Present Perfect vs. The Moonstone Cup · 5:27pm Dec 15th, 2016
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Going into this, there were only two stories of Cyanide's I haven't read: Hexonxonx, which will never be finished cuz he ded, and The Moonstone Cup. Well, now that number's down to one. :B
The Moonstone Cup is a much-beloved classic. I thought it was going to be that one fic about racing that I could never get into, but instead it reminded me more of Of Mares and Magic, being as it is about a magic tournament and featuring Trixie prominently. (Thanks to Chris for figuring that out for me!) Did I get into it after all? Read below to find out! Spoilers of course will be happen, but I always imagine I'm the last to read these.
(Brought to you, of course, by Raven Feathers. Here's another by immunetogravity57)
So yes, Moonstone Cup is the story of Twilight being invited to participate in a highly prestigious magicians' tournament that's been around for hundreds of years and serves as a way for the various species that populate Equestria to maintain peaceful relations while still getting to beat the crap out of each other. I think there were more species suggested than just these, but major opponents include a griffin, a dragon, and a "ghul". (More on those in a bit.)
And this gets off to a really good start, tossing Twilight into the tournament with just enough fanfare to sell how important it is. Twilight, in perfect season 2 style, isn't too confident about her chances, figuring she's got the best shot at winning the Young Adult competition. (An aside: I love how the tournament is divided by age category: Young Adult, "Experienced", and "Literally Over 100 Years Old".) Her friends of course are there to support and cheer her on.
Even more so, the mane six, and Twilight especially, have to deal with being celebrities. It's always nice to see, and in this story, it was quite a lot of fun, given the ridiculous epic rumors swirling about her, everything from "she's an alicorn from Manehattan" to "she's Celestia's secret lovechild". It was great watching her wade through crowds and do her best to quash hearsay that refuses to die.
Also good were the battles themselves. I find myself growing tired of lengthy action sequences in stories, mostly because of the similarity of their narrative purpose to that of lengthy sex scenes, but Moonstone Cup's really delivered. Which is good, because there are quite a few of them and they're a major focus of the fic overall. I'm not entirely sure what caused them to be so successful, but I would point to a solid, comprehensive and ultimately interesting magic system as at least a factor.
But unfortunately, it was during one of these sequences — I think it was the battle with Trixie, about a third of the way through the story — that I stopped being quite so enthralled with the whole thing. You hit these breaking points all the time in longfics, and they're almost always disappointing. I can't point to what, specifically changed my mind, but I went from being really impressed by everything to noticing all the myriad errors in the writing. LUS was present in large amounts, word choice was often weak, and oh my god, the close repetition drove me up the wall.
It's likely no coincidence that, after that point, the story starts ramping up and up, continually trying to increase the epic quotient, until the action in the finale has hit ridiculously epic proportions, emphasis on 'ridiculous'. If there's any one thing that I dislike about this story, it's the way it shifts tonally from "Twilight participates in a magic tournament" to suddenly "Twilight has to save Equestria from a giant, angry dragon". Aspects of the political issues, for instance, are present in the first half — the dragon queen's animosity toward Princess Luna is mentioned numerous times — but when it all of a sudden becomes the focus and impetus for the action moving forward, I hope I could be forgiven for wondering when I started reading a completely new story.
I praised the magic system earlier, but it was actually a particular spell that caused me the most grief: Twilight's wings. During the pre-trial portion of the tournament, Twilight passes the "personal augmentation" section by casting the "gossamer and morning dew" wings from Sonic Rainboom on herself. She then keeps them for the entire tournament. For starters, this seems implausible, the damn things dissolve in bright sunlight. Near the very end of the story, this implausibility is brought up as a major point of the story, but since it's never addressed before then, it seems like an inconsistency. But even disregarding that, I had to wonder, why would they let a participant keep a spell active on themselves throughout the tournament? Twilight gets a major advantage from being able to go airborne; even if she cast it on herself at the start of each match, it would have been less breaking of disbelief. The question isn't raised until right before the final match, and the answer given is, "Oh, I guess they allow preparation." It seemed like lame hand-waving.
