Cold in Gardez Reviews: Pact, by GaPJaxie · 2:15pm Jan 27th, 2016
As you may be aware, The Writeoff is a great place where awesome people hang out, and sometimes we even get around to writing stories. Usually these stories are about ponies, because, you know, what else is there to write stories about?
Well, it turns out stories don’t have to be about ponies! They can be about other fandoms, too! Or, if you’re really crazy, they don’t have to be about any kind of cartoon! We call these strange creations “original fiction,” and that’s what we’re going to talk about to—
Wait, come back! Have a cute pony!
Nothing to do with this blog post
Okay, whew, that was close. Anyway, like I was saying, sometimes The Writeoff doesn’t hold pony-writing contests – it holds Original Fiction contests! They’re not quite as popular as the pony-writing contests, because ponies, but they’re still a great opportunity for budding writers to test their chops against some of the best writers in the fandom.
The Writeoff has held three of these Original Fiction contests, and I’ve taken second place in each of them. I am batting 100% for second-place trophies, and that’s a special kind of disappointment.
Second-best pony feels my pain
Reading original fiction stories by the same authors who write some of the best stories in the pony fandom is an interesting experience. Their styles are often the same, and writers like horizon (and, I’m told, myself) have styles that are distinctive enough to identify even if we’re not writing about cute horse lesbians.
GaPJaxie’s another author whose style shines through in whatever he writes, ponies or no. His style is delicious and smart and I could drink it all day and still be thirsty for more. He’s one of the few authors on this site that I unequivocally, unhesitantly consider my superior when it comes to writing, and if you guys know how egotistical I am about writing, then you know that’s saying a lot.
Anyway, long story short, in the last Writeoff Original Fiction round GaPJaxie wrote Pact, the unsettling story of a police officer who goes to investigate a disturbance at a remote seaside town. And since GaPJaxie did me the favor of reviewing my entry in the last Original Fiction short story round, I figured I’d return the favor the time.
Probably something to do with this story. Maybe
Pact starts off right, dropping us into the story right as things get interesting. It’s not quite an in media res intro, but it’s close enough to start at a brisk jog.
Officer Miller is on his way to the Way residence, an opulent mansion sunk deep in the woods, conveniently away from nosy neighbors. The kind of place you could hold a nice loud party or an orgy or a midnight sacrifice without anyone complaining to the police.
Except, this time someone did.
Fortunately, when the officer arrives to ask questions the next morning, it seems everything is in order. It was just an ordinary party, a barbeque at midnight, with an in-house butcher, a sacrificial altar, a herd of deer that walk themselves to the slaughter, and an eccentric millionaire who apparently has nothing to hide.
Typical stuff, really. Every California town has something like it. I may have gone to one or two in college.
Our eccentric millionaire is named Owen, and he’s the great-grandson of an inventor who made an unusual discovery one day – an ancient, unfathomable god is travelling through the cosmos on a centuries-long journey toward the Earth. It's a bit unsettling, but it still has GaPJaxie's trademark brand of humor, which shows through in lines like this:
That’s the thing about crazy people, they go from zero to spiders in their brain in nothing flat.
Pact is the story of a slow, suspenseful build toward a revelation that may or may not be horrific, depending on your perspective. It is Lovecraftian in two senses – most obviously because it (maybe) features a flying star-god and occult faiths drenched in blood, but moreso in the deeper sense that Pact’s intent is not to tell a story in the traditional sense, with a plot and character development and narrative arc. The point is to slowly build up a world at odds with ours, a world where fundamental truths we accept are shown to be, at best, incomplete. A story where the climax is not some dramatic event or turning point, but simply the sudden realization that our world, which seemed before to be the still and mirrored surface of a pond, is actually fathoms deep and stirring with great unknown bodies.
It says something about the quality of stories in The Writeoff that Pact for all that it is well-written and mesmerizing, failed to even crack the top-ten when the results were announced. Personally, I’d have rated it much higher than some of the stories that supposedly beat it, but sadly I only get one vote and obviously I used that on myself voted for horizon’s excellent modern fairy tale that’s totally not a pony story in disguise.
Pact isn’t for everyone. Particularly, it’s not for people who are afraid of the dark. But if you don’t mind the unknown, or if at the very least you aren’t afraid to be a little afraid, there are worse ways you could spend your time.
Pact, by GaPJaxie
Final Review: 8 out of 10 flying star gods
Nnnngh.
Reviews always give me feels. Thank you! Now I need to review something of yours. Or, you know. Actually finish that freaking Thunderlight fic I promised you roughly a million years ago.
Nice plug for the Original Fiction writeoffs too. Those need more love.
called it
3715575
That was a pretty cool read. I liked how you mentioned what What's-her-face's plans were without ever mentioning what the plans were.
So is she going to just protect the faithful in a private little reserve, or does she plan to take... um... active global measures?
I can't stop calling her 'Fan-Girl' in my head
Oh man. 'Pact' was one of the top picks on my slate. The eeriness of not knowing all there is to know by the end of the story was just delicious. And so is this review, actually.
It sounds like you need to light a fire under knighty's ass to get him to hurry up on the site switch over. That will probably increase the turnout for the original fic turnouts.
So, you're 3/3 in second-place finishes with your original fiction, and 4/4 at getting the second-highest score from me when I review your fanfics.
Frankly, that's almost more impressive than actually getting the top spot!
Also, Pact sounds like it's worth a look. Thanks for reviewing it!
Congratulations, you almost won. Of all the losers, you came in first -- of that group. You're the number one loser. No one lost ahead of you!
3715717
Yangyrril, the Caretaker
Fangiirrl, the Shipper
3715856
Mediocrity is my special talent :/
Also, you never review my stuff anymore :(
Clearly, you're the Jan Ullirch of FIMFiction.
3716243
I've got a mini-review of one of your stories scheduled for Friday!
(Also, people have been asking me to review Salvation for years--if you ever finish it, it's near the top of my "people want to see what I think of this" list)
EDIT: 3716325 , I love you for making that reference. Ever since Mystic skipped the fandom, I've had nobody to make pro cycling references to!
3715575 That's a fantastic story. I was sure that when Owen got off the phone to his wife discussing their severe debt problems, and that deer just laid its head down on the altar, he'd take the opportunity to..... improve his situation.
Take some consolation in the fact that you are literally the only author with more than one General Fiction medal. (And commandingly on top of the GF scoreboard, no less.) Given the variance among stories that a single author submits, that's a remarkable performance.
I'm just glad I'm back in form after having been metaphorically thrown from the saddle back in the Eye Of The Storm round. And that you liked Moon Horse, which I am strongly considering flinging at the FIMFiction wall to see if the story approvers will let it stick. (I doubt they will, but the story needs very little editing compared to the last few I've wanted to improve post-contest, so it's worth a shot.)
Also
Best tag, mostly for the stealth pun placing the Horizon under the stars.
Good heavens, Pact was a good read. I can see why you're a fan! I shall have to do some more reading of GaPJaxie's work.
Thank you!