Fic recs, October 4th! · 4:59pm Oct 4th, 2014
Heyooo! Lost Narrator’s radioplay of Scribbler's story Truth Be Told (which I gave a Recommended rating to) is now live! Listen to the first part here! I play Dr. Stable and won’t be showing up until part two, but you can get a headstart on it now! :D
And for those of you with too many fic ideas and not enough time to write them (gee, I wonder what that feels like?), Rated Ponystar is now open for commissions!
H: 0 R: 2 C: 0 V: 2 N: 1
This Minuette Just Keeps Getting Worse by Fimbulvinter
Genre: Time Loop
Colgate is running late, and violates a few temporal laws in order to get herself to work on time. This has a very nice, well-executed premise in the time loop and Colgate’s general time-travel savviness (there are fandom references in this, but thankfully none of them involve a blue box). The narrative weaves itself into a Gordian knot and we get to watch it slowly unravel. That said, it has some issues, namely telling. It’s also really not a story, as there’s no conflict or change by the end: it’s just a day in the life of someone whose life is anything but ordinary. Still, if you like heavily slice of life stories with good premises and don’t mind lackluster storytelling, this might be for you.
Vaguely Recommended
In Her Majesty’s Royal Service by Sagebrush
DNF: 5/6
Genre: Guard Life
Storm Stunner, a pegasus with an uncertain past, comes to Canterlot to train for the Royal Guard. Not to be confused with In Her Majesty’s Secret Service, this story has to be one of the dullest things I have ever read. But first, let’s go over what it did right. The writing is pretty strong, especially in the description department. There were some good jokes, and the world-building centering around how the Guard operates was decent. (I particularly liked the way the armor worked.) Unfortunately, that leaves everything else in the “bad” category. The characters were flat and uninteresting, a killing blow for an all-OC cast: Storm Stunner is a dull everyman (I really didn’t care about what his special talent might be), Crack Shot was your average jock stereotype, and no amount of lying back and thinking about G1 Wind Whistler made Check Mate’s thesaurus abuse dialogue any more palatable. Then there’s the awfully-named Nomde Plume, a transparent love interest who does not behave like a real person in the slightest, and Corporal Kickstart, who will likely make anyone who’s actually gone through Basic Training cringe and/or gnash their teeth in anger. (I mean, the characters do bring attention to the laxity of the guard training, but even though I know jack all about military procedure, it still bothered me.) This is a real slog, and if you think I stopped at an odd place, well, that last chapter is a full third of the story’s length. The death knell for me was the uninteresting OCs making friends with the Princesses. The kindest thing I can say about this piece is that it shows its age.
Not Recommended
Swoot Your Own Adventure! A Swooty Bell Choose Your Own Adventure Story! by Protopony350
Sequel to Swooty Bell Adventures
Genre: Trollfic/CYOA
If you want to know what this is, just look at the title. This isn’t the funniest CYOA I’ve read (that being Brony Hero in Equestria; oh wait, there was that other one, too, and the one Argembarger did I guess there are a lot) but it’s close. The main downside is that it’s very confusingly wrought, with each chapter containing multiple options that you more or less need to go through manually. I just sort of read the whole thing from start to finish and that worked. It does have the requisite number of paths that end in death and quite a lot of funny ending names. Also, lots of shooting things. Overall, I feel strangely ambivalent about this. Has Swooty Bell lost her power over me? STAY TUNED TO FIND OUT
Vaguely Recommended
The Sweetest Water by Chris
Reading by Neighator Pony
Reading by Illya Leonov
Genre: Folklore
A weary pony is tempted by magical gifts on his way home from market. This tied for first place in the most recent writeoff, and while it wasn’t my favorite (that being Jason the Human’s Applejack Goes to Magic School for Some Reason), it was definitely a solid entry, and has only become more solid with revision. The big draw here is the fairy tale style: mysticism is a central focus, the story revolves around a moral, and it uses repetition to drive home its point. The language use is excellent, as is the way it fits into the world, which is very important, because this could have easily had no intrinsic relationship to MLP had it not. All in all, it is, as I said, a very solid piece, a perfect example of folklore storytelling, and definitely worth reading if you like those sorts of things.
