XCom Files Episode 7: Bleeding Out · 12:16am Mar 16th, 2016
LAST TIME ON THE XCOM FILES
-- I died
-- Magello is unconscious
-- The mission isn't even half finished
EVERYTHING IS FINE
Eugh. Hey Tygan.
"Commander. The plan was successful. Everyone thinks you're dead."
I swear, you got the colours wrong. Nobody picked up on that?
"I believe the men were too busy staring at the hat, sir, to notice inconsistencies in your hue or camouflage."
Fantastic. Great work, mate. It might be bad for morale, but we've got an infiltrator. No word that I'm still bumming around to anyone until we can plug some of the leaks.
No seriously. That's actually what happened. Compare what I look like in the last chapter to what I look like in Chapter 0
Magello: "Brbblesblrb"
Galahad: "You were reloading, weren't you?"
Serifina: "THERE WASN'T EVEN A CLIP IN MY RIFLE WHAT DID HE THINK I WAS GOING TO DO?"
Galahad: "Magazine."
Serifina: "No thanks, I have to use magic right now. Maybe later."
Fixing unconsciousness with an aerosol coagulant is magic and you can't tell me otherwise.
Magello: "Serifina I was watching."
Galahad: "Flirt in your own time."
"Quit trying to show off, squires, I'm not even remotely impressed."
Magello: "Serifina you should do that!"
Ariamaki: "Hey, Mags, welcome back to the world of the living. There are too many motherfuckers here, and new rule; Every time you come back, you gotta make a vacancy or ghosts will eat you."
Magello: "Oh no, not ghosts!"
"I will kill this turret and take its place!"
"I don't want to be eaten by ghosts again."
Serifina: "Again?"
Ariamaki: "He cut in front of me in the cafeteria and stole the last chicken sandwich. Left me with the vegetarian options. He had to suffer."
Serifina: "I... see?"
Ariamaki: "He's not stupid. He's just... simple. So you've gotta work your message to your target audience, you know?"
"Speaking of, there's loot for me to grab. Yoink!"
"Come to papa, Daddy needs a brand new hair trigger..."
"Ah, shit, just more antimatter power cores."
Magello: "I want a mech suit."
Ariamaki: "What?"
Magello: "Power armor. I want power armor. I want a mech suit. That shoots rockets and flamethrowers."
Serifina: "Ahhh?"
Magello: "You will put those power cores in mech suits for me so I may stomp people."
Galahad: "What about grapple hooks."
Magello: "You can have grapple hooks climby man. I want cannons."
Ariamaki: "No, you know what? I would pay to see that. I would pay good money to see that. I'm calling this loot drop a win."
Serifina: "Here, you do that, I'm going to move up to the door."
"You guys ready? Who knows what we'll find..."
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"
Galahad: "What? What is it? I don't have sight!"
Serifina: "OH GOD THEY'RE ALL SO GODDAMN NAKED"
Galahad: "Sectoids?"
Ariamaki: "Nah, just corpses, looks like. Damn shame, someone's already done all our work for us. I thought the union covered this..."
Serifina: "Wait, you have a union?"
Ariamaki: "Oh, yeah, Paladin, Mags and I started it. Guild of Mass Murderers. Galahad's heading the Serial division."
"Oh, there are some hostiles behind the piles of naked bodies."
Magello: "They do not pay guild membership! They are crossing picket line! We must pick at scabs!"
Ariamaki: "You move up to the door. Serifina, take cover and draw fire."
Serifina: "ME?! Why me?!"
Ariamaki: "One, you're not guild certified to deal with these chucklefucks. Two, you've been whiffing your shots all mission. Three, you're the one who has the health packs. Four, you have the magic shield spell you've been wanting to try out."
"Oh, you jerkface..."
"SHHHH. SHHHHHH. SHHHHHH. ROBOT. I WANT TO WEAR YOU. LIKE PAJAMAS. DON'T BLOW UP TOO HARD."
MEC: WHHHHRRRRRRRRR-
Magello: "Gasp! It has rocket backpack! Serifina look out, it has my hopes and dreams aimed at you!"
Serifina: "Oh no no no no no no-"
Serifina: "- hey it wasn't aiming for me. Cool."
