Dear Twilight,
Or, should it be Princess Twilight, now? That was a weird day, wasn’t it? I was told later on that you did some spell, that switched your friends’ cutie marks. Watching Applejack attempt to make dresses was quite strange, but also enjoyable, even if she didn’t think so. I actually thought her designs weren’t half bad, bar some minor improvements. They’re in the attic of our house now; she doesn’t know I kept them.
Anyway, then you became a Princess! That was pretty cool…if a little abrupt. I always joked that you were going to be a Princess; I never thought it would actually be true!
Okay, this wasn’t meant to be part of the letter, but you know how I get when it comes to writing. I wrote a one hundred page letter to Celestia, detailing why I wanted to stay human, for goodness sake! Don’t worry, this won’t be as long. I promise. Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.
Now, where was I? Oh, right.
That book you gave me and Applejack on our wedding day; The Unknown Mysteries of Equestria Revealed Volume 1? Well, the other day, Applejack told me that she was feeling ill in the mornings, so when she went to the Doctor, I decided that then was the right moment, as you told me it would be, and opened it up.
Sure enough, I surprised to find out that you knew that we were genetically compatible! I don’t know why you hid that information from me and AJ for so long, but it’s water under the bridge at this point. When she came back, my assumption was correct.
That’s right, Applejack is pregnant!
Isn’t that great?! We were so happy when we found out. I wanted to come and see you at the Castle, to let you be the first to know (like you wanted), but I was told that you were busy. Since Spike is with you in Canterlot, it will be awhile before you get this letter. Maybe I’ll give it to Big Macintosh, when he comes by to see you for your weekly *ahem* visits. I know he does; he only talks about it all the time, when we hang out. It’s quite disturbing, actually. I didn’t know you were into that.
We’re going to tell Applejack’s family, and everypony else soon after, so I hope this letter gets to you in a timely fashion.
Sincerely,
Matthew Williams Apple
PS: Big Mac doesn’t really tell me what you two do, during his visits; I just wanted to yank your chain.
“You done with that letter, yet?” Applejack called out from the living room.
“Almost.” Matt says, sitting by the dining room table in the kitchen, “Just putting the finishing touches.”
PPS: But I bet you two totally do it.
“Okay, done.” Matt puts the period at the end of the last sentence. “Huh, it really does take a little more than a few minutes to write one.” he grins, thinking back to what Princess Celestia said that fateful day in Canterlot, as he folds the letter, and puts it in his back pocket.
Matt walks to the fridge, and takes out an apple pie that he baked last night, with very little assistance from Applejack. It’s meant for the Apple Family, as a small token and comfort for what they are planning to tell them that day. He walks into the living room, where Applejack is patiently sitting on the couch, watching cartoons as she waits.
With a quick clearing of his throat, Matt gets her attention. She turns, flashing him her signature gorgeous smile, turning off the TV almost instantaneously and walking up to him.
“Ya ready to go?” she asks.
“As ready as the human who is about to tell a family that I impregnated their equine granddaughter as I’ll ever be.” he chuckles.
It’s been a couple of days, since they got the news that Applejack had passed her first month of pregnancy. The happily married couple was nervous about telling everypony about what had happened. For all intents and purposes, up until the day before, they were under the impression that human and pony conception was impossible. It was because of that, they never felt the need to use protection during their nights of love and passion. Oh, how wrong they were.
To say that Matt was surprised about the news would have been putting it mildly. He fainted before Applejack even said a word, seemingly knowing what she was about to say by simply looking into her eyes. Still, once the initial shock died down, he was extremely happy, but also frightened at the same time. The concept of being a parent is new to him. On the one hand, he feels that he shouldn’t be too worried. He had a great Dad. Easily worrisome? Sure, but still learned a lot from him. Despite all that, though; deep down, he feels he has much more to learn.
As for his beautiful wife, Applejack was as equally nervous, perhaps even more so, as she is going to spend the next ten months with a foal growing inside of her. That morning at the hospital, she was certain the Doctor was making a mistake, and that he accidentally misplaced her check up sheet with another patient. Fully expecting him to look down at the sheet, see the wrong name, and correct his mistake, she initially chuckled in response to his diagnosis. When he shook his head, and told her that the pregnancy was no mistake, she still did not believe him.
It was then that he performed an ultrasound on her, and she saw it as clear as day. The beginnings of development; the foal growing within her body.
Ever since she decided to pursue an intimate relationship, she was long prepared for not being able to bear foals with her human husband, thinking that if she wanted a child, they would simply adopt. Discovering that she had become pregnant was both exciting and terrifying. After the truth finally set in, she spent a long time crying in the hospital, more out of joy than anything else. It was something that she would never tell Matt; he doesn’t do well with crying ponies. He finds them more emotionally distressing than anything else he’s seen in his life.
The two walked along the morning road to Sweet Apple Acres, letting the sun shine on their skin, or in Applejack’s case; coat, as they made their way to their destination.
Applejack glanced over at her husband, carrying the apple pie with both hands…those shaking hands. She looked up at him, seeing the stressed look on his face. She smiles, brushing a cheek against his arm, which startles him out of his nervous thoughts, but relaxes to the sensation, knowing that she is there to comfort him.
“So, what are ya gonna say?” Applejack asks.
“I was just about to ask you the same question.” he smirks.
“Ah asked you first, so there.” she sticks her tongue out playfully.
“Damn, I was hoping to delay the inevitable with you.” Matt thinks for a moment, before replying, “I’m lost. I have no idea what to say.”
“Well, you can always just tell them outright, rather than sugarcoat it.”
“No, that’s the wrong way of telling them. Just going all out and saying ‘Funny story, I just impregnated Applejack!’ isn't going to go well with them, I don’t think.”
