Chapter 5
Foal
By The Rated Ponystar
Edited by Starfall, Apple Cinnamon, and Tchernobog
Artwork done by RatofDrawn
***
The wait was killing Rainbow Dash. When she heard from her dad that her baby brother was finally coming, she naturally couldn’t wait to get to the hospital to see him. When they got there, her mom was already heading into some big room where she kept screaming curse words. Dash still couldn’t understand why she wasn’t allowed to say them in the house if her mom was.
Unable to pass through the maternity ward, Dash was guided to the waiting room where she tried to pass her time reading old magazines and going over her tricks in her head. However, she quickly fell into a state of boredom and tried flying around to prevent this, but was ordered back on the floor when a nurse pointed to a no flying sign.
In the name of Celestia, can the foal just come out already?! thought Rainbow Dash, crossing her forelegs and huffing. While she was a bit peeved that she had been forced to wait, she could help but feel excited at the thought of being a big sister. We can fly together! Play pranks together! We can even go see the Wonderbolts! Don’t foals get in free? Sweet!
She glanced at the clock and scowled. It was taking longer than she liked. According to her parents, she came right out quick and easy. Fast just as her namesake. A small fear began to grow inside Dash as she began to wonder if something went wrong. What if the foal refuses to come out? What if’s actually some mutated foal monster intend on feeding on the flesh of ponies?! What if has six wings?!... Actually that would be pretty cool.
“Excuse me?” said a nurse, snapping Dash out of her worries. “Are you Rainbow Dash? Your father asked me to come tell you congratulations! You're a big sister now!”
Dash blinked twice before she stood up with her smile as wide as she could stretch it. “Wait, you mean he’s here?! He’s out?!” The nurse nodded as Dash pumped her hoof in the air. “Alright! I’ve got a brother! I’ve got a brother! Can I see him?!”
“Go right ahead,” said the nurse.
Without a second to spare, Rainbow Dash galloped out of the waiting room and towards the maternity ward. She quickly remembered her mother’s room number and rushed inside. There, right before her, were her parents looking as proud as she had ever seen them. Ignoring the hospital staff she walked up to them, doing her best to fight her excited nerves. Her father was nuzzling his wife as she held a tiny pony wrapped in a blue blanket.
Noticing her, Rainbow Streak smiled. “Dash, would you like to meet your brother Spectrum?”
Nodding, Dash held out her forehooves as Firefly, whispering comforting words to her new foal, gently gave Spectrum to the new big sister. Rainbow Dash held to her new baby brother as softly as she could, eternally thanking Fluttershy for the lessons gleaned from her foalsitting job. Her eyes widened as a tiny blue colt, with only a speck of her father’s colorful name, looked at her with his tiny curious eyes before giggling. He raised his hoof and bopped her on the nose making Dash giggle herself.
The two parents looked at each other, happy to see the siblings get along so well. Dash nuzzled her brother and whispered, “Hey there, squirt. I’m your big sister, Rainbow Dash. We’re gonna have so much fun and be the best of friends. And we’ll always be together, little bro.”
“Always...”
***
Rainbow Dash opened her eyes only to feel the tears she had been leaking in her sleep. Rubbing her eyes, Dash slowly got out of her bed and groaned. The dream she had was buried deep in her mind and just the mere thought of it made her want to scream. Rising up on all fours, she made sure to be careful not move too fast as her bandaged wounds were still healing. After the storm, Princess Celestia summoned the best healers to help those who had been hurt in the disaster as well as start a relief effort for Ponyville. Rainbow Dash was able to get the best medical attention possible along with hundreds of others. While most of her injuries, including her wings, were healed up in a few days, she still had some that would take longer to heal and they were an utter nightmare to handle. Rainbow Dash tried to get her senses back to working when she looked at the calendar and froze when she saw the date.
Today was it.
Her brother’s funeral.
Dash stared at the date for a long time, until she felt something vile slowly reach up her throat. Covering her mouth, she rushed out of her room, entered the hallway, and made way for the bathroom. Placing her head over the toilet, she let loose and didn’t stop for some time. Her tears fell into the dirty toilet bowl as she backed away and rested against the wall.
