xjuggernaughtx's Top Down Review #1 - Insomnia · 5:29pm Jul 23rd, 2015
So I spoke earlier about maybe getting into reviews, so I thought I'd throw something together and see how it sits with people. I've been tossing around just what to review for a week or two, and I think I finally decided to tackle the Top Stories of All Time list. Plenty of people cover (or used to cover) the feature box. Lots of people cover new stories or popular stories, but I thought that there might be some interest in covering what we've determined to be the "best" stories.
Now, the Top Stories is an ever-changing list, so here's what I decided: I'm going to go and review the top ranked story that I haven't reviewed before. If that means number one, then so be it. If I've already reviewed the first five, then we move on to the sixth ranked story. This means that I should be covering a number of well established stories along with a few hot up-and-comers. It also means that I'll probably be covering a lot of safe, by the book kinds of tales, but hopefully ones that won't drive me insane. Some level of quality should be there.
Part of the objective here is to make me read stories. I have a tendency to get irritated by some aspect of them and put them down. Needing to write a review forces me to finish them, and I think that's a good thing for me. Sometimes a story needs to grow into itself. Estee's Five Hundred Little Murders comes to mind. I don't care for the first half of that story, but the second half is quite good. If I hadn't forced myself to finish it way back when, I'd have an entirely different opinion of it than I have.
I'd like to speak a little bit about reviewing before I get into this. I detest entertainment-style reviews in the vein of Nostalgia Critic. When I'm reading a review, I want it to be informative. I'm not going there for entertainment. I want opinions that allow me to figure out if I want to consume that media or not. If you're looking for wacky gifs or snarky wit, you're in the wrong place.
For right now, I'm going to keep my ridiculous ranking system. It amuses me, so we will see how it goes. Let's get into it, shall we.
Spoiler-free summary
Insomnia is a character piece that is held back by odd characterization. The story it tells is moderately interesting, but the style in which it is told leaves me with questions.
[Leaving some spoiler room here]
A story like Insomnia lives and dies on characterization. The only voice that we have is Princess Celestia’s, so if she doesn’t sound like herself, it’s quite damaging. Unfortunately, I don’t really hear her in this.
The setup here is that Princess Celestia can’t sleep so she’s writing a letter to Twilight to help… I’m not exactly sure what her goal is, to tell you the truth. I guess to take her mind off of not being able to sleep, or to distract from whatever is worrying her. She doesn’t really definitively go into it, unless we run with the idea that her relationship with both Twilight and Luna is what is eating at her. If so, then it takes a little of the depth away from this story. It would be more interesting to me that the Princess was juggling a land dispute, a border treaty, and planning for the next gala, and because her mind was spinning, she couldn’t sleep. Not being able to sleep led to reflection and away we go.
Anyway, what I would have done instead is a dark road to go down in a review, so let’s just look at what we’ve been given. Princess Celestia can’t sleep, so she gets up to write to Twilight. In doing so, she reveals details about her past with Luna. The story here is serviceable. I have no trouble at all thinking that the sisters did the things that Celestia says that they did in her letter. As I said before, my problem is with the voice in which she says it. Let’s look at a couple of examples:
For a monarch, a wakeful demeanor can be advantageous, in certain situations.
I must admit that the burden of rule can sometimes be difficult to bear, especially when it is borne alone.
The story is peppered with this kind of phrasing, and I just don’t think it sounds very much like Princess Celestia. Especially not a tired, opening herself up kind of Celestia. She’s pretty plain spoken in the show, even at formal functions. I would think that during a state of exhaustion when she’s penning a letter to a close friend, she’d be at her most informal. Instead, she sounds like she’s thumbing through a thesaurus. Not that her meaning is lost through dense verbiage or anything, but I keep wondering under which circumstances Princess Celestia would ever realistically say “I must admit that the burden of rule can sometimes be difficult to bear, especially when it is borne alone.”
Because I don’t really buy this characterization, it makes it difficult for me to buy the story as a whole. The history it tells feels like something that could have happened to the princesses, but I need Princess Celestia herself to tell me that. Instead, I feel like I'm getting Generic Fantasy Noblewoman. If I had other characters around that felt more authentic to me, it might be something I could overlook, but Celestia’s is the only voice that we hear. As I worked my way toward the story’s conclusion, I just kept saying, “Doesn’t sound like Celestia” over and over.
