God Squad Quickie: Fimfiction and the Questionable Father's Day Fics · 1:48am Jun 19th, 2017
Celestia stared at the computer screen in horror. "Don't let him see this!"
"No, I was thinking of completely letting him see this!" Luna said sarcastically.
"Is this really a time for your snark?" Celestia ask.
"Is it?"
"That doesn't make any sense!"
Cadence popped up between the two of them (literally... like cheek to cheek). "What ya looking at?" She gasped. "Is it porn?"
"I doubt it's porn," Chrysalis muttered from where she was seated (she'd stolen Rarity's fainting couch earlier in the day).
"Actually, it is," Luna stated.
"...seriously?" Chrysalis asked.
Cadence sniffed and wiped away a tear. "You've decided to emulate your Auntie Cadence!" She leaned closer to the screen. "Is it mare on mare clop action?"
"We're several thousand years older than you... and were technically sisters," Luna stated, shoving her back.
Shining trotted in, brow furrowed. "What's wrong? Why did I just get a magical text from Cadence about porn?"
"Isn't that what you always get?" Chyralis asked.
"This time it was a group text."
Sunset marched in, lips pursed, Discord just behind her staring at his magic phone. "Why did we get a magical text from Cadence about porn?"
"Who did you send that message too?!?" Luna demanded.
"...just a few friends?" Cadence said with a bashful smile.
~Meanwhile, in Tartarus...~
Tirek frowned. "...why would I care about mare on mare porn? I don't want to see mares."
"Heh, called it!" another damned soul shouted.
~MC~MC~MC~
"Can we forget about the porn for a moment?" Celestia complained. "We need to focus on the porn."
"I am so confused and I"m Discord."
"No, I am," Discord said, staring at Wall Breaker who'd just said that. "Get out of here." He tossed the strange guard away and turned back to Celestia. "I know it is my nature to be contradictory-"
"Heh... dicktory," Cadence giggled.
"-but what are you going on about?"
Celestia sighed. "Luna was checking to see if defender2222 had updated our story-"
Luna huffed. "He hasn't, by the way. I think he's working on a Downton Abbey story... that man is so weird!"
"-when she noticed what was in the 'Featured Box' on FIMfiction... on father's day." Celestia turned the laptop for them all to see.
"...that... is a lot of underage incest sex stories," Shining said bluntly.
"Can we go read the Downton Abbey fic instead?" Sunset pleaded.
"I like Thomas myself," Discord said.
"Really?" Chrysalis said. "I prefer Lady Mary."
"Can we focus!" Celestia exclaimed. "We need to worry about what Tydal will do when he sees this."
Shining's eyes went to pinpricks. "Oh by the Maker."
Chrysalis swallowed. "He's protective of children..."
"..and takes being a father very seriously..." Sunset continued.
"...so seeing this will trigger him... twice," Celestia said. "And father... when triggered..."
"...tends to murder things," Luna finished. "More often than usual. We need to find him, get Shining to deny him just to be safe, then distract him until new stories pop up-"
BZZZZZ! BZZZZ!
Sunset slowly lifted up her phone. "...Cadence... why did you send a GROUP MESSAGE ABOUT UNDERAGE INCEST PORN TO EVERYONE IN YOUR CONTACT LIST?!?!"
"...god damn it Nappa?" Cadence said weakly.
"Maybe... maybe we are doubting him for no reason?" Shining asked weakly.
~Meanwhile...~
"Mr. Sandman," Tydal sang, his eyes unfocused and a strange, almost delirous smile on his face, "bring me a dream. Make him the cutest that I've ever seen..." he slowly lifted up the can of gasoline and splashed it on some readers of certain underage incest sex stories who he'd hogtied and gagged. "Give him two lips, like roses and clovers. And tell him that his lonesome nights are over-"
The door to the room where Tydal was doing this burst open and Mary Sue, the goddess of fan fics stepped in.
"...underage incest clop fics on Father's Day?"
Tydal merely tilted his head, his deranged smile growing all the bigger.
Mary Sue shrugged and tossed him a book of matches.
"MMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed the tied up readers.
THE GOD SQUAD AND DEFENDER2222 WOULD LIKE TO WISH ALL FATHER'S OUT THERE A HAPPY FATHER'S DAY. AND TO ALL YOU KIDS... SPEND TIME WITH YOUR DADS AND DON'T READ UNDERAGE INCEST SEX STORIES.
OR TYDAL WILL MURDER YOU
Tydal? Can I help? I'll bring the napalm.
Ha hah ha haha hahhaha!!! On a another note Happy Father's Day defender2222!!
I am at a genuine loss as to WHY foalcon fics are even still a thing. Doubly so if it's incest foalcon. I'd go on a whole rant about how wrong and how much of a bad idea it is, but I don't feel like it'd accomplish anything.
For some reason it would make more sense to burn the authors
See this is why you should never turn the Mature thingy on. Or at least keep some bleach handy
Gotta make it both the readers and the authors.
