What do you like and not like about Aftermath? · 5:49pm Sep 17th, 2016
Before I head into the final three chapters of the story, I've decided to ask the question of what people liked and didn't like about Aftermath of A Fallen Star. I knew Aftermath was a big risk to take, especially since there have been questions on where I'm taking this story and the actions I have had for characters, but I think I'm proud mostly of what I have done with this story. Yes, there are flaws, I'm not saying this story is perfect by any means, but I think overall it did great.
Of course, the biggest thing will be to top it, which is what I want to do with the next story in the AssassinationsVerse, Ragnarok of Equestria. This is a story I want to make in an epic, adventure, story with deep character themes and growth. In order to make sure I do that right, I'm most likely going to take a full YEAR to plan out the story before even writing the first chapter. I want it to be that good. That being said, I wanna get my fans, all my fans, about what they liked and didn't like about Aftermath of A Fallen Star.
This way I know what to avoid in my next fanfic.
Now before anybody asks, I don't know if I will make changes to the chapters based on what people say they didn't like about it. I highly doubt it, but you never know.
So go on and say what you liked and didn't like.
I think what I liked is seeing everypony's reaction to the assassination, and how it affected them. As well as what they were doing to either honor Twilight's legacy, or in the case of her detractors bury it.
What I didn't like, is how the conspiracy to kill Twilight evolved. It started off as a fairly believeable scheme that slipped past the radar of Celestia and Luna, but as time went on it slowly morphed into something that in order to be carried out required everyone to hold the idiot ball to an unbelieveable extent. Luna esepcially, she outright admitted she could've done anything than other send a double agent (who should've known Amadeus enough to know defecting would mean nothing), and Twilight would've lived. And yet she won't even take the life of Amadeus or his daughter, simply because she claims the moral high ground, knowing full well that Amadeus will raise his daughter to start war with Equestria, and that by sparing him and/or his child, she is dooming millions of innocent Equestrians to die. Not even sicking the Tantibus on him helps, because for someone who threw his own son and wife under the bus for the sake of his ambitions, it's clear Amadeus feels nothing.
I liked a lot of this story. It showed various bits of everyone that helped fill in gaps of what happened after Twilight's death, and in some cases before her death. We see things we never would have suspected, and the really important ones lead up to Ragnarok.
I guess if you really want us to put down what we don't like, I'd say one of the only complaints I can make is how we didn't hear much from a lot of background characters fans like. We hear a lot from secondary characters and family members of the mane cast, but not a lot of fan favorite background characters got to voice their own story. Like for example I know Derpy was requested for a chapter but she never got one. I think you once said that it would be explained how time travel couldn't save Twilight but it wasn't really explored.
Overall however, I enjoyed this story and look forward to its final chapter and the next installment. I hope that all of the storylines we covered in this story will have their continuations and or conclusion shown in Ragnarok.
Hm... where to start? Okay here's a starting place. Your villains are all too good at getting what they want to the point at times I hardly enjoy what their punishment is. You seem to have a thing for wanting to make the world a completely shitty place where the good guys don't seem to be doing much and what they do manage to get out it hardly changes anything and they're hollow victories at best and I have almost felt LITERAL depression just reading it. Twilight and her friends accomplishments? Pointless. Twilight becoming Princess and trying to help Equestria? Pfft. She'd have to be every bit as ruthless as her opposition who are consisted of very powerful and influential arrogant politics who'd save their own skin over doing the right thing. To be frank? I think your world is a perfect example of why most people typically avoid doing dark stories because there's always a limit to how dark before people start becoming dull to the sense of fear and depression.
What bugs me the most is the fact that it seems that Amadeus seems to get away with everything. Yes it is nessary for your next story, but at some point karma should come calling and it wants interest. He is a mustache twirling villain not a Stalin. So please make Majesty and her beau competent and firm believers in the Evil Overlord List. Make us believe there is very likely that they can win and it not be DEM.
