Fanfic Reviews – Comedy Edition · 4:53am Apr 20th, 2014
Fun fact: I started writing these as a way to train keeping a posting schedule. Anyway, this “week” I will deal with comedy fics. Frequently, comedy feels like the junk food of fanfic: freat to sample a little at a time, but unfulfilling in the long run. However, that is more of a general thing, and comedy can, just like any genre, do great things. This week I am tackling:
Daring DONE!
Twilight DONE!
Shining DONE!
Drama King
In the Bleak Widwinter
Bucking All Day
Secret of the Pegasi
CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS NECROMANCERS, YAY!
Scores are in a 10 scale, with 3 representing a mediocre fic.
Aragon – The DONE! series – Comedy
This little series is thoroughly stupid and ridiculously enjoyable, full of great comedic moments, mostly derived from its sharp and unique characterization. In a way, it uses the kind of humor I would expect from a Monty Python sketch, full of absurdity that only occasionally devolves into pure random humor. It also gains points for being an epistolary comedy – a style more frequently used in more dramatic stories – using the medium very well, the closer connection with the characters serving to highlight just how ridiculous the situations are. The fic is well aware of the limitations and strengths of the format, using it to create a very effective dissonance between reader expectations, but is also perfectly willing to stretch the believability of someone writing something if it would help the story humor-wise.
Twilight Sparkle accidentally lets out the secret that her mother is the writer of the Daring Do series.
This fic has a rare, manic energy that constantly pushes the story forward. The main attraction here is the escalation, and what starts as a simple misunderstanding, rapidly devolves into a full-scale crisis. Most of the conflict and comedy derives from the characterizations, that tend to follow canon just enough for you to identify them as those characters, but the fic is also perfectly willing to push their traits to the limits, so long as it makes things funnier. The best example of this are Luna and Celestia, that are OOC in the best possible way. It is partially explained by their fangirling, but it mostly feels like a tongue-in-cheek approach to their characters.
Sadly, there are a bunch of pacing issues, particularly during chapter 2, and is way too unsubstantial for my tastes. Not that it needs to be more substantial, not all stories do, it simply isn't the type of story that would accommodate such things, but the apparent vacuousness of the whole situation still makes me feel like there is something missing. In the end, this has its fair share of flaws, but it made me laugh way too much for me to care – and in the end, that is the most important thing in comedy.
Stand-out Moments: The whole thing with Celestia and Luna being uber-fans was hilarious.
9/10
Twilight is left alone in charge of Canterlot, and hijinks ensue.
In many ways, Twilight DONE! could have been a bonus chapter on the original story. There isn't much that’s independently set-up or pays off here, and the characters largely start and end in the same place. Not that this is a bad thing – the original was great on its own after all – and there are plenty of great jokes. The escalation in this one is slightly more absurd, and depends a great deal more on the rest of the mane 6 holding a collective idiot ball, but in the end, it is still funny, and the flaws are still irrelevant in face of the comedy.
Stand-out Moments: The resolution was as funny as it was absurd..
8/10
Shining Armor wants to surprise Cadence for their anniversary, and hijinks ensue
Shining DONE! is less a direct sequel than a spiritual successor. It features a borderline believable and utterly ridiculous event progression, characters are OOC enough to make it funny but not enough to be unrecognizable, and it is very funny. Still, is feels overly long and repetitive at times, with some very obvious things being circled over and over again. In a way, I’d say that the flaws of the original have been amplified in this one, so while it is still very funny, and still a great read, I certainly found much more to complain than before.
Stand-out moment: Shining Armor digging himself deeper and deeper into insanity was very funny and well handled.
7.5/10
So, in short, this is a nice little comedy series. It is silly, and isn’t ashamed of that, and while that is occasionally to be lauded, it also leads to multiple times where it feels too inconsequential. Also, it has probably the most interesting portrayal of Twilight’s parents I have seen to date. A prequel with how they met would certainly be welcome.
Why it should be read: For a great example of epistolary comedy, and of using OOC characters effectively.
Overall Score: 8.5/10
Lumino Zero – Drama King – Comedy
Button’s Adventures in fic form.
Someone took the animation and made a fic out of it. I have no idea why this exists, since not only it lost quite a bit of charm and comedic timing in the transition, it also sets itself up for unfortunate comparison, and that does the fic no favors. Why not do something different with Button and Sweetie, or really expand upon something about the animation? To be fair, there is an extended role for Pinkie Pie, but while she was well written and funny on her own right, she also adds very little to the existing story. There was also a different focus on Button’s and Sweetie’s relationship, but that didn’t fit the fic well tonally, and it could have been much better explored without needing to stick to the animation’s beats. In the end, I can’t think of a single reason to stop to read this fic instead of watching (or rewatching) the animation – it is still on youtube, just search for it.
Why it should be read: It is a good example of why a direct translation between mediums rarely work.
Stand out moment: Pinkie was well written.
2/10
Skywriter – In the Bleak Midwinter – Holiday Comedy
Cadance has her first Hearts Warming in the Crystal Kingdom.
The “Cadence of Cloudsdale” series is one of those godsends of the fandom, reliably funny and insightful in similar doses, not to speak of the lore it creates for the ever underdeveloped Cadence. This fic is no exception, with great characterization, well placed roles for all possible characters, sharp humor, and a sense of pacing and heart that made it a joy to read. It also works well as a holiday story, with some interesting implications about how our own preconceptions and traditions may sound to people in a foreign land – and it is astonishingly accurate in that regard. However, for all its qualities, the story felt bland. There is not much of a point for what happens, and it feels like this is just an excerpt of another, much larger story (and it is, but that is beside the point). That is fine, but I think that this makes the ending pretty unsatisfying when considered on its own, despite how funny the preceding story was.
