and a lot of people liked it and copied it. So since this is your story, do it how you want it and let the readers worry about their own reactions.

Eh, Chrysalis needed a reason to target Alex anyway an "alliance," with the traitor Krin makes as much sense as any. The only problem I might have with it is that Chrysalis is experienced, cunning and a master of lies and deception. She isn't going to be awed by a space alien and she isn't going to risk her hive's forces lightly. She would need serious tangible proof that the Krin survivor actually has the authority to negotiate with her in "good faith," and that his promises wont be broken the second his reinforcements run by someone of higher rank shows up.

Listen, just write. Get it out there. You might stumble on the solution while you're going. If you keep second-guessing yourself, you'll never reach the end, just push ahead, and let what happens, happen. You got a problem with something, just change it later!

Hope this helps

This is where you go and take a break for awhile

Hay dude chill just take your time man take a holiday if you need slow work is good work it all ways comes out better that way that's what I've learned

If it means anything I totally agree with what Lanafilly is saying.
So far despite your own doubts I too have loved all of this story so far and haven't found anything I find stupid in the story so far. And I have found you to be an excellent writer! :pinkiehappy:

Perhaps a break is in order? I'm sure all of us fans are perfectly fine with waiting if it means you can do your best work.


I completely agree with what Lana has said. If you don't like writing that plot point, then come up with an alternative point that you do like. I honestly think that adding another Krin character would be distracting, but I can't know for sure until I see it in the context of the full story.

On the bright side, the lack of foreshadowing gives you a lot of leeway with where you take the story at this point. You've given enough background to say "Chrysalis is interested", but you never gave any hints as to why. You could always fold that plot point back into your "Changeling history" sections. This could be anything from general animosity between the changeling groups (with Chrysalis targeting Alex simply to keep him away from her enemy, who she knows nearly worships his species), or something involving the Starswirl and Discord historical periods.

If you think Chrysalis would be too savvy to ally with a single member of the Krin species, then why not simply wait for the Krin to arrive before they become allies? You could have them work together at the 11th hour, so to speak, so that they present one final threat to the ponies et al just before the end of the fic. Example:

1. Chrysalis is thwarted in the current arc. (Maybe she attacked the hive as a target of opportunity, given the convenient presence of the ponies?) She and her hive 'go to ground' for the time being.
2. Omniscope plot progresses, with subtle reminders that Chrysalis is out there every once in a while.
3. Krin attack when the omniscope is complete/near complete. Ship(s) are forced into a landing on Equus (can't throw the sun or moon at your own planet). [Tie in the humanity and Krin science plots somehow - you can end the attacks on Earth with no influence from Alex].
4. Chrysalis comes out of the woodwork to aid the Krin attackers (you could paint her as an opportunist), before a final confrontation near the end of the fic.
5. Conclusion/Epilogue with Alex, Valerie, the Quzin, etc.

In that way, you could still have the 'bad guys' join forces before finally getting taken out at the end. Just an example- I'm sure you can find a way to fit your ideas together without too many McGuffins.

Alternatively, you could cut back to the earth for a few chapters. Or into orbit, and show us how the various powers are responding. Maybe stepping away from this might help.

4601293 That's exactly what I was going to suggest...

Yeah, for me that would be coming almost from out of nowhere.


what if I add something back when the changeling was interrogating the minotaur?

I've actually been waiting for you to elaborate on that for a long time. I don't really want to up your stress level, but I honestly think you needed a couple more scenes adding to that. Maybe something around the time of the failed assassination on Alex (cutting to Chrysalis's agents reporting the failure or something) and another 1 or 2 hints somewhere before and/or after. As it is, it's like you're pulling a Hasbro and giving the main character a brother no one has ever heard of and a hot girlfriend to sell more toys. Sure, most people have accepted by now, but boy were there some repercussions (for fandom and show staff).

Maybe they're not in an alliance. Maybe the Kirn is Chrysalis's prisoner, and they mind f***ed him to get information, and then proceeded to act in the way that they thought would put them in the best position when the invaders arrived. :trixieshiftright:


That I like. It not only makes Chrysalis her own agent rather than a pawn of another faction which feels much more appropriate for her, but it also makes the lack of foreshadowing more believable because she would want to hide her hand on that one because her knowledge advantage is most powerful when no one else knows she has it. To make things even better, this gives the opportunity to make Chrysalis a completely untrustworthy ally of necessity when the traitor Krin show up because she knows she needs to get them booted off the planet, but at the same time everyone knows that alliance is going to go out the window the moment it looks like the Krin are dealt with so you'll have plans within plans and backstabs within backstabs happening before it's really wise to do so. Admittedly having Chrysalis decide she likes being an ally is an option and would fit better with the tone of the show, but it just won't make as much sense and won't be anywhere near as much fun as the fakeout and backstabbing game so it probably makes more sense to have a rousing game of Xanatos speed chess before wrapping things up, especially since Celestia can reform Chrysalis after she captures her.

As my Grandfather once said, "Now your cookin' with gas!":ajsmug:

I think I'll probably like whatever you write, considering I can often be easy to please fan-fic wise. (That sentence was bad, but I'm too tired to try and fix it....maybe I'm easily pleased because I read late at night when I'm really tired...)

Ultimately dude, this story has a loyal fanbase. i know you know that because you were bold enough to literally spoil your own giant plot reveal to your readers because you trust them! you shouldn't feel scared of what they're going to say. if that is the way you want to take your story, we trust you to do it tactfully and artistically. but, if you decide that isn't the way you want to go, take any one of these suggestions, rework it, or come up with your own. Here's my personal opinion:
i agree with lanalilly that it is perhaps a bit too cliche. but something else you can do is to cut out the middle man. you've already had to deal with a spy on the krin ship. what if there was a second one, who had established contact with chrysalis. i don't know, i'm just spitballing here. but i wanted to help.
you should know that we love you dude. you write some of the best pony fic on this site! we believe in you!

I'm a little late to the party but hopefully I can still add something worthwhile to the discussion:
Regarding the plot twist: personally, by now I have learned to wait and see where you'll take us, trusting that it'll be good, cliché or no cliché. So did most of your current fanbase, it seems!
However, keeping in mind that you plan to publish this later (and reading the whole story at once changes how it's recieved - everything seems more abrupt, for one thing) you might still have do something about the clichédness of the reveal later - but why not worry about crossing that bridge once you come to it? Simply write the story as you planned, see how it's recieved, learn and grow as a writer, and when the time comes again - you may find you have come up with a better solution... Or came to accept this one!
Now, for what seems to be an underlying problem: Writing should be fun for you, not stressful and upsetting! Why don't you take a step back and try doing something else? Mixing things up seemed to work for you last time. Maybe finish that chapter for Nautilus Protocol that was 'quite the doozy" or, if that' s too heavy, maybe try a one-shot: one chapter's worth of pure unadulterated no-strings-attached fun? I saw such change of pace work for several authors, they returned to their main work brimming with enthusiasm!


I second this. My two most favorite tropes are Xanatos Gambits / Xanatos Speed Chess and Chekhov's Gun. I also think you could worm some Scry vs Scry and Spy vs Spy into the mix. I feel like this could be a great opportunity to expand on worldbuilding and character motivations / characterizations. It could certainly help subvert any lingering traces of flanderization with a bit of nuance. I've noticed that flanderization is a rampant problem in fanfiction, especially Crossover/HiE. Its gotten to the point where certain types of stories (I think we ALL know what genre I'm talking about) are literally more rife with flanderization and cliches than cookie cutter isekai/tensei manga. I am so grateful that your story has remained captivating and very fresh from beginning to end. Hell, even when you did lean on established tropes and played them straight, you wrote them very well. After all, using a cliche isn't bad. Being unable to adeptly apply a cliche is what's bad. For example, The Kingslayer is done to death, but smart and skilled portrayal of the trope makes for good, powerful writing, even if the portrayal is played completely straight. I like to think of it like going to a restaurant. A good dish is a good dish, even if you order the same one more than once. If the meal is well made, it will be palatable, delectable even. It doesn't need to be fancied up or have some original twist. I'm not saying you should be a Big Mac, or that you are. On the contrary, I think you're a Salisbury Steak from a 3 Michelin star establishment, with the occasional intriguing side dish thrown in on the house, and all for a reasonable price (albeit the serving wait is a bit hefty), if you catch my drift.

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!