Just Let It Die Already: Feature Box Special #07 · 4:30am Nov 23rd, 2014
The title betrays it; I'm not a happy camper right now. Why? Well, coming fresh off my last quickie blog, where I mentioned the sudden appearance of these POS ripoff fics in the aftermath of Cards Against Equiniti, and pretty much got the point across that none of us wants to see this become a thing, I'm now forced to review one of those fics that is now in the Feature Box. Happy day, huh? I get to review what is essentially the same damned thing as before. Goody. As if there isn't enough of the usual shit to deal with...
Anyway, before I veer too far off-topic, I'll save that talk for the review and just have a look at this week's box. (Or at least, the box as it was back on Wednesday, because you should be used to the fact that it takes me forever to read the stories and write these reviews by now.) You look at it, too. Look at it, and weep.
Yep, the new Cards fic is in there, and it's by... ugh... MythrilMoth. I never liked the guy's writing or attitude, and so far he's not displaying a very nice one on that story... but I'll kindly leave that out of the review, if only so I don't end up dominating the other reviews with that one story's review alone. Seriously, I could go on for a while about him-- though he's not the only one I'd rant about all afternoon, oh no. Anyhow, here's some first impressions on what I see:
· Dunno about you, but if I ever found a talking muffin, I'd probably be rich.
· [insert bandwagon mudslinging here]
· Third entry in a bullshit series that barely even needed one.
· No, really. She wants a throne. Right now.
· Life will always cut you a break if you bail out on your wedding? The more you know.
· Filly fucks up spell, princess gets bigger. Also, shipping ensues.
· Some interspecies action that isn't human x pony for a change? Don't know if I should be surprised.
Huh, only one clopfic this time around. FiMFic, you're slipping. I'd have rather put up with your average clopfest than either one of a certain two stories in there at the moment. But I suppose you have to make do with what you have, so let's get right to it.
#7: But I Wanna Die!
by Rinnaul
Ditzy Doo receives a mysterious surprise muffin one morning, but isn't sure she should eat it. Mostly because it's asking her to eat it. Literally.
She brings the matter to Twilight.
A debate about ethics ensues.
Things end predictably.
You would be forgiven if the title made you double back a bit; or at least, you would if you've never heard of or seen the asdfmovies. If you haven't, those are basically just YouTube short videos that play a series of random, often barely-related skits revolving around things both inane and ridiculous. It's the epitome of a lot of "4 randumbz" tropes, and it started several memes, so I doubt that you could have gone very far on the internet and not at least encountered them somewhere. "I like trains", anyone?
Anyway, more to the point, the story itself is... well, I'll be up front and simply say that it's a mixed bag. It's a crossover with asdfmovie, namely in that it features that sapient muffin with the running gag of its wish to be eaten (and die) always being denied and unfulfilled. Ditzy (not Derpy, as the story is very clear to point out, even though no one should really give a shit about that by now) finds it one day, is about to eat it, until it suddenly starts to talk. She then takes it to Twilight, who then calls some sort of Court meeting, and... starts debating ethics on suicide? Well, sure, why the fuck not. Because that's obviously the only semi-serious way to take this. Eh, at least it's still leagues better than the other possibilities of such a crossover being used...
My problems with this one come into play rather clearly, for me-- however, I'm not here to debate ethics, especially not on suicide. In the story, the general arguments are presented fairly evenly; Rarity and Rainbow don't want to interfere in anyone's decision to end their life, AJ and Fluttershy would rather make the best attempt to save them from such a thing, and Pinkie seems rather neutral and naive, opting to take a passive approach and help them through friendship. But, see, this sort of debate honestly makes me a little... uncomfortable. Not that their opinions are OOC (though a couple of them kind of, well, are), but that they are being suddenly being used as mouthpieces to portray a delicate issue from all sides. My concerns are mostly personal, so Your Mileage May Vary, but the story doesn't quite seem to touch upon the issue as respectfully as I'd prefer it to be. In fact, by the end, they seem to shrug off the issue with barely any care, instead deciding that it's not their problem, and they're not qualified to debate such an issue. While I can agree that they most certainly aren't, it's pretty insensitive that they just don't seem to care in the end.