She ignored the smell of her puke in the toilet while trying to fight the urge to not get up, dress up in black, and see her brother’s body before it was taken to the cremation center. Taking a deep breath, Dash flushed the toilet before washing her hooves and face. Looking at herself in the mirror, she noticed the bags under her bloodshot eyes before looking back down at her hooves and gasped.
They were covered in blood; Spectrum’s blood.
With great haste, Rainbow Dash furiously washed them again, but no matter what she did the blood wouldn’t come of. She closed her eyes, begging that this was a dream and that she was in her bed. When she opened her eyes again, she saw that there was no blood anymore. Not on her hooves, nor in the sink. Nothing.
Oh, Celestia... I’m losing it... thought Rainbow Dash who started feeling sick again.
After rinsing her mouth, Rainbow Dash forced her way through the halls, passing by her room and her parents room which was locked. She knocked on the door and waited a bit. “Mom? Are you in there? It’s... it’s time for the... f-f-funeral...” choked Rainbow Dash, the last word bitter in her mouth.
She waited to hear anything from the door, including the seeming endless wails that had come from the room over the past three days. She had only seen her mother when the door was open or when her father went inside to talk to her. Those brief glimpses shattered Dash’s heard when she saw her mother, the strongest pony she knew, a living wreck as she held a picture of her lost son, shouting his name in sorrow. When there was nothing heard from the other side of the door, Dash grew concerned and continued to make her way towards the kitchen.
Just before she entered it, she paused and looked to her left. A single closed door marked “Spectrum’s Room” was right there in front of her eyes. She hadn't entered the room since the storm. None of them had. To enter it, only to find nopony there, was just a sight that Rainbow Dash didn’t think she could handle. Not now, and maybe not ever.
Turning away and pushing the room out of her current thoughts, she went into the kitchen, hoping to find her Dad sitting with a cup of coffee. Instead she found a note and read it:
Rainbow,
Your Mother and I went on ahead to make sure everything was in order. Food in the kitchen and your dress is on the couch. Come to the funeral home soon.
Dad
Rainbow Dash had no desire to eat anything after emptying her stomach, and tossed the note into the garbage. Walking over to the couch in the living room, she spotted a simple black mourning gown for her to wear. She picked it up and looked at it. A part of her was cringing at the thought of wearing a dress of all things, but she was more hesitant to wear it for its purpose more than anything. Nevertheless, she unwrapped it from it’s plastic container and started to put it on, taking ten minutes to properly dress.
She looked at herself and figured this was good enough, no need to do her hair or anything. She was late enough as it was. Spectrum would laugh if he saw me wearing one.
Rainbow Dash’s mind went blank upon realizing what she just thought. It slowly dawned to her that this was it. This was the last time she would ever see her brother. He was dead. And it was all her fault.
This time Dash did scream and fell to the floor, pounding it with her hoof. She hollered, cursed, and cried while fidgeting in her dress, nearly ripping it. It didn’t matter if this made her injuries hurt even worse they did, nothing was compared to the pain she held inside. Dash shouted apologizes, her brother’s name, and even begged to whoever was listening to take her instead and let him come back. Nothing replied back to her but simple, empty silence.
Lying on the floor, eyes watering, Rainbow Dash looked up at the ceiling and closed her eyes. “This shouldn’t be happening... oh Spectrum, I’m so sorry... forgive me, little bro... forgive me...”
She continued to lie down there for some time until Rainbow Dash looked at the clock and realized if she didn’t leave now she would be late for the service. With great reluctance, she got up and made her way for the door, opening it as she made the journey to say goodbye to her little brother.
***
Although Equestria’s tribes were a united race now, all three types of ponies still held to some of their old traditions and beliefs, including funeral customs. For earth ponies, they buried their dead and returned them to the earth. Unicorns preserved their dead in special glass coffins, believing that a healthy looking body meant a healthy soul in the afterlife. And finally, pegasi cremated their dead, by first having a wake with the preserved body so that all could see the deceased one more time. The next day the family was given their ashes where they could keep them or let them fly into the wind.
Rainbow Dash had never cared much about such things before and now she wish she never had. Standing at the steps of the “Cloudsdale Funeral Home”, Rainbow Dash found herself stuck on the same spot on the cloudy street where she landed. Her mind told her to go inside, to do what she had to do, but her body refused. Inside was her brother, an empty shell with his soul long gone to whatever afterlife existed after this. It would be the last time she would see his face before the home burned his body overnight, and turn him into dust.
