Read It Later Reviews #3 – Dream, Dear Mom, Warpigs, Let Them Eat Grass, Operation Hearts and Hooves Day · 11:00pm Dec 8th, 2014
Given that I’ve been doing this for a few weeks now, I think it would probably be wise for me to sort of explain the rating system I’ve been using here.
Not Recommended – These are stories that I don’t recommend. These stories range from the bad to the mediocre - anything which is not actively good will generally fall into this category unless it has some other feature which makes it worth your time. Thus, this category includes both stories that I downvoted, and stories that I didn’t upvote – that is to say, left no vote on at all. If I’m not willing to upvote a story, it is hard for me to say that it is worth someone else's time, as to me, an upvote is an endorsement of a story being worth your time.
Worth Reading – This is a story that I upvoted and think is worth reading. These stories should be satisfying, especially if you enjoy the genre they’re in, but you don’t necessarily need to go out of your way to read them. Still, you won't consider your time wasted if you read these stories.
Recommended –This is a story that I upvoted and favorited. These stories impressed me in some way or otherwise made me feel that more folks should read them, and are worth putting on your reading list. If you were considering reading a story I recommended, you should consider it me urging you to do so.
Highly Recommended – This I a story that I put on my recommended to others list, and represent stories that you should go out of your way to read. I consider these stories the very best the fandom has to offer.
Read It Later – This is reserved for stories which are incomplete, which may or may not be worth reading in the future, but which aren’t worth reading now in their incomplete state. I generally avoid reviewing incomplete stories, but if I do so, I will likely give them this rating if there isn't enough information necessary to make a recommendation.
The five stories I read today:
Dream by Cascadejackal
Dear Mom by Thak
Warpigs by TheWraithWriter
Let Them Eat Grass by Cloudhammer
Operation Hearts and Hooves Day by RaylanKrios and Bookplayer
Dream
by Cascadejewel
SadSometimes, dreams are all we have. Sometimes, that's enough.
Hidden deep within a maze, well away from prying eyes, there is a statue. The last great work of an artist long forgotten, her time-worn visage watches the raising and setting of the sun and the moon as though enraptured.
Who created such a marvel, this sculpture of copper and brass, of crystal and cog, and why, is unknown, lost to the mists of time.... until now.
This is the tale of a painter and a clockmaker, and the love they shared.
This is the tale of a dreamer, who knew only her dream.
Why I added it: The Royal Canterlot Library added this story to its archives.
Review
This is, fundamentally, a fairy tale. The writing has the cast of such things, and while it has some things in it which fairy tales lack, it still has the same general flow of one. This was a story meant to touch the heart with the joy and tragedy of the characters.
I was completely unmoved. Maybe it is because I’ve seen stories like this before – a man, unable to have a child, creates one, and the child, not understanding life, not really, ends up wandering the world and then eventually stopping somewhere and rusting away. Maybe it is because I have more in common with Draco (the dragon, from Dragonheart, not the Harry Potter character – look, one is voiced by Sean Connery, which one do you think I mean?) than one might think. Or maybe it is because the characters don’t ever really get much character – they exist, and they do, but they don’t end up being very developed and I never really get much of a grasp on his wife or the Dream as people, and even of the clockmaker I have only the vaguest of ideas. Why didn’t he bring the Dream into town? Why did he let it be isolated? I never really understood his motivations once he created the Dream.
In the end, my lack of connection to the characters killed this story for me. I liked the aesthetics of the piece, and I thought the visual of the ending was pretty neat, but I just didn’t end up caring. The ending, ultimately, didn’t feel like it had any real point – it ended like many fairy tales do, in a manner which is really alien and incomprehensible to me. I’d really love to see art of the Dream, but that’s all I was really left with after reading this piece.
Recommendation: Not recommended.
Dear Mom
by Thak
SadLife has been hard for Scootaloo.
But can she overcome her struggles and find a way to go on?
Will she want to once the truth is revealed?
Why I added it: PresentPerfect recommended it.
Review
Scootaloo writes letters to her deceased mom, first from the orphanage, then from Rainbow Dash’s house. Over the course of the letters, we find out how her mother died and who was to blame for it.