It's not outright offensive or anything, but it fails to acknowledge a few important things to consider regarding suicidal people; some aren't in a proper state of mind, for example, and even if they "sincerely" wish to die, it is not often the best choice to let them have that right off the bat. Therapy and support are pretty important, and saying "I don't have to make this choice" or "It'll sort itself out" is equivalent to turning a blind eye to someone clearly in need of help, even if they're not outright stating so. Listen, if you know someone who is depressed, or suicidal, HELP them. Yeah, I know, I'm preaching to a bunch of anons on the internet that will probably forget this by the day's end, and I know that people are very much liable to fake it over the net (which REALLY pisses me off, by the way), but it's still an issue I'd at least give a damn about. I'm trying my best not to step on anyone's toes here, but this is also a sensitive topic for me, having known people that committed suicide or threatened to do so. I've nothing much to say on assisted suicide, but in that sort of case, a terminal patient with no chance of recovery might yet be better off doing so-- but only if they make the final decision on that. It's a very tricky issue, because no two circumstances are the same, and this sort of discussion can easily poke nerves.
Honestly, this story should be tagged "dark", or something. Don't like the cute muffin on the cover fool you, as it merely serves as a means of dragging the rather morbid and uncomfortable debate out into the open. The muffin with the cute voice begging to die? A faceplate, and nothing else. The next big strike for this story is the fact that, all in all, the crossover is there just for the hell of it. It happens, brings up this ethics debate, and then fucks off into the sunset with nary a lesson learned. (Spoiler: Derpy just eats the muffin off-screen. Boom, conflict resolved. Apparently.) I honestly forgot this was a crossover for a while, reading this. It seemed so irrelevant compared to the greater scheme at hand. Fuck, you could have done away with the crossover elements, and not much would been changed at its core. Hell, if you did that, and maybe treated the issue with the respect it deserves, then you might have had a dark, moody, but insightful debate. But, as I hate stories that use ponies as mouthpieces for opinions on ethics or politics to begin with, that wouldn't even pass by me with a good grade either. Right now, I'm just... ugh. It's fairly well-written, for what it's worth, but the rest just kills it for me. Yes, maybe I'm looking far too deeply into this, but since when have I not?
And just so you all know, it's not even funny. Like, at all. I may know about asdfmovie, but I never said I liked it.
Sunset Shimmer convinces her friends to play a party game Flash Sentry introduced her to when they were dating: Cards Against Humanity.
Yeah, probably not her best idea. But hey, bonding!
So, we meet again, Cards. I thought I was in the clear for this week when Royalty Plays Cards Against Humanity got deleted... but then this thing ninja'd into the feature box right when I wasn't looking. That kinda pisses me off a little, but hey, I suppose it's not the author's fault that it got featured. (But it is his fault for writing it purely because of a bandwagon in the first place (which he admitted to), so it's a roundabout argument.) Looking at the story, one thing bugs me, right off the bat...
Content warning: Story uses actual Cards Against Humanity black and white cards.
Aaaaand just like that, the level of potential originality has gone so low it's buried itself-- not that it would have been very high, to begin with. He openly admits to copying ACTUAL cards from the game. And why, exactly? Laziness? Rushed writing? Just didn't care? Well, apparently, he wrote this as a written transcript of an actual CAH game he played (except it wasn't really a game, since he was by himself, and simply got the cards via a card list and a random number generator), and then simply wrote the characters interaction and reactions around it. This may sound somewhat creative as a means to produce a "fair" and random round, but as a result, the story feels like a... skeletal shell, of some sort. This type of story doesn't really need flowery descriptions, but it feels too formulaic; it railroads the reader through a round of a card game that they can only observe, and character reactions become predictable very quickly. They'll make quips on a black card, comment on every subsequent white card, occasionally break things up with some more idle commentary or chatter, rinse, wash, repeat.
From first glance, this is looking to be the same as the original Cards Against Equiniti, only taking place in the EqG world instead. This guy, unlike the other fellow that wrote one before this (and deleted it due to backlash), actually did manage to get consent from the original author to write this, so there's that, at least. But along with the somehow-worse writing and structure, it suffers from the exact same problems that the original story did. Namely, it doesn't let any humor come naturally; it forces the comedy to happen. Proper comedy does not work that way. It might get a chuckle out of some people. For others of lower standards and expectations, they'll probably laugh quite a bit. But it gets old very quickly. I read round one, and the next nine rounds were essentially the same damned thing over and over again. It gets repetitive. It gets dull. This is everything that was wrong with the old story magnified to the nth degree, given that it's got three times as many "chapters." Some tell me it's technically better than the other one. Is it really? I honestly don't see the difference. The jokes are just as unfunny, the characters aren't dynamic in any way and are there purely for the sake of providing reactions, and, most importantly, it's not a story. It's just one big joke. A meta joke. A joke that not everyone will get, nor will everyone appreciate. There's no substance here. When the only thing that's standing up a story is a card game and several tasteless "jokes", then you better believe that it will fall apart rather quickly; much like this trend, I'm hoping.
Now, it's not quite taken off and become a fad just yet, but it certainly seems to be a possibility, and that thought doesn't sit well with me. Nor did it for a number of others, who all saw it fit to post their own blogs (besides myself) asking people to cut this shit out. I don't exactly expect people to listen, but that was more of a warning from me, more than anything. But, honestly? I think this is a step down from the likes of Five Nights crossovers or LoHAV. At least those had some attempt at a story, despite how cut-and-paste and dull they were otherwise. But CAH fics... They don't even have that. They're just one-shot gigglefests that quickly lose their appeal and, no matter how much you people might think otherwise, will fade from memory and overall significance rather quickly. In fact, I'm even willing to bet you'll end up feeling ashamed of it, down the road. These are all the same problems as the original story for the most part, and hey, I'm sorry, but if you're gonna copy an idea, you're gonna innately end up repeating all the same mistakes and problems.
For those of you who insist that this story is "great", and shut out those that disagree, because I've seen a discomforting number of those people: Fine. That's just your opinion. It's obvious your idea of quality and mine do not match up. So, if you would kindly vacate the premises before I have to escort you out personally, that would be great. I don't have time to deal with anyone trying to make baseless arguments in favor of this story; from an objective critical standpoint, it's a terrible story. That doesn't mean there aren't people who enjoy, because as we all know, even the bottom of the barrel has its flies. There's nothing I can say to stop you from liking it if you already do, apparently to the point of outright fanaticism for some, but that doesn't mean I have to agree. I'm just a freelance fanfic critic doing my self-appointed job, here; I'd be slandering the name if I ever called this a good story in any review.
Finally, I simply must present the roundabout question: Why not just play the damn game itself?
There are consequences to every action, but we can't always predict what they will be. I stay up at night wondering what I could have done differently, but I've already paid the price for my actions. All I can do now is deal with the consequences, and I've got several great friends to help me do it.
See, I think the original Dash of Humanity had a sort of neat idea at first, if only because it wasn't the same damn thing as every other HiE fic at the time. Granted, it still wasn't the best thing ever, for various reasons, but at least it was its own thing for a while, and it did end. For a while, at least. Two more stories cropped up since the first, this one being the latest, and I can't say it's aged very well. In fact, the longer it goes on, the further and further it seems to spiral out of control. At a glance, it becomes clear that the series is suffering from a pretty bad case of a Ceberus Rollercoaster, and it's even evident by merely glancing at the tags. The first was a dark comedy involving a human sharing a body with RD, the second was a romantic slice-of-life thing with some comedy, and the third instantly takes a dive into the deep end of dark again.
How dark, you might ask? Well, in the first two chapters alone, the human-now-turned-pony is abducted and tortured by a jealous and sociopathic Soarin' (yes, he's apparently a jealous sociopath in this story/series, who'd have thought?), is turned into a mare thanks to some witch's brew, and then raped and impregnated by him, all in the effort of getting him (or her, I guess) committed to mental asylum (somehow, I dunno) where she will be forced to have the child and then have it taken away afterward, due to being a mental patient. Okay, that... seems like an unbelievably cruel and convoluted revenge plan, and I think it's very fair to say that this is very out of character for Soarin, and I don't see an alternate universe tag or some other kind of explanation, so that's another strike. "Jealousy" can drive people to do stupid things, yes, but I have a hard time believing this when it involves such a complex and deliberate plan. Why, if I didn't know any better, I'd say the author has it in for the poor stallion.
