• Member Since 20th Nov, 2013
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Foals Errand


Not who I was before. But, I'm slowly becoming a new me. Maybe even a better me. patreon

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I've been wearing a mask. For how long i'm not certain. Someday that mask will come off. Either i'll remove it willingly or it'll fall off at the worst moment. Until then i'll just write the letters which i'll never send.

Warning: Suicidal and depressive thoughts

Now with audio reading Dear Princess Celestia

Lovingly edited by one of my best friends Jumbled

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 213 )

Damn this is a serious story 11 out of 10

have a like, you deserve it:moustache:

All the hugs and feels at the end.
:heart::fluttershysad::heart::fluttershysad::heart::fluttershysad::heart::fluttershysad:

I feel like this need a mother chapter. Ware casestea helps twilight.

Wow... just... wow. That was beautiful and horrifying at the same time. You hit that feeling right on the nose when it comes to depression. And honestly, not going to a counselor because of what others would think of you is quite common too. Believe me. I know.
Anyway, it was amazing. Have a like and a fave.
--Stahl

Nice writing, though I would like to see more.

This made me cry happy, gentle tears. Well done.

~oh my god gave meh a heart attack of da feels
I will never look at twilight the same way again :facehoof:

Wow did I love this ^^
Be nice is there was a follow up where we learn why she's like this, but I'm also happy you didn't make it like te other or-shots under 2000 words like it where it's all depression, no explaintion or anything to take out of it. It's sad, but it makes the moment happy moments much more brighter

I love that Luna was the one that was the bridge to help Twilight seek help.

This was beautiful.

man this story is so well done i love it, still i think the scene of luna needs more words in it like an introduction to let the tension build before luna gets to the point

that was beautiful

I could go for a full story on this, anyone know a story about one of the main six or princesses going through depression?

Amazing! I honestly didn't think that an 1100 word one shot could be so good. Props!

From age 12 to 16, my plan in life was to commit suicide before I turned 25 or so. I never felt connected with anyone around me. I hated my home and my family, even though I had little reason to. Sure, my dad had a short temper, but he always meant well; sure, my stepbrother was (and still can be) an annoying little shit, but he can't help how his (not mine) mother raises and treats him.
There was just... nothing. Days passed without anything meaningful happening. Yesterday might as well not have existed. Tomorrow was terrifying, but I could always think about the moment I had the courage to end it.
I still can't see myself being happy, but every few days, I can talk to my friend; the one who I promised I wouldn't end it so suddenly. He can make me smile. My therapist is just... she's so wonderful. It really helps to finally have someone to talk to.
This story hit me square in the chest. Thank you for sharing this, for reaching out to show everyone how not-alone they are.
Thank you.

0
0 #17 · Aug 23rd, 2015 · · ·

I'd think continuing this would be much harder, given the expectations, but possible.
Nice.

Omg I am seeing so many good comments. I definitely will read this now.

Holy fuck, that felt good on the inside. My organs are having a party right now.

I'm not sure how I feel about this story; while it was technically very well, and was very easy to read, it didn't seem as heavy as something like this should have felt. Why did she question friendship? Maybe I missed something, but it doesn't seem like there's any real reason to question it. As someone with suicidal depression, I always find myself rationalizing why I feel like I have no connections to people, even if it is a completely flimsy reason. Twilight's simple statement feels... off. Inauthentic. But that's really the only issue I find there. The very simple acknowledgement of the emotion is sport on, and I tend to find people make melodrama around suicidal thoughts. Unless they are in moments of rage, a suicidal ideation comes on in the form of a slowly sinking feeling of utter despair and gloom. It is not a dramatic thing; it simply is, and depending on the frame of mind before the thought settles (for example, if the person is coming from a party on the positive end, or has just had a very stressful day at work on the negative), the person will consider if actions beyond thoughts are necessary.