Let me talk about that final match. Twilight's various final matches are against Trixie for the Young Adult section, against a dragon in the semifinals (which might be the most interesting fight of the story, given what he's capable of doing), and then against a giant wolf for the finals.
What is it with old fics and giant, talking wolves?
Amarok (major points for that name) is built up well, even though he's only mentioned the chapter before the match begins. He's thousands of years old, ruler of the frozen north (this is pre-Crystal Empire, remember), shows up every now and then for the tournament, and always wins. Even better, when we actually get to see him in the flesh, he lives up to the hype: he's willing to use his predatory nature to unnerve his opponents, while being a perfectly reasonable person underneath.
His powers, by the way, are basically "do whatever". And my complaint is that that's exactly how Twilight beats him.
In her first match of the actual tournament, Twilight is hit with an enervation spell right off the bat. The goal is to knock your opponent out without actually injuring them, so draining their magic power is a good way to do just that quickly. She shakes it off, of course, but decides it's a good idea and starts employing it in her future matches. Interestingly, using the spell, draining her opponent's energy, also gives her something like their personality, memories, or just mindset. The stronger the opponent she drains, the crazier she becomes.
Her preparation against Amarok, because she knows that draining him directly might actually kill her, involves draining strength from each of her friends (and points for including Spike in this). This leaves her more or less schizophrenic as each of her friends' personalities repeatedly intrude on her thoughts, but it also gives her alicorn-level magical ability, if not more. The climax of the fight involves her having a mental powwow with all six of her friends (again, points for Spike!), then summoning six clones of herself, each with one of her friends' colors. And the whole time, I'm sitting there going, what is this? Why is this happening? What am I actually witnessing? And then she does whatever, pulls a draw with Amarok (which everyone is extremely impressed by), and finally wins by a hair.
Because this is a story about how Twilight is the most powerful being in Equestria. That nonsense came from her having the energy of five ponies and a baby dragon, but even without that, it's revealed that she can use magic without casting spells. At the end, Celestia pulls a Sunny Skies All Day Long so she can go mentor Twilight in her "new abilities". And these abilities are never enumerated. I mean, when listening to audiobooks, I can sometimes space out and miss things, but I was on the edge of my seat waiting for someone to explain just what the hell had happened, and no one ever does. And this, perhaps, is the most infuriating part of The Moonstone Cup.
With plot out of the way, let's talk characters. In general? Good. Twilight gains some self-confidence over the course of the story, but never enough to be unbelievable. Most of her friends are just there for support and background, and to be honest, the story is at its worst when it's focused on them sitting around talking; far too many conversations drag on past the point where they should have ended. I praised Pinkie's writing early on, but just as often she's too random. Applejack has a level head, Rarity does nothing in particular, Fluttershy has a surprising turn nursing Trixie, and Rainbow Dash is written just fine, except for the one part where she and Twilight just start yelling at each other for no apparent reason. I have no idea why that happened.
The Princesses are both written well, meanwhile (hooray for protective Momlestia!), and their co-judges for the tournament are interesting. The Ghul King, Hadalsanan al-Dhi'b, has the whole "wizened badass" thing going on. Ghuls in general have a very intriguing society in this story. The Arabic-sounding names suggest an awful lot by themselves, and the fact that Diamond Dogs are an offshoot, described as 'animalistic', feels like wishing canon were nicer, but nevertheless cleanly explains why the other dogs in the story are more civilized.
Unfortunately, Hadalsanan's entire role in the story is to explain this to Twilight and then do more or less nothing else. Here's a quote directly from my notes:
Wow, so we just stopped the story for a huge, if interesting, infodump, and it was depressing. D: I hope this becomes important later on.