Anyway, luckily for the protag, apparently Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, and company arrive just in time to save the poor sap, but not quite in time to save her from already being raped. (This is a teen-rated story, so any "action" is off-screen, but you really can't deny there is some very heavy stuff in this story regardless.) But what does she then think, right after being rescued, and with the fresh knowledge that she had just been raped? After Rainbow bails out to chase after Soarin (who somehow slipped away), she wants Fluttershy to use that same brew from earlier, not to change her back (or, alternatively, seek any kind of magical help from Twilight or whoever else), but to make Fluttershy a stallion, fuck her on the spot, and ensure that if she has a child, it wouldn't be Soarin's. Yeah, um, okay... What the fuck? Are you shitting me, right now? She JUST got fucking raped, which is a horrible and traumatic thing for anyone to be put through, and the first thing that comes to her mind is "Fuck me so it's not his!"? Seriously?
It gets harder and harder not to want to do this with some people...
I... ugh. Not only is that a completely disrespectful and tasteless portrayal of rape, it takes a shit on basic reasoning itself. Just what the fuck is "Dawn" even thinking? Afterwards, she doesn't even seem that torn up about it. I mean, jeez, the way it's been treated, I don't even think there could be a reasonably positive outcome, here. It was just done for the hell of it; just to get Dawn to be a female against her will again, on top of getting her pregnant, purely because "lol drama". (And, from what I hear in some comments, Dawn's separate body is supposedly akin to a golem of some sort, and that any magical potions or whatever would actually have killed him. I'm not too big on details, and I didn't read the second or the last half of the first story, so, I can't really comment on that too much. Take that observation as you will, but if that's true, that seems like a pretty goddamn big oversight.)
...Actually, you know what? I think I know what's going on here. I had my hunches from the start, but in retrospect, it was obvious from the start, and maybe a good number of you noticed as well. This story? It's a fetish fic. All of it. The whole kit and caboodle, all the product of someone's twisted fantasies. Rape, impregnation, all this drama, and a relationship with two of the mane six at the same time-- fetish fic. Logic be damned in this story, for it has no place in such a dark realm. (And where the fuck is that Alternate Universe tag? This isn't like the canon 'Verse in the slightest at this point.) The story itself seems only now to act as a vent for the author's kinks and fantasies; not an uncommon occurrence, as I could name several stories that end up doing the same thing. It's Author Appeal, and it always seems to worm its way into the long-running stories that don't always start out as such. But even then, I could argue this story started out as this from day one; just a bit more subtle, and nondescript. I suppose it's fair to say that a number of stories can be like that, but it's only a real problem when it starts to take over and bog down any plot that the story was having. And there wasn't even a lot of THAT to begin with.
Even if you sat through and liked the last two stories, I'd doubt that very many of you would like this one. If the first two chapters didn't already completely fuck things over, then I foresee it getting even worse down the line. Unless you share in whatever sad little fantasy the author here clearly has, then I'd advise keeping well away from it.
She's been assured by her sister a thousand times that they are equals, so where the hay is her throne?
After three controversial stories in a row, I'm a little glad for some respite, even if the story appears to be middle-of-the-road fare by my average standards. Well, maybe "middle of the road" is being a bit too nice, because it's still not that great. At best, it's just a short little story that tries to be a silly and non-serious spiel with the only major happening being neatly encapsulated in the title. Problem is, as with most "comedies", the jokes continue to fall flat, and I can't exactly buy the reasoning and characterization here. It's... well, a lot of cliché fanon comes into play, and I can't say I care for it. Headcanon is always going to be a thing, yes, but it isn't really indicative of effort on the writer's part when it barely deviates from what is considered the "norm" by this fandom. Using common nicknames like "Lulu", or "Tia", Celestia's obsession with cake taken to rather extreme levels (protip: the more exaggerated a joke is, the less funny it becomes), and things like that.
