April Fool's Day-Have a lame joke! · 3:16am Apr 2nd, 2014
And now, for April Fool's Day...
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Ponyville Film Productions presents...
A film for public consumption and education...
HUMANS AND YOU
Hosted by Pinkamenia Diane Pie
"Hello! I'm Pinkie Pie!" The pink pony said cheerfully as the film reel ran. She stood in front of a blackboard, filled with chalk drawings of various things including apples, various ponies, and a stick figure of a human. "And as the Element of Laughter, I won the straw drawing to be the hostess!"
There is an indistinct grunt off camera. Pinkie Pie ignores it.
"And I am here to educate you about..." She erased the chalk drawings with a single swipe of her tail, and quickly drew a vaguely stick-shaped figure, "HUMANS!"
"Humans... Humans..." Dash murmured off camera in a mock echo.
"Humans, or Homo sapiens sapiens, are sapient primates from the third planet orbiting a distant star called Sol!" Pinkie Pie said cheerfully, scribbling an accurate map of the Sol system. Mercury had a frowny face while Venus seemed to have rings, but otherwise it was accurate. "There are over seven billion of them all crammed together on this tiny planet called EARTH!"
Pinkie Pie held up what appeared to be the golden plaque from the Pioneer probe, showing off male and female human forms. "There are male and female humans, just like male and female ponies! They tend to wear clothes all the time though, since they don't have fur except for their manes. I guess they just started to shave and it caught on everywhere!"
Pinkie beamed as she lowered the plaque. "Humans are a race of contrasts! Which means they come mainly in shades of white and black. I guess. The pictures of humans we have seem to come in varities of eggshell, brown, burnt orange, burnt red, kind of a pale sandy color, pink..." Pinkie shrugged and grinned. "Anyway! Humans do not have access to magic, but make no mistake! They can be dangerous and inventive! Their most fearsome weapons, aside from their brains and their heat vision," Pinkie pulled out a diagram of a hand, "are their hands!"
Pinkie bounced up and down excitedly. "Their hands let them manipulate tools, materials and tired, sore muscles! As Fluttershy and Twilight Sparkle and I can attest!" She grinned. "Especially the first two, how they scream behind doors-"
A ball bounced off Pinkie's head from offscreen. Pinkie beamed happily, and tilted her head. She turned and flounced back to the chalkboard. Pinkie Pie pulled down a poster, which showed an image of Andrew Shepherd with numerous captions and arrows pointing all over him.
"Currently there is only one human in Equestria! Andrew Eugene Shepherd! Who I mentioned before-"
Another ball bounced off Pinkie Pie's head.
"-And he is, contrary to what you've heard, not a horrible alien monster! He just happens to be very dangerous! But unlike creatures like manticores or dragons, he builds and creates devices and plans that allow him to cause massive destruction! Just imagine how chaotic and dangerous his entire planet must be with all the billions and billions of dangerous humans on it! All plotting and scheming and building death rays and-"
"Hey, Pinkie! What are you doing?" Andrew asked, walking on screen. Pinkie Pie beamed.
"Oh, I'm just educating the general public about humans so they know what to expect when they meet you!"
"Well, that's fine," Andrew said with a smile, and a cough. Pinkie Pie tilted her head.
"Care to say a few words?"
"Ah, can't, I'm a little hoarse."
Pinkie Pie stared at him, and giggled. "Silly! You're not a little horse! I'm a little horse!"
"No, no, I mean I'm hoarse," Andrew said, with another cough. Pinkie frowned.
"You need to clarify that with an adjective or-"
"No! The word is hoarse," Andrew explained. "H-O-A-R-S-E. It means to have a scratchy throat, from a cold."
Pinkie Pie stared in astonishment. Her expression turned to glee.
"You mean... You have a word in your language that sounds like horse, but means something else?!" Pinkie Pie held her hooves to the sides of her head in amazement. "FORGET EVERYTHING ELSE I SAID! HUMANS ARE AWESOME! Now give me your cold!"
Shepherd stared at her. "Why?"
"So I can be a little horse!"
"Wouldn't you be a little pony?" Shepherd asked with a smile. Pinkie giggled.
"No, but I might be a little HOARSE if I had to say it too much!"
"Ahahaha... This is such a bad joke," Shepherd sighed.
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XD Oh god, this had me chuckling for a while. Nice one.
*golf clap*
Okay, that was awesome.
took awhile for the pun, but totally worth it.
Funny pun is funny
I'm laughing too hard at that.
Who's a silly pony/person? You're a silly pony/person! Who is? You is! [insert name here]
See you on the 18th, I guess.
Oh my goodness. All that setup for a terrible, awful super-bomb of a pun that Ah simply adore!
Yes! All the yes! All of it!
I, uh... I don't get it.
Old joke but still funny.