“If you say it like THAT, it’s not going to get well with them.” she laughs.
“Besides, YOU’RE officially family, why don’t you tell them?”
“Hey, you’re officially family, too.”
“I mean, you’re bound by blood with them. Wouldn’t they be less…you know…shocked if you told them?”
“I dunno, I reckon Granny Smith is gonna have a heart attack either way.”
“True, but if I tell them, what comes next is her glaring at me, and going…” Matt proceeds to put on his best Granny Smith accent, “You put yer seed in mah granddaughter?! Big Mac! Get the shotgun!”
Applejack bursts out laughing at his impersonation.
“That’s a good one!” she cracks up, “She would totally sound like that!”
“That’s what I’m afraid of. I plan on seeing this foal grow up to college age, before I’m gunned down by your Grandmother.”
“Relax, she ain’t gonna shoot ya. Might wound you slightly.”
“Depends on what you mean by ‘slightly.’ Humans can’t heal as fast as you guys, remember?”
“Ah wouldn’t worry. You took on King Sombra.”
“I remember almost dying, when I did that.”
“But you didn’t, so handling Granny Smith should be a walk in the park.”
“If that’s the case, can we go to Canterlot first? I want to wear The Elements of Harmony before I speak with your family.”
“Too late, funny guy. We’re here.”
Matt looks up to see the Sweet Apple Acres sign looming above them. He grimaces, knowing that his very possible injury or demise is waiting for him beyond that sign.
“Shit.”
After knocking on the door, Applebloom was the first to open it, greeting her older sister with open hooves, giving a nice big hug. It’s been awhile since they last saw her. In the intervening time, she has gotten taller, but the lack of a cutie mark is still there.
“Applejack!” she says with happiness, “It’s so nice ta see ya!” She then turns to Matt with a smile, “Taking good care of mah sis?”
“You know I am.” he smiles, kneeling down to give her a hug, which she gladly takes. He takes note of her growth. “You’re getting taller AB. Normally, it’s a challenge to get your hooves around me. At this rate, you’re getting awful close.”
“Yeah.” she laughs, “Still no cutie mark, though.” she glances over at her blank flank.
“Don’t worry, it’ll come to ya.” Applejack assures her, “Where’s Big Mac n’ Granny Smith?”
“They’re waitin’ in the dining room. Come on! They’ll be happy ta see you two!”
The three walk into the dining room, where sure enough, Big Macintosh and Granny Smith are waiting for them. Upon seeing the happy couple, they give Matt and Applejack wide smiles.
“Applejack! Matt! Yer here!” shouts Granny Smith.
Big Mac is first to get up and embrace them. He had no problem wrapping them both up in his powerful hooves for a tight hug, cutting off air and possibly circulation from them. Applejack knows how to break away from such a hug. Unfortunately, nopony ever taught Matt that trick.
“So good ta see ya!” Big Mac exclaims.
“You too…” Matt wheezes, “Please let me go.” He can hear his bones cracking under pressure. Any second and he’d be a Matt sandwich.
“Oops…sorry.” he lets Matt go, watching the human catch his breath, “Forgot how weak yer skeletal structure is.”
“Been taking lessons about human anatomy from Twilight?”
“Among other things.” he smirks.
“Sit down you two.” Granny Smith says, “It’s been too long since we last saw you.”
The two sit down across from them. Looking at their happy expressions made Matt even more nervous than ever. Applejack somehow keeps her composure like an expert.
“Granny Smith, it’s only been like a month.” Applejack says.
“That’s too long for my age! When I was a young mare, mah honeymoon was only one night, then it was back to work! You youngins get much longer than that!”
“Our honeymoon was three months ago. Matt and I just decided to take a trip to the places we wanted to go.”
“Did ya visit the Crystal Empire?” Applebloom asks, “How was it? How are Princess Cadance and Shinin’ Armor?”
“We did.” Matt answers, “And they’re good. The empire is a very beautiful place too. It’s nice to see it, without being distracted by a giant smoking monster.” he chuckles. “Oh, I almost forgot…” he places the apple pie on the table, “We made this for you guys.”
“More like YOU made it, and ah watched.” Applejack smirks, “Honestly, you can be so stubborn at times.”
“Hey, if I’m part of the Apple Family, I have to learn how to make damn delicious pies like the Apple Family.”
“He made two pies last night.” she tells the three, “Ah tried it; it’s very good.”
“Why, thank you AJ. I appreciate that.”
“It certainly smells yummy!” says Applebloom, “If ah didn’t have breakfast already, I would have gobbled it all up.”
Applejack looks at Matt. It’s THE look. The kind of look that says that he should tell them the news now. Matt gulps at the thought; he is less than ready…he is NOT ready to tell them. Applejack can see the hesitance in his eyes. It’s not like he doesn’t want to inform them of the situation, but he remembers the last time Big Mac came at him with murderous intentions; it didn’t end well. The reassuring hoof on his thigh from AJ isn’t helping either, as much as he wants it too.
Still, he had to do it. He swallows his pride, and stands from the table, surprising everypony except for Applejack. She knows what’s coming.
“Everypony, I have an announcement to make.”
“What about?” asks Big Mac.
“I would say ‘sit down’, but you guys are already doing it.” he chuckles, they don’t; they are confused about his behavior. “I’m not sure how to say this, so I’m just going to go out and say it…”
“Yer gettin a divorce, aren’t you?” Granny Smith interrupts, “Dag nabbit Applejack, what did ya do?!”
“No!” Matt shouts, “We’re not getting a divorce!”
“Did she cheat on ya?”
“No! Why do you assume it’s something SHE did?”
“Did YOU cheat on her?” Big Mac growls.
“No! I would never do something like that!”
“Then what is it?” demands Applebloom.
“I’m trying to say that Applejack is pregnant!”