It doesn't. Moreover, I was disappointed that there wasn't more variety in how the various species cast spells. Ghuls use gemstones, which is cool, but griffins just scream (I guess they're incantations in their native language?) and dragons just, uh… dragon. :B
Speaking of, the dragon queen, Najstariot, is meanwhile more intriguing, yet every bit as disappointing. She spends most of the tournament keeping her eye on Twilight, and when Luna explains their history, it's obvious why. But Najstariot ends up being the 'villain' of the piece, if you want to call her that, and I was rather disappointed that her motivation was just fear borne from mistrust and the fact that she lives in the past. She comes off as an idiot. Like I said, things with her in the finale just ramp up really quickly for no apparent reason. (If you suspect someone of being not who they are, and specifically of hiding who they are, asking them "Who are you?" is a lesson in futility.) She just kind of has a tantrum and gets huge and burny, and then Twilight has to put her down.
On that note, I was really upset that no one comments on what the repercussions of her state at the end of the story are.
On the plus side, Twilight's second opponent, Lady Gianna the griffin, is a hoot. She's like a more mature, yet still irrepressible Gabby, years before we would see her on the screen. I loved that she made friends with Twilight, fought her, lost, and they were still friends. Her best scene comes near the end, as she's pledging her meager forces to Celestia's aid, and Celestia has to help her remember the speech she's giving. It was precious.
Of course, the actual best scene — and most of the worst ones — comes from Trixie.
Trixie in this story is oddly competent, cast as a legitimate rival to Twilight. I thought this was strange, but I honestly had no trouble buying it; if anything, after season six, I found it hard to go back to a mindset where Trixie was absolutely not anyone's friend. But yes, her portion of the summoning pre-trial was imaginative (on her part) and hilarious, and I loved it far more than Chris did. :V Also, she ships Rarijack.
Unfortunately, a notable portion of this story revolves around Trixie's "sidestory". I've never read a longfic with interludes before, though I know quite a few use them. If this is an example of how they're used, I may start avoiding any that have them. The side stories are told in first person from Trixie's POV, and almost never add anything to the story on the whole. She spends the whole time just recapping events, and while it's nice seeing something like the match with Amarok from the outside, knowing exactly what happened isn't entirely necessary (and still doesn't explain anything, since Trixie herself has no idea what's going on). But her scenes are constantly redundant, not to mention very "poor, pathetic Trixie" as she rants against how Twilight ruined her life, resents the latter's concern over her well-being, and cries a lot. If you took her out of the story after she loses to Twilight, you would lose nothing beyond Twilight's preparation against Amarok, which she could just as easily accomplish on her own. (And then you wouldn't have Rainbow Dash yelling at her for no reason!)
There's some other stuff in here, like a pre-S4 mention of Tirek that was cool if pointless, some drama caused by differences in how griffins and ponies view their dead, and the cup itself, which is really cool. Mostly, throughout the second half, after a major plot point would wrap up, I would keep saying to myself, "Okay, we're done with X, how are there this many chapters left?" Also, the final confrontation just left me scratching my head, as nothing that happens is ever explained.
Lastly, this ends on a pair of very weird notes. First, the end of the "actual" story (i.e., the numbered chapters) is Twilight going to visit her parents because she hadn't had any time to do that while the tournament was running. It's odd both because it's so quiet and not epic compared to the rest of the story, and also because Twilight missing her parents is hardly a focus of the piece. The actual epilogue, then, involves Luna visiting a hidden cemetery near the palace that Celestia takes Twilight to earlier in the story, and having an imagined conversation with the aforementioned Tirek, wherein she forgives him. Again, her relationship to him was mentioned a few times throughout the story, but never a focus. I just have no idea why these were the plot threads that got the final resolution.
When reviewers get into these old classics and end up being disappointed by them, you get a sense from the reviews of "Ha, you fools! You were duped into liking this garbage fic, but I know better!" With Moonstone Cup, I want to state that's not the case. There is a lot to like about this story, it's worth remembering and cherishing, even if it isn't consistently good all the way through. So don't feel bad if you like it, is my point. :) I'd rather read something like this than, say My Roommate Is a Vampire.