It is endearing that Twilight was rescued by Luna (which went by far too quickly; I felt more could have been written there), but there is no rescuer like her for many people. Depression is an inescapable cage. Words only move people so far, and drugs, which rarely work, destroy your personality and give you a legal addiction to cope with. It's wonderful that Twilight was able to receive the help she did before things got too out of hand, but the sad reality for many depressed people is that we will have to suffer through incredible waves of completely hopelessness and oppressive gloom with tiny, brief teasers of normality that do not last for longer than a week or two between. Some people are lucky enough to outlive depression, but for many it's a lifelong affair. Maybe it still is for Twilight in this fic, I don't know. All she has is Celestia to talk to. But maybe in this world of fantasy, she can be happy again.

Aw jeez, that was somewhat melodramatic myself. I guess this is why I don't write stories about depression.

6348858 Well, for me (someone who loves to over-analyze) it was pretty clear why she felt the way she did: She was questioning whether her friends were her friends because they liked her, or because it was predestined. Were they friends with Twilight Sparkle, or the Princess of Friendship?

Then again, I agree it was a little vague in the fic itself...

I agree with Regidar, this story is just kind of... flat. It could've been any other fic out of that whole "Twilight is depressed" subgenre and I wouldn't even have noticed the difference. It's utterly generic.

6348921 Just a little bit of clarity would have been enough for me to reach this same point, as I am not exceptionally talented at gathering so much from so little.. The issue is that story itself never states, or even implies, that. It's just something that COULD be inferred.

I love this. Despite the people nitpicking it about dynamics, it isquite good, and connects with readers on a very personal level. It is short and simple, but hits hard. Again, I love it. Beautiful.

Well done, Foals Errand.
The mark of a good story is if it resonates with the audience. If giving "a reason" detracts from that--perhaps if someone reading is put off because her reason doesn't match that readers--then this story won't resonate.

As evident throughout the show, Twilight's OCD. And given that her ascension to alicorn status happened in such a haphazard manner, it's to be expected that she could have doubts about being "worthy". Those sorts of doubt can easily lead to depression and suicidal thoughts.---or maybe what I just said is utter bullshit in this case. It may be perfectly valid in the next TwiSad story. Or not. It's more important to make the story resonate with the readers.

But it really doesn't matter if the reason I gave above was the real thing behind this piece or if it was entirely different...
...what matters is anyone can have such feeling, impulses, and thoughts.
...what matters is that no one should act on such feelings, impulses, and thoughts.
...what matters is that they should seek for help.
...what matters is that anyone who learns of another's problems should be supportive and encourage them to seek help.
...what matters is that they get help.

...What matters is, in this piece, that all five of those things happened:pinkiehappy:

Twilight's character here feels like it lacks a real tie-in with canon Twilight. It's some spiffy writing, but, overall, I was disappointed not to see believable reasons for her pain. Instead, the writing just tells us: she doubts and she suffers. So Celestia guides her to Ponyville and might have pushed her into friendship... why not be grateful? Who or what experiences taught Twilight that she couldn't be loved genuinely by her friends (and worthy of that love) just because she was set up to meet them? If I were looking for something to just make me sad, this might have appealed to me. I had my doubts before reading, based on the description, so I might be biased, but this appears to be little more than indulgently depressing (written for the sake of feeling sad) --emotions and descriptions unfittingly superimposed over a known popular character. I'll stick to clop if I want that.

Great writing, regardless. Keep up the good work.

Comment posted by goaway deleted Aug 23rd, 2015

6348571 we need more people like you on the site. I'm not depressed, or suicidal, but thank you. Really. :pinkiesad2: :twilightsmile:

Normally these types of stories where a pony feels suicidal feel so unnatural or worse still, feel like they are trying too hard to elicit a response.

This does not. This story does exactly what it needs to, keeping its ruffles in check.
And that ending was striking in its abruptness.
Good stuff.

Wonderful story, Foals. Felt very... well, realistic having Twilight this way. I came in dreading an angst piece, but got this instead. Awesome work!

I agree with A Random Time Lord. This feels like it could easily have another chapter. But even without one, the almost visceral reaction you got out of me with this one is astonishing. VERY well done, sir or madam.

Stories like this? These are the reason I went from neutrality towards Tia to outright loving her. And you've captured that feeling for me once again. Kudos to you.

My eyes... :fluttercry:

...Beautiful...