Silence. That’s not how he wanted to say that. Too late now, it’s out in the open, and everypony in the room heard it. Both Big Mac and Applebloom stare in wide-eyed shock, while Granny Smith looks like she’s going to have a heart attack. She bats at her ears, hoping that something that was preventing her hearing falls out. Nothing comes.
“I’m sorry, Matt. But, what did ya say?” asks Granny Smith.
“Applejack….is….pregnant?” he responds, the statement coming out like a question.
Another long and drawn out silence ensues. Matt prepares himself to get thrown out the window, beaten mercilessly, or tackled into a wall. None of those happen, just lots of stares.
“But…” Applebloom breaks the silence, “Ah thought you two were in-com-patiable…”
“It’s incompatible, Applebloom.” Big Mac corrects her, “But she’s right. We thought…”
“So did we.” said Applejack, “But, according to Twilight’s research, we actually are genetically compatible.”
“Why didn’t she tell me?” Big Mac wonders.
“She doesn’t know that AJ is pregnant yet.” Matt answers, “We wanted to tell you the news first. Since we’re family and all.” He looks at the staring faces, “We’re still family, right? You’re not going to kill me?”
More silence. It’s almost like they are thinking about it. The three members of the Apple family look at each other, seemingly having a conversation with their thoughts. After what felt like the longest period of silence in history, they look back at the couple, specifically…back at Matt.
“Kill you?” Granny Smith says, “We’re not going to kill you, sonny! This…this is great news!” her voice becomes much chipper, and less grouchy, unlike what Matt is used to.
Everypony gets up from their seats, surrounding Applejack and Matt with a gentle group hug, wide smiles at the news.
“Oh boy, I get to be an Aunt!” Applebloom says with excitement.
“Uncle Macintosh. That has a nice ring to it.” Big Mac says.
“Ya see Matt?” Applejack smiles, “Ah told you everythin’ was going to be fine!”
“Yeah. Now, we’ll have to deal with everypony else.”
The rest of the day is spent with the couple hanging out with their family. Matt and Applejack tell them of their time seeing the world, and the places they went. Aside from the aforementioned Crystal Empire, where they spent the weekend having a blast with Princess Cadance and Shining Armor, they also went to the Galloping Gorge, which Matt found most similar to the Grand Canyon back in his dimension. They took a variety of pictures of the locations they went to. A museum in Trottingham, a rodeo in Appleloosa, a fantastic little deli they found in Baltimare, they’ve been practically everywhere.
Matt always wanted to see the world; it was just a different world than what he was expecting.
As the sun went down, it was time for Matt and Applejack to leave. Before they walk down the steps, Matt turns to Big Mac, handing him the letter to Twilight.
“Since you see Twilight during the week, I want you to give her this letter.” he says, “It has the news of AJ’s pregnancy.”
“Can do.” Big Mac says with a loyal determination, “I’ll guard this letter with mah life.”
“Thanks.” Matt grins, patting Big Mac on the back.
After saying their goodbyes, Matt and Applejack were on their way back home. They reminisce about the events they just witnessed. They reacted better than expected, and Matt’s fears of getting injured or killed didn’t come true. Overall, a very successful day.
Now, they have to deal with the others.
The next morning began with a series of furious knocking on the front door of their house. Matt and Applejack were throttled from their comfortable sleeping positions -which involved them holding each other tightly in a fantastic snugglefest- and rocket out of bed.
Matt, with an enormous case of bedhead, rushes to the door, which continues to be pounded on by what sounds like a stampede of hooves.
“Who is it?” Matt asks, voice cracking from his dry throat.
“OPEN UP!” shouts the unmistakable voice of Pinkie Pie.
Matt opens the door, and suddenly Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy come barreling in, trampling the poor human.
“Oops. Sorry Matt.” Fluttershy softly says.
“It’s okay. I’m used to it by now.”
Applejack walks down the stairs, her mane still unkempt, wearing a fashionable robe.
“Hey.” she yawns, “What are ya’ll doin here?”
“What are we doing here? We’re here for YOU, darling!” Rarity says.
“For me?”
“Yeah! Applebloom spilled the beans to Sweetie Belle, Sweetie Belle spilled the beans to Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle AND Scootaloo spilled the beans to me and Rarity!” Rainbow Dash huffs.
“Who spilled the beans to Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie?” Matt candidly asks, still lying on the floor in a daze.
“WE did!” she turns her head back to Applejack, “When were you going to tell us that you were pregnant?!”
“We were going to tell ya this mornin’ after we had breakfast!”
“No!” Pinkie Pie shouts, “We’re going to have a special pregnancy breakfast!”
“Pregnancy Breakfast?” Applejack cocked her head in confusion.
“I’m still working on the name. Now brush that mane, you! We’re going out for a special day!”
Applejack glanced down at the still lying there Matt, seemingly refusing to move from his spot. Reluctantly, she quickly forms her mane into her classic look, gesturing the others to wait for her outside. Applejack hovers over her husband, looking at him from an upside down angle.
“Ya goin’ to be alright?” she asks.
“Yeah. I’ll be fine. Go spend time with the others.”
“Did you want to come along?”
“No boys!” Rainbow Dash butts in, “We’ll deal with him, later!”
“I get the feeling that it’s a girl’s day out.” Matt jests.
“What will ya do, when I’m gone?”
“I guess I’ll tell my parents the news. Seems like a good a time as any. You go have fun. I’ll see you later tonight, okay?”
“Okay. Ah love you.”
“I love you more.”
Applejack leans down and gives him an upside down kiss. It’s an odd feeling, but he enjoys it. Definitely one of those things he saw in a movie once, and always wanted to try.
“That was awesome.” he smiles after she breaks away.
“Don’t keep me waitin’ too long, tonight.” she says.