3/5
Flawed, but rightly beloved.
And I have no plans for the next big review! With any luck, it'll be Well of Pirene. No one hold your breath. ;_;
Funny, I always saw the whole "Trixie is Twilight's evil counterpart" as a fairly common trope in Season 1-2 fics. It always bugged me because the whole point of Boast Busters is how much more powerful Twilight is, and how Trixie's magic is basically just stage illusions.
>tfw senpai will never notice my long story...
I remember being a lot more tolerant of this story when it came out. I think it was because it filled a niche in fanfiction at the time that hadn't been explored too much (Of Mares and Magic, as you mentioned, is the closest in comparison). I also read this as it was coming out, so many of the plot points that annoyed you didn't bother me since I ended up forgetting about them by the time the next chapter came out.
Yep, back in season 2 years, before Sunset Shimmer and Starlight Glimmer, Trixie was the go-to rival for Twilight. The back and forth the fans had about their respective power levels appeared to never end. Looking back, it's cute to think we thought Trixie could hang with Twilight, but back then many were convinced that Trixie very well could. It was either that or coming up with an original character and I'm pretty sure that pony would have been called Mary Sue before the name could be fully said aloud.
I'm pretty sure the author said in a comment or blog post that he planned on doing sequels to this. That would explain some of the world building that came and went. Doesn't help the story in a self-contained sense, though.
Nostalgia plays a big part in my memories for this. I should read it over again to see how it holds up now. Not sure I'm going to like the results.
Stopped reading this after chapter 6, looks like that was the right decision, although it did have some cool ideas.
It's unsurprising that you only became bothered by the technical flaws after your interest in the story started to wane.
I've come to realize that I will forgive darn near anything as long as the plot is engaging. It takes the literary equivalent of a brick wall to pull me out of an otherwise gripping story. When I come across a great story that also has polished technical aspects, lovely language, clever word-play and metaphor, etc. it's always a treat. But all those flourishes can't save a piece with a bad plot... or one without a plot at all.[1]
So, I really appreciate that your review mentions the mechanical flaws once, and then lets them go. The analysis of the story is much more important (to me) than a recitation of literary misdemeanors.
I read The Moonstone Cup years ago as it came out and loved it. But I'm fairly certain that my high approval was a result of the time when there were so few good pony fics and I was rabidly desperate for anything pony related. I think it's still got a good story at it's core and some excellent (if now jossed) worldbuilding.
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[1] I'm looking at you Atlantic and The New Yorker.
I think we're on the same page with this one. Was it good? Yeah. Was it great? Eeeh...
Haven't read most of the post yet, but I bet Of Mares and Magic is the story I had mentally blended a bit with The Moonstone Cup until I listened to the audiobook of the latter a couple months back. So thanks for reminding me of it (I vaguely remember liking it way back when), especially since it's not like I'd ever stumble on it in Fimfic.
...Though apparently it got some people pretty salty, if one of the comments from EQD's Sweetie Chronicles page, "Of Mares and Magic is now redeemed, that's how good this fic is," is at all representative.
I'd rather read a lot of things than MRiaV...
I read The Moonstone Cup ages and ages ago and really liked it: I apparently said that it had "perhaps the best use of Trixie I've ever seen in a fic" -- though I doubt I'd hold to that view today. Reading your review, a lot of stuff I'd forgotten came back to me and was generally remembered with an "oh yeah" of the smiley kind rather than the groany kind. That was a plus. My guess is that I'd probably rate it about the same as you if I re-read it -- but I don't quite have the motivation to do so.
I agree that it's a rightfully beloved flawed gem, and I also agree that it's silly that Trixie was ever Twilight's rival, even though that was ridiculously popular back then. There was no "rivalry" on anyone's part but Trixie's; in both early episodes Twilight is more flustered and distressed than outright angry at Trixie for anything.
