tale of love and death

by my little broney (MLB)

the one and only chapter

Hi name’s tom and I am a Pegasus this is my tale on love and of death

It started as a normal day after 8 weeks livening in ponyvile I have made only one friend rainbow dash well to be honest when I flew into town to see what it was like I decided this is were my new home would be. rainbow dash stopped me before I flew off to tell the movers were to build my new house she wanted to show me around town all of RD’s friends were at canterlot for a while they are coming back tomorrow I am happy I finally get to met all of RD’s friends but back to what I was saying. Rainbow came up to me and asked if I was moving here I just nodded and said I have to go I will be back soon she nodded back and said ok.

After 2 days I came back I was now livening in ponyvile and I decided to go say hi to rainbow while I saw her. I ran up to her and said hey she turned round and said hey back how are you likening ponyvile. It’s great all the pony folk are really nice and it’s nice to be in a small town for once. I have my own store opening tomorrow. Really what type of store rainbow asked in a calm and peaceful voice which I could tell was not normal but none the less I told her it is a game shop that was the business I had before came here but most folk there did not like the thought of having a game shop so I decided to move from canterlot they said that it was to uncivilised the only one that came to buy games and consoles was well princess Luna she is a good friend and she also I can finally thank twilight for helping Luna getting the hang of talking normally using that royal voice.

It has been a year since I moved to ponyvile and I have made friends with all of RD’s friends and I think I am in love with one of them. I just cant believe it I never thought that I would ever fall in love well it’s not really love it’s more of a crush, the mare of my dreams. I never guessed that I would fall for applejack. She is kind, honest and all the right quality’s she is one mare that I wish I could be with her all day everyday but I don’t think she is interested by a Pegasus like me I am not that interesting.

So next morning I head out to get everything ready for the store. When I notice applejack waiting outside my house. Applejack what are you doing here? OH begging your pardon but I wanted to know would ya’ll like to go on a walk. I start thinking oh by celestia this maybe my chance to ask her that one question always on my mind. Me and applejack went for a walk we stopped at a spot were there was a great view of ponyvile. I turn to applejack ain’t this a pretty sight sugercube. It beautiful but applejack I need to ask you a question it’s not easy to say because I am scared. Go on sugercube I don’t mind, ok here I go APPLEJACKITHINKILOVEYOUWILLYOUGOOUTWITHME. Applejack blushed and turned to me yes I will. She gives me a big hug then a kiss on the lips wow applejack did not know you were into me I turn bright red very close to Big Mac. Applejack I love you so much I could not be happier, me to sugercube now come here she gives me another kiss on the lips now lets head home and tell the others.
Me and applejack rush home I decided to carry so we could fly to get there a bit faster. Hey ya’ll we have some news applejack said to all her friends. Fluttershy, pinky pie, rainbow dash, rarity and twilight sparkle had a confused look on there face trying to guess what the news is. I turn around and said we are dating. Everyone was happy for us no one would have guessed that us two would fall in love.

It had been 3 years since me and AJ got together. I wake up one morning before applejack which is odd because it is apple bucking session I get out of bed and head towards the door I here her cute little snore that she has I head out side and get a head start on apple bucking so there is less to do I finish bucking the trees once I got the smell of apple pie in the air I head back inside. Were have ya’ll been sugercube I was worried I did not wake with yer next to me. Sorry beautiful I started the apple bucking while you were asleep. Apple bloom hopped into the room oh hey tom. Hey little you cute little filly I pick her up and start to spin her around. She giggles while having a big grin on her face. Big Mac walks in the room hey Big Mac sleep well. He nods and just says eeeeyup how about you. I turn yer thanks hey applejack can I see you in the hallway for a sec. Yer what do you want to talk about sugercube. I kneel down on one of my hind legs we have been together for 3 years and it’s about time I asked applejack will you marry me. Applejack give me a massive hug and shouted yes I will marry ya’ll
.
Later that night