I think this story suffered from two things. The first is that a great deal of the story is spent talking about stuff we already knew without adding much new perspective on it; Scootaloo looks up to Rainbow Dash, Scootaloo is friends with Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom, ect. The second lies in the central conflict of the story, if there is one.
Scootaloo finding out that Rainbow Dash was responsible for the flood that killed her mother is a good idea for a story, but it didn’t really work very well for me here; it only comes up at the very end, and then is dismissed within a very short period of time. I felt like the story needed to have more meat to it, and I think that by focusing more on that conflict this story could have been much more than it was – her adoptive mother discovering that she had been responsible for orphaning her in the first place, fessing up to it, Scootaloo’s feelings of betrayl, and then finally resolution of the emotions she was feeling would have worked well, and would have helped avoid repeating a bunch of stuff we already knew and didn’t need to hear again.
Instead, the focus was much more diluted and I didn’t feel like it delivered on what it was trying to do.
Recommendation: Not recommended.
Warpigs
by TheWraithWriter
Dark, Gore"What's a Warpig?"
An innocent question from a innocent filly brings back a flood of memories Celestia would have preferred to keep buried.
Why I added it: PresentPerfect recommended it.
Review
The story fundamentally consists of two parts: Twilight in the present, asking about the warpigs, and a flashback/historical interlude where Celestia answers that question, but does not tell Twilight about it, preferring to protect her from the knowledge.
I have to say by partway through the story I was expecting the pigs to be humans, and I’m not quite sure if I’m glad or not that it wasn’t the case.
As for the story itself, it feels a little bit rambly. The historical interlude where the book ridicules the idea that Princess Celestia annihilated the Pigs personally felt a bit out of place in the rest of the text, and while the juxtaposition could have theoretically been effective, I felt like the fact that we were now seeing three sources – Twilight asking, Celestia remembering, and book writing about what happened – was too much.
The best part of the story is probably the bit where Celestia finds out what happened, but it is also the bit I’ve seen on many occasions – not in that exact form, but in similar forms. Celestia’s rampage amongst the pigs was reasonably written, and worked well enough, but at the same time I’m not sure that it managed to sell the rest of the story to me.
Ultimately, I felt like the story had some decent ideas, but fell a bit short in executing on them.
Recommendation: Not recommended.
Let Them Eat Grass
by Cloudhammer
Comedy, Slice of LifePonies hold nearly total sway over the world, from the sky to the earth and even beyond. Many of the races resent this, and scheme to claim a portion of that control for themselves. Some have even come close to toppling the ponies from their position of power.
This is not the story of one of those races.
Why I added it: Honorable mention in the Outside Insight competition.
Review
This is a very short and somewhat odd story told from the perspective of a sheep named Collin. He gets up, eats some grass, gets shorn, and goes home, and the only thing that really happens is him briefly questioning his lot in life because he hears a filly doing the same.
A lot of people liked this story; I wasn’t overfond of it, though, primarily because I felt like it didn’t really go anywhere with it. There was a minor question raised, it was answered fairly simply, and while the story was a short and simple as the sheep were, I didn’t really feel like anything happened or I was enriched as the result of reading it.
It is, however, extremely short, which means that it didn’t spend much time doing what it was doing.
Recommendation: Not recommended.
Operation Hearts and Hooves Day
by RyanKrios and Bookplayer
Sex, Romance, Comedy, Slice of LifeRarity decides that Applejack’s Hearts and Hooves day present for Rainbow Dash isn't romantic enough. Fluttershy decides the same thing about Rainbow Dash’s present for Applejack. They each set out to help their friends, but find that romance doesn't work the same way for everypony.
Why I added it: I read all of bookplayer’s stories.
Review
The summary of this story pretty much describes the plot. This was one of the stories that bookplayer gave away a while back, allowing others to finish writing them up so that they would actually get published rather than simply languish on her hard drive forever. I think I can see why.