Magello: "ARGLEBLURGLE ROBOT NO WE MUST BECOME ONE DON'T FIGHT ME."
Ariamaki: "Hey, motherfucker, I'm supposed to be doing that to you!"
"Hey! If you're going to destroy cover and then take the shot, I'll send my lawyers crawling so far up your arsehole you'll taste him for stealing my fuckin' moves!!"
"Now this is just sad. Bitch, you can't hit me with this move, I invented it"
Maki continues to bend the RNG over his fucking knee. He causes misses like nobody's fucking business, it's insane. I had no idea the game would be this supportive of the bio I gave him.
Serifina; "They didn't shoot at me? They didn't shoot at me!"
Ariamaki: "Yeah, but your one job was to draw fire. Because you had the health kit."
Serifina: "Oh. RIght."
Galahad: "What's going on? I'm a bit far back."
Magello: "Serifina is hogging health packs."
"Magic healing spell, go!"
"Goddamn, does that clear my sinuses right up."
"Have I earned the right to take a shot, yet?"
Magello: "Go! Serifina! I believe in you! Yours is the bullets that will piece the enemy!"
Ariamaki: "I don't. Also, fuckin' weeb dude."
Galahad: "Don't be cruel to the lass, she's done fine up until now, hasn't she?"
"... don't you dare say a word."
"Sorry, no time to be petty, too busy saving our fucking lives from this giant fucking murder bot. Please deal with your entirely deserved self-loathing in your own time."
Galahad: "Calm down, and be kinder to the lass, I'm moving forward."
"Why am I missing? Why am I missing with my mighty bullets?"
"Why is everyone missing?
"You killed my wall!"
"I'm nearly there. Just give me a moment to-"
"- Oh, dear. I rather do think the bugger spotted me."
"OH I AM SO FUCKIN' SORRY ABOUT THAT, GALAHAD, WOULD YOU LIKE SOME HELP WITH THAT? WOULD YOU LIKE SOME HELP WITH THAT ONE ENEMY THAT'S LOOKING AT YOU? BECAUSE I AM MORE THAN CAPABLE OF LENDING YOU A FUCKING HAND RIGHT NOW."
Serifina: "I think 'Maki might have anger problems."
Ariamaki: "NO I HAVE FUCKING ADVENT PROBLEMS WHY DON'T YOU DO SOMETHING OTHER THAN FUCKING MISS TO HELP FIX THIS BULLSHIT."
"HOW DID I MISS THE BULLETS ARE GOING FUCKING THROUGH IT WHAT THE FUCK?!"
Fuck this RNG so fucking hard right now.
"I'm kind of busy saving your life here from this giant murder bot, 'Maki, so could you calm down and please deal with your entirely deserved-"
Ariamaki: "AARRGH DON'T YOU DARE FINISH THAT FUCKING SENTENCE."
"Please be quiet I don't like it when my friends fight..."
"Missing that shot is the worst mistake you will ever have made in your short, miserable life my fucking friend. I am about to rip your throat out through your fucking sphincter."
So this next picture takes some explaining
I made a tactical decision to leave Galahad out in the open after lightning hands-usage on the MEC -- the reason Serifina did enough damageto kill it -- and put him on overwatch. Usually, when Serifina and Ariamaki are the much more appealing targets, putting him on overwatch would have told the AI not to risk moving through the threatened position to be able to flank those two. Unfortunately, I forgot that the AI knows exactly where everyone's threat range is, while I have to guess. This led to him standing on a tile where he can pick off Galahad, but Galahad's overwatch doesn't trigger. The end result...
Another wounded soldier not making it to the next mission.
Galahad: "ARGH! Blast that stings!"
"Not fun, is it, you chav?!
"No, no, don't bother looking. You did, in fact, rightfully just shit your pants in terror, fuckstick."
No, seriously. Don't piss 'Maki off. This guy got a scary amount of air time
Serifina meanwhile...
Magello: "Yes! Serifina I was watching that time. You pew pew pew'd him the best!"
Ariamaki: "Wait, did nobody seriously see the four fucking seconds of hangtime I got off that dude's torso?"