Thanks for taking me to a restaurant sugercube I really did enjoy it. It’s alright beautiful it’s the least I can do. I love you so much AJ and I love you to tom applejack said after me. We started to walk home when somepony jumps in the way holding a knife with his teeth. He slurred out hand over you wallet. I could not see there face it was covered with hodie applejack run I got this. Applejack stayed were she was no I’m not leavening you here applejack RUN I DONT KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN NOW RUN I DONT WANT YOU TO GET HURT. Applejack ran to go get her friends leavening me and the thief alone you think you can take said the thief who was laughing as I stared into the darkness of his hood. Bring it I started to fight the thief off but he was to fast and strong after a while fighting I struggled to get up the thief started to walk away. I get up you think we are done the thief turns round don’t you know when to quit I buck him right in the jaw he gets up my turn the thief stabs me right in the chest I hit the floor hard in a pool of blood the thief walks away. I hear screaming from behind. Applejack and all the others rush to me. I get up and slowly limp towards them and fall in to applejacks arms. No tom you can’t be dying this is not fair. I grab her head and kiss her. it will be alright you will be fine without m- no I wont I can’t live with out you applejack interrupted. Of course you will applejack you are so beautiful in the moon light have I ever told you that. Everyone started to sob. Applejack I feel cold so c c cold I want to say thanks for the years and I love you applejack don’t forget me I wont forget you I give her one last kiss goodbye I love you applejack I close my eyes that was it I was dead nothing more unless you count what happened next.

Out of the blue in came the doctor. Hey hey hey what’s the matter applejack strange name that applejack. This is no time for jokes doctor my one true love he’s dead I can fix that but you have to help me. Applejack rose and kissed my limp lifeless body as she walked over to him let’s go I want to get back at that son of a b**** they head to the moment when applejack went to go get her friends. Future Applejack rushes in and stops anything from happening then heads back to the future were I was she was so happy.

Skip to a month later

Do you tom take applejack to be you lawful wedded wife. I do greatly
And do you applejack take tom to be your lawful wedded husband. I sure do you may now kiss the bride. I went for a kiss and applejack kissed me first so it was more like you may now kiss the husband. We live from then on out as husband and wife

The end

Comments

[SteelEagle]

Hello!
First off, always good to see someone writing. Keep at it!

Secondly, work on spelling and grammar. Keep your dialogue clear- most authors use a new line for every sentence. As it is, I had a hard time reading the story because of it.

Don't worry, we all do that at first. Just focus on the technical details first, they are the easiest to fix and aren't open to interpretation.

[backinpink]

[TheDorkside99]

Yay! A fellow new fanfic writer! Glad to know I'm not the only one

As I read this, I feel like this is a first person recount of an event more than a story. If that's what you're going for, then fine. However, to tell a story one needs descriptions, setting, and clever ways to depict a situation rather than giving a hoard of facts.

Keep that in mind, proofread, and you should be good! I agree wholeheartedly with SteelEagle. Keep writing, brony

[2K Chrome]

Well you should probably add a description and maybe a picture to the story. At any given time, there is always ten new stories on the story line thing. Most readers will look at the description before actually reading a story. You lose a lot of potential readers if you can't gain their interest with just that paragraph describing the story.

Also, spelling and grammar.

[my little broney (MLB)]

cheers for the feedback and i will try a little harder on my spelling and grammer

[NavyBr0wnie]

Interesting.... the way you wrote the story, it seemed kinda "Dumbed Down", it didnt really seem to interesting with how you wrote it. perhaps if you changed from a first person veiw, fix the grammar, and space the lines.

overall it has potentioal and im not gonna lie, it definitly could be better, longer, and much more fun to read. but, i understand why its like this, your inexpireanced. therefore you havent quite gained the skill forwriting

[my little broney (MLB)]

212682 yer i know im dislectic so write is a hard task for me but that wont stop me writeing

[GlitchyProductions]

212688

Download a spell checker, that should help you out a little.

[my little broney (MLB)]

216456 i do this on word first but with dislecia i think thats how it's spelt i still dont know if one word is the right word

[GlitchyProductions]

270678

Dyslexia.

Just read a dictionary or something, it's not that hard.

[my little broney (MLB)]

270767 reading is hard for me to things move left to right if on black and white the only thing im good at is math no joke