My only thing that I don't like about Aftermath is the waiting time for new Chapters.
What got me into this universe was the initial Assasination of Twilight Sparkle.
Then you took an idea, ran with it made a sequel that fleshed out the world this story took place in.
And now you have another storyverse, one that focus on deep story and realism
The only things I can nick pick about is how Luna was handled.
The way she says how she was disgusted with herself in the last chapter was something that I have seen in almost every protayal of her.
I understand how Luna regrets her past its part of her character, but fact that it feels like self pity is something I have grown tired of seeing.
Personal I have grown tried of seeing redeemed characters Pity themselves instead of just moving on and forgiving themselves.
But that's just me
Overall I like how this story has elicited emotional response from me, it shows how well written it is
Wait, wait. Does this mean the story's done? 'Cause it sounds like you're implying the story's done. I haven't been reading it specifically because I've been waiting for it to be done. Is it finally safe to add this to my short list?
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It's three chapters away from done
My main gripe is, to borrow a Trope, the Karma Houdini. Someone getting away scott free with doing terrible deeds. For all Amadeus has done, he's nearing his endgame with those who CAN do something to him unable to- physically, or mentally.
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Su-weet! You have no idea how happy I am to hear that.
I liked seeing everypony's reaction, but I hate how Amadeus basically has immunity to everything. It would be really nice to give him a punishment so vile, so horrific that death and banishment are considered to be mercy. Luna's chapter shows that he feels nothing whatsoever and I doubt that throwing him into a black hole or blotting his bloodline from history will solve anything.
Amadeus getting away.
Plus ignorance & willful ignorance to the conspiracy the game, & the ones that know about it keeping silence. Allowing it to fester & spread. What you don't know will hurt you, & often times... very bad.
For all intent & purpose, I have the strong feeling that when that alicorn Black Star to the shores of Equestria to challenge Princess Celestia & Luna. They princesses are going to get sucker-punched. They wont know what hit 'em.
Worse the conspirators will undermine any defense the Princesses will try to muster to defend Equestria. Heck, I won't even be surprised the Princesses will lose.
I'll go with SuperPinkBrony12. Still, you've done well enough that I'll wait for the sequel to judge.
As to Amadeus getting away, well sometimes the bad guy just does. Someone once said that the differences between real life and fiction are
1) fiction has to make sense
2) people are supposed to like fiction
I liked the feel and the emotion of the earlier chapters. When the story switched to a more political story it ended up becoming more generic as the chapters progressed. Amadeus is a stock villain for both the character type in the fandom and with tropes itself. The conflict between him and Equestria is hollow because your putting to many restraints on Celestia and Luna from being able to stop him. He is just over powered and bland. If you transformed the character into a terrorist with little resources his and his daughter's story could become more interesting, but as it is now it is just two powers going against one another, one side held down by idiot balls and plot induced restraints so the other side could possibly have a chance to win.
I'll admit I stopped reading Aftermath when it became clear that it wouldn't just be a series of reaction chapters, and morphed into an epic narrative with an overarching plot. I tried picking it up later but couldn't buy into the narrative. Same issues a few others mentioned: Xanatos Gambit villains and the heroes seemingly hamstringed by politics or ignorance. Mainly I lost interest when the "reaction phase" ended.
Wanted to see more Applejack POV.
I don't have a problem with it, really. But what happened to the POVs of Twilight's parents? I would've liked to see it.
I liked the erlier half where you explored how others delt with Twilys death, but second part with political intrigue suck, because in my opinion you went dark, then grimdrark, and overshot and landed in grimderp, making the whole thing feeling unsalvageable in any way, shape or form for everyone. I like that soon you will end this story but I dont think I ll stick around for the sequel.
Darkness-induced Auidence Apathy is pretty strong with me.
In my opinion it's good that it evolves from the "reaction" part to a more consistent plot, and I for one like where it's going, even if some of my favourite chapters were in the first half. Like Cheerilee, Flash or Pinkie's POVs. I think it would've got boring at some point if the fic goes like that eternally.
