Regrets, Defeats, and Self-Failings. · 9:25pm Mar 21st, 2014
Greetings kindly bronies. This will be my first blog post seen by all my newly-received followers, and I'm glad to have you all with us on this crazy nuclear-powered, rainbow-tinted, jet-propelled, monkey-navigated space-blimp we call life..... or maybe only I call it that. Anyways, I just wish it was about a happier topic.
As of the time of this writing, my story 'Twilights' Secret, Celestia's Obsession' currently sits at 740+ likes and almost 1200 favourites. When it was first published it dominated the featured box for several days, and remained in the popular stories box for several more. Many, many people have taken time out of their lives to leave a comment saying how much they enjoyed my work, and to remind me that it was not as terrible as I had thought it was. I thank each and every one of you who have made all this possible. But that's not what I'm rambling on about.
As you most likely know, what got me the drive to actually finish the first chapter of this story (which had sat half-done on my hard drive for almost six months prior) was that I was to enter it in a Twilestia writing contest. Needless to say I didn't win. I didn't even rank in the top three. Out of six submissions. In response to my congratulations to the winners, the head judge of the contest informed me that, pretty much, my story had lost based on the sole verdict that it was a clopfic, and I thus surmised that the four people who had judged the contest didn't like clopfics. Despite the statement of 'any genre and tag would be accepted', I had basically lost to genre bias. But that's not the worst part. Another clopfic, a humanized one, something that, to my knowledge, was even less popular then anthro, had previously won the contest before. When I queried as to why this was so, the judge, in an incredibly polite and friendly way, with no ill will that I could sense, said to me words that could be paraphrased to mean 'because that guy is a better writer than you'.
Now before you get angry, enraged, or just generally miffed, I hold no grudge or anger towards anyone involved in the contest. I may, deep down, feel just slightly bitter, but I know such feelings are wrong and I shall do my most to overcome them. It was their contest, and who am I to cry foul that my story didn't win. Those who did win truly deserved recognition, for their work was just as good if not better than mine. So no sending angry PMs or messages to anyone on this site (not that you're probably inclined to do so at all, but just in case).
So that now leaves me sitting here. Despite all the likes and favourites and general outpouring of love, I can't help but see this story as somewhat of a failure. My brain knows it's not, but I still can't help but feel that way. Perhaps it is due to my overbearing anxiety issues or oppressive OCD that nags at me for every perceived failing. When the story was first published I couldn't help but feel elated. I had dared to put the horrible ooze that coats the inside of my brain case onto paper and show it to the world, and people liked it. It felt wonderful, but my own hubris had instilled in me the thought that, since I had more likes than any of the other submissions, more words and favourites then the rest of them combined, that I would most assuredly get at least into the top three. When I didn't, I felt crushed. On the one hand, I want to be angry, but I know I shouldn't, so I will try my best not to be. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, and just because you don't agree with said opinion, doesn't mean they're no less entitled to keep it.
In the end, I'm not quite sure how to feel. So I'll just plod along like before, and try to finish this story. I will try to pour my heart and soul into every chapter, and maybe the fact that so many people like it and will continue to do so will distract my troubled mind from it's own anguished madness.
Thank you to anyone who took the time to read this.
-The Dungeon Maestro.
(P.S. On a lighter note, the spell check on this website is one of the most annoying things I've come across lately. Damn you Americans and your insistence on spelling words without an excessive amount of extra u's, as it continues to befuddle my Canadian mindset with words I know are spelled correctly, yet that squiggly red line tells me it's not, mocking me with it's squiggly-ness and saying I lack proper spelling. DAMN YOU, SQUIGGLY LINE!! DAMN YOU TO HEEEEEEELLLLLL!!!!!!...... ahem *cough-cough*.... Have a nice day.)
Not everyone is going to like your work. But you found over 1200 people that do.
Well shit, dude. Who cares if it's a failure? If you believe it's a failure, see it through to the end and convince yourself on either of these options:
A) "Hey, it's a failure. Let's see what I can learn from it. I'm sure that with a failure this well-received, I was doing SOMETHING right!"
