so i saw this thought it might be good then i saw that it was an infantilist fetish clopfic but since it has dash torture in it i figured i might as well read it and even with the fetish shit it was a really good story so good job
The infantilism part was played for pure nightmarish terror.
And Buttercup's personality is creepy. