The Original Character Immigration Offices

by TypewriterError

Cassandra Truth

Cassandra Truth
By
CassandraMyOCisBestpony

Alright Cassandra, you got this, I told myself. It wasn’t enough to say it though, I had to believe it. Passing this test was the summit of all accomplishments for ponies like myself; many applied, but few were accepted, and I was going to be one of the few. You know why? Because it was my destiny, and today was the day that I would reach out and grab it. Nervously, I fidgeted with my flowing auburn mane, my long hair partially covering my eye.

As I neared the building, my view was obscured by a cloud of dust and an aggressive tempo of hoofbeats. A distraught-looking stallion in bizarre warrior garb was rushing straight towards me. As a sky-blue pegasus, I was well familiar with collisions caused by other ponies not seeing me, and I had a feeling that this guy's helmet wouldn't be doing his peripheral vision any favors. That, compounded with the enormous wooden slab he was carrying in tow suggested to me that I should cede right of way. Deftly, I sprung into the air, allowing him to pass unabated.

The first thing I noticed about the O.C.I.O. was that the front entryway was nothing more than an arch. Strange choice of architecture, must get cold in the winter. But Twilight Sparkle's input went into this place and she must have had a good reason.

“Talk about an open door policy!” I quipped to the peach-colored secretary at the desk. She kept her expression neutral, and her glance downwards at the stack of papers she was working on. Strange, Pinkie Pie always got a barrel of laughs with her one-liners. Maybe she didn't understand the joke, after all not everypony is gifted with the same highbrow sense of humor as Pinkie and I.

“I said, ‘talk about an open-”

“I got it the first time. Can I help you with something?”

“Cassandra. Here to see Twilight Sparkle.” My omission of the Royal Title demonstrated confidence.

“Princess Twilight Sparkle’s office is down the hall to your right" she replied curtly. They say you should always get on the secretary's good graces, and it was pretty clear that hadn't happened. Not my fault, I told myself, she was being impossible to deal with. Blocking out negative thoughts, I quickly located Twilight's door and gave it a knock.

"Come in please" called the vanilla yet enchanting voice of Twilight Sparkle. I screwed up my courage and entered, giving her a warm smile. "Please, Miss..." she quickly glanced at the papers in front of her, "...Cassandra, have a seat."

"Good evening, Twilight, and might I add it's a pleasure to meet you."

"And you. So, tell me about your prospective life in Equestria."

"As a pony so learned as yourself, I have no doubt you're familiar with the term 'Cassandra Truth.'" I said, showcasing my own talents while simultaneously buttering her up, "hence, I would like to move to Ponyville and be an advice columnist. Ponies can write me anonymously for advice, and I tell them what they need to do, even if it's an answer that's hard for them to swallow."

"That's not bad, actually" replied Twilight pensively. I wasn't a betting mare, but I'd hazard that the gentlecolt with the ludicrous helmet & cape had given a much more outlandish response than mine. I was acing this interview, it was like the two of us were friends already! "Could you share an example of a difficult question and how you'd answer it?" Awesome! This was the question I was hoping to get. Now I'd get a chance to blow her away with all my research and worldly knowledge.

"One letter I might get would be, 'Dear Cassandra, I want to quit my job as a model, but am afraid of disappointing my friends, please help, signed Camera Shy'. I'd respond with something like 'Dear Camera Shy, you must tell the truth, your friends have to understand that your life decisions are in your own hooves. Contrary to popular belief, you will not lose their friendship forever."

"That's very specific. You've really thought it out." said Twilight, though her voice didn't have the awestruck inflection that I'd hoped my answer would elicit.

"Something wrong?"

"The advice is sound, but... could you maybe give me one more?"

"Certainly. Say somepony writes to me, 'Dear Cassandra, I have to give a flying performance in front of my childhood idols. I've waited my whole life for a chance like this, and now I'm so nervous I can hardly fly straight. I need some awesome pointers now! Signed Rainbow Bashful.' I'd tell her—"

"Thank you I've heard enough." I looked up at Twilight, expecting to see stars in her eyes. Instead, I found I couldn't see her eyes at all, because her face was buried in her front hooves. "I had such high hopes when you said you had a normal profession. I was so happy that I even overlooked the fact that you've copied Fluttershy's hairstyle to a T."

"Or maybe she copied me" I suggested in a desperate attempt to add levity.

"I don't know how you've become so intimately familiar with me and my friends' affairs and frankly I don't think I want to."

"C'mon Twilight, the Princess told you to make more friends, didn't she?"

"Cassandra, in doing a background check on you, I came across a few of your manuscripts. The phrase "Mane Seven" comes up a staggering number of times, and while I don't discriminate against bisexuals, your character is..." She fished for the right word, which I hoped would be 'riveting'. "...unsettlingly forward towards me and my friends. I gave you this chance because I didn’t think I’d have to worry about you acting out on your fantasies. Clearly my trust was misguided.”

"Very well, I understand. I'd hoped for Ponyville, but I'll make do with living in Fillydelphia or Baltimare."