Recommended
Cafeteria Control by Justice4243
Genre: Rainbow Rocks Crackfic
After the Dazzlings rile up the student body with their song, Sunset Shimmer posits that maybe singing songs in the cafeteria can allow one to influence the students. The Humane Cast set about exploiting this hypothesis, to Sunset’s eternal detriment. I’m reading this now because I really want to read the sequel, Pinkie and Sonata’s Excellent Adventure, once it’s finished, and now I am very much looking forward to it. This story is amazing. It doesn’t miss a single comedic beat. It does a little character destruction humor, but more relies on keen Flanderization (“Sonata is dumb”) and offbeat character interaction for most of the comedy. The author also has a real knack for running gags. The only joke that doesn’t really work comes in the final chapter before the epilogue (it just goes on a little too long), but it’s hardly story-destroying. That said, this could use another editing pass for the copious missing words and typos, but strength of structure isn’t the reason you read a story like this. I can’t remember the last time I laughed this much at a fic (that was trying to be funny, anyway). (Oh, and if you haven't seen the movie yet, most of what you need to know is contained in the two preview clips featuring the Dazzlings. One of them is linked in the comments.)
Recommended
>Cafeteria Control
I've been thinking about reading it, but I've read one of the author's other stories. I wasn't too impressed. I guess I'll go check this one out, then.
2506206
I've read and I heartily recommend it. I actually made baby-seal-painfully-dying noises, I was laughing so hard.
Is "Humane Cast" the official name?
I remember genuinely enjoying In Her Majesty's Secret Service back in the day, in what were pre-fimfiction times for me. It was the sequel that lost me part of the way in, because the writing was just asking too much of me. It's technically impeccable, it's frequently brilliant - but it's hard to actually read. I had to be on my toes to keep up and frequently reread sentences to know what was actually going on, and I was starting to doubt that the story actually needed it, or that I was prepared to make that effort.
There is a golden mean good writing needs to hit; it has to utilize a vocabulary capable of painting vivid imagery and describing complex emotions and motivations with nuance and style - and yet, what it can say in simple words, it should. It's possible to err in either direction, and can spell doom for the reading experience either way.
Sagebrush can write. I've been writing pony stuff since the latter half of 2011, and between that and early 2013 (when my first stories actually came out) he's been of tremendous help whenever I ran across him on IRC.
2506274 You mean Royal Service, right? Her Majesty's Secret Service is a different (awesome) story. Also smut.
2506478
Of course I'm talking about In Her Majesty's Covert Service. A minor error on my part.
In Her Royalty's Majestic Service?
In Her Service's Royal Majesty?
TLDR: I suggest people give In Her Majesty's Royal Service a shot, bearing in mind the caveat that there's a good chance it may not be to their tastes.
In my opinion, at least, In Her Majesty's Royal Service is definitely one of those stories where your tolerance for the writing style is the primary deal maker/breaker. I remember enjoying both it and the sequel quite a bit when I read them, but based on your past blogs I can't say it's remotely a surprise you didn't.
As for the (non-stylistic) points you raise on it, I can't recall most of them being all that big a deal. A lot of them can be explained easily enough with a bit of consideration (for example, I remember thinking the Princesses were friendly with them, just like with all the guards, not friends). The rest (eg training standards) are much more forgivable than, say, most shipping seems to be.
Anyhow, that's what I can think of for now. Maybe I'd revise my opinions after refreshing my memory, but I wanted to get this out now; I've already missed a couple of stories I wanted to comment on because I tried waiting until I'd reread them and ended up too busy to do so in a remotely timely fashion. I suppose I still could, but it seems like a bit of a waste unless people are directed to reread the older blogs.
(Also, I still don't get why you think suboptimal names are such a big deal. I know that one's probably more-or-less a matter of personal taste, but I've been wondering for ages, so I figure I might as well ask.)
I'M ON THE EDGE OF MY SEAT!
2506206
I'm really glad I started reading Justice's stories. So far, they're at least highly entertaining.
2506216
I saw someone else use it. I figure it's easier than putting a hyphen in there. :B
2506274
Yeah, this isn't the first story of his I've read, and he's got better, as far as I'm concerned.
2506495
Names that don't fit the setting are horribly immersion-breaking. There's a decent standard to pony names: common two-word phrases, single words, evocative combinations of words, and, least used, single 'mutated' names like Cheerilee and Scootaloo. But "Nomde Plume" is three words stuck together into two. It doesn't roll off the tongue, it's very obviously three words, it's not a pony name. (Even a dumb pun liked "Nommed Plume" would have been better, though it still wouldn't be all that good.)
The best way to decide if you've got good pony name is to think about it in terms of whether someone would name their kid that. Could they go through life with that name? (Assuming you don't have some convoluted headcanon about child vs. adult names or something.)
2507136
Yeah, I got that. The one I read had a lot of grammatical problems, a few odd stylistic choices, and rough pacing/characterization, but for all its faults, it was still quite entertaining.
Glad you liked my story, Present. But there was one typo.
I'm sure that was supposed to say "definitely worth reading, go read it now, what are you doing not reading this fic, CHRIS IS LIFE, CHRIS IS LOVE."
2507205
I didn't have to say it because someone else did. :V I mean, it's implied, c'mon.
2507136
I'm almost literally staring at my current project right now, in which I went ahead and gave somepony a three-word name.
I think it fits all the other criteria you mentioned, but then I am pretty much an idiot on my best of days.
There is at least one semi-official three-word name; Fleur Dis Lee. (Or Fleur De Lis. That's how I knew the name before I checked the wiki. Someone must have been smoking something.
) I think as long as the name remains evocative, rolls off the tongue, and fits the setting, a name can be three words, as long as it doesn't pretend to be two by glueing two words together, ruining the flow. Rainbowdash sounds strictly less cooler than Rainbow Dash, and Nom de Plume would have worked out better than Nomde Plume by a mile.
2508315
Fleur de Lis gets a pass because that's an actual phrase identifying an actual thing. I dunno if Nom de Plume would work as well, but it's still better than the two-word version. (Though one has to wonder about someone whose name essentially means "this is not my real name".)
2508415
I know! What is the deal with those guys, huh?
Warning: long post. If you don't want to read the whole thing, just the first and last sections would be fine.
All right, now that I've reread In Her Majesty's Royal Service, I can actually make some more in-depth comments. Note that I did not reread From Canterlot With Love yet, in an effort to keep it from coloring my impressions too much, but I do still reference it.
In general:
I still think that attitude is the primary decider of how much you'll enjoy this story. It seems to be quiet enough about trying to sway you that your first impressions will snowball as you read.
The writing isn't as good as I remembered, though it did noticeably improve over the course of the story; I suspect I'm conflating it with the sequel. FCWL definitely has a lot more of the clever narration and jokes that I associate with these stories - I only saw a few of the ones I could remember after so long in here. Still, it is respectably strong compared to a lot of stuff you see online, and I could see it being publishable-quality with a bit of editing.
It's unfortunate that you stopped right before chapter six, since it has a different tone than the rest of the story. Six is where we first see the real-world mythology stuff that FCWL builds on come into play, get to see a disruption to Canterlot as a whole, and so on. There's still no guarantee that you'd actually like it, but it's at least conceivable you might. (Incidentally, the reason it's so "long" is that there's no obvious way to split the events without making things a bit awkward - and since it's still a mere ~11k words, I think that's a reasonable call).
Specific points from the review:
Storm Stunner: I don't really agree (he's a lot like a couple of my own friends), but I can see why someone would feel that way (said friends are definitely not in the running for any popularity awards). You may at least be interested to note that Storm's mark is never explained - you can make a decent guess from reading between the lines of IHMRS and FCWL, but nothing more.
Crack Shot: I didn't care for him the first time through, but he did end up growing on me. Unfortunately, my dislike was mostly based on past experience with people who gave the same first impression, rather than the actual character. I really hate that I do that from time to time, and I'm just glad that in this case it was with a fictional person instead of someone I was meeting in a job setting or something such.
Check Mate: ...If his dialogue is more than you could handle, it's a good thing you haven't run into me in person - you'd be driven insane in under half an hour. And yes, I know I don't usually type the way I talk; I'm not entirely sure why.
Nomde Plume: I'm not really in a position to comment on the veracity of her actions. However, I was very happy that the romance was kept in the background. I get that it's a significant part of human life and all that, but having it focused on in seemingly every story ever written is UNBELIEVABLY annoying, so seeing something that takes a properly uninterested stance for once was wonderful.
As for the name... yeah, it's not great, but I don't think that's a problem until it reaches the point of being unrealistic for the setting. I see way weirder names than that all the time, and I live in the suburbs; citizens of a national capital should be even more likely to have strange names.
(For the record, if I could rename her I'd go with Nom De Plume, Nom Deplume, or Pen Name, depending on what requirements were imposed.)
Corporal Kickstart: Understandable. He is in the guard for a good reason, but none of the main characters learn what said reason is until FCWL, so it doesn't show up here (and trying to judge IHMRS based on its sequel obviously isn't a great idea).
Ill-preparation of the guard: It's supposed to be disquieting - the last chapter gets much of its drama out of the fact that the guard has withered away, and the sequel kicks off with an attempt to fix things. (As is stated in-story, it's a bit hard to see the point in keeping up standards when nearly every threat you run up against is either easily resolved by the person you're supposedly guarding or so far outside your league all you can do is get in the way of the people that can actually deal with it.) I've seen it said that standards have slipped to an unbelievable degree, but since that's what people say about every similar case, it seems reasonable to me. (Citation: read the news. But don't spend too long doing so, lest you get too horribly depressed.)