The comedy just feels... forced, overall. Jokes here are... well, they're not terrible, but they feel like they've just been shoehorned in. There's a cutaway gag, a few explanations that lead up to a "funny" revelation, constant side-stepping, and awkward bait-and-switches-- the only "throne" she ends up showing Luna in the end is of the porcelain variety. Oh, and their bank is completely empty, since all the money just so happens to neatly fit into every single mandatory expense aside from creature comforts for the Princesses themselves, and they can't borrow any money because the last loan they took out was spent on several hundred tons of cake. Because that little fandom joke hasn't been beaten into the ground already, right? Blegh.
And after all is said and done, the story just... ends. Abruptly. It says, "here's your new throne!", which is in fact a toilet (why those would be in Equestria, I have no idea), then leaves it at that. Yeah. The story ends on toilet humor. Fantastic. Yeah, not a problem, it's not like we actually wanted some closure to this or anything. But, I suppose it could be worse; it's just bland and overdone by my regard. If you don't mind fanon jokes, have a short attention span, are easy to please, and just want a short romp with very little substance, then this might be worth a read. But I certainly wouldn't recommend it to anyone else anytime soon.
#3: Going Anywhere
by Eakin
As a general rule, leaving your future bride at the altar and abandoning your entire family to flee the city of Canterlot is a bad idea.
Then again, you never know just who you'll meet on the train to your new life.
Thankfully, the box seems to be improving at this point, so hey, at least we didn't get screwed over that much. On first glance of this story, I wasn't really too sure what to expect of it. It seemed a little predictable, and it kind of is, really. But at least it's not terribly contrived, or anything; it takes no real effort to guess what's going on by the time you're only a few paragraphs in, but that's not really the point of the story. It's a little funny in a way, knowing that these two has been actually trying to get away from each other when they didn't even really know each other to begin with, and yet in doing so, end up together anyway. It's not exactly a story of a grand scale, nor is it very long or in-depth, but it's actually kinda nice for what it is.
Yeah, who would have thought. A decent story, for a change. It's written well, the two OCs are decently likable (not exactly my favorites, but at least they aren't annoying little twats, like many can be), and it ends on a pretty hopeful note. What's that? A fanfic that actually does a lot of original things for a change? Surely I must be high, or something. But my only real problem with the story is that, as far as content goes, it's just a rather paltry scene of character interaction, and little else. Just a thing between two OCs in a train car to the future, and not much else beyond that. In fact, honestly... this feels like a story that bears little resemblance to the show itself. I mean, it's essentially just an original non-fanfic story written with Equestria as a backdrop, and nothing else. I could go on about that point, but after all I've put up with reviewing so far, I can't really bring myself to get on its case too badly.
But hey, credit where credit is due. This is easily the best one of the bunch so far. It's not perfect, but hey, I found myself actually enjoying it a little. I don't love it, but it's still a short, inoffensive, and relatively sweet story. It doesn't offer any surprises or developments past that initial (and blatant, if you ever studied the color wheel in kindergarten) scene, but hey, it's better than everything else I see at the moment, so it has that going for it at least.
#2: Sizable Differences
by Karrakaz
After a magical mishap involving a filly, magical empowerment, and an aging spell, Twilight finds herself stuck with a rather large problem.
When Princess Celestia shows up to help her out however, it becomes apparent that Twilight isn't the only one affected by her new looks. Which in turn brings back feelings she had long thought forgotten.
As seems to be a running trend with these sequels in the box, I rarely ever find myself having read the preceding story. It claims knowledge of the prior story is not needed to understand this one, of course; and hey, I might be somewhat thankful for that, seeing as how I'd have to sit through a second set of infodumping for things I already know all over again. I didn't really have too much trouble understanding what was going on, but the story still somehow manages to confuse me-- namely, with all the wordy description, thoughts blending with dialogue, stuff like that. There's also a lot of headcanon stuff in here, like leylines, and runes, and other Tabletop RPG mage bullshit, but it's not really something I can rightfully egg on about.