Galahad: "Unfortunately, I did, and I fear I may never scrub the memory from my mind."
Ariamaki: "Fuck that, dude, I might never get chunks of that out of my hair"
Magello: "They stopped fighting. Is it okay now?"
Serifina: "Look, room's clear, we better start moving up. I think that's the last of them, just secure the vial and-"
"Serifina, please stop saying things that are wrong."
"Shutup Ariamaki, I got this"
"Circle of Protection against Evil, activate!"
"Magic! Magic! Magic!"
Magello: "If she chants magic, is that a magic chant?"
Galahad: "That is... huh."
Serifina: "Everything is on fire. Everything is burning. Everyone is shooting at me. But I am magic and I am okay."
"Well, I'm out of grenades, so I might as well fail to fill the snake chick fulla holes."
"Oh, come the fuck on, that's the one that hits?!"
Serifina: "It's still alive. It's still alive. Scary, creepy snake with tits and a rifle is still alive and I swear to God I am about to scream you guys."
"SHHH. SHHH. YOU ARE SCARING SERIFINA"
Serifina: "No, you idiots, shoot at me, I'm the one made of magic!"
Galahad: "I'm finally back in position. What did I miss?"
Ariamaki: "Very little, unlike the fucking rest of us, it seems. Mind taking some of these arseholes out for us?"
"Excelsior!"
That soldier's head's not out of frame, it simply ceased to exist.
"Found another healing spell!"
Ariamaki: "Okay, I think we're finally managing to salvage this mission. It all looked a bit shaky there for a bit, but I- Shit, I've fucking jinx'd it, haven't I? Shit!"
Magello: "No such thing as luck."
Ariamaki: "That is objectively and demonstratably false."
"No luck. Only my mighty skill."
"Got 'em on the ropes, now!"
"Ha ha, overwatch, yeah right, buddy, like I need to move to thoroughly wreck your shit."
Serifina: "Alright, it looks like all that's left is to grab the sample."
Magello: "Yes. Get it and we shall scarper like tiny fieldmouse."
Ariamaki: "From a combine harvester, i presume."
Serifina: "..."
Ariamaki: "What?"
Serifina: "I don't want to touch it. I think it's the distilled essence of creepy fucking nudity."
Aramaki: "... what?"
Serifina: "They are dissolving thousands of naked people into a tiny vial, and none of the aliens wear clothes. Are you telling me this is the dumbest thing you've heard in the past hour?"
"Okay... you know what? Fair enough."
"So, it turns out the list of things the aliens don't like being touched are their data, hostages, and vials of pure nudity essence..."
Magello: "That is a long list. Aliens obviously need to learn to share more."
Thanks to the inconsistencies of the in-game camera, this is the best quality shot I got of them landing. Eugh.
Galahad: "They're between us and evac, we're going to have to mow 'em down!"
Ariamaki: "Sorry, 'have to' or 'get to'?"
Magello: "It is beginning to look a lot like Christmas!"
"They are so close... I could punch them...
Serifina: "Wait! Mags!"
Magello: "Yes future wife?"
Serifina: "Ignoring that... but if you're going to do something stupid-"
"It will literally take magic to stop you from getting yourself hurt, won't it?"
Magello: "Fine. If you think so. I will run back. I will take cover further back. Yes. With magic spell and my mighty muscles I'll be invincible. Running now."
Ariamaki: "Shit, Mags, wait-"
"NO IT'S FINE I'LL JUST LAY DOWN THE COVERING FIRE"
"Oh. A mighty sword man. Come, I will catch your blow in my might pecs!"
Serifina: "I don't think the 'magic' will hold if you try that, Magello!"
Magello: "No. No, future wife, watch. Watch this. Are you watching?"
[A picture of Serifina missing her overwatch shot because she was too busy watching Magello]
ZZZZZZZZ-*CRUNCH*
Magello: "Okay, skull is not pecs. This did, in fact, hurt a little. Ow. Maybe I need to kill. This is obviously the work of angry ghosts."
Ariamaki: "Shit, Serifina, you cover me, I need to go-"
ZZZZZZZZ-*PSHISH*
Ariamaki: "-Pull his arse out of the fire, shit."