"You're not getting in. I don't think it's a good idea for someone with your level of indiscretion to be handling ponies' most embarrassing secrets. In fact, you know what?" She used her magic to open a filing cabinet & levitate out a sheet of paper, on which she began furiously scribbling. "Just in case you, by some stretch of the imagination, do find your way into Equestria, I'm serving you with a restraining order. You are to stay five hundred feet away from me and my friends, and another thousand from Fluttershy."

"Well, I suppose that's the way the cookie crumbles. Pinkie Pie would like that expression. It's been a dream of mine to meet you. Mind if I shake your hoof?"

"Yes. Now get out."

Comments

[PegasusKlondike]

Wow Cass. Very well written and actually believable. This is miles ahead of the Cassandra Chronicles.

[Theanonymous1]

I am surprised that a pony with the name Cassandra Truth wouldn't have a gift for seeing the future. Good job not going for the obvious.

[Tomsketchit]

Oh, I have GOT to write something for this.

[Alondro]

>>>"I don't know how you've become so intimately familiar with me and my friends' affairs and frankly I don't think I want to.">>>

"Cameras, lil Miss Sparkle," Cassandra grinned wickedly. "I'm sure you're familiar with them. I hired a certain young pegasus who'd proved himself quite adept at 'reconnaissance' to gather useful information."

Twilight frowned and growled under her breath, "Featherweight..."

Cassandra's grin turned predatory, "Got it in one. And he gave me some veeeery 'juice' information in return for some human digital photography equipment." She withdrew a packet from a saddlebag and tossed it across the table to Twilight, who took one look at the pictures which slid from the opening and nearly fell off her chair in shock, before incinerating them with a flash from her horn.

Laughing as Twilight tried to sputter excuses, Cassandra crooned, "Just copies, those, you understand. My 'associates' have the originals and the negatives. I'm sure Celestia would find it 'educational' to see how her star pupil and friends spend their free time."

Twilight whimpered, confidence crumbling. Cassandra struck the final blow, "She'll probably fail you...."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Twilight screamed and begged pitifully. "I'll approve you! I'll give you anything you want! ANYTHING!!"

Smile widening like the Grinch's as he stole Christmas, Cassandra leaned forward and cooly inquired, "Anything?"

The next day, the Seventh Element of Friendship, 'blackmail and bribery' was created for Cassandra and she became a black alicorn with red stripes and replaced Cadence as Princess of the Crystal Empire.

[CassandraMyOCisBestpony]

3435650 Hahahaha! That's brilliant!

[Alondro]

3436159 Twilight's being rather bitchy these days in the office. She also doesn't seem to remember than humans know all about their world through the show. I think the alicornication has given her PMS and amnesia.

That being said, I'd love to see her interview Sunset Shimmer... the worst OC of all.., whose name is a cheap knock off of Twilight's, whose history is a flimsy incomplete retroactive canon copy, whose power was a sappy demon transformation that actually made me laugh out loud, whose plans were utterly idiotic without any chance of success once she took the crown back through the portal (Psst, SS! Remember what happens when you take an Element into another world? Yeah, that works in reverse too, ya dumb broad! And you expected to defeat Equestria with a bunch of zombified teenagers? Bitch please, they defeated a dark goddess of nightmares, a chaos god who was basically Q, and a whole race of shape-shifting monsters that eat love... oh, and I guess some grumbling cloud of smoke or something that wanted crystals... *cough*). So yeah, Sunset Shimmer was like bad OCs in every fandom ever created.

For example, it'd be the same as if somebody made up an anti-Luke Skywalker and named him Larry Cloudstroller or something lame like that, who was Yoda's apprentice a couple years before Luke, who went bad and is now jealous of Luke because Luke has a bigger lightsaber than him.

Basically, I want Sunset Shimmer banned from Equestria FOREVER!!

[LordSmokedMeatsandFishes]

Well, this was very funny. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong folks, but isn't this the first creepy fan self insert for this series? If so, I'm surprised its taken this long for it to happen. I liked the character, and how gradually revealed her creepiness was. Also "I'd hazard that the gentlecolt with the ludicrous helmet & cape had given a much more outlandish response than mine." (WOOOH! REFERENCE TO MY STORY! YOU ARE AWESOME! )

[ShadyCanopy]

3436260
Will: Gunslinger, Virus, that's the guy Darkfire was hunting...
Virus: He came back to the scene of the crime? What an imbecile!
Gunslinger: Let's watch and see what this colt does.

[Alondro]

3436293 *crunches a carrot standing behind them, looking over their shoulders* Ehhhhhh, what's up, docs?

[CassandraMyOCisBestpony]

3436266 Thanks man. You were a tough act to follow.

[LordSmokedMeatsandFishes]

3441782 Oh you!

Don't sell yourself short, I believe you followed it admirably!

[Themaskedferret]

3443616 Agreed, You were both really stellar and if anything complimented each other nicely. Equally nuts but for totally different reasons and ways.