My body was not ready for this!

Guess I have no choice but to dive right in!

Hm... Nice strong so far . Whie fleshed out, it still seems short and sumarized without being boring. But it is missing something....

Ah! Needs more ninjas. Of kissing and cuddle or deadly, I'm not picky.

Took me 3 hours to read it. Mainly due to interruptions and needing the right music. also being slow for no particular reason.

But dayum! This was good, Aether. Hopefully it doesn't take too long to convert the next chapter into prose.

If I was Aetherfucker, I'd want to cum inside you multiple times. :#

BLOODY GENIOUS!!!!! Favorited and watching with much expectation. Thank you for the nice romantic story starring my favorite pony. Can't wait to read the next chapter.

Okay, not terrible. But can you please space your paragraphs? This reads like a giant block of text and that is hard on the eyes. Also... I hate to be critical here but did the name really have to be Anonymous? All I can think of is a human in a Guy Fawkes mask now. You may as well have named the human V. Actually I think Rarity and V would rather get along. Perhaps you can call him that?

Putting this here before Relevant Heavy Metal does.

2446074
Ah the paragraph spacing.How could I forget that?

Well done!
Very nicely constructed, the whole story just feels right!

I giveth thee 5 mustaches out of 5

You know, it'd nice to see a second person HiE story that didn't boil down to "You're in Equestria, now go fuck something."

Are you familiar with the the term 'cliché'?

very well written,

i'll keep an eye on this...
pinkie.ponychan.net/chan/files/src/132595163819.gif

2446591
I'm just following the teachings of the Great Descartes.

null

2446671

Yeah, but come on. Seriously now, give 'em something they don't expect.

I'd say something about one-trick ponies, but I somehow doubt it would be taken seriously.

2444942

^ When this girl says your story is good, then you'd better believe it.

All praise for our mighty Mistress Clopple aside, this was fantastic. I can't wait for chapter 2. But I have one complaint.

Why does every AiE fic have the human named "Anonymous" or "Anon"? The only one I can think of that doesn't is that Fluttershy one where you become her roommate, and your name is "Drew", which is perfect since my name is Andrew.

But anyways, hurry up and give us cloppy goodness!

The backstory on this anon is an original approach to the thousands of HiEs clogging up this place.

Props.

2446868
definately, shes fantastic :D great stuff and good for you :p i'll letcha know what i think when i read it lol

Very well written, very descriptive and enjoyable. I really appreciate how you took the time to set up a story with background information and actual character rather than just getting straight to the nitty-gritty as it were. I do have one small complaint though. Have to agree with Steel Resolve on the 'Anonymous' thing. Since you've written the story as a self-insert style for the reader, referring to 'me' as 'Anonymous' not only detracts from that but also makes the overall flow of the story a tad awkward. Since the pony in question here is Rarity, I found myself replacing instances of 'Anon' with 'dear', 'darling' or any other nickname I could see Rarity giving someone. There were certain points where my brain omitted the 'Anon' altogether as the interaction did not require it. Can't tell you how to write your story but I can give my two cents on the matter. A few simple changes would make for a much smoother read and therefore a better story imo. That said I am very eagerly awaiting the continuation, you've got a lot of talent.

2447024
Well, the reader is supposed to be able to picture their names in place of another, hence Anonymous/Anon. If I used the name Drew, Josh, David, etc then the reader wouldn't be able to really picture themselves as easily.

Instead of, "Oh I'm going to the Spa with Rarity" you get "Oh, Ben is going to the spa with Rarity." That's why I like to keep the name as Anonymous and the "pet name" as Anon. I'd rather my readers picture themselves than someone else. Though, I'm sure that issue still happens even with the name as it is now.

2447064
The theory makes sense and I do understand it. Just from my perspective it isn't easy to place myself into the situation when I see an existing name, be it 'Anon' or not. I just feel that Rarity is one of the easiest ponies to do a self-inset story with because, like Applejack, she is very prone to using nicknames. Since you can choose to omit an actual name in favor of one of her nicknames it becomes easier for the reader to put themselves into the story. Don't get me wrong I still love this story and your writing style. Just trying to help make things flow a bit better. 'Anonymous' can work for some fics, just not self-inserts in my opinion. Tends to feel a bit lazy.

2447133
I understand where you're coming from. It's just I've written Anonymous since March of 2012, hell even a little bit earlier than that. I guess it's something to work with and get used to. I may incorporate proper nicknames in order to help the flow.

2447240
Honestly man I'm just glad you don't think I'm being an asshole. I don't try to be but I've been told I can come off a bit forceful at times, only the best intentions but we all know the saying there. Rest assured I do thoroughly enjoy your style and will keep reading no matter what happens.

only legit diamond in the rough.

2444942 That implies that your opinion is EVER unpopular.

I'm guessing a lot of people are up-voting this thinking that the clop has been done.
It's not finished yet, hopefully it will be by some time tonight. Apologies for the misinformation.

"Diamond in the rough" - quite possibly the most overused title in pony fiction.