“I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
Applejack kisses him again, before galloping out of the door, closing it. Matt finally begins to sit up, feeling the spots where his friends trampled him. Luckily, they didn’t hit anything…vital. A small comfort, to be sure.
After having a small breakfast, and getting cleaned up, he was ready to go tell the news to his parents. He slaps his transportation bracelet on, says the destination, and he is off.
It’s been a little over a month since Matt and Applejack visited his parents. It was the last stop they made on their honeymoon. They gave his parents a picture of their wedding, with Matt holding Applejack up, give her a romantic kiss. Though they framed it, and put it on the cabinet with all the other family pictures, they had to put it away when friends and other relatives showed up. Matt decided to give them another picture, this time of him and Applejack as a human, to put on the cabinet, while their wedding picture would be put in their bedroom. A fine compromise.
Today, no pictures are going to be handed out; only news.
“Matt! How are you?” Mom greets her son with a loving hug. “We weren’t expecting to see you for another month. Everything okay?”
“Yeah, everything’s fine.” Matt smiles.
Mom lets him into the house. Dad is in the living room, watching a golf program on the television. He turns his head to see Matt enter the house. Immediately, he gets up with a smile, walking over to his son, and giving his own hug.
“Hey, son!” Dad says with a pat on the shoulder, “What brings you to our dimension?”
“I have some news for the both of you.”
“Really? What is it?” Mom asks.
“I’d prefer if both of you sit down.”
The two pause for a little bit, wondering what the news is going to be. Cautiously, they sits down, never taking their curious eyes off of Matt.
“Mom…Dad…it’s…going to be a while before you two see AJ again.”
“Oh my god, two are getting a divorce.” Mom interrupts.
“How could you, son?! She was perfect for you!”
“Whatever you did, you better go back and say sorry, right now!”
“No! Why does everypo….I mean everyone think we’re getting a divorce? It’s not like that. We’re still happily married, and will continue to be like that forever!”
His Parents cease with the assumptions and accusations, and shuts their mouths, letting Matt talk.
“What I’m trying to say is…that AJ won’t be here for a while…because she’s pregnant.”
“With….emotion?”
“With a foal….a baby.”
A pause. Matt was expecting this. He watched as his Parents slowly but surely took in the news, trying desperately to comprehend it.
“But…” Dad speaks, “I thought you two couldn’t have kids.”
“I thought so too, but it’s a mess of scientific mumbo jumbo. The point is that we are actually genetically compatible, and can have kids together.”
“But…” Mom continues, “How can you two be genetically compatible, when she’s a Pony and you’re a human?”
“Like I said…scientific mumbo jumbo.”
“Are you sure it’s yours?”
“It better be.” He sees his Parents continue to process the information. “Look, I know it’s a lot to take in. I don’t want to risk anything bad happening to the foal, which is why I won’t be bringing AJ along for these trips. I’ll document everything, and give you pictures and video of the development.”
His Parents continue to be silent. They should be happy, and internally, they really are, but they are still very confused. They both get up, and their looks of bewilderment turn to soft smiles.
“Well…congratulations, then.” Dad says, hugging his son. Mom joins in.
“Thanks guys.” Matt replies.
After minutes of embracing, they separate. Dad skillfully wipes a stray tear from his eye, but Matt notices, which makes him smile.
“Okay, enough of this mushy stuff.” Mom says, “We’re going out to eat. Want to come along? You can tell us all about what you’ve been doing since we last saw you.”
“Yeah, that sounds nice.”
Back in Ponyville, inside Sugar Cube Corner, Applejack is sitting at the biggest table in the place, as Pinkie Pie bounces all over the shop, singing about how excited she is at the news. Confetti falls down from the ceiling, and the others bob their heads to the song. Applejack can only have a smile and a reddened face from all the attention.
When Pinkie gets to the climax of her song, even MORE confetti shoots out from the randomly appearing Party Cannon, always around when Pinkie reaches around a corner to get something. The ponies, which also include Mr. and Mrs. Cake, along with the Cake Twins, who have gotten old enough to form sentences, applaud at Pinkie’s song.
“That was marvelous, Pinkie!” Mr. Cake says.
“Well done, darling.” says Rarity.
“I’m not done yet!” Pinkie shouts with her signature enthusiasm.
“Aw shucks, Pinkie. This is all nice enough. We don’t need another song.”
“Who said anything about another song? I have CAKE!”
Pulling a random rope that came down on cue, the ceiling above Applejack opens up, and a tall pink frosting adorned cake drops down in front of her. Perfect aim. If it were a few centimeters off, Applejack would have been wearing that cake like a hat.
The farm pony looks up at the mountainous cake, seeing at the very top, little figures of her, Matt and a baby stroller. It brings a small smile to her face, but also a hint of nervousness.
“It’s wonderful, Pinkie. But…how did ya make this cake in such a short amount of time?”
“A good baker never reveals her secrets.” She says happily.
“I want some!” Pound Cake shouts, as he dives for the cake. Pinkie Pie reaches out, catching him in mid air.
“Nope, the expecting mother has to take the first bite!”
All eyes fall on Applejack. Slowly, she brings her muzzle to the cake, and takes one bite off the side. The sweet flavor swirls in her mouth. Strawberry and vanilla combined into a perfect blend. Her eyes widen from all the sugar rushing through her veins, as she lets out a long and drawn out, “MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!”
The other ponies laugh and cheer at her reaction.
“Okay! Time to CUT THE CAKE!” Pinkie screams as she pulls out a frighteningly large knife. Everypony yelps out of fright. “What?”
Night falls, and everypony is celebrated-out. They help Applejack, who is full of delicious cake, to her front door.
“Ah had fun” she says, “Thanks girls.”
“It’s no problem.” Pinkie says, “You deserve it.”