The main problem with this story is that it is secretly about something other than what it is obviously about, and the secret plot of the story really needed more love because it was the best thing about it. There wasn’t anything wrong with the A plot at all – the idea of Applejack and Rainbow Dash buying each other very practical presents which didn’t meet with the approval of their more romantic friends had great potential for comedy, but I didn’t actually end up laughing out loud at any of it. I felt like more horrified reactions were in order, with more comedic reactions from Rainbow Dash or Applejack. This plot is very straightforward though, and adding in a twist was a good idea. Unfortunately, the twist fell a little flat.
The secret plot of the story was that Applejack and Rainbow Dash realized that Fluttershy and Rarity had a thing for each other and were secretly trying to get their friends together. Now, this was a great idea, but I feel like either this was unintentional – i.e. the story just kind of stumbled into it at the end – or that it was undercooked, as it didn’t really get enough of a push earlier on in the story. I think having Rainbow Dash and Applejack more clearly be trying to figure out how to push Rarity and Fluttershy together – and have Fluttershy and Rarity buy “them” cards and gifts which were really for each other – would have added a nice second layer to this story which would have elevated it above the obvious A-plot.
This story has some issues with being telly, especially at the beginning. We get some LUS-ish descriptions at the start like “the stubborn farm pony and the brash pegasus” which are thrown in for no good reason. This bit towards the end also hurt a bit:
The two friends looked at each other, each one refusing to divulge their role in the budding romance, but an understanding passing between them nevertheless.
This is really the sort of thing you should show rather than tell; having them mutually realize that they totally manufactured the situation is amusing.
Recommendation: Not recommended.
Summary
Dream by Cascadejackal
Not Recommended
Dear Mom by Thak
Not Recommended
Warpigs by TheWraithWriter
Not Recommended
Let Them Eat Grass by Cloudhammer
Not Recommended
Operation Hearts and Hooves Day by RaylanKrios and Bookplayer
Not Recommended
This wasn’t the strongest batch of stories; there were some good ideas here, but none of them felt like they were executed as well as they should have been.
Number of stories still listed as "Read It Later - Recommended": 136. This list is likely to be pared down soon, with more stories moved to “Read It Later”.
Number of stories listed as “Read It Later”: 1511
I'm still interested in Warpigs, otherwise I guess I'll stick to my own stories this week...
TD is now PP? Oh the humanity!
2641325
It isn't terrible, but I can't personally recommend it because I didn't think it was all that great, either. There's a difference between "this story is awful" and "meh", but I realized when I was reading reviews about video games a while ago that I actually didn't care much about that difference - as far as I'm concerned, what I want to do is read/play nothing but the best, so when I'm reading reviews, the difference between "this is mediocre" and "this is awful" isn't that important, whereas "this is actually interesting" and "This is amazing, you should play it" are both informative to me.
If you're interested in the premise, you may get more out of it than I did.
2641353
I wasn't anywhere near that zeppelin when it went up in flame!
You should just call this "TD hates everything". D:
Also >tfw when getting the blame for recommending shit stories and then you go and steal my review rankings in my house, on the day of my daughter's wedding
2641436
Besides, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Though maybe I should consider just reading the "highly recommended" stories from now on.
Real friends stab you in the front.
Also I'm almost done reviewing the writeoff contest stories; I'm up to 25/31.
2641452
Damn, dude, slow down, it's not a race. :(
2641436
Thank you, PP. This is the biggest laugh I've gotten in a while.
Also, TD, you do hate everything...
2641457
I've been trying to avoid spending time doing stupid stuff on the internet; doing reviews gives me something productive to do while still doing "something stupid on the internet", thereby being both useful and diverting me away from doing stupid things like arguing on news sites or spending time reading about stuff I already know.
If I seem productive, it is because I am trying to spend my time much more productively than I have been historically. I don't know if it will work; history indicates that outside of work, my ability to actually sustain random independent projects is pretty low once it goes beyond a certain amount of time.
So, yeah. I can be super productive in short bursts, but actual sustained output from me is rare. But it isn't because I get tired or worn out from it; it is because I am not very conscientious. It is something I have been trying to work on, with only fairly limited success.