Mags is bleeding out and dying. His character has not fallen over though. I think this is because the game understands Magello very well.
"At least it got the fucker to hold still!"
Why yes, that is in fact the overwatch triggering after the attack has been made, why do you ask?
"You feel that? That's your brain running through the five stages right to acceptance before I put fifty slugs through your fucking skull for stabbing my friend in the back like a spineless coward."
Magello: "No. No I am standing. My legs are strong. Strong legs. Muscle legs carry me home."
Ariamaki: "How many fingers am I holding up, buddy?"
Magello: "I cannot see. Everything is black. Just point me in right direction of helicopter."
Serifina: "Can you wiggle your toes for me?"
Magello: "As soon as I can feel my legs I will wiggle toes all night long for you waifu."
Ariamaki: "Hang on, the bullets never go where I aim them, right? So let me try to see if I can't aim directly fucking down..."
"I hate that this worked."
"Fuck, I can't make this shot... 'Maki! Get Mags to the evac point, we'll cover you."
"Covering your flank from back here. I'm all out of med packs though!"
'Maki and Mags are the two blokes hugging the left frame.
Serifina: "Okay... okay, do this for Mags. He's a big dumb idiot, but he's saved your life a bunch of times, and... shit, imagine XCom without him..."
"Hey! Hey, Officer! Your pointing powers suck and I'll wipe my butt on your cape when I'm done mopping the floor with you!"
"Ow ow ow 'Maki if you can't save him after this I'll kill you myself."
"Serifina, I'm not going to make this..."
"Not exactly in a much better position myself, Brave Sir Knight."
Ariamaki: "Hey, Serifina, you know how you've missed literally every single important shot up until now until you were fucking pissed off?"
Galahad: "Watch your tongue! The lady doesn't need-"
Ariamaki: "This dude just shot a guy who respects the hell out of you, then fucked your shit up too. You going to fucking let him get away with that? Get real fuckin' mad, and then get even."
"Get mad... get even..."
"C'mon buddy, stay with me. I know your femoral artery is meant to be inside your leg, and it's not supposed to be spraying all over my chest like that, but you can do it. We'll suture you up real tight, and you'll get cake and combat pay, how's that?"
Serifina: "Galahad, message base and tell them to make an ice cream cake."
Galahad: "Roger, ma'am."
Central: "LZ is too hot! Repeat, LZ is too hot!"
Ariamaki: "He's going to bleed out in a few seconds if we can't get him up there."
Galahad: "Hold on, I've been saving on to a present for the big galoot."
*Plink!*
"But I'm sure he won't mind the regifting"
"Come on, buddy. We've got ice cream cake waiting for you at home. Everything's going to be fine."
"We'll be following you shortly, mate. Hang on tight."
Serifina: "So... Commander's dead, Magello is dying, we're all shot to shit... was it worth it?"
Galahad: "I don't know."
Serifina: "What could possibly have been worth it?"
Galahad: "I don't know. Trust in the mission I suppose."
Serifina: "If we're down... who takes our place? I mean we're wounded now but... I mean, if the Commander couldn't make it..."
Galahad: "... I don't know."
Galahad: "Looks like there's more of them dropping in."
Serifina: "Yeah."
Galahad: "Should we fight?"
Serifina: "I don't think we'd survive if we did. It'd be a last stand. We're running out of ammo, we're both bleeding real bad."
Galahad: "That's not what I was asking, fair lady."
Not today.
Serifina: "Run. Let's get out of here. Get some of that ice cream cake."
Galahad: "Legging it then. Just a hop, skip and a jump. I don't think they've spotted us yet."
Galahad: "Let's hope it all ends up being worth it."
Serifina: "See you on the other side, sir."
That XCom calls this good speaks very poorly of its standards.
"Everyone made it back sir. Barely."
Thank you, Central. Status update?
Oh. Anything good to report then?
Looks like this is one problem ice cream cake won't fix...
It looks like we're going to need some new recruits to patch the holes.
It begins.
Other soldiers joining the roster:
Norm_De_Plume
Darkszero
MaskedFerret
CaveMonkeyNick
"It's a big world under fire, here. Do you really think a bunch of greenhorn rookies is going to be enough next time? Or the time after?"