What was she going to do once it was all over? Go through life without her little brother? Everything she had dreamed of, including the Wonderbolts, always featured Spectrum right beside her. It’s not fair... thought Dash, closing her eyes and biting her lip. I’m the oldest. I should have died. Not him. Not Spectrum. He was just a colt!
“Excuse me, miss?” Rainbow Dash nearly jumped and opened her eyes to see a pegasus employee of the funeral home, dressed in a suit, looking at her with concern. “Ma’am? Are you alright?”
“Y-yeah,” muttered Dash. “I just... I’m here for my brother’s funeral. It’s just... hard to...”
He nodded and placed his hoof on her shoulder. “I understand. This is a troubling time for you. May your brother’s soul rest in peace.”
“T-thanks,” said Dash, but didn’t dare look him in the eyes. She didn’t want to see his pity. Would he even pity me if he knew that this is all my fault?
“Can... Can you help me find him?” asked Dash, who had never felt so pathetic in all her life. Here she was, a grown mare, asking for help walking into some stupid building. You might as well have me in diapers and drinking milk from a bottle.
The employee nodded and guided Rainbow Dash inside. For a place where the dead were mourned, it was quite lively. Many ponies, all dressed in black, were standing around the hallway or moving towards one of the open rooms where the deceased were held for their service. There were tears, some were laughing, others were silent. It was far from what Dash expected. Even the very building itself seemed to be not as depressing as she imagined it to be. It looked like an old-styled home with valuable artifacts and paintings, mostly of angels ascending to what looked to be heaven.
Following her guide, Rainbow Dash noticed the rooms she passed, filled with their own coffins and their mourners. So many stallions and mares, all dead, lying in their open or closed clouds caskets seemingly at peace. Dash remembered the ponies she saw covered in white sheets at the town square during the storm. Were any of them underneath? What were their last thoughts on this planet before passing on? Did they suffer like her brother did? She stopped upon seeing two ponies, presumably a couple, holding each other as they cried next to a closed coffin. The mare was pale despite her bright colors, and her face was drenched in her tears while her husband looked like he had nothing left to live for in life. It was then that Dash realized that the casket was foal sized, as if it was made for a newborn.
Dash turned away, leaned against the wall, and tried to breathe, resisting the urge to throw up again. The employee walked up to Dash and rubbed her back, neither saying anything or urging her to press on. “Busy day, huh?” asked Dash, nonchalantly, as her nerves slowly subsided.
“Yes, most of these are pegasi who died in the Ponyville disaster. It’s so horrible what happened,” he paused and then looked at Dash with a tilted head. “You were there, right? Tell me, did they find those pegasi who neglected their duty?”
The mentioning of those pegasi instantly made Dash’s blood boil. She, like so many others, wanted Gale Storm and her group to pay for what they had done. Most of them had been captured already by the guard, but Gale herself and her closest friends were still on the run. The entire Weather Administration had been shamed by what had happened, according to her father, and were using every resource possible to help the authorities find Gale Storm and her friends. Rumor had it that Princess Celestia was personally going to make sure that each of those who were responsible for failing to prevent the storm, that cost the lives of over seventy ponies, would face justice for each life lost. But the worst of it, to Dash, was the fact that she had actually slept with Gale Storm. And she would have to live with that for the rest of her life.
Sometimes I wish Equestria still had a death penalty, thought Rainbow Dash, getting up and continuing on, the surprised employee behind her.
She eventually came to a room that had her brother’s name on it and stopped. Gulping, Dash felt more nervous than the time she first tried flying. With a deep breath she stepped into the room and saw her entire family, from uncles to cousins, inside talking with one another in tears or looking at the coffin. Rainbow Dash was instantly swarmed by her distant relatives, whose names she couldn’t remember, as they hugged, kissed, exchanged sympathies, and more. Rainbow Dash did it all without any emotion, doing her best not to cry for as long as she could hold it in.
Between those moments with her relatives, Dash could see her parents in the front of the cushions, right in front of the coffin. Her mother, veil over her head, was holding a picture of Spectrum while rocking back and forth, crying like she had done for days. Rainbow Dash had always seen her mother as the strongest mare she knew, and modeled herself after her when she was young. To see her idol growing up, so broken and in despair, it made Dash realize just how much her family was torn apart by this. Her father was holding her, whispering into her ear and nuzzling her when he needed too. It was clear he was doing his best to be strong, but Dash could see the tears streaming down his face as well.
