1/3 - While You Were Out · 6:50am May 22nd, 2013
So this isn't exactly the easiest kind of thing to write. I mean, what can you really say for yourself after being absent from one of the things you cherish the most in your life for six whole months? I suppose you can start by thanking those who went ahead and made me feel welcome. So thank you, all of you, for the warm reception you've been kind enough to give me. I won't lie, I was nervous when I first decided to log back in. Nervous that my return would be about as eventful and pleasant as a fart in the breeze. You guys blew that out of the water, and you have my thanks for it. A fella couldn't ask to be surrounded by kinder and more thoughtful folks. Even in going back and reading all the farewells that I missed on my parting journal, it's sincerely moving to see how kind you guys have been given how little of anything I've told you. You make me feel at home, and you make writing stories worth the effort.
Right. So that's said.
Now what?
Well, like many stories do, I guess we should start at the beginning.
Many people in both this previous journal and the one before it, had one big question. "Why? Why leave pony entirely? Not writing anymore is one thing, but cutting off all ties and friendships and contact is another. Why so extreme?" I guess you guys deserve some answers in that department, even though I've been avoiding it. Not for fear of tackling the subject, mind you, but more out of uncertainty about how to talk about it without diving too deep into personal angst and rubbish of the sort that overdramatizes and monopolizes attention to point that the original intent is all but lost in a circle-jerk of attention whoring. But I think I've rehearsed this long enough to crank out my explanation. Minimalizing purple prose after the double-enter. Meta.
My return to school following summer break was a hard one. I found myself with slipping grades, a rush to get university applications in, a looming move in the future, and a shaky connection with my family. What was I doing to remedy this? Pissing away the time on IRC, Skype, and ponyfic. I needed to make a decision to save my future and my life. I was no good at self control, so I took the extreme, but necessary route. I chose to cut off all ties with the pony fandom. It wasn't a fun choice, and it might not even have been the best one. But at the time, it was necessary.
My only regret was that my departure from the fandom was about as elegant as a beached whale trying to do the YMCA. Like I said, I gave little to no information to you guys when leaving, and my performance on WandererD's livestream with CiG, SSnE, and Vimbert was, bluntly, absolutely embarrassing. If you happened to come in there to actually hear me talk about stuff before I left, then I'm sincerely sorry for behaving like a pathetic bum. That was unprofessional of me, and I apologize for it. I wasn't in a lucid state of mind, and I should've realized it was a bad idea to try such a thing.
I digress. This memory lane's gotten a bit nippy. Let's bundle up and move on out of the negatives, shall we?
So, true to my decision, I worked. I worked long and I worked hard to take up the responsibilities I'd neglected. I'd be lying if I said I turned into some sort of golden gladiator the second I closed my laptop, emboldened and fueled by an epic determination to see through my quest. It was just a slow trudge through day after day, with no real aim or direction. Just trial, error, and acceptance. Human is as human is. I was pretty damn sure I was never going back to pony. I would never have the time for it. I didn't really talk to anyone, keeping dark on email as well as any other sort of communication. So any of you guys who sent me emails or PMs that I didn't answer, trust me, it wasn't you, it was me.
I kept watching the show, though. Stayed up to date on all the episodes, finished out season 3 with everyone else. I won't comment on those episodes, or any of it really, because I'm pretty sure anything that could be said has been said at this point. Either way, it kept my love of the show alive, and gave me something to look forward to as I marched forwards. Eventually, that wouldn't be enough, and I started keeping in very limited contact with some PRs and other folks, whom I'll address later.
However, something that never truly died, no matter how long I stayed away from FimFiction and EqD. And that was the fact that I will always want to write.
When you spend six months doing something other than wasting your time on Skype, you learn to be productive. Very productive. I took up a bunch of different hobbies. I continued to perfect my parkour and hammer myself into shape. I started jogging despite the insane heat of Singapore. I even got myself a harmonica for Christmas and have learned how to play it to a certain extent. And in case you hadn't noticed in the previous journal, I've also started picking up drawing again. I mean, it's rubbish, but it's something, right?
For a while, that was enough. The writing bug never quits, though, and it bit me again. Around the same time that I deduced that not only I could return to the fandom, but I knew exactly when. And so work began to prepare for said day. Even though writing was kept on a back-burner, it was enough to keep me going and kept me through until the day where it could finally come to light. That day was yesterday. Wow. I keep having to remind myself that. I'm actually back. And now that I'm here, there's a lot that I have to do, a lot of things I have to show and share. Because this isn't about me, it's about you guys.