What I will egg on about, however, is the circumstances and portrayals here. I don't buy into Twilestia in the slightest, and I have some reasons why it wouldn't work, but I know it's a lost cause trying to debate this stuff to shippers. So, I won't bother getting into those details. However, this whole supposed mutual attraction thing... I dunno, it seems far too sudden for it to be reasonably believable. I mean, Twilight's older and bigger because of a spell, and all of a sudden that seems to set off some bells in Celly's head that, "Holy shit, I think I'm in love"? And Twilight feels the same way, for whatever reason? And they just don't say anything to each other because they're both nervous, for admittedly different reasons? And Rarity somehow manages to pick up on those signals and understand what the issue is at once, and goes ahead to help play the damn matchmaker for... Wow. This is totally not the same kind of shipfic I've seen a hundred and one times before.
Since this is a sequel to Growing Pains, which mainly focused around Sweetie Belle... yeah, she's in this story too. Her role? Pretty much a bystander. Demoted to extra, just to let princess x princess shipping overshadow her prior tale. And on that note, the fact that she was let off pretty easily after causing such trouble is... well, I dunno. It seems a little too inconsequential when she's being given what is essentially a slap on the wrist. I mean, yeah, she's just a filly, but you think she would have known bett--oh, wait. This is one of the CMC I'm talking about, here. Never mind. Anyway, her role seems kinda pointless, at this point. She's just sort of... there. Not really doing anything important, aside from some talk and interaction here and there, and the one scene she gets with Spike (who is even more of a boring snark than usual, here), and the one with Twilight. Neither of which are even very important, and seem only to remind the reader that, "Hey, this is a sequel to that other story, by the way. Sweetie's living here now. So is Rarity, since we need her for all the romantic catalyst bullshit. Sweetie, though? Nah, she's a liability. But having one means having both, so, here ya go."
Speaking of Rarity, she says "darling" a lot. She says it way too goddamn much. At least thirty-nine times in the story, and that's actually quite a lot when you consider that she's not present in every scene. And yes, it does get very annoying. Rarity does not say that word as often as you think she does. Seriously, author, there are other words you can use. I know it might be a challenge to find them, but they're there. Use them.
Remember, kids. Shoot to kill, not to wound.
In fact, Rarity plays out just about every cliche she is known for in romance fics like this. She's the one that catalyzes the whole romance shebang to begin with, tries to play matchmaker for the two, makes Twilight "pretty" by dressing her up in some stupid dress, mentions something about her romance novels on one occasion, and even drops the classic "worst, possible, thing!" line as well, for no real reason. Luna just comes across as an annoyance as well, and doesn't add much to the scenes she's in, since her arguments and points are pretty much acknowledged and then quickly forgotten not even a few paragraphs later. It's a storm of cliches, and buildup, and conflict, and all this turmoil of emotion going on with the parties involved... ultimately resulting in a bit of a non-ending that seems rushed, with a number of arguments and plot threads forgotten entirely. This single problem of Twilight's aging/growth, which caused all of this drama, is fixed and resolved in the last fifth of the final chapter. It's as if the author just decided "fuck it" at that point, and rushed out the ending in the hopes of getting it done quicker.
The result is an empty and unsatisfying "ending" on top of an already cliche and dull shipfic. Did this even need to be a sequel to another fic? Fuck if I know. I don't see why it had to go and ruin itself by becoming a shipfic, though that's the author's problem, not mine. Some people have their own preferences. Not often the ones that make their stories good by any regard, but hey, different strokes. Twilestia fans might enjoy it for what it is, though I can't expect anyone to be satisfied with such an ending. On the plus side, at least it ended it sooner for me.
#1: Willing To Serve
by TittySparkles
Servants were born to serve, and Twilight's newest – and only – servant does his job to perfection. Even with him being a diamond dog from underground, social barriers don't exist between the two and a friendship beyond servant and master is made almost instantly. Even after a few months of him working diligently for her, Twilight starts to think about past kinks and after a routine massage the stage ends up getting set for such. Deciding to ask her servant that very important question, she hopes that he'll end up giving her that special touch she desires.
