More meat for the Anon grinder · 7:39pm Aug 30th, 2023
Three Anon fics in the Feature box? Okay, let's do this again.
* Anon runs the 1s with the bug queen by milk rain
* Uncle Anon is a Bad Influence by RunicTreetops
* We Need to Make Sure Anon is Still Single by RunicTreetops
I have considered if it's worth scanning Fimfarchive to find how many stories don't use title case. I didn't know the expression "runs the 1s", so I looked it up, and Urban Dictionary says it means to call someone out for a fight. Okay then. That fits with the cover art, which shows a first-person view of a pair of green fists, facing off against Queen Chrysalis.
The story begins with Anon being awoken by a noise, which turns out to be Queen Chrysalis, mistress of stealth and subterfuge, loudly breaking into Anon's house.
Anon swears at her, because he's a real person and real people swear like the dickens.
The author keeps incorrectly using the conditional mood when they should be using past tense, for example:
"How dare you talk to me in such a way! I guess ill just have to-" but she would be cut off by Anon.
This didn't stop 50 people from upvoting it. What is English, anyway?
Chrysalis claims that Anon is part of her plan to take over the pony's [sic], although she doesn't elaborate. I don't know if getting caught breaking into Anon's house was also part of her master plan. Anyway, Anon isn't going to stand for that, so just as the fic's title promises, he threatens to beat the crap out of her if she doesn't leave.
Chrysalis isn't scared, which turns out to be her mistake, as Anon does actually act upon the threat with a warning punch. You know, I guess that's technically character development, since Chrysalis didn't believe anyone would dare resort to physical combat against her, and now she does.
They get into a fight, and to be fair there is a plot-relevant reason why Chrysalis doesn't just end Anon right there - she still needs him for whatever her plan is. Anon hits her with a metal pipe, and there's a link to a YouTube video here for some reason so I guess I need to watch it for the context.
Oh, it's a sound effect. Hey, I kinda dig this multimedia experience. I think the pipe sound is a meme, as I've heard it in other videos.
After a fierce battle Anon eventually succeeds in knocking her out, and I'll credit the fic with actually giving Anon a challenge and making him follow through with it. Even though Chrysalis is having to hold back, defeating her still takes a significant effort on Anon's part.
It cuts to Twilight Sparkle, so I guess Anon's house is in Equestria, and she teleports Anon to hospital because of course they're friends. And that's about it.
The author said that they're new to writing fanfic and were amazed that this fic, that they wrote just for fun, got featured. Evidently they weren't aware that Fimfiction's readership goes nuts for the green-skinned non-person. And really, who am I to tell a first time author what they should or shouldn't write? It's great that they found success with this and I hope they continue. And improve their grammar.
Another RunicTreetops fic, which is apparently a sequel to another fic that I don't need to read, so I won't. The cover art for this also features a first-person view of Anon's green-skinned hand, although I think that's a coincidence. I feel compelled to point out, just in case anyone isn't aware, that Anon is human and humans don't have sickly green skin.
But that doesn't seem to damage anyone else's suspension of disbelief, so let's get on with it. Anon is talking with a teenage Flurry Heart, already apparently an uncle figure to her. Flurry asks Anon to help her vandalize a party she wasn't invited to, and to her surprise, Anon agrees, on the grounds that it's been a while since he caused any problems. Now, this does actually line up with one of the fics I read last time, which identified mischief as a trait of Anon. See, this non-character does have a character!
The author glosses over the details of the mischief with a self-aware nod at the reader, which is fine if a little on-the-nose, and they chat for a bit more. This seems to happen a lot in Runic's fics - just two characters talking back and forth to each other, and while the dialogue is fine, it just really feels like filler to me. I have no interest in the relationship between these two characters, because Anon isn't really a person.
See, RunicTreetops knows how to use title case. I mean, who can resist a title like that? This is obviously going to be a fic full of hilarious shenanigans. Upvote!
Runic always writes in present tense and I'm not sure why. Maybe to make the fics feel more immediate? I'm usually wary of present tense because it usually indicates an amateur author, but Runic knows how to use it properly so there's no problem here.
Anyway, it's Hearts and Hooves Day, and apparently Cadance has a tradition of messing with Anon on this day. She and Twilight spend the first part of the fic just talking about Anon, and I honestly don't care. I don't care about Anon. He isn't anyone. I think maybe that's the problem I'm having. These aren't pony fics. Even though this story is following Cadance and Twilight, everything they do is in the context of Mr I-Don't-Have-A-Name.
You know who Cadance should be pranking? Sunburst. He's male, he's ostensibly single, and we know a bit about the relationship and history between him and Cadance. We can make predictions about how Sunburst will behave or react to the situation. The author can manipulate the reader's expectations to build humorous tension or create irony. Various tantalizing plot avenues are possible based on what we already know about Sunburst. None of that is possible with Anon, because he's no-one.
Anyway, shenanigans, filler, they eventually track down Anon, turns out he's dating Zecora, blah blah blah, fic ends with joke.
Honestly, I think I actually prefer the poorly-written first fic to Runic's ones. They're just so dull and fluffy. At least the sweary edgy Anon had some actual grit to him.
Mostly only in fanfics, sadly
Yeah, tell that to semi-canon spinoff EQG. They have humans of all colors, invented and non-invented included. Very inclusive
Agree completely with that
I have literally nothing to say about Anon stories in general, as I do not have a pleasant opinion on that. But if they lead to these entertaining reviews, than I'll say, they do good. Do more!
So I guess if Some Leach is the Featured Box's darling for M-rated smut, then RunicTreetops is the darling for Anon stories. Which, hey, least it's not fap material.
Interesting observation you make that they are technically competent to be just boring and lifeless, as opposed to the fascinating of the train crash that is the first fic. Such is the case for us Anon-phenomenon outsiders for whom the interest is as indecipherable as ancient Sanskrit.
A YouTube link in the middle of a story?
In the words of Daffy Duck, "Shoot me now!"
It's getting to the point where maybe they should just have their own box.
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Anon containment zone?
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I wonder how much of that is caused by sheer number of fics they produce (Leech posts a fic every Wednesday with a dedication worthy of a better cause, and Runic also, to put it mildly, shits fics like there's no tomorrow.)
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Yes, Anon Containment Zone.