When the last of her relatives finally left her alone, Rainbow Dash tried to figure out what to do next, when she was suddenly tackled and held in a crushing hug. Looking down she saw the tear eyed face of her best friend, Fluttershy, looking at her with the most heart wrenching expression she had ever seen. “Rainbow... I’m so sorry.... I’m so sorry!”
Rainbow Dash started leaking tears as she held on to her best friend. The two said nothing, only letting the sorrow shared between them express themselves. If there was anypony who knew what Dash was going through it was Fluttershy. They knew each other by heart and there was nothing neither would do for the other. Out of everypony here, Fluttershy was the one pony Rainbow Dash wanted to be with right now.
“He... he was a such a kind colt... this isn’t your fault, please don’t blame yourself,” whispered Fluttershy.
Rainbow Dash, looked at Fluttershy, remembering all the time she came over and played with Spectrum. It was like she was an added sibling they had, and her brother enjoyed Fluttershy so much. “He really liked you. Even had a crush on you...” muttered Rainbow Dash, but this only made Fluttershy cry harder.
She remembered all the times he used to tease his brother about his hopeless crush, already doomed to fail as Fluttershy was way too old for him. I’d give anything just to joke around him one more time...
“Have you... have you said your goodbyes?” she asked.
Rainbow slowly shook her head, feeling her nerves jumping around even more. She knew what was expected of her, but a part of Rainbow Dash didn’t want to see it. The last time she saw him was when they were taking him away from her after they found them in the ruined field. But she had to do this. She would never forgive herself for not saying her final goodbyes to her brother. Rainbow Dash took a deep breath and began to move forward, Fluttershy followed her, wing by wing. It helped Rainbow Dash remain calm as she passed by the dozens of flowers and wreaths. There were also pictures of Spectrum, showing his short but happy life. Each one was a memory that only further made Rainbow Dash long for a chance to redo the past and save her brother.
Finally, she had arrived at his coffin and she openly wept. There was no holding back, the walls were fully broken. She knelt down and stared at the open casket of clouds, where her little brother laid peacefully. His eyes were closed as if he was asleep, his lips formed into a tiny smile that made him look angelic. He was in a suit fit for his age as his crossed hooves held a bouquet of white lilies. He laid there in such grace and pose, flowers of all colors surrounding him like a bed, that Rainbow Dash dare not touch him.
“Oh, Spectrum...” whispered Rainbow Dash, choking though her tears. “I’m sorry... I failed you... I couldn’t save you and I’d do anything to bring you back. I’d rather it be me in this coffin, Spectrum. I should be dead! Not you! Forgive me! Forgive me, Spectrum!”
Rainbow Dash turned away and buried her head into Fluttershy’s chest. The entire room was silent except for Rainbow Dash’s cries. And yet her eyes never left her brother’s still form as the realization had come full circle. Her brother was gone, forever.
***
Not much happened after that mattered to Rainbow Dash. She didn’t say or listen to anything else. She just sat down next to her family and let the service continue. A minister came by to lead them, but Rainbow Dash tuned her out. Her parents tried to say something near the end, but in the end they just couldn’t. No one could say anything without breaking down into tears. The last thing Dash remembered before heading home with her family was looking at Spectrum's face on last time before kissing it on the forehead and whispering goodbye.
Tonight he would be cremated and tomorrow his ashes would be given to Rainbow and her family. Her family said nothing as they walked home, none of them in any mood to fly. By the time they had arrived home, a great silence was met between them. It was like a brick wall had suddenly come between them.
They looked at each other, unsure of what to do now that it was only three of them in the house now. Rainbow Streak finally cleared his throat and said, “I just remembered we need groceries. I’ll just go around the corner and get something for us to eat. Dash, look after your mother.”
Rainbow nodded as her father left, before turning to her mother. She tried to touch her, but Firefly shrugged her off and moved into the kitchen. She sat down near the table and put the picture of her departed son down, staring at it. Rainbow Dash soon entered herself, trying to figure out what to do. Maybe I should make tea? thought Rainbow Dash, even though she had never done it before.