Ah yes, the reason I ignore the feature box.
Wait, are you really writing Downton Abbey fanfic? Outrageous! I demand a link.
4576181
Yes I am, though I haven't put it up yet as I want to get a bunch of chapters locked in before I begin posting it.
The story is called 'Authors of Our Own Fate' and the premise is this: One moment Matthew Crawley is dying, crushed and mangled as his card careens off the road. The next he waking up 9 years in the past, before Downton, before the War, and before Mary. Many wonder what they would do if given a second chance; Matthew gets to actually try.
The story is my take on a time travel fic, as it were. Matthew's soul returns to his younger body the day the news arrived about the Titanic sinking and quickly realizes that, with his future knowledge, he can prevent so many things. He can stop Kamel from forcing Mary to sleep with him, he can save Sybil's life, he can prevent Robert from bankrupting Downton...
Thus we get to see how Downton handles a confident, determined Matthew who is armed with future knowledge and is ready to forget about being noble and be selfish for once and take what he wants... named his love, his life, and his family.
I actually have a few story ideas. I am trying to get Rap541 to do a time travel/groundhog's day story where Mary keeps reliving her life trying to get her and Matthew a happy ending but it goes hilarious wrong each time (including one run where Matthew marries the Dowager Countess and Robert is giddy he has a new daddy). Another idea is a dark drama AU. In that Mary, after her first season, is sexually assaulted by several powerful men and when she attempts to tell her father he doesn't believe her and sends her to America. She is found by Matthew, at this point just a lawyer, and the two decide to seek revenge. Matthew takes the name Marcus Dumas while Mary chooses Irene (after Irene Adler) and they using their combined knowledge and skill to rob one Earl blind and then take control of the estate Carlise wanted to buy back in Season 2. We then get a Count of Monte Cristo as 'Marcus' and 'Irene' wage a secret war for revenge while also seeking to protect the few still on their side. Anna would have come with Mary and being her ally while it would be revealed that Bates was found by Matthew early on and is his spy in Downton.
The final story idea is just goofy fun, much like the God Squad. Inspired by one of my top 5 favorite films, the Mark of Zorro, this would see an AU where Matthew's father was killed by a rich duke and this caused Matthew to become a socialist. He becomes friends with Tom Branson and the two decide to work together, with Matthew becoming a Zorro-like hero who robs from estates and gives the money to the poor. When they arrive in Downton, however, things get complicated when the two fall in love with the Crawley sisters... and gets even more complicated when the two (dressed in their outlaw costumes), meet a pair of Robin Hood-like female thieves who just happen to sound like Sybil and Mary...
4576846 I'm not one for dark drama myself, but that time travel story sounds awesome. I loved Matthew, and I hate that he was written out of the show early. Though I feel like his first priority would be trying to stop the assassination of Archduke Ferdinand in Serbia to prevent WW1.
4576897
One of the main points of the story will be that one man can only do so much. Matthew realizes that, while he would love to stop WWI, it will never happen. That there are too many petty forces trying to bring it about (and this is true. People point to the duke's death as the reason for the war but it is more like the excuse. Germany always wanted a war, wanted to prove itself against England and France, and the duke's death was their way to do it).
A common repeating thing Matthew thinks is this: If it comes between the world and my family I shall choose the latter. My plan is that Matthew is going to use the 2 years before the war to make friends, via Downton dinner parties and the London Season, with the highest members of Britian's military, and then use that influence to get himself a cushy job in London for the entire war (he will be part of the supplies department and be in charge of making sure companies live up to the contracts set with them, using his knowledge as a lawyer). He will also use this job to attempt to save Thomas (who, though not truly shown in the show, I say he has a decent relationship with as Thomas never went out of his way to hurt Matthew and we know that after he died Thomas was very loving of Matthew's son, just as he was with Sybbie) and William by getting them jobs as his staff.
But that doesn't mean they will agree. As another aspect is that sometimes you can't fight fate and sometimes he alter it. For example, Matthew getting his cushy job will see him, for a few chapters, alienated from Robert who sees him as a coward (as Robert believes 'oh, the honor of our house demands you fight!', not realizing just how hellish WWI was).
4576995 You're right of course, no human being could have prevented WW1 by 1912, let alone some random English lawyer. I would just expect Matthew to at least attempt to do something before he realizes it's impossible. And I would love to see a Thomas redemption arc.
4577768
One of the things I am doing with the story (finishing CHapter 7 now) is expanding on the show and showing things we never saw. For example, i say that, about once a month, Matthew and Thomas would secretly meet in the library and drink Robert's liquor and discuss the war, as they are the only two who truly understand the horrors of it. During this Matthew found out that Thomas hurt himself on purpose but he doesn't judge him and admits he wishes he'd thought of that.
4582229 I remember that was such a powerful scene, Thomas holding his hand up above the barricades and trembling the whole time.
Tydal says he wants a flamethrower.
Tydal says what?!