2641464
And since I somehow missed the spoiler up there, you'll still find some duds because I get majorly hung up on stuff like Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo and Applejack Goes to Magic School for Some Reason (well, you liked that one too) and just stupid shit where I know no one else is going to like it but goddammit I'm just massively entertained and I love it to death.
2641463
Just over half of what I've read and reviewed has been that way. That's ignoring the random front-page stories I read and didn't end up liking very much but didn't write reviews on.
I really probably should have called it "TD hates everything", but we all know I like some things! I mean, sure, some folks have described me following them as a downvote tax. Razed Rainbow, who used to have access to voting stats, described my voting history as a visual depiction of Sturgeon's Law in red. But I don't hate everything.
Just you know, most things.
Actually this is a phenomenon which goes well beyond pony fanfiction; I think my average rating for a video game is somewhere around 50 on a 100 point scale, over several dozen games.
2641476
Well, I can hardly complain given how much promotion I've given to Rainbow Dash Gets An Abortion.
Really, sometimes you just have something which tickles you which is not nearly as good to everyone else as it was for you. I was really impressed by A Basilisk for One last contest, but no one outside of the write-off would really find it as amazing as I did.
There's nothing wrong with that, though. Roger Ebert gave Shoot Em Up three and a half stars out of four because:
As he noted at the end of his review:
I personally enjoyed that movie for exactly the reasons that Ebert did, but I'd imagine a lot of folks did not. Sometimes, something hits you just right, and it is a thing of beauty.
2641494
Well, A Basilisk For One was a private performance.
For the record, you didn't like my fic this round nearly as much as the ones you keep telling me to publish I'm gonna get around to that I swear. Just this stupid day job, and trying to juggle personal projects, and I hate editing. D:
2641725
Heh. Admittedly I'm sitting on some stories which require editing. Like... uh, four or five of them.
So I guess I have no place to talk there.
Though if you do need an editor you can always feel free to poke me, I suspect what you mean is that you don't like the actual process of cutting apart your baby and putting it together again, which I understand.
Also, sorry; your stories are very hit and miss for me. I didn't really like Mark of Destiny much either, but other folks loved it. I suspect a lot of your stories are narrowly targeted, which is why they resonate so much with some people and others are left in the cold. That isn't really a bad thing, mind; trying to please everyone will frequently result in not really pleasing anyone.
2641736
Re editing: yeah, pretty much. But thank you! I do explicitly plan to offer Cowled Changelings to you for an early final read (for feedback on the new parts) before it hits the site.
Well, in this round's case, it was that I did actually stumble on something I shouldn't have. Your review picked up the story's flaws. I'm gonna see if I can edit it this week in around the edges of the reviews.
*insert excited fluffle gasp here*
TL;DR
*Insert upset fluffle gasp here*
Sir, you wound me!
Aaaaaaaaand now I'm over it.
Back to
writingSkyrim.Okay, let's get dangerous.
I understand the bit of confusion with the historical text. Truth is I was trying and trying to find a way to give exposition via dialog that wasn't clunky or rambling. And then I decided to just do it via historical text because I didn't hate the idea.
I didn't mean to give the readers another point of view. Just some exposition that didn't make the characters seem stupid and make them have a long-winded conversation.
Eh, me and my feature aren't going to worry about it.I'm sorry! That was just funny in my head.And this idea that the pigs were actually humans is new to me. I didn't write with that intent, but then again I didn't mean to reference Animal Farm either, but I did if the comments are anything to go by...
Still, the feedback junkie in me thanks you for the feedback.
2641325
Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it.I'd like if you'd give it a look. If you have the time of course.
2641436
Sir, you wound me!
A lot actually. Ow.
Why can't the reviews just look at my good stuff? Like my story about infidelity and rape by deception? Or the sequel? Or that story about technically not incest? Or the sequel? Or the one with political assassination of the threat of bodily harm against newborns?
Aaaaaand that's enough [insert substance of choice here] for one day.
2641494 BTW, love that movie.
Okay, I'll stop aggressively stalking the comments section....
2642047
Is that this story?
2642049 Indeed.