Apr
10th
2015
Poll regarding the description for Sharing the Night · 3:23am Apr 10th, 2015
So, Obs wrote a thing, and while I don't think it's really relevant to Sharing the Night itself, it did bring to mind a question that I've had for quite some time.
Sharing the Night's current description:
Twilight becomes alicorn of the stars. This is sort of a problem, because Luna kind of already was alicorn of the stars. Oops!
1. Do you think that Sharing the Night's description is representative of the story?
2. Should it be rewritten to be more representative, longer, more serious or anything else you can think of?
3. Does anyone have any out-and-out suggestions for it?
I'm quite curious.
1. Looks fine, honestly.
2. Not really. Most of what it is is conveyed fairly well in that, in my opinion.
3. None that I can think of.
~Skeeter The Lurker
Personally, I like the description.
1: Well, of the first part, at least, and going past that would risk spoilers.
2: I think it's fine as it is.
2: I don't, sorry.
The story is built around exploring the ramifications of that confusion. Adding any more detail would just mean spoiling it.
It's very representative of the first few arcs. I like it for being short and also accurate. It draws people in and they won't be disappointed by what they actually get.
It's very concise, telling exactly what needs to be known without wasting a bunch of extra words. Together with the tags, it gives a pretty accurate expectation. I actually tend to think of it as one of the best story descriptions because of those reasons.
It's fine.
I like the current description because it's what pulled me in in the first place. It also sets you up for being amused (there's a LOT of amusing interactions and hijinks throughout the fic) without giving anything away. Once you're in, you quickly find the other half of the fic is actually kinda serious and it grabs on and keeps you reading. :)
or that's my opinion, at least. ^^ The entire fic is basically "why did Twilight" and goes from there.
keep it as is
1. Yes. It doesn't get into the adventures, headcanon, OCs, or romance, but that's what tagging is for.
2. OK as is. Tagging fills in the rest of the blanks.
3. OK as is.
I tend to err on the side of concision and think many fic synopses are far too wordy; I think yours is great!
I think the description is fine ^^
As much as I personally don't mind, I will note that I tried to suggest your story to one of my friends (since I consider it one of my favourites on the site) and they came fairly close to rejecting it out of hand simply because of the bare-bones description.
All in all, it seems fine to me. Short, sweet, and to the point.
The description has always been one of the things I like about Sharing the Night: it's short and quirky, yet (when combined with the tags) it tells me everything I need to know about the story, without spoiling anything.
I would say that the description kind of makes the story come off a bit more light hearted than it really is. Which isn't bad, but I feel as though possibly tossing in something to give the feeling that there is more to this problem than a mere "Oops".
Not trying to be condescending or anything, I love the story to pieces. Just throwing in my two cents.
It got me to read it, so I'm a little biased in its favor now. Quite a number of things have happened that, well... I guess everything does sort of relate to their relationship in some way or other, which is what I feel the description hints most strongly at.
1. Do you think that Sharing the Night's description is representative of the story?
Yes. It gives just enough information to get you hooked.
2. Should it be rewritten to be more representative, longer, more serious or anything else you can think of?
No. As stated above it makes you curious without giving everything away.
3. Does anyone have any out-and-out suggestions for it?
If you decide to change it... Hmm. The only thing i can think of would be slight rewording. "Luna lost the stars, Twilight found them. What happens when Luna is forced to share her birthright with another?"
or some such.
2967555
A comment on your number 3:
I recommend avoiding rhetorical questions in a description. They are a crude method of forcing the reader down your thought path and can easily come off as condescending.
To make an analogy to other forms of art, it's like drawing big red arrows on a painting to get the viewer to pay attention where you want.
Keep it as is; the short, comical nature of the description was a driving force in me clicking on the story. (Also TwiLuna).
I would agree that what Obs wrote doesn't apply to your story. You have the Teen tag so I can infer that the story will stay PG-13 and not turn into NC-17. It has the romance tag (Which is a tag I like to read, and there really is romance in the story!) The slice of life tag simply tells me that everyday situations will occur. The write up is brief and to the point. Twilight has something that Luna had. Now what?
So I would vote with 1.
2. Doesn't apply.
For 3, a (TwiLuna) tag could be added while that is inferred by the cover art and romance tag it isn't really spelled out.
My 2 bits worth.
I think you could go with making it more serious. As it is, the descriptions seems to imply a comedy-ish story, but it has become far more serious than that. I think giving the reader an idea of the tone of a story should be part of the Description's job, and it doesn't quite do that at the moment.
I'll chip in my thoughts as well.
Short story, its fine.
Long story, it implies all it needs too.
A lot of what I get from the story is the interaction between Luna and Twilight as they both get used to Twilight's new status.
The short description implies exactly that: Luna is alicorn of the night and stars.... no wait Twilight is stars now and Moonbutt isn't... what is going on?
The story then proceeds from there. The only way you'd really need to imply anything more is if anything really outside the norms happens from there.
Does Luna go super alicorn five and fight against her long lost brother Radish for the fate of the world? Do we get cupcakes ver. 500 in the castle basement? Is Twilight really the midnight rapist with a taste for foals?
No? Nothing weird like that? Then you're good.
(And the romance is very much implied by the existence of the romance tag, so you're good there.)
(On an aside, has there been a dbz crossover in pony fan fiction... and was it as bad as I'm currently imagining it would be?)
The purpose of a description is to get your readers to stick with you long enough to be hooked. Your current one describes the first couple chapters wonderfully, and that's plenty to get people invested in the story.
It's perfect. It's short, simple, accurate, and a great hook. This is what descriptions should be.
I think it could use one snetence hinting at some of the adventures that happen but other than that I really like the current description. Please dont changw that, if you do anything I suggest only adding to it.
Well, guess I was just being silly. Good to know. Thanks, everyone.
It's one phrase but it lists the main characters, describes the conflict and sets the tone. It's plenty descriptive. Not like that
bullshit.
2969885
I agree, still haven't read that series even though I found it over a year ago...
Caryatid: Your current description is nice and short, but descriptive
I quite like your summary. And while your story has a lot of serious things in it, it does use quite a bit of humor. It's perfect for the shortened summaries fics use and pretty good for the longer version.
2969885
Yeah, that one gets enough recommendations that it's on my read later list but so far, for several years the summary has kept it there.
No. Yes. And i'm sorry, i don't know.
It's honestly fine as is. but if you really feel the need to fluff it up you could allude to the later more adventure-y parts. Something like "If only that was her biggest problem." Though I'd stick with the simplicity approach. There is a certain elegance to it as is.
I'll echo the other comments here: The summary works well as it is.
It's short, it tells the reader the fic's premise, and it introduces the conflict that dominates the first third-to-half of the story. The prospective reader has the information that they need and a hook to get them interested in reading further. Any more information would either be spoilers or fluff.
I've re-read the whole story two or three times so far, and look forward to future chapters!
The current description completely ignores anything that happens after Twilight and Luna make up. So...
No.
Yes.
Add "The resulting mess reveals a dark secret so old, even Celestia never knew about it." to the end of the existing description.
You don't have to reveal the entire plot, but you should at least hint to there being more.