“Yeah!” Rainbow Dash shouts, “You’re one lucky mare!”
“Whoo-hoo…” Fluttershy softly says.
“The light are off in the house. Where is Matt?” Rarity asks.
Applejack turns to see no light coming from the house. Matt still isn’t back from his trip. Or, he’s sleeping, and she’s late.
“He’s probably still with his parents.” she assumes.
“Well, he better be back quick. A girl in your condition needs care.”
“Fiddlesticks, Rare. I’m not THAT pregnant. Give it a few more months.”
“I’m just saying. When that foal starts to grow, you’re going to need all the help you can get.”
Applejack freezes at Rarity’s words. For most of her life, she hadn’t really needed the help of other, unless she had no other choice. But, Rarity might be right. When her stomach expands, she can’t do the things she likes to do, like work at the farm and applebuck. Then again, she’s always been a strong pony, maybe she could still be active and pregnant at the same time. Maybe she can buck convention, and continue to do what she does best.
“We’ll see about that.” Applejack says with playful defiance, “I’ll see ya’ll later.”
They say their goodnights to each other, and go their separate ways. Rarity back to Carousel Boutique, Pinkie Pie to Sugar Cube Corner, and Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy to her house.
Applejack treks up the stairs, and into the bedroom. Matt isn’t there. She sighs, before falling onto the mattress, moving over to her side of the bed. She buries her head in the pillow, relaxing as her eyes get heavy.
Then she hears it, the sound of someone teleporting into the house. She smiles, hearing footsteps getting closer and closer to the bedroom door.
It opens.
“AJ?” Matt says.
Applejack replies with a relaxed moan. He smirks, as he gets into bed with her. He removes the bracelet, placing it on the night stand. Once he gets lies down, and into a comfortable position, she moves up to him, so her back is pressed up against him. He wraps an arm underneath her, bringing around, so he has his hand on her chest, with the other moves to her stomach, feeling bulge where all that cake is.
“I didn’t think I was gone for that long.” he jokes.
“Relax, it’s just some cake and pie.”
“Oh no, you didn’t eat the Cake family and Pinkie Pie, did you?”
“Oh stop it.” she giggles, moving her hoof to the hand on her belly. “How did your parents take the news?”
“As well as they could, all things considered.”
“So, they’re fine with their human son conceiving a foal?”
“Well, I don’t know if their FINE with it, but they’re still happy for us.” he chuckles, “I told them that I would update them with pictures and video.” He hears Applejack sigh with disappointment. “What’s the matter, AJ?”
“Ah wish there was a way for me to see them, rather than send pictures and stuff. Do you think Celestia can help out?”
“That’s possible. She made these things for us, maybe she can make more. I can go talk to her tomorrow after work, if you like.”
“Ah can come with you, too. I’m not completely useless, yet.”
“Of course you can. I didn’t mean it like that. I’m sorry.” he kisses her shoulder, “I wasn’t sure if you had other plans, that’s all.”
“None that I’m aware of.” She feels his hand feel her stomach, she giggles in response. “Why are you touchin’ mah belly so much?”
“Because, I’m imagining what it’s going to be like with that little baby bump there.”
“Don’t get too comfortable. That little baby bump, is gonna be a big baby bump.”
“I’ll still like it.”
“No you won’t. I’m gonna be big and fat.”
“No, you’re going to be beautiful, like you always have been.” he gives her a peck on the cheek.
“You’re just sayin’ that cause you’re mah husband.”
“I’m saying that because I love you, and because I’m going to be totally right.”
Applejack turns around to face him. They are close now, with his lips brushing against her muzzle. She chuckles at his words, as he delivers soft kisses to her cheeks and nose. She caresses his chest with her hooves, while he guides his hands along her back. Finally, she moves in, connecting with his lips for a passionate kiss. They’ve been waiting all day for that. Their kiss is like that of a couple, who haven’t seen each other for years. In their case…a few hours.
“Are you sure I wasn’t gone for that long?” Matt chuckles, as they separate from the kiss.
“A few hours is a long time for me.” Applejack grins, moving her hooves under his shirt to take it off. He helps her out, removing his shirt, and kissing her again. “Ya know, we can’t do this for much longer.”
“How come?” he asks, as he kisses her forehead.
“Just an old story I heard. If a mare is far in her pregnancy, intimate contact can lead to premature birth.”
“Really?”
“Ah don’t know. Like ah said, it’s just a story, but ah don’t want to risk it.”
Matt nods in agreement. Safety of the foal will always be top priority, even if it means stopping these little moments with his wife. He puts a note in his mind to investigate such a story, but it’s not at the top of the list of the most important things he has to do right now.
“Okay.” he says, before smiling, “Then that means I have to make all the time we have that much more memorable.” He moves his way up on top of her. She giggles at how fast he gets into the position, as he moves down, kissing her neck.
“Ya think we’re going to be okay?”
“I don’t think…I know. Everything is going to be fine, you’ll see.”
“Ah sure hope so. Now, come here you.” she brings him down for another passionate kiss, as they roll around in the bed.
Yesh. It's here.
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yay
YES!
That was fabulous.
Just when I thought things couldn't get any better, my favorite completed HIE story continues on.
Keep it up. I look forward to where this story goes
Um.
Hon, can we just talk about how humans can't have children with equines?
I'm not sure that's something you can handwave with magic. The applied phlebtonium here could raise Atlantis
That... description.
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Okay. HiE is usually something I avoid, but I decided to give this chapter a read-through because you posted it in IJWAC and there weren't any really comprehensive comments so far.