2447968
Don't patronize me! I couldn't think of a better name on such short notice! Plus it makes sense... kinda.
Anon had a bit of a rough start, and because of that everything thinks of him as a monster.
Yet, he owns up to what he's done, and tries to make things right. A diamond in the rough... I guess?
Trying to justify a story title isn't, well, the easiest.

oh do go on~

i thought it would be a friendship is witchcraft reference but never mind. either way a great story

2447024
I was going to bring up the exact same thing, it seems really forced with a name like "Anonymous". it's not like that particular word is easier to substitute with you own name than any other, it just offsets the flow of the story.

Also, Aetherpony, i noticed that you are really fond of the word "upon", among others. You may want to vary you style a little, if the same phrasing or word is repeated to many times, it starts to feel repetitive and uninspired.

2448919
Thanks for the heads up. I can probably think of many other variants I could be using. I'll use that as a reference for some future works.

Soo..... first off, you portrayed Rarity more correctly than any other Fanfic I have ever read (also given the fact that I don't usually read Fanfics with Rarity in them). Nonetheless, Rarity was totally in character, all the time, every time. At least from what we can perceive from the show. I'm sure there were a few things that you added that were from your own headcanons maybe, but whatever.

Also, sorry, I know it;s been said a few times already, but just fill in Anonymous with a name! whenever I read it, I always think about "Hey, I'm reading a story in my room" and not "I'm in a spa with Rarity getting a massage". That's my biggest complaint. And i that was my biggest issue, you got nothing to worry about.

Another thing I noticed was that the transition from the past to the present was a little..... rough. You might want to make it seem more subtle and such. But nothing a little editing and brainpower can't fix

Overall, good story! I only started reading it because it had a nice cover pic, and it was the only thing that seemed interesting in the featured box that I HAVEN'T read yet.

So um...... yea. Nice job!

i.qkme.me/3smm2m.jpg

2447064 Ironically naming him "anon" is at least five times more distracting then naming him Kyle or something along those lines (as you can see by previous comments). You see you can somewhat get away naming the protagonist in a second person fic since no one really focuses on the name, at least for me, also I'm not encouraging you to do this. However when you name it Anonymous it's just such an unnatural word that your mind is drawn to like a magnet, thus causing the problem you originally thought to resolve.

When I was reading the comments I knew I was in for it, however I was surprised by how far I got with the story only referring to him as "you". I though you must have went back and edited out anon. Unfortunately I was left bamboozled and broken by the endless torrent of Anons. My advice is just either not even address his name or use nicknames.

Perhaps it will all be worth it in the end, even with rimming and anal.
I'M GOIN' IN HARD, AND I'M GOIN IN DRY!! WOOO YEAH BABY!

...Oh yeah. I thought I recognized your name, Aether. I'm glad I decided to check this out. Not only is it basically worshipping best pony (I was entranced) but it also has a fascinating back story. I absolutely loved how the human freaked out and got himself arrested. That was something quite new.

And the 'Anonymous' thing has already been addressed. It's just an inherent problem with second person to be entirely awesome. It's the only way to make the story work for everyone.

Great read, have another fav from me. Even if the sex might be out of the ordinary.

2446591 Did you even read the first half of the story? Not many authors get "you" arrested.

2450026

Doesn't invalidate my point.

2450129 I would argue that it does. And if you take issue with your point, I question why you are here.

2450140

Because this genre of storytelling doesn't seem to evolve beyond this type of story. Much more could be done with this, bit all I see is same old-same old.

I'd just like to see a second-person story that went in a different direction - something to bring new life to it.

2450157 I'm sorry, but you keep contradicting yourself.

"This genre of storytelling": Second-person clop. On this site, second-person is used almost exclusively for clop. Mostly because it's not good for anything else. It's a terrible way to tell a story. Don't request a non-clop second-person story if you know what's good for you. Now that that's established, moving on.

Now, I don't know how much of it you've read, but I've seen a fair amount and most of it is meaningless clop for the sake of clop. Usually just 6k words or so of "Anon fucks a pony." This, however, is 10k clop-free words that build a relationship, establish a unique backstory, and steadily work towards the climax (huehuehue).

I cannot fathom how else one could bring "new life" to this type of storytelling that we all know is well-used and often executed poorly.

2450187

I've never been one for the fandom terminology, myself.

2450252 I don't know to what you are referring, but oh well.

2450309

To be honest, I'n m no longer sure myself.

Wanna go get a pizza?

No beer though; I'm firmly against drinking anything that enters and leaves me looking the same.

2450329 Sure pal.

I'm glad I was able to state my case. Also that is a hilarious description of beer.

2447064 Wait, I'm going to the spa with Rarity now? xD You just happened to pick my RL name.

2450187
Well, it also works for choose your own adventure type stories. Not many of those get written though.

I do wonder if the length is why people are complaining about the anon usage. Second person fics are pretty much self-inserts, except for the reader instead of the author. The more decisions the author makes for the character, the more background provided, the further removed the character is from the reader. And if the character isn't "you" anymore, then why be second person? Really should be first or third person limited at that point.

...but I thought this would be a story about Applesack and Charity!

2446898 You're kidding, right?

2451635 Oh yeah, those. Haven't seen many...

I think it all just boils down to the classic second-person argument: why use it in the first place? Some people just downright hate it in all its forms. Me, I don't really care.

2452619
No.