Trixie is a terrible magic wielder, and is only good at illusion magic because that's her special talent. But that's the whole point of her character. She's a blowhard who is at her most entertaining when she royally sucks at what she's doing, but still thinks she's the best at it, a la both Magic Duel and Boast Busters. The point of her existence is to show that you shouldn't be prideful and boast about things you can't do, and also not to be bitter when those lies are shown for what they are. She could only match Twilight by harnessing an evil artifact for pony's sake. That Twilight only thought of her as a slightly more annoying than usual inconvenience was pretty obvious.
But that doesn't fit the "slap slap kiss" of a true rivalry, so bronies ignore that.
Hmmm, can't really agree, I found the story to be simply amazing. Yeah I noticed most of the things you called the story out on, like all the random plot threads that don't go anywhere, or some stuff you didn't mention, like how the set up for the tourney makes no damn sense at all. Participants get their invitations and are officially told they can compete, the day the thing starts? Why would the invitation even both asking them to RSVP and say how many guests they are bringing if that's the case? That bit, really did not work logically. Everything else... beautiful. Even those tangents, yeah they kind of went nowhere, but they all made sense within the context of the world. They all felt natural, part of things, made it feel like a large world then only what was within the Narrative.
The Trixie interludes, it's always fun seeing things from a different PoV and those sections, while not needed, were fun enough in their own right, and did a great job showing Trixie's development. Really the one plot thread that went nowhere I am a bit "Can we please get an answer?" and left most baffled by was the whole thing about Trixie's nullification spell and how weird and dark it felt to Twilight, like there was something wrong, was figuring it was kind of hinting at how she got so strong, went and learned some dark magic of some kind etc... but oh well. Still Trixie's bits worked, and did give us a phenomenal bit from Celestia as she tries to help Trixie out, without making it seem like pure charity. Letting Trixie keep her dignity, more trying to help show Trixie how to help herself and giving her just a bit of help to get started then an outright hoof-out. She really does care for all her little ponies.
I'm not sure what the issue you had with Najstariot was, I loved her, and fully understood just why she was acting like she was. Yes it wasn't rational, yes she was fully wrong, but that was the point. And the bit with "Tirak" explained why she was acting like she was. She was an antagonist, but I really can't see her as a 'villain'. Good point about how this really should have had massive political repercussions that weren't brought up, but given how quick it all went.. likely not something Twilight would be confronted with right away.
And yes the actual magical duels were the high point of the story, They worked because, as you said, they were well written, energetic, and made clear what was going on, while bringing in interesting new ideas about magic that make sense for the verse. On top of that, is that the main challenge for Twilight was thinking her way out, not just "Hit harder" it was her problem solving, trying to use her brains and wit to out fight her opponent, and also by giving each battle it's own unique take and style.
Okay, can go on and on and.. oh wait...I already have Short version, yes this is a story with some flaws, but I'd say that the good parts far, far outweigh any of them, capped by some moments that were simply so amazing, the highest point being.
And, I'd actually have loved if this were the season 3 opener, it feels natural, would fit well with a few tweaks, and would have made one hell of a lead up for Twi's whole ascension.
Also agreeing with 4341081 Story matters far far more then writing. I'd rather a story with poor technical writing and mistakes, then a well written, polished story that.. simply does not work or is about stuff that makes no sense, or is outright detrimental to the setting. (Looking at you It's a Dangerous Buisness)
Oh right.. still don't get the whole issue with LUS at all, it makes sense.. my only issue is how much more pretentious "lavender" sounds the just saying "purple" if you keep using it.
It's been a very long time since I read this story, but I feel reasonably confident that it is almost certainly probably latent sexual tension that finally boiled over. Maybe.
4341917
Maybe it was a metaphor for them fighting over Applejack. :V
4341943
So your point is in this story the entire Mane Six wants Applejack? (Sure, no definite signs from Pinkie or Fluttershy, but if you already have Trixie shipping Rarity with her and the other two fighting...)
4342939
I'm okay with this.
Especially since she'll never figure it out. :V