I haven't read the first story, but I'm sure you got some comments in there about "Gary Stu" and all, so I'll skip discussing that. Similarly, on the subject of Applejack conceiving, you're asking for a huge, huge suspension of disbelief with what amounts to a finger-waving. If readers can just accept that, then the story might work. For many, though, the gulf between the species and the lack of a plausible scientific bridge will be grating through the whole text.
Present-tense writing can be hard for the reader, because it tends to push most writers into either a stream-of-consciousness style, or encourages a flat, descriptive style- all 'tell,' no 'show,' and that makes for an unengaging story. There are places where I felt both of those happened, and I found myself skipping through some paragraphs because it wasn't keeping me interested.
Punctuation needs some attention, particularly commas. I see a fair number of commas in odd places. They either break up clauses that don't need to be broken apart, or combine thoughts that should be in separate sentences. I know finding an editor can be hard, so if you can't, I would suggest setting aside a 'finished' chapter for a few days or a week, then printing it out and editing it by hand. You'd be amazed at how many errors will become glaringly obvious when you are looking at a piece of paper instead of a glowing screen.
I cannot emphasize enough: Editing BY HAND, with a pen or pencil, will provide the best opportunity to improve your writing- there is something about the tactile process of flipping pages and putting nib to paper that cannot be matched with a keyboard.
Overall, characterization was not bad, but not inspiring. Although in some places there were some hints of good, complex character-building, many of the characters were just sort of there, and didn't do much. I'm thinking particularly of the scenes where they tell the families- the reactions are almost stereotypical, and I felt that the interaction with Matt's parents didn't add much- almost like it was a checkbox to be filled, because after the two or three mandatory questions, it was over, even though he spent the whole day with them, and then at the end hints to AJ that they're not entirely comfortable with the situation.
Your dialogue is sometimes stilted and does not flow naturally. Good dialogue needs to mesh with both the events and the words of the other characters, and sometimes takes tweaking to get right, or outright abandoment. I've had phrases that I wanted to include, and worked hard to fit in, but eventually had to cut because, while clever, they stuck out as unnatural. A cutesy one-liner is not the hill you want your story to die on, because there'll be another one in the next chapter, and the one after that.
Get your TAC-P to fire up the GLD and call in a GBU on that literary emplacement!Ahem, don't be afraid to be ruthless and cut stuff that just won't work, even if you've spent fifty minutes rephrasing an entire paragraph to make it fit. If your story will be a failure without that one line, then it's already a failure, and you need to go back and rethink it.There were some mis-used words, but nothing major. Again, that's something that a delayed read-through will help, along with a willingness to reduce the verbosity and focus on readability.
Pinkie Pie and parties... I have to admit, I skipped the entire thing. Remember what I said about checkboxes above? Pinkie Pie and parties has become the biggest, fattest, checkiest of them all in MLP, I think. This not to say yours is particularly egregious, but it's a trope that's so overdone I'm tired of reading about Pinkie Pie's parties. It also traps the writer into using only her stereotype. The best stories take the essential characteristics of a person/pony, and then play with them- have them do something unsual, but show WHY they do it. Look below for a fantastic example of a fic that has characters acting in unusual ways without altering their fundamental characteristics.
As an aside, do you know what would be AWESOME? If Pinkie Pie held a quiet, graceful dinner, where all the guests were twitchy because they expected her to pull a crazy stunt, but all she does is drink white zinfandel and try to talk fashion with Rarity, or apple futures with Big Mac/Applejack, or confuse Dash by asking about the difference between dry and wet adiabatic lapse rates. You could build so much tension in a setting like that, you'd need a diamond-coated gang saw to cut it into manageable blocks. Just sayin'.
A similar issue, one that I see in a LOT of fics, is that at times your story feels like it's merely adapted from our world with Ponies pasted over other characters. These are not humans; Equestria is not Earth. The fact that it's so different is why we liked it in the first place, at least in my case. If that's so for you as well, why spend so much time making it the same? Revel in the differences and use it to add creative depth to your story. Faust said Ponies are "humans with the bodies of horses" but just as our behaviors and interactions are influenced by the nature of our bodies, theirs should too.
For humans, a smile can be both friendly and intimidating, and that goes back to our omnivorous roots. Handshakes are rooted in the need to show your fighting hand is empty. Have some fun with this and mix in some equine behaviors to enrichen the world your characters are in. Ear position, tail twitches, hoofstamps, head position: All of them can give clues to the emotional state or thoughts of your characters without having to TELL us. If you want to see how you can add to a story by doing that, look at Xenophilia (NSFW, etc, but I don't think it'll be a big problem, since you have AJ pregnant from a human) and see just what can be done by making your Ponies more pony-ish. In fact, I think it should be a rule: Anyone who wants to write HiE needs to read... well, wait, that might not be such a good idea: "Hey this story is kinda nea-- OH MY GOD WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO THAT PONY?? THAT'S NOT LEGAL IN THIS STATE!!" Which, of course, ignores the fact that the story is really about the relationships and the differences in culture.
But for a Pony-knocker-upper, it shouldn't be a problem!
There are flashes of brilliance, though. You gave Mac a better part than he usually gets, I liked how you characterized him, though I was expecting some resentment- I think there was a missed opportunity for some light interpersonal conflict there. Your writing smoothed out towards the end, and I didn't notice the present-tense nearly so much.
In particular, I thought the late scene where Applejack gets introspective was very good- that's the kind of conflict and tension that was missing throughout the rest of the chapter, with only the occasional hint that maybe, perhaps, this was going to be less than totally groovy. Totally groovy might be good for personal fantasies, but it's BORING for readers. We like conflict, risk, tension, and setbacks. Some even like defeat and suffering, but not me, in particular.
Oh, fine, maybe light suffering, such as what happens between friends or mild antagonists, but which doesn't result in physical harm, but that's just fun stuff. Pranks.