But one thing at a time, hence the separation for each thing I'd like to address. So bear with me, and I'll do my best.
Next time, we get airborne.
Well i will say it again it's good to have you back chromosome.
Welcome back mate, It's good to see you again. I hope all went well in your real-life endeavors. If there's anything I can do to help you out just let me know!
Welcome back, dude.
Glad to hear things went well in the personal life department. I'm glad that your choice ended up being a good one!
It sounds like things are picking up for you! I'm glad.
I'm also glad that your issue was a lack of discipline, rather than some tragic life-shattering event. As embarrassing as that can be in comparison, it's relieving to know that you're alright.
And of course, it's good to have you back. Give 'em hell, buddy.
This is about you as much as it is us, Chromosome. It's a pleasure seeing you once more, and welcome back to land of the ponies.
It didn't really matter to me the why. The last journal you posted spoke enough of why's already. Sometimes the most important decisions you take in life are those that are the hardest. If one read enough into the post you could figure something was bothering you a lot, and if you had to take time away to fix things, then so be it.
You never have enough time for everything, and if you need to focus on not-pony things then so be it. Glad to see you back either way.
And, just like that, the realm of poni poni poni is a great deal classier.
And with the return of our almighty and holier than thou lord Chromosome, ponidom was once again at peace. Now, prepare the virgin sacrifices! Our lord demands it!
Hooray! Surely some pretty awesome story ideas have been stirring in your mind for those 6 months, so I can't wait to see their epicness.
Also, I know that feel, also finishing my high school. Granted, my odds have been stacked in my favor, being a black guy with straight As and Bs meant colleges were frothing at the mouth to get me to come, plus with other rewards for being smart and black. But, all my friends went through what you've been doing, and if they had any real fandom's, they would have left them too.
I empathize with your decision. It's one I've had to make myself a few times, but good or bad, it obviously got you here.
Good to have you back.
That is a perfectly valid and, indeed, responsible reason to take a break or whathaveyou. And ... I am the last person to criticize another for so dramatically leaving a fandom.
However, uhm, 'leaving' something can be seen as a bit melodramatic? So next time - and there will be a next time when life gets busy or family gets strange or the job gets too much or even if the well-deserved fame gets a bit heavy - I suggest just taking a vacation. A hiatus. Even if it's six months or a year or a 'vacation' that lasts forever, at least it's not goodbye and you keep the friends. Really, it's the friends that matter most.
Eh, what do I know? Glad the writer of such thought-provoking stories is back.
1097671 You know, I was thinking much the same thing...
Props to you, Chrome, for doing what you needed to do. I don't think I could take a complete break from the 'net/fandom, myself. A solid break like that would be akin to taking a break from breathing. (Maybe briefer dive-aways.) But you did your stuff, and you did good.
I feel so weird, mixing replies like that...
Well, that is actually a rather valid reason to leave I must say, responsibility.
And hey! Now you're back to kick ass, write stories and chew bubblgum.
So welcome!
You're so kind it hurts.
Also, I still remember your famous last words.
:D
1097571
Well hey now, that just sounds like a waste of perfectly good virgins.
1097600
Oh man, do I have stories for you guys. My brain is a scary place.
1097633
The friends were part of the problem, sadly.
1097725
I laughed and then I cried.
1097773
Shh, no tears. Only stories.
1097773
Open mouth.
Insert foot.
Sorry to hear that, I'll be quiet now ...
Well, I'm glad it didn't have the opposite effect. We all know the quality of story-telling of S3.
That said, welcome back. I might have welcomed you with a snarky remark about a certain movie coming to cinema in your last post, but I'm more than happy to see you back.
Glad to hear it, Chromosome. Hope to see you on Steam soon. ;P
As someone who's also been put into dire straights by procrastination, and has had to work their ass of to succeed, I both respect and hopefully empathise with you and your decision. I've managed to to make it back to the land of good grades and friends (which is nice, seeing as how it was in time for me to not suck at my own A-levels), and I hope that you have too.
Also, jogging and parkour? In Singapore?! I went to Singapore once, and I'm pretty sure the humidity levels there are just shy of standing in a pot of boiling water. Makes my cycling and swimming look like a picnic.
Oh, and, just one last thing? Never underestimate the power of a fart in the breeze. I have used them to kill before, and I will use them to kill again.
Oh, that's why? That's a rather wise decision that I might have to face soon enough myself. Oh my.
I understand completely, and I'm glad you improved your life, and also got it in gear so much to join us once again.
horribly late to this but
i'd personaly have it be about you chromosome, or at least to some extent, just take proper care of yourself :)
and all my respects for taking that decition.