They'll learn. They always do.
They're going to have to.
Oh dear...
I died. It just didn't take.
I am shaken because I have seen past the veil, into the beyond realm.
xenonauts.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/2014_terrorsite.jpg
It's so strange here.
Even if everything went so pear-shaped it's a Queen song... major props anyways for finishing the Blacksite mission at the tech level you were at. It's a tough mission at the best of times, and you pulled it off with nobody higher than a Sergeant and T1 weapons AND armor.
Here's hoping the B-Team can take up the slack until the docs finish putting Mags insides back inside him. Though, considering the weird way XCOM does wounds severity/duration on a set of tables, there's a chance that your least wounded soldier will be out longer than Mag, even though he actually went down.
Damn bro
That coulda been a code black
Pierc...... wait, this is a blog, noone cares for typos.
That shoots rockets and flamethrowers? You mean, like lobbing the weapon at the enemy? That. Is. Brilliant!
Well, it could have been worse. At least the only fatality was planned. Still, this next stretch is going to be tricky...
3810211
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It begins.
Because I'm the nerd who actually treats this with a seriousness it emphatically does not deserve...
It feels like deciding to actually enter the facility from the front after taking out the turret was a mistake. I mean... narratively appropriate, I suppose, but a tactical error. These alien facilities are always, always shitshows on the inside; cramped quarters, tons of full cover for the x-rays, blocked sightlines, inability to properly leverage your entire squad's offensive power while still protecting them adequately. Also, generally speaking any mission with a defined extraction point and no time limit, you usually want to secure your exit, then the mission objectives.
It's nice to finally see Aid Protocol get the attention it deserves. Aid Protocol is motherfucking magic.
Oh, wait. You said that yourself. Like, eight or nine times.
.... well, it is. It really is. It doesn't, like, make you untouchable or anything; I've had guys murdered out from underneath it. But intelligent and consistent use of it is the difference between dead dudes and dudes who live to spend a month in sickbay. It's always hard to tell, but your use of it likely what made this mission come off at all.
Did nobody really get promoted, even after all those murders?
3810369
They all did, this is just after me spending them so you can just appreciate the gruesomeness and their rankings.
But yeah, I entered too early, and there was reason for that: Holding the position there gave me full cover and they had to advance through comparably poorer terrain. Falling back would have given me crappy, fragile cover. I regretted it the moment I saw how far back Galahad was on the map, but by that point Serifina was already deep in.
It doesn't help that they didn't reveal until she was well past the doorway, and I thought the room clear. I had "Unit sees a tiny patch of elbow, giant shitkicking pod ruins your day" problems there. She didn't move that much more forward to get that better position, but the curb stomping that ensued out of it fucked me up for it. Then I had to spend most of the time defending her held position, because there was nowhere to move back to, and it would have been much harder to consolidate for reasons above.
The whole time this happened I was screaming cursewords at the monitor.
1) I need, like, someone to check the calibration on my sights for that gun. What the hell.
2) HOW DID WE SURVIVE THAT AT ALL
3) That ice cream cake better be goddamn delicious.
3810392
I'm telling you man, Scout Rangers. They know what's what. This is the sort of mission they truly excel at.
Like I said. Going inside? Total shitshow.
Actually, I feel like wording about that. Going inside always seems like it'll be okay. It's like "Oh! Well, I'll plant guys on both sides of the door, and they'll be in full cover. Then they pop it open, and the rest of the team can go in, and we can just leapfrog our way from cover point to cover point. It'll be fine."
And you often feel like a total badass if you pop the door and there are x-rays right there and the ungodly amount of firepower you have trained inside fucking eviscerates them. But if they aren't, once you get inside you discover it ain't all bloody sundaes with murder cherries on top. There's often not room to get the whole squad into a position where their fields of fire overlap and concentrate. If you ever feel like you have to pull back to a better position, a lot of times those better positions will be... already occupied by the rest of your squad, which means shuffling everyone if you decide to do that, which is a lot of wasted action to let you pull one person back to what might not even be a superior position.
It's frustrating.
