The support means the world to me, and thanks to your kind contributions I was able to go and visit my boy in Britain. I'll try and mock up a proper recap blog—though I am notoriously terrible at doing those, I don't think I've ever managed a proper recap blog for any of the various conventions I've gone to over the years. I guess there was
Aug
25th
2015
Weight · 4:40am Aug 25th, 2015
Twilight Sparkle is the master of her own mind. She is the Princess of Friendship. She is the fourth piece of the Alicorn Tetrarchy. She has incredible power, and she has always asserted it in a necessary and compassionate way. She has a charmed life—a wonderful set of friends, a beautiful castle in a lovely little town, and is constantly busy with her life, stretching her wings upward and outward to new horizons as often as possible.
There can be nothing wrong with her.
I'd be lying if I said this WASN'T a reaction to Dear Princess Celestia and I Am Not Okay (and maybe Chuckle a little bit too).
Instead of bitching at you guys in a blog, I've gone and done that with a story
i'm evolving
Hah. I actually wondered if that was the case.
Not much to say about the story, other than it seems like it was written counterpoint to those stories, where the main character went through with it. Not sure if there is much to actually say about it.
3345587 it's a deeply personal story for me, but I had to attempt to reconcile it to Twilight's character. I tried my best, and I am not sure if I succeeded or not.
I can't weight to read this
It was OK. Icri
3345608 i CAn only hope that when you Read it, you LOve it, Sincerely.
3345597
I guess it's hard for me to comment on it, in light and context of the other stories. Without those having recently been in my mind, I think that this story would have had a much more profound impact on me (as I have been in that kind of place before, as well), but given the timing and the slue of fics revolving around suicide lately has kind of inured me towards them.
I've actually been wondering what has brought them about again lately. I mean, normally I am all for exploring 'dark' themes with pastel ponies (though I hate calling them 'dark' themes, as I think that has a very different connotation than what I am trying to imply) but maybe the number of them I am seeing lately has just left me feeling apathetic towards them.
I really need to take some time out of my day to read your shit. This especially.
3345648 I made a similar comment on the fic, but this story could have ONLY happened now. Before reading the slew of fics like this, I had no way to frame or solidify my feelings and emotions concerning my mental state. And having read these stories, I could properly react to them in the form of this fic. Maybe this won't get as much attention as them, but it's a story I needed to tell, and now was the time to tell it.
3345653 when you finally do, I hope you like it
...I'm not 100% sure how to respond to this...
*sighs*
On one hand I can understand it, especially if you got irked by all the suicide ish? stories? Why you felt the need to write this *Yes I did read it*
On the other hand i'm... sadened? I guess by this...
And yes I know by now people hate trigger warnings so I won't put one here.
The night I wrote Dear Princess Celestia The first draft was on notebook paper with green marker because that was all I could find in my room. Until I started writing it. Dear Princess Celestia was to be my suicide note. I don't say this to shock you or make you feel bad. In fact I mean to explain the whole thing in a blog post. Probably with a you tube video since its so hard to type.
So I was in my room having sobbed my eyes out after smashing my head almost through the wall because of shame of how useless I felt. I curled into a fetal position and whispered to no one "I want to be dead"
So... I wrote Dear Princess Celestia. It's in first person because Twilight's thoughts were my own. I have... horrible fears that my friends are only my friends for what I am *IE a kinda popular author of pony words* Rather then who I am... I originally finished the fic with the words "The Letters i'll never send but it was to damned short.
So I got on skype a friend checked my little...story out and told me to write a blog post...To talk to the people who cared. He was my Luna.
My Celestia were all my friends ...My wonderful real friends who rallied around me. And made me smile.
And yes I have severe depression and sometimes my mask slips.
I was never expecting Dear Princess Celestia to do well.
I wrote it because I NEEDED to. The fact it has touched so many. Even helped a few is just a wonderful side effect.
I'm sorry this got rambly. I guess I just wanted you to know. I'm not writing suicide/depression fics to get attention. I did it because I wasn't ready to write my own suicide note.
Yours
FE
3345799 Woah, let's take a step back here
I in no way meant this as a "reaction" negatively to these fics. I liked all of the fics listed above to varying degrees (and I've left comments on all of them). If anything, your fic helped me. I haven't written anything for two months due to how poor of a mental state I exist in and for the first time, the compilation of these stories together made me realize just how to frame and transcribe my ideas.
I realize how poorly I worded the blog now, so I will clear it up: my "bitching" comment was aimed at myself. I have sort of a bad history with writing a blog post whining about how much my life sucks or whatever, and I was stating in this blog that my STORY was a substitute for that. Twilight's thoughts in that fic were my own as well.
I must confess that I already knew about the backstory behind your fic, although I'm glad you felt like you were able to share it with me. Your story, even if I felt like Twilight wasn't exactly in character, still resonated with me deeply. I too suffer from suicidal depression—I've damaged my body pretty thoroughly through several attempts on my own life. I said in the comment that I left on your fic that it didn't really have any impact, but I'd like to edit that—the impact wasn't really in the story, but in the story surrounding it. I still go back every hour or so to read new comments on that fic. When it first showed up in the feature box, I felt very compelled to read it because of my own past with suicide. And even though we have never crossed paths before this (or if we have, it has been very briefly), I felt such incredible empathy for you, and the fact that I inadvertently saddened you with this saddens me.
Without your story and of course, the stories of Obs and Darq, there would have never been the story I just wrote. I would have never been able to frame my ideas or thoughts into the way I did, and even though the story is exceptionally bleak that I wrote, it served a similar purpose that yours did. So I am going to go ahead and thank you right now for posting your story, because it pushed me to publish a story for the first time in two months. And it's a story about a major issue that I deal with in my life, nonetheless!
I know it's probably odd that I say this, but if you ever do need to talk about suicidal depression, I have quite the experience with it, so if you just want someone with empathy who can relate to such oppressive, overwhelming gloom... then I would gladly talk to you.
Also, your opinion on my story would mean the world to me, even if it's something like "I thought it was stupid".
3345824
I liked your story quite a bit. I think my response may of...come out wrong. I'm glad my fic helped you in whatever way it did. Dear Princess Celestia could of easily had a different outcome and easily the one Weight did had it not been for the friends who helped me. So I extend the same offer. If you need or want to talk. I've been told I'm a pretty good Celestia *smile* I'm on skype Foals Errand.
3345827 Well, if it makes any difference, I'm glad we live in the world where Twilight spent the night sobbing into Celestia's loving embrace instead of the one where she hung herself in the room off of her study