My final verdict: I don't generally read HiE fics, and the only ones I finish are the exceptional ones. Your story had enough interesting elements to keep me reading to the end of the chapter, at least. Will it be my favorite? No, but that's not important, because I'm not your target audience. For certain, I don't hate it and I won't rip on it just because it's not my ideal Ponyfic. It's different, but sometimes it's good to take a look in the barn when you hear those odd noises. In this case, I'm glad I did, because you've chosen to focus (at least in this chapter) on something other than some kind of "D00dz in Eqwestria, sees a whorse, and buckz her wild" drek. I certainly don't want to discourage you from working on something just because I don't like it... well, there are some cases where I'd want to be able to do that, but yours is not one of them.
What I really hope you are enjoying the process of writing this story, because that's what writing fanfics should really be about: Coming up with an idea, creating a worldspace for it, expanding it, and telling it in a way that's satisfying to you.
Good luck!
Oh hay, look, I found a pic of you reading my comment!!
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A nice introduction to your story, funny that is starts up by having a letter made to Twilight (along with some jokes) and to break the news to the family, it's interesting to see it set off at the time after season 3 with at Twilight as a princess. Good to see that as Applejack is went off to celebrate with her friends with her friends, that Matt went to visit his parents, I wonder if Matt have his own circle of friends that is besides those that are Mares? (Shining Armor notwithstanding)
I wonder what kind of conflicts and obstacles would come to this story, but seeing that it'll be more of a comedy then serious, it won't be much of a main feature I guess. Nonetheless, can't wait to see what happens in this story, and how life continued to everypony since the last month besides AB being a little bit older and The Cake Twins being able to do some talk.
Good start for a sequel, can't wait to see more, keep up the good work.
2323430 As how Discord would say: "What fun is there in making sense?", It is a fantasy world where a a lot shenanigans happens where not much logic is explained, a famous example would be Pinkie Pie and her actions. Anyhow, it was discussed greatly in it's predecessor; then again, I guess it should be brought up again, since there is a chance that there will be those that haven't read it's previous story.
2323978 Yes, Pinkie is rather inexplicable. But it gets by on Rule of Funny. I'm not sure this can get by on Rule of Funny--it's sort of an entire premise.
2323984 True as it maybe, you still have to wonder if its a good example or one exception to the case. I mean let's take a look at other examples: pegasi being able to "fly lazily" where the appearance looks more humanoid in a straight vertical position, ponies and the wildlife being able to consume sugary sweets without having sickness (since to some species it would kill them), receiving injuries (with use of medical equipment) and easily sake of in the next scene, and so on.
My thoughts about having the child between such inter-species relationship would be having half-human and half-pony, since other stories have done that similar concept that doesn't deal with humans, but the idea would be strange so having it as a "pure foal" would be fine for now.
what...
what the fuck.
2323827 I think your comment qualifies as a story itself.
2324532
*shrugs* I get to thinking and writing, and I just roll with it.
Was the "WTF?" also in regards to my response?
2324057
This was something that briefly crossed my mind, but considering MaxBeezyhas decided that the genetic compatibility will not be an issue, I'm going to hope he decides that... well, there's a couple ways to go. The easiest will be that somehow the mother's chromosomes override any from the father when it comes to species-specific traits. Another would be that either the father's or mother's become dominant, so that either a foal or human infant is possible, but without significant mixing of morphology.
Then again, a chimeric offspring may be popular with some readers. *shrugs* It's all up to the author.
2324575 HE SHOULD MAKE IT A DRAGON
No, just no.
I read about this lady who married a dog, but this?
This is were love of the show goes... a little to far.
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2323827 Write a book on your adventures in fimfiction, please. It would be awesome and I'd definitely read it.
2324575 The ending to the first story explained this.
Through Twilight's research, it was concluded that pony genetics are stronger than humans, thus the child that will be born will be a foal.
2324707
*bows* Thank you, sir, you are too kind! I merely range far and wide, and when the inspiration hits, I... well, I say a lot of stuff that makes me go, "Where the hell did that come from??"
But you know, I sorta like fics like this one- not the particular details, or the writing style, or anything, but ones that are a little off-kilter. There's something unusual about the presentation, sort of... I don't know, an assumption that the fic is correct, and everyone reading needs to adjust their atttitudes, rather than the author trying to appeal to the reader.
2324672
Maybe this one does, maybe not, but I think it's interesting on a sociological level- should sentient Ponies be treated as true equals, or should restrictions on the kinds of relationships and interactions be placed? How does that square with prejudice or discrimination against groups of humans?
Shoot, at what level is a culture alien enough that we decide you cannot have truly advised consent in some kinds of relationships? These are fascinating, and really weird, questions. Where'd my Spock ears go?
Now, if you're talking about someone who, IRL, has serious thoughts about a relationship with a fictional sentient Pony, that's a different question. There's a lot of psychological issues there, then.
2324795
Well, like I said- I hadn't read it, but I figured you had something in mind. I also assumed it'd probably be a normal (as far as Equestria goes) foal- that'll be a lot cuter, and avoids sciency questions about gestation and... well, yeah, all that.
People wanted a sequal and yet people complained? Wow, that is so not like the Twilight Alicorn incident....
Me, I actually didn't expect there to be a sequal to the story since I think you said you didn't want to do it. I like this chapter and hope for more. And by more, I mean chapters, not complaints.
2324879 Keep in mind that the complaints are coming from people who haven't read the original, and are commenting on the description.
It doesn't really matter. I'm writing this for the people that liked the original. Also, because I wanted to. You were right, for a while, I thought I was done with it (insert "you should have stayed done" comment here), but I decided to come back because I felt that the story needed to be told. Besides, who doesn't love more injury shenanigans with Matt the human?
Other than the 28 people who clicked "dislike", that is.