Very doubtful he'll say no to her anyway, considering if he says yes, he'll end up fucking the hottest piece of pony ass Equestria can offer.
Aaaaaand we finish off with some of the usual clop fare. Lovely. I was just wondering where those had skipped off to. And lo, it's not a Human in Equestria clop, nor is it anthro, and nor is it even any of that humanized dreck. Nope, just straight, pure, and completely run-of-the-mill horse porn. Well, dog on horse porn, to be more accurate. Not a romance tag in sight; just slice of life and sex. Still, it's not a thing you see too often, so... there's that, I suppose. And it's by TittySparkles, as well? As much as I dislike clop, perhaps there's at least a chance of there being some semi-tangible illusion of quality here, at least...
Anonymous commission.
...Or, perhaps not. Eugh. I'm not completely against commissions or anything, but I'm pretty stiff in my belief that it stifles and restricts creativity. Things like Patreon are nice because it benefits the author financially, yet doesn't restrict them in any way in terms of what they create, so they still have that level of freedom available. Commissions, well... you're basically being told what to write, creating something tailor-made for a specific, single person, for a sum of money -- arguments about whether or not that breaches copyright and all that other bullshit notwithstanding, of course, but that's a can of worms to stow away for another time. But my point is, commissions are made to the benefit of the person who commissioned it to begin with. I suppose an author can work with a commission and try to inject as much extra creativity into it as they can, so that it may appeal to the general public, but... well, if you were doing this just to make a buck, and it didn't really matter anyway, would you really go to the trouble, yourself? Not very many do. As such, commissioned work tends to be pretty... low quality.
Anyway, as for the story itself... yeah. It doesn't really try to be anything it isn't, and what it is is just something straight out of a porno. As seems to be the norm with these kinds of fics. There's a somewhat-interesting idea of Twilight getting a servant, though how on earth they found a polite and refined Diamond Dog to be a servant is beyond me. Nothing we've seen suggests that any of them would have reached that level, ever, being creatures that dig around and mine for gems to hoard for a living. But, hey, headcanon; go figure. Also, the servant is named "Dogg". That's very... creative, I suppose. (My point about stifled creativity is coming to mind again. Or maybe some people are just that bad at names.) But anyhow, Twilight gets back from a rough day, stuff happens, etc, and eventually, she has him give her a wing massage, follow by a lower-back massage. And yes, it does end up going from there exactly where you think it would go. I'd go ahead and complain about how this is too sudden, or how it does a disservice to Twilight's character, but I'm in no mood to judge something that doesn't really seem to care about that.
At the very least, the clop itself is written competently, as the author often accomplishes without issue, and the overall level of description and prose is pretty good. Given the writer's skill, that's not a huge surprise. It seems in this case, the story simply runs with the concept for what it is, not wasting any time on bullshit exposition (for very long, anyway), and just railroading the reader along to the inevitable conclusion. By any regard, it's just your normal dose of feature box-level clop, and so long as no one is bothered by the whole cross-species deal -- I could care less, personally -- then you should probably be fine with it. There's really not much else to it besides that.
Well, that's all we have, for now. I really need to stop working on these reviews so slowly. Can't help it if I have an actual life outside of the internet, y'know? But, enough of that. This week's round was pretty rough, but nothing mind-breaking. I sincerely hope the card thing doesn't take off, but, something tells me it'll probably happen anyway, just to spite us. Not that it bothers me, too much; I've got better things to concern myself with...
Oh internet, you never cease to shed light into my day.
~Blinkie
:(
Given the slow rate of change of the feature box these days, taking your time isn't that bad an idea. Card thing will be forgotten in a couple of months one way or another.
Well, they have outhouses and running water, so it's not a surprise they'd have indoor toilets too.
Also, while I do like the Twilestia ship, having them acting like little schoolgirls with a crush is pretty bad. Celestia is a thousand some year old monarch, not a filly.
The first question I always have is this:
Why do people read the mature feature box when they dislike virtually all clopfics? I mean, we all know that terrible clopfics end up in the feature box like, all the time, so it seems like you're only increasing your suffering by not using the, say, non-mature feature box.