Putting the voicing aside, the plot here revolves around Princess Celestia telling Twilight about her history with Luna, and I have no particular issues with that. I don’t really feel like it was going anywhere daring, but I buy the logic of it, and the path it takes is comfortable to me. Princess Celestia can’t sleep, and when she couldn’t sleep in the past, she wrote letters to her sister. Now that her sister has returned, she’s writing to Twilight instead because the whole Luna banishment and redemption thing is on her mind. Since Twilight was central in resolving that, Twilight is on her mind, as well. I think this is all pretty solid. I like the way that the sleepy princess slides back and forth between the important things on her mind.
Technical Things
I’m going to try and stay away from deeply diving into mechanics in these reviews. Given how prone I am to typos and my rather loose grasp on grammar as a whole, I’m not really one to throw stones. However, there are a few things I’d like to talk about in this story.
First, commas.
You may recall, from your studies, the Great Canterlot Fire of 9473, and how I am said, with the aid of my “sublime foresight,” to have quickly extinguished the blaze before it was able to ravage the entire city.
Now, I’m guilty of hyperactive comma use. I love commas. The above passage feels like it has too many commas even for me. It’s the kind of thing that’s illuminating, though. When I was reading this story, I definitely felt like the commas were dragging me down on occasion. They interrupted the flow of things a little too often. It’s something that I need to keep in mind because I’m probably very guilty of it. But five commas! Especially that one between ‘recall’ and ‘studies!’ Too many commas.
Second, what's up with the 'Doctor' thing?
This story capitalizes ‘doctor’ whenever it’s used. I’m wondering if that’s supposed to be a Doctor Who reference, in that his name/title is just Doctor. Princess Celestia says “My Doctor” a few times in this story, and each time I wondered at that capitalization. It’s not a big deal or anything, but it bumped me out of the story a little each time.
Are you the intended audience?
If you are into mild world building and the royal backstory, then maybe. It depends much you buy this as Princess Celestia, or if voicing is something that you care about. I was mildly entertained by this story, but Celestia’s questionable characterization really kept me from really embracing it. The plot is fine, if a little pedestrian. I’m not one who thinks that every story has to be wildly original. There is value in telling a conventional tale well. However, the more well-worn the plot is, the better that telling has to be. This tale wasn’t told in a way that thrilled me, though it wasn’t bad by any means. If you care more about the sights you see than the ride on which you see them, then you’ll probably enjoy this.
I give it:
Two Titanium Dragons
Oh god, I can't wait for more of these. See if you can't find one story per each rating to start out so we can get a taste of things. :D
3263024 Fours and fives are probably going to be really tough to get out of me. I tend it fall somewhere between neutral and dislike for most stories. Hopefully as I read more, I'll discover authors that really thrill me. I still haven't read Cold in Gardez yet, and everyone loves that guy's stories...
Concise, clear, and systematically sound. I think this is the beginning of something great.
3263043 I'm glad you enjoyed it. It was nice to do something different for a bit.
Very nice work. Looking forward to more. One question, though:
What's the origin of your scoring system?
I was gonna guess that going through the Top All Time list would yield a bunch of "eh, it's pretty inoffensive, but that's about it" kind of stories, but when I actually looked at the list just now, it's got some really good stories pretty high up on it. This could go well.
There's also the additional advantage of the list not having any of your reviewer/ratings too high up on it, so you be put in the awkward position of giving PresentPerfect two Titanium Dragons, or whatever, for a good, long while.
3263115 Thanks! Glad you liked it.
The scoring system is from my last blog. I'll probably work a regular explanation in somewhere. I'm not even sure I'm keeping this. It's just amusing to me for now. Here's the blurb from last blog:
Nicely done. You should totally stick with the parts of the reviewing gig you find amusing.
I give this review: 1 Big Master Review List. It's the only point on the scale, but still.
and obviously the author of that story was using the lesser known Walken Comma.
pbs.twimg.com/media/CDf8JqhXIAA9Qoe.jpg:large
3263119
I dunno, I could do a lot of damage with two Titanium Dragons. :V
3263129 Just, what, two thousand or so reviews before I pass up PresentPerfect on The Big Master List? Something like that. So probably a week or two before I win those gladiatorial battles.