Royal friends: Earlier statement on the subject confirmed: they don't actually become friends with the princesses in chapter five, at least by any reasonable standard I'm aware of. It's implied Check Mate does eventually get to know Princess Luna in the background after their initial run-in, but that happens offscreen over a good length of time, and doesn't include his other friends.
That will have to suffice for now. I had been going to do some comparisons to Through The Well Of Pirene, since it's on my mind at the moment, but then I remembered that you probably hadn't read it yet.
(You fool! Stop waiting for the audiobook and just read it-it's awesome!)I don't think you should change your review (after all, it wouldn't really be "your" review then), but I'll admit I'd be pleased if you put a "Conditional: slice of life fans" tag on or something. Considering how many likes IHMRS and FCWL have, it's hard to imagine I'm the only one of your followers who'd enjoy it.
2514803
Dang, I appreciate the hell out of this comment. :D You should start doing reviews of your own!
If I stopped right before it gets good, then my question is, why didn't it get good sooner? I didn't even mention things like Checkmate almost getting jumped at a sports arena; that was almost more eye-rolling than the romance. A lot of it comes down to interpretation, and while I always try to go into a story neutral-to-positive, once I started getting bugged by what was going on, everything bugged me. I'm not likely to change the rating, but it's also clear from the review what I didn't like about it and why it's an N. (That is, if a reader goes all the way through, they might be more rewarded, as you suggest.)
2515357
I've considered trying reviewing out, but I never have enough time to do a good job of it. I must admit, I've always been rather impressed at the speed you manage - I'm quite certain that if I tried to do them that fast, I'd burn out in a week or few at most.
I wouldn't say you stopped right before it gets good, just right before the part of the story you have a better chance of liking. There's noticeable improvement as Sagebrush gets more practiced, but it's not instantaneous.
Gotta agree on the being jumped thing; that's pretty much the part that I personally felt was executed the weakest. Maybe the romance was worse, but I'm really not the right person to answer that - I've seen so many terribly-shoehorned-in attempts that I usually default to judging romance by "how much effort do I have to put into skimming over this?" rather than whether or not it's any good. (Another reason I don't think I'm ready to review - that habit would cause a lot of trouble reviewing for a ship-crazy world.)
I think everything else has already been covered, so time to go work on fixing my library up. (I am SO happy that's finally out! Been holding off my planned reorganization for something like two months now just waiting for it.
)
2516127
What I liked about the romance was that it was low-key, and that it was very realistically done. He comes back, she shows interest, that's about it. The eye-rolling part was "hey, this female character was introduced in the first chapter, so of course she's going to end up with the MC".
And no one says you have to meet any quota to be a reviewer. Do as many or as few fics as you need. If you can keep a high quality, people will read you regardless. I only do as much as I do because I'm chronically unemployed. :B
2517369
...Huh. I have no idea how that's supposed to be what I get out of "a transparent love interest who does not behave like a real person in the slightest", but good to hear. As for the first chapter thing, I can see what you mean, but I'm not sure introducing her later would actually help. It seems like that would mainly serve to reduce the time available to build the romance properly. Maybe there's a better way to go about it, but all the ones I can think of could also be interpreted as a "cliche" trope.
All right, I'll bear that in mind. I'm somewhat afraid it'd be a "I do three reviews and then vanish for two years cause life" kind of thing, but perhaps it'd work.
2519747
You never know.
And let City of Doors know if you do start, so he can include you on the master list. :B
2520621
How have I never heard of City Of Doors before? I mean, I've read a respectable number of the reviews linked! This makes no sense!
2519747
I'm still curious about the subject of that first paragraph. "transparent" at least makes sense in retrospect, though I think the implications are a bit off, but "doesn't act like a real person in the slightest" seems to clash horribly with "[the two-way romance] was very realistically done." Is there something I'm missing here?
2521287
The romance was realistic. I question her wandering away from her job continually. <.< I mean, what the hell? It was paid some lip-service in the story, but it wasn't a convincing explanation at all.
2521539
Gotcha. The explanation actually is in there (Nomde's original and ongoing job is as a writer - the store is basically a hobby that helps with the writing while earning a bit on the side), but it's admittedly not that hard to misinterpret first time through. She doesn't need to work for every last sale, so missing a couple hours to spend time with someone isn't a problem.