Luna the Lunatic
Joined 10th Mar, 2013 ·
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This is really good! When do you think a new chapter will be up?
I stopped at Derpy.
No.
Just... No...
The Cheerilee part was good, though.
2339984
Thank you for reading!
That's okay, I understand a lot of people love Derpy and wouldn't want to read that. But the reason why I put her first is because if you search Carrot Top on Google images, you'll see a lot of pictures that depict Derpy and Carrot Top as best friends which is why I thought about putting her there first.
Ok.....
Um....yeah this....isn't well done.
Good things about this story:
-Use of a large vocabulary.
-Using a character rarely used.
Bad things about this story:
-Doesn't make much sense.
-Progresses way to fast.
-Why would Derpy be mean to Carrot top when the two of them are both different? the reason why people would pair Carrot top and Derpy as friends is because they both are similar, both most likely are picked on and therefor they would stick together to provide friendship for each other.
-Unnecessary words in descriptions.
-Reminds me to much of Cupcakes.
-Mirror shatters (Cliche and frankly now annoys me in writing)
You have a lot of potential but frankly writing a story like this to me is amateur and doesn't have potential; reminding people to much of Friday the thirteenth and I know what you did last summer. My recommendation is to make a different story that has character and a better plot.
4/10
-Rezz
2342511
I thank you for the constructive criticism. However, I have some things to ask you. First off, why doesn't it make sense? If you're going by that Derpy thing you mentioned, then let me ask you this: why would Pinkie Pie kill Rainbow Dash in Cupcakes? Why would Cheerilee kill all of her students in Cheerilee's Garden? If the situations in those two stories were real, the ponies would not actually resort to murder, but it's a grimdark story, so that's how it would work. Also, why is it like Cupcakes? I honestly do not see the similarities between my story and Cupcakes, besides ponies dying, which again, it's a dark story, ponies die.
I can understand what you're saying, but I also don't quite think you're totally right in what you're saying.