B) "Hey, I was feeling all wrong about this. This is something pretty damn good. Let's take some of the good stuff and learn from it, and put it up on the fridge. Just need to find a magnet strong enough to hold it to the fridge door..."
If you ask me, it's a perfect representation of extreme nervousness on the first date. It was entertaining beyond all else, and I found it a very interesting plot point for Twilight to be ashamed of her own body, even if the thing she was ashamed of was a mistake from years ago. I really, really enjoyed it, because it was light-hearted, humorous, and when it came down to it, sssssexy.
I always find it fun to see the characters be real people, and that always comes with stark terror when hanging out, alone, with your crush, while they're wearing only underwear. Or in Twilight's case, lingerie. Hell, I'd be sweating bullets too if I was in her shoes!
Overall, it's a brilliant story, and I hope you find yourself writing it straight through to the end. It's honestly a story that deserves an ending, just to see where things end up.
1944507 And he'd better add in one more! Buddy, let me make this clear to you, from one writer to another: The story. Is. Good. The emotions, the dialogue, the comedy! Your story is great because though there is clop, it doesn't feel like the main focus, it feels like the icing on top of the delicious piece of art that was the chapter! Who cares what those guys think? Buddy, you've done in one chapter what my story hasn't managed to do in eight, and that is a feat!
You're a good writer, so please, don't let one failure out of a ton of successes get you down. Please.
As a non-professional psychiatrist (read: no psychology training to speak of) I can't tell you how many writers I've talked to that feel that way. Seriously, that's an amazing quality to have; to see the wrong in what you do. What will set you apart is what you do with your 'failure'. Will you abandon it, try to salvage it, or embrace it and learn from it?
Personally, I really hope you manage to finish without forcing yourself to.
I totally understand that spellchecker frustration. I learned how to spell/read mostly from English made video games. E.g. armour, colour, favourite, etc... It grates the nerves.
Edit: I'm glad you made a blog post explaining it all. Forgot to mention that.
ANOTHER MUCH MORE IMPORTANT EDIT: At 0400 I went through my notifications on my computer and double checked everything I'd done on my phone. Turns out I never clarified: I totally don't think this story is a failure. Tast just lacks tact sometimes.
I like you. Me and you seem to be on the same personality wave length. Heres to what future holds.
As a connoisseur of futa, I can tell you the following:
1) Your story is simply marvelous. You simply nailed the dynamic between Celestia and Luna, and allowed for an amazing amount of character interactions.
2) A human pony fic that was deemed better than anthro? Yeah no. With anthro you can do so many things, humans severely limit the creative boundaries of writing due to how we are intricately intune with our physiology.
3) Honestly, I feel a bit of the same way in regards to writing. I'm not entirely sure why people like my stories but they do for whatever reason. Even if they get tons of views and likes, I don't particularly see reason behind it. I think some people are conditioned to dislike their work in attempts to not feel as hurt when criticism rears its head.
4) Biased judges are severely biased. While I originally came for the futanari aspect of the story, I stayed for the character development, and the point where things resulted in a rather arousing manner. I feel that either they didn't bother looking at your story or they completely skimmed over it, missing all of the intricate details you so expertly weaved into the story.
This post will most likely cause you to spasm from lack of grammar/correct spelling. For this i am sorry.
This story was amazing. I'd buy and send you a freaking award for this fic, as would alot of other readers. Do not let 4 people who have a supiriorty complex tell you 750 people are wrong.
Contests are dumb. Don't write for judges, write for yourself and for people who appreciate your hard work and effort.
*ahem*
From the list of words that everyone but America spells with an extra U...
Colour
Flavour
Harbour
Rumour
Don't make me get mah rope!
(
Just pokin' fun! I'll be posting a serious review and "Why the author needs to keep writing this" soon)
2059641
I was sure there was more......
But as I've said before, 'I ain't got no learnin'
And don't worry, I am still writing it, I've just been busy..... playing Elder Scrolls..... a lot......