Then again, if your goal is to rant, the clopfics provide fertile ground for such, especially the more fetishistic ones.
Re: Dash of Humanity 3: Yeah, that's probably not people's first response to being raped. Though really, if you didn't realize that these were all basically fetish fics from the moment "human is in Rainbow Dash's body" plus "sex tag on the story" on the FIRST story... yeah...
Incidentally, a lot of people think that all rape victims are horribly traumatized, but this isn't really true, and in fact, is one of the causes of people not believing rape victims - they're not "acting right". A lot of people who are raped don't end up freaking out about it that much; as with any traumatic event, some people are fine while others end up reacting very badly and developing PTSD and similar symptoms.
Alright, random fun, fucked-up science fact time.
A while ago I was reading a paper about rape victims and reactions to rape. A lot of my stories start with this, and I would say there was some reason behind it, but knowing me, it was likely either to settle an internet argument or simply because I was curious.
Anyway, it had some interesting notes about it, including that rape victims had, well, very divergent reactions to rape. While a lot of people think of rape victims as becoming withdrawn and wary of sex, it is not universally the case, and indeed in many cases rape victims actually become much more sexually promiscuous after being raped. Indeed, one of the ways that people break women for human sex trafficking and forced prostitution is repeatedly raping them, which, apparently, works in many cases (and yes, that is incredibly fucked up). This... actually makes a disturbing amount of biological sense, if you think about it. In the wild, being raped makes it less likely you'll get to choose your mate, and thus, being less choosy but choosing mates other than the ones who raped you hurts the rapists' chances of reproduction while still granting some control over your mate.
And now you know. And knowing is half the battle!
i570.photobucket.com/albums/ss146/MetroidBob/knowing-is-half-the-battle.jpg
Anyway, regarding commissions:
I disagree. Commissions are just a different sort of constrained writing. The main issue primarily lies in what sort of story you're being asked for, with what sort of price, ect. There's nothing wrong with commissions, and really good stuff can come out of it... but, well, porn commissions are porn commissions, and we all know what their purpose is.
But at least you know you pleased one person.
Food that wants to be eaten? Douglas Adams did it first.
Soarin': Original waifu thief! Stealing waifus since the Gala (at least)!
Seriously though, yeah. I was not impressed by the author's handling of rape, or Soarin', or... much else.
Why the blue fuck would Dawn request that, yeah, but why the blue fuck would Fluttershy agree?
I mean yeah, sillier things have happened during and after rape because one defense, emotional dissociation, can lead to seemingly-bizarre observations and thought processes, but Fluttershy wasn't raped. While she can be timid, she's also rather emotionally intelligent, and I just don't see her thinking that's a good idea even in the context of her previous appearances in the DoH series (that's lots of words for "she feels a bit OOC for the series in agreeing to do that").
I have reason to suspect that Dawn's apparent "fine-ness" is actually a period of relative numbness that is going to give way to emotional awfulness, but see next paragraph.
Also, the entire scenario is kinda forced. So many questionable things have to happen just right to bring the rape and forced pregnancy together. It's entirely possible that this is at least partially a fetish-fic. Although, usually I can tell when Kaidan's been writing with a hard-on.
I declined editing this story. Haven't cared much since the original, if I'm honest.
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Most (probably near all) people who are raped end up freaking about it one way or another, especially guys who were raped by other guys. Some people have healthier coping mechanisms and social support than others going into the event, and they do end up recovering more quickly, but I'd be a lot more worried about the one who isn't crying than the one who is.
As an FYI, this is my two bits added, not a discussion.
You really don't horse around when it comes to reviews, eh?
Those were wonderful reviews, darling!
Well, the good news Blinky is that's probably the last Cards fic you'll have to review.
Right?
Fucking amen to that. When the way people make her say darling too much has become a running joke in the fandom, you know you have a problem. I have a 66k words story where she's a main character and I think I made her say it twice. It's not that hard, people!
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No, but, like, she has to constantly say darling just like how Applejack always has to say sugarcube, and Fluttershy has to stutter!
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2612476 That's awesome.