And it definitely felt like Walken. Or maybe Ira Glass.
3263119 I toyed with the idea at starting with the fic ranked five hundredth or thousandth or something because I feel like that's where the really interesting stuff is going to be. Those are fics that are good enough to be highly ranked, but took enough risks to get downvotes from people that wanted predictability/slavish devotion to fanon, etc. Ultimately, I decided that finding that place in the rankings would be irritating, so the top ranked story system was better than nothing. I suppose that I could always just go to page 20 or something, but this works well enough for now.
PresentPerfect is getting one PresentPerfect on everything until he admits that he loves that new Star Destroyer story.
An interesting review. Thought provoking and very insightful to a popular and well received fic. I would love to see more of these from you in the future. Keep up the good work. I know you will.
3263174 Gah! You changed your face! Well, your profile picture, which is like your face to me. That always unnerves me.
Thanks, though! I did enjoy doing something different. Nice to use the analytical side of my brain again.
Finally some honestly! Do it!
Beats my rating system which involves cats and pizza.
3263189 Yes, its the character I portray myself as in my reviews. I love my old avatar because it was a gift from a friend, but this one is as well and I can't have them both.
Anyway, I'm really glad you enjoy reviewing and I hope to see more of your reviews and stories in the future.
3263204
I just keep seeing a room filled with angry, grease-covered cats and pizza coating the walls and ceiling. In the middle of it all, one reviewer sits, wide-eyed and bleeding. "Never again," he says.
3263204 I want to see that rating system.
3263283
I rate you two pizza cats.
laughsy.com/content/uploads/images/January2014/pizza-cat.jpg
Also, possible
vignette4.wikia.nocookie.net/samuraipizzacats/images/e/e6/PizzaCatsVitoryPose.png/revision/latest?cb=20141109073418
3263226
We don't speak about that room. Stay out of my house.
3263300 that's adorable and delicious!
Well, here's the thing about Celestia's characterization in that story, at least from my perspective. Celestia was sleep-deprived. You don't tend to sound the same way half-asleep as you do when you're fully awake. Now, we've never seen a sleep-deprived Celestia in canon as of yet, so there's no real basis of comparison. But from my perspective, I still think it sounds like her if she was in such a state of mind. That's just me, though.
3263520 I thought of that, but I don't run into too many people that get more formal when they are sleepy. That's usually when people move toward simplification. It's certainly not out of the realm of possibility, but it doesn't feel natural to me. Given the upvotes that story has, I'm certainly in the minority on that. If the author wanted to use that as her voice, it would be nice to have him acknowledge that it's a little odd for her. For example, she's lived a very long time. Maybe that was her speech in the past, kind of like how Luna is more formal. Since she's sleepy, she could just be naturally slipping back into it. Having her realize that she's being a little stuffy mid-letter and throwing in a comment about how she really must be tired would have gone a long way toward making me comfortable with it. Just something to give me a reason. I very much dislike needing to make up headcanon in something that is already headcanon in order to justify.
This one is near the top of my own review queue, so I had to skip most of this review, but I'll come back to it when I've read the fic. If I remember, which knowing me is doubtful! Glad this is going to happen, though, and I'll look forward to seeing you review a story I already know, so that I can complain.
3263535 You'll probably have a lot to complain about, unfortunately. I always seem to be harder on things than most other people.
3263559 I doubt it, really. I know I tend to err on the side of kindness (though perhaps a little less than I used to), so it doesn't surprise me when another reviewer picks up on things that didn't bother me. We shall see!
Ooh, that review went up faster than I was hoping for - generally a good sign. I like your story-picking strategy, and I suspect it's going to get some interesting results: the top-rated section seems to have gotten rather more chaotic of late.
Agreed, but remember that you don't necessarily have to sacrifice entertainment for utility. It's harder to do both at once, but certainly possible, so if you come up with any clever or amusing ideas to use in a review, don't feel obliged to pass them over out of hand.
3265511 Oh, I'm not purposefully going to make them dry or anything. I just don't want people to come looking for yuks I'm going to make the expense of the story. If I think of anything amusing that I think adds, it will certainly go in there.