2324814 I feel the same way. Making a story stick out from the crowd of stories that is the HiE group is difficult. Incorporating elements (no pun intended) that are different and original help sometimes, other times not so much. I have scrapped several chapters on a story I'm working on, actually. Getting the characters I want situated into the story is proving to be difficult, as well as the main threat. It's always a question of, "How do I reveal it?" that bugs me.
But enough from me, these reviews are great, and it's fantastic to see such detailed and refreshing reviews here on Fimfiction. Thank you.
DAMIT, MAT
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2325125
I certainly, certainly hear you there! I can't say why I'm drawn to make huge comments in some places, but it's partly that I want to treat people the way I hope they'll treat me- honestly, sometimes a little irreverently, but without cruelty or spite. I like the niceness of FiM, and I want to see this place be almost as nice. Arguing can be fun, but I burned out on *chan-style vitriol years ago.
Ah, let me get a chapter of my fun story submitted, and I'll see if I can direct some attention towards your story- I need a break from writing anyway.
This is well written and i like it, but it is a REALLY weird concept.
Yeah part two. time to read this ****
Sounds interesting. I gotta read the first story first though. Just wanted to point out that it would "normality," not "normalcy" in your story description.
MURDER
2324795 Just making sure: So it will be a pony foal and not a centaur foal?
2326123 Pony foal.
Why, j-just why, p-please just kill me.
Please drop the final line of this chapter. I found a "their" where there should have been a "they're." "Hesitance" should be "hesitation."
Other than those obvious ones, a good read, I kinda like it. Let's see where it goes from here.
I'm just going to let this sum up my opinion on this matter.
I wanted to do something of a similar nature to this, but this reception is discouraging to say the least. You're getting down votes off the premise alone, and not what's actually written. It makes me feel like I shouldn't even bother.
2326922 Don't be like that. If it's something you want to do. Do it.
Don't let something like this stop you.
2323827
Just to the Gary Stu comment he is anything but a Gary Stu if anything he started off as Equestria's whipping boy.
It's rare to see an AJxHuman OC story glad that MLP: Motherhood is Magical got me to read this and the fic before it both were and in this case are enjoyable reads
2327036
*shrugs* Well, as I said... I didn't read the first story, and HiE is not really my bag of bolts, so at the time I started I really didn't feel like backtracking just to comment here.
Frankly... and not that Max did this, but as a hypothetical example, when an author insists that you have to read a bunch of background material for a particular chapter to make sense... it's often a sign of weak storytelling. Good writing will show through, no matter how familiar you are with the story or the characters. Max didn't do that, and his chapter made enough sense without having to go back and read an entire other story, so... *shrugs* I dunno. I guess I'm just saying that the story had enough strength to stand on it's own merits, and doesn't need a lot of defense.
I think it's good of you to speak up when you think it's being unfairly judged, but I'm confident that I was not unfair. If I had really thought Gary was poking his head in, I would have stated that outright. To me, there was the potential, but it wasn't played up, so not worth digging into.
Then again, I've dug into it now, but that's probably because I like to hear myself type. These old IBM keyboards are just... so... satisfying!! it's like those old phones from the 40s and 50s, the ones AT&T use to make entirely from raw materials, and you could use as a murder weapon. Seriously, AT&T used to make virtually every component of those phones, even down to the freakin' screws. You could cave a Commie skull in with one, then call for your secretary to bring in a soda and Scotch and a Cuban cigar.
ANYWAY. This chapter of this story was posted in the IJWAC file, so I commented on it. From what I saw of the character here, from the way the relationships all ran, I saw the potential for Gary Stu-ness, but I figured that if it were really present, it would already have been hammered on, and it wasn't worth yammering about.
2326161 O.K., thanks.
Holy cluster down-vote, Batman!
i don't find the words to say it in English so i'll just tell you in french http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EFhif72jZoA&feature=youtu.be&t=9m22s
2326262 ok ! if you kill me next 8D....
wait...
In Equestria, Pegasi can move clouds and have the potential to move faster than the speed of sound. Unicorns can use magic to create and control the world around them, and animals can understand basic English.
Yet for some strange reason, getting a MAGICAL pony pregnant with a human is the one thing that THROWS people off their rockers.. . Hence, the most likely reason for so many downvotes.
The story is fine, the writing is fairly decent and the characters haven't exactly done anything OOC, so with that said, I'm upvoting this and for all of those downvoters who think the idea of pregnant ponies from human courting is silly, well. . . .
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why are there never any centaurs?
all in all it was pretty good, ignore the haters.
How could anyone like this?
2323444 Have my children!
YES! A sequel! I am so excited to hear what happens next between Matt and Applejack and the foal! Keep up the good work.
personally i love this story. keep up the good work!
2325125
while yes there are things that are over used in stories. one thing however pinkie pie and parties is one thing you can't change much without breaking her character, however how she holds her parties is another matter. and fresh ideas in for a fic get harder and harder to come by with the more fics that are made.
2325232
he a break from writing, i'm still working on my prologue, after an incident with my arm its slowed down since trying to type for any decent period of time made it hurt alot. however one of my 4 followers is getting impatient and it doesn't help that i'm planning on trying to get 5 chapters done before i submit them.
2325357
i think ill look at that as a compliment to the author of this story
2326922
dude, I read a guide on "how to write an fan fic" after i started writing my prologue. I felt like just deleting what i had done and give up after i read it..... I then decided i don't give a care what people will think and continue on, fallow your heart and do what you want. people are not paying your to wrtie fanfics are they?
2326989
my advice exactly!
2327036
if you read the how to write fanfic guide, nearly every story ive read the OC is a gary stu. and many of those stories are popular. I decided not to give a care about gary stus after i noticed that.
2331465
that picture fits nicely!
yes, i went threw and read every single comment!