With no other option, Rainbow Dash did her best to mimic Fluttershy when she brewed tea. It took a bit longer, but Rainbow Dash had managed to do it and poured her mother a cup of the warm brew. She presented it to her mother who took her eyes off the photo to look at it and then stare at Rainbow Dash.
“Hey, um...” Rainbow rubbed the back of her neck. “I know it’s not perfect, but you really need to get your strength back, Mom. Me and Dad are both worr-”
Suddenly a loud smack rang in the air as Rainbow Dash fell back and covered her cheek and looked at her enraged mother in shock. “You... it’s all your fault! It’s all your fault!”
“M-mom!” screamed Rainbow Dash as Firefly looked at her with tears and rage in her eyes.
“Why didn’t you protect your brother! He was your responsibility and you let him die like that in that storm! We warned you and you refused to listen! What were you thinking?! How could you let him die like that?! How could you let your brother, my baby, die?!”
“I didn’t mean too! Really! I’m sorry!” shouted Rainbow Dash, but her mother shook her head.
“You think apologizing is going to fix this?! Spectrum is dead and it’s all your fault, Rainbow Dash! It’s all your fault!”
Rainbow Dash didn’t want to hear anymore, she just flew out the door, past her father who screamed her name. She didn’t hear him, nor did she hear the thunderous storm that was taking place below Cloudsdale as she flew without any direction. The only thing she could hear were mother’s accusations, her brothers screams for help, and the sound of her own wails in the dark.
***
Applejack sat there, holding onto the wailing Rainbow Dash, as she did her best to not cry tears of her own. She had heard sad stories, her own parents loss was a sorrowful moment all on it’s own, but Rainbow Dash’s story was beyond any words she could think off. She had thought that Rainbow Dash was only believing herself to be at fault for her brother’s death, but the truth was she had responsibility for it.
Applejack didn’t know how she would have the strength to go on if Spectrum had been replaced with Apple Bloom. The guilt that Dash had been dealing with for years, hiding it so well from everypony, including herself, must have been unbearable. And Ah opened all those wounds again...
She had remembered the storm too. She and her family hid in the shelter they had made below the barn. Their farm was a mess, but they were all safe and that’s what mattered. She knew some of the ponies that had died that day, and remembered attending the memorial with her family over such a tragic loss.
She looked at her wife, crying silently and looking almost lifeless. It pained her to see this side of Rainbow Dash, but she knew this had to get out. Rainbow Dash sniffed and sighed. “I flew to Fluttershy’s that night and stayed there for a few days, I couldn’t even show my face on the day we scattered my brother’s ashes. When I went back home, nothing was the same between me and my parents. It was like living in world of grey and sorrow. Mom and I stopped speaking to each other, despite Dad’s attempts to keep us together.” Moving the bangs out of her hair, Rainbow Dash laid back on the couch while glancing at the ceiling. “Eventually, I just couldn’t take it anymore and moved out. Dad paided for my house and... that was the last time I talked to either of them. We haven’t seen each other for nine years.”
“What about Gale? Last I heard she got caught tryin’ to leave the border right?” asked Applejack, remembering the pegasus. She was horrible to Applejack and her family, ignoring their weather subscriptions and having little respect for her.
“Yeah, they caught her just in time. There was a trial and I was one of those that testified against her. From what the prosecutor said, I was the one that slammed the deal shut and made her guilty since I was there and all. She got life in prison, but if I had my way I would have torn her wings off and beat her to death with them,” growled Rainbow Dash. It only lasted for a short while before she looked at Applejack with regret in her eyes. “So now you know everything. It took me awhile to fly around fillies and colts. Every single of one of them reminded me of Spectrum, even Scootaloo. But that filly...” Rainbow Dash smiled, “... she just kept following me and well, I couldn’t help but admire that. So I eventually started performing again, teaching Scoots when I can. Eventually, I just buried everything until...”
“Ah said Ah wanted foals, right?” said Applejack.
Rainbow Dash nodded. “I’m sorry, AJ. It’s just... when I think of the idea of raising a foal I can’t help but feel that I’ll mess up again. I messed up with my brother and he’s d-dead...” Rainbow Dash didn’t say anymore as Applejack quickly embraced her and kissed her on the lips. She was surprised for a second, but found herself kissing back, missing this more than anything.