Why it should be read: A great holiday story, as well as a great Cadance story.
Stand out moment: The tonal dissonance between the crystal ponies incredibly bleak vision of life with Cadance’s childlike joy with Hearth’s Warming is fantastic.
9/10
Mister Friendly – Bucking all Day – Comedy
Applejack throws sex innuendos at Twilight.
This is a story that broke through my barrier of cynicism through sheer persistence. It knows exactly what it is, and doesn’t pretend to be anything more, just Applejack using double entendres while Twilight grows more and more uncomfortable, until it ends. Not all the innuendo really works, but there is just so much that some will eventually stick, and their usage was very well paced. I think that it worked better than similar stories because Twilight obviously know what AJ is talking about, but finds it progressively hard to ignore the second meanings, mirroring well the reader’s sensation. In the end, there is not much here, but for a short fic about ponies making sex analogies, it is OK.
Why it should be read: It is earnest in what it is, and goes as far as possible with the premise without overstaying its welcome.
Stand-out moments: The ending is predictable, but well executed.
6/10
CTVulpin – Secret of the Pegasi – Comedy
Pegasi have a secret that must be kept at all costs.
This is a thoroughly stupid fic. It is a single joke, that doesn't get spread too thin, but comes pretty close. The fic gets in and out quickly, never really overstaying its welcome, and is all the best for it. The concept is hilarious and absurd, and is treated as such – in fact, I swear that half of the enjoyment is gone if you don’t go in blind. It is also one of those fics where all the Mane 6 appear, but somehow it works – I think that it is because the non-winged ones (including Twilight) essentially act as a single entity. Anyway, it is short and enjoyable, just what I would expect of a good light read.
Why it should be read: The whiplash of understanding just what the secret is was great.
Stand-out moments: Just how stupid their plan is, considering how Fluttershy and Rainbow also get passed-out drunk.
5/10
Justice4243 – CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS NECROMANCERS, YAY! – Comedy
The CMC and Button Mash and their deals with Necromancy
This is wickedly funny, with the jokes flying free and frequent, without sticking too long for the implications to settle in, such as children being involved in ritualistic sacrifice, or for things to get dull. It also helps that there plenty of funny moments. However, for all its sense of comedic pacing, the story itself moves awkwardly, not knowing whether to follow or to leave certain situations. Characterization was also pretty strong, even Button and, all in all, it is a funny read, if a little too inconsequential for my tastes.
Why it should be read: For a short, absurdist comedy starring the CMC.
Stand-out moment:Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon bullying demons because they can’t do proper torture was very inspired.
7/10
So, there you go! Posting again feels great, and hopefully life will allow me to be more consistent in the future. In fact, I have a bunch of reviews already written, just waiting me to stop being lazy, and edit the damn things.
Next-up: Changelings!
It's funny... the one fic I put no effort into is the one that keeps coming back to haunt me. To me, Bucking All Day is like getting an embarrassing tattoo that people, for some reason, think is really neat. I just... don't get it. I just plain don't get it.
Oh well, thanks for the review. It's always nice seeing what people make of my work, even the ones I kind of wish never existed.
Thank you for the review! And you're spot-on; "...Midwinter" really does feel like an excised piece of a much larger narrative, because that's what it actually is: a few details of headcanon that couldn't be fit into any plot remaining for me to write once I did a little downsizing of the scope of the "Cadance of Cloudsdale" arc. And as a standalone story, it's all the weaker for that. Thanks for your kind words on it regardless!
5/10 for Secret of the Pegasi? That seems fair, considering I wrote it on a whim and it is just one long gag with deliberately stupid characterization. I'm not ashamed that I wrote it, but I know it's not my best work by a long shot.
Yeah! Bottom of the barrel!
-Lumino
Not the first time I hear this, actually. And to be honest? While the DONE! saga might be a little forgettable (at least from my point of view -- they are my most popular stories, but aside from "if you're not happy with it yet, don't post it," which is what Shining DONE! taught me, they are not exactly the kind of story that makes you learn more about how to write), Night Light and Twilight Velvet as characters are one of the things I'm most proud of. I've never seen a duo like them in another fanfic, to be honest.
Anyway, thanks for the review! It's always nice to hear that, even with its issues, the DONE! series is worth a read.
2077637
2088967
Well, there was this whole ambitious Sombra/Chrysalis thing that was going to be one story, and it rapidly became clear when I started writing it that to do it any satisfying justice at all it would take about 50k words and would completely derail the entire cycle, so I scrapped it and replaced it with "Lady Prismia..." Fortunate because I ended up liking that one a whole lot.
2088979 I haven't read Twilight Sparkle and the Crystal Heart Spell yet (though I will if I ever get around to writing more Cadance), but it sounds like you wonderfully incorporated the psuedo-canon it presents. Sometimes, remade plans turn out for the better!
2077558
It is stupid, but in a very serviceable way. I would review Irony of Applejack, but I simply read it too long ago for me to do it justice.
2077766
To be fair, there are worse barrels out there, and most of my issues were with the concept, rather than the writing.
2097263
It is absolutely fine. I wrote the story for one particular reason, to display that you can do a believable romance tag with foals. As I said in the AN, all the stories up until that point with them went into 'TRUE LOVE' or some such thing.
At that age? Please.
I wanted to give a taste of child-like romance. Buying milkshakes, hanging out, being excitable and all the dumb ways children show attraction. The story may not have been original, but it never really had to be.
I guess the reason I'm not too bothered by your critique is because what you didn't like was something I intentionally did. You just didn't like it, which is fine. There are different stories out there for everyone.
-Lumino