But on the other hand I wouldn't like it to completely move on from Twilight's death and only focus on the war storyline with a cast of new characters. Being the third part of the assassination fic, I'd like to have some connection with those events rather than be a whole new story on its own.
What I liked about the Aftermath was:
Discord and Sunset Shimmer were both able to atone for their foolish ambitions by supporting the rest of the Mane 5 and Princess Celestia in the future during them time they were grieving over Twilight's death.
The rest of the ponies that were devoted to Princess Celestia refuse to give up on Twilight's legacy in helping Equestria progress by making changes to strengthen the country's democracy (eliminating racism, prejudice, and greed).
What I didn't like about the Aftermath was:
Even with Twilight's killers Prince Blueblood and Gallant Heart gone, the darkness in Equestria still lingers because they overlooked the 3rd suspect behind Twilight's death: Amadeus Blueblood.
Amadeus is preparing to leave for Unicornia (along with his daughter Majesty) to rally its armies, form dark alliances (such as Queen Cicada and Tirek), and launch an attack upon Equestria in the next story.
Starlight Glimmer and Twilight's Parents are not getting any POVs; I wish they could so that they can express their feelings towards Twilight before and after she was murdered (of how Starlight felt when Twilight gave her a second chance to find friendship after the events from Mlp episodes Cutie Map and Cutie Re-Mark and how Night Light and Twilight Velvet felt when they raised Twilight from the beginning before she was sent to study under Princess Celestia).
I wish Flash Sentry didn't commit suicide to be with Twilight in the afterlife. He could've moved on and find a better life.
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Starlight I didn't do because I had all this planned before Season 5 started. I'll be sure to include her however in the next fanfic
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I wouldn't mind either way because I already found another story that takes place after the events from the Aftermath, in which includes Starlight Glimmer.
Oh, what not to like about Aftermath...
How about how you are bending over backwards just to make sure you are setting up another war fic?
How about how you decided to write in "this infant has to becomes evil or a pawn because destiny/the writer says so", and when you write a set-up for how such so-called "destiny" can be averted and she doesn't have to grow up into a monster, you squander it away because "GOTTA HAVE MY DAMN WAR FIC"? Oh, it's about a week away, then TELEPORT! Oh, he's going to Unicornia which you have a tentative "cease-fire" with, THEN SEND MESSAGE TO THEM that a criminal, a murderer of their precious fellow unicorns" is going to the border and request they do not let him through and instead detain him.
Really, the Unicornians have NO reason to do as he demands. Oh, Alicorn daughter? Tribalists. They give no shit. They would likely murder the infant BECAUSE, AGAIN, YOU CAN'T SEEM TO WRITE LUNA DOING ANYTHING OTHER THAN FUCKING UP EVERYTHING SHE TOUCHES!
How about you having Luna continue to fuck up? How about having an issue with that?
Am I getting through on my unwavering and childish rage? There are so many in-universe reasons your upcoming war-fic should. Not. HAPPEN.
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So why read it?
4304770 Out of futile hope you would have averted the war. Out of futile hope you would have characters actually act with a lick of sense. Instead, nope, again, you just GOT to have your damn war fic and give an infant child no choice in the matter other than to grow up as a monster, and probably hating Equestria because, again, you keep having Luna fuck up.
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Then I suggest you don't read the third fic because that's what's going to happen. War.
4304774 Honestly, I probably wouldn't be as pissed if you didn't make an infant character, Majesty, and set her up as an adorable, innocent infant, JUST FOR THE PURPOSE OF FUCKING UP HER LIFE AND MAKING HER AN EVIL PUPPET. Because "destiny" says so.
Basically, I'm not a fan of "destiny says you be evil, so it be so". That is... awful. Awful concept, awful writing, etc, whatever you call it.
EDIT: Also, another reason I kept reading what out of like of a separate universe you've written, Negotiations-verse.