"Trigger warning: Suicidal and depressive thoughts"

Trigger warning translation: The main character is a weak-kneed sister (typical for a woman, and especially typical for Twilight) whose too much of a pussy to handle life.

Trigger Warning: Spic, Wetback, Beaner, Bean Easter, Border Hopper, Fence Jumper, Nigger, Porch Monkey, Coon, Sambo, Shit skin, Tar baby, Spook, Yank, Limey, Mic, Ruskie, Ivan, Kraut, Jerry, Hun, Fritz, Cracker, Honkey, Whitey, White Trash, Nip, Jap, Chink, Charlie, Hadji, Camel Jockey, Sand-nigger, Towel Head, Rag-head, Paki, and fuck you.

6349929
Wow. Are you trying to win the Asshole of the Year award?

Welp... I'm saddened now, and this was a very nice short tale. And it really captures that depression people get.
I was like this once, depressed and thinking bout that crap. But I'm past it now.

Awesomely told story, you made a damn good story.
Good show, you deserve a favorite.

6349929
Damn dude... that's harsh... legit.

6349929

Wow, I can't believe I'm saying this but I don't like your attitude and you don't represent the fandom at all.

6349971

Asshole of the year award? The author's so bitch tittied that he's actually using the word 'Trigger Warning' in an unironic way, indicating that he's actually so fucking retarded, he thinks people have a write not to be offended, which is fucking wretched and fucking hilarious for at least two reasons:

1) He's making a fucking fic that takes a little girl's television show and makes one of the protagonists even weaker in character than she already is to the point where she's suicidal. Even if he was a complete Gamma males who'd dickless chicks walk all over him like a little fagaloon, you'd think he'd have at least enough balls to tell people who might not like such a story because they find it 'offensive' to go fuck themselves with a rusty pineapple. Apparently though, he's even more of a pussy ass woman than Twilight is in this story (and in general).

2) He's part of a fandom that has no qualms about shipping little kids with far older people. Consistency, what's that?

3) What if a reader gets a 'Trigger Warning...' about the word, 'Trigger Warning?'

This story I was almost expecting to skim and be 'meh'.

I finished it and read the final line and got chills.

Well done, literally only a few have managed that.

6349996

Buddy... the WORLD is harsh and trying to teach kids and college age kids bullshit that should only ever be mocked and derided like 'Trigger Warnings' is only going to make it easier for the world to chop off your pecker and berries and shove it down your throat. Neither you nor I nor the author nor anybody reading the author's work has the right to be unoffended, happy, or fuck, even to feel safe in our own homes and it's especially hilarious (as well as inconsistent) coming from a guy whose part of a fandom that's obsessed with steamy romances and jack-off material more trashy than Harlequin books and Literotica combined.

I know it isn't the main focus, but I like how this story addresses the issue of Twilight being declared the Princess of a concept that no one can realistically be expected to have mastered or controlled. This would be a similar issue with Cadence - as Princess of Love, she cannot afford to ever reveal any marital problems that will inevitably come up, which is not at all healthy.

6349929 report to riot gamesXD

6349929

Gimme some of that thing you are smoking. Looks wicked doe.:twistnerd:

6350018 Dude, you're just being a huge jerk here.

6350037 Dude, a lot of people put trigger warning on stories, it a good way to warn them about stuff they may not enjoy. I for one like them. So good on the author for the trigger warning. And if you don't like these stories, then why in the fuck are you here then being an outright dick in the comments section?

wow, a very deep story, this make think about what Twilight can feel about being a princess and that maybe one day her friends will be gone.

6350195

Because he by his own bio... He is an 18 year old Army brat who has temporarily run out of Dragon Ball cartoons and Superhero comics to occupy his time. So he's trolling (Or maybe he really wants to be a part of "a fandom that's obsessed with steamy romances and jack-off material more trashy than Harlequin books and Literotica combined" I can't swear to which but its a binary solution set.)

It's miserably hot and humid in Winter Park Florida so he's bored. That's all. Go get your lunch Vunderguy. I hear the PB and J calling you but be a MAN and leave the crust on.

This could have been a bit better. Its good... But it feels far too short for what it is. Some more length and detail would have driven home the emotion behind it a bit better.

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