I maintain what I said in the last episode; this was the most X-Comy X-Com mission you've embarked on to date. You even had the traditional "even in an otherwise awful mission, an x-ray totally whiffs what should have been a guaranteed kill for them" shot.
No Frissy on the roster yet, oh wells. Looking forward to seeing what's next! ^-^
3810430 I've found one thing that helps alleviate the issues with storming Advent's castles is going around the sides or back and making your own freakin' door. xD SPLOSIONS! Their positions are a lot more fragile when you've forced them not to use their 'intended' cover.
Only one death after that clusterfuck? Yeah, I'd call that good.
3810430
If whiff shots are good enough for the player, they are damn well good enough for the computer.
Just, you know, make sure your shrine to Random Number Gesus is SPOTLESS before beginning.
3810452
Hey.
Hey Blue.
Guess whose job it is to train up the rookies?
3810438 I've found one thing that helps alleviate the issues with storming Advent's castles is going around the sides or back and making your own freakin' door. xD SPLOSIONS! Their positions are a lot more fragile when you've forced them not to use their 'intended' cover.
If I liked this comment any more I'd need to ask someone to pass it a heart-shaped note during free period.
Seriously, I always do that when applicable. Sometimes it isn't. With the UFOs (I wish there were more UFOs, by the way) the time limit means you just gotta crack the door and hope for the best, but whenever I go in to one of Advent's little funhouses I usually end circling... I wouldn't say all the way around it, but a lot of the way around it. What usually happens is that I take out most of the x-rays this way, because their patrol paths lead them outside the building and I'll be behind trees and rocks and things with a lot of space to play with. Then I carefully plan my breach as near to the objective as possible, make my own door if necessary, and get the fuck out.
3810477
Fun fact: With a specialist, you just need line of sight of the UFO's computer to deactivate it.
Line of sight can be achieved with two grenades at the most.
But yeah, the reason I didn't use the grenades this time? I was out of grenades.
3810484 Oh yeah, absolutely, although the problem with that is it fucks up the UFO real good. When possible I like to bring those things home pristine. Not always doable; sometimes you get, like, a Sectopod all up in and its like "nnnnnnnnope, nope nope nope, high explosives" but I like to make the attempt, which means going in through the doors and getting into a close-quarters scrum. Thank god for shotguns, am I right?
This is one of the reasons I'm such a huge fan of plated armor; everyone gets a 'nade on top of their utility stuff. They're just... the utility gear is sweet and I understand there's supposed to be genuine tension between packing two utility items or a utility item and a grenade, but the grenades are just too damn useful and maintain that usefulness all the way to the end of the game thanks to the Proving Grounds, especially given how much Advent lurves them some armor.
I think they might have overtuned this part of the game, honestly. Grenades just feel mandatory. They do too many things too well.
3810504
Seriously though this is mandatory viewing before criticizing me with the benefit of hindsight.
3810461
Welp.
They screwed.
Sorry in advanced Ferret!
Can I make a serious statement here? This was fucking amazing. It really feels like one of those "There is no way anyone should have come back from that" missions, and frankly, I feel a sense of pride, just as someone reading these posts.
Hot damn, Numbers.
... Also? 3810147 ? Been nice knowing you, dear. I'll get the memorial plaque ready in advance.
3810555
I'm so glad you're using that sit-down-shit-down from the Zaibatsu as a measuring stick.
No matter what happens, you will never shit the bed as deeply as Pat did through that whole run.
i.ytimg.com/vi/C-zCzM5qPec/maxresdefault.jpg
3810635
3810654
Pshaw, have you no faith in our fearless leader and
his hidden leakextra sources?3810829
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Actual picture of Blue teaching new squaddies how to shoot.
Still would love a copy of your character pool. Every XCOM out there needs these people!
Also, listening to you people talk strategy makes me feel like I should actually be attempting to use tactics more that 'whatever seems good at the time' like I usually do. My current mods are going to make the game quite a bit harder, so probably forced to learn and adapt next playthrough.
3811396
3810829
You'll either be doomed, or be the next Van Doorn.
... I hope for the latter, but knowing XCOM, I'm expecting the former. Still love you to pieces though <3