It was as if both their worries and fears were washed away by this one long kiss. Applejack felt Rainbow Dash’s tongue scrape her teeth as she allowed her entry, moaning as it explored her mouth. She could feel herself grinding against Dash, letting herself be lost to the euphoria that came with it. The two lovers continued this until they felt the need to breathe and separated themselves from each other. Applejack pushed her bangs away and smiled, “It’s okay, Dash. Ah understand, we don’t need foals at the moment.”
“But, your dream...”
“Shucks, Dash,” chuckled Applejack. “Ah wanted mah dream to be our dream. Ain’t much of a dream if Ah can’t share the happiness of bein’ a parent without ya, right? Ah’m sorry Ah pushed this issue so hard and hurt ya, darlin’. Ah love ya, and ya mean everythin’ to me. Ah don’t want to see ya cryin’ anymore, Dashie. Not anymore. Just promise me that there will be no more secrets between us? And if yer feelin’ sad y’all will tell me? That way Ah can kiss ya and make it better.”
“I promise...” muttered Rainbow Dash as she felt her eyes slowly lower themselves.
The two soon fell asleep in each other’s embrace, and Rainbow Dash, for the first time in days, had a dreamless sleep.
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-sees two new updates-
-reads chapter 5-
My heart got punched by all the feels
Wow. I'm actually pretty close to tears from this. One of the gems of your stories.
...yeah.
'Mourning', no?
One?
Tense. 'Scattered'
Right, that was sweet. Very deep backstory, very enjoyable. Well done on that, mate! Ehhh, I'll probably go ahead and follow now, you've more than enough stories I really liked to warrant it.
Regards
Quicksear
Right in the feels, but Rainbow Dash you need to stop living in the past and stand up. Spectrum wouldn't want you to be sad.
hey bro
found a few
washing her hands and face
Those brief glimpses shattered Dash’s hear when
Applejack didn’t know how would have the strength to go on
It pained her to see this side of Rainbow Dash, but she knew this had to get this out.
Goddamn... That's harsh.
Real harsh.
~Skeeter The Lurker
S-stop making me cry.
That... was tough. To imagine Rainbow going through all that? No wonder she keeps up a brave facade at all times.
Robo sad.
"paid"
3536558
but such is life, tragedy can strengthen us like a samurai sword forged over time or break us like a stick in a storm
So sad... so very sad. I admire your courage in setting up events in such a way that Spectrum's death really was partly Rainbow's fault. That sort of guilt doesn't just go away.
ah almost cried
And through it all a shadow observed the heartbreaking scene of a wounded past, unmoving nor caring, Death himself flicked his hairless tail and snorted, though no air expelled out. Levitating his scythe above him he pondered just why some souls such as this...mortal was able to carry on when others lost their light and will to live? What made this...Rainbow Dash so special.
He ignored the wails of the souls behind him, shackled in the chains of their sins around their hooves before feeling his black cloak bellow in the wind and shook his head as he ushered the souls behind him to follow the skeleton Alicorn to their Afterlife for their crimes.
"Mortals," he whispered emotionless to himself "Such fragile, wounded creatures...a waste of precious life." He snorted softly as he along with his chagrins faded into the shadows and away from sight.
Sorry but I... I feel like the story tries to hard, feels like... Narm to use the tv trope. Which sometimes works but just... doesn't here.
Son of a bitch! I knew this was gonna make me cry! *shakes fist* Guess I can't be angry, I'd have to be a fool not to have known what I was getting into. Ya hurt me Rated Ponystar, but Celestia-dammit I still love you!
Please keep writing, I'll keep reading!
Oh wow, I've been sobbing this entire chapter!
This chapter hit a lot harder than I thought it would. I mean, I was crying by the end of the last chapter, despite my best efforts to hold it in. Him asking about the wonderbolts, oh, it just killed me! 
I love this story so much, and it's so well written! 
Normally, I find a grammar mistake or three in a story that completely throws me out of the story, but this has had my in a death grip the entire time! Well done! 
Loved the flashback to Spectrum's birth. Love cute moments like that.
the flashback was nice, but when I saw rainbow's mom say it was her fault, it kinda struck me hard
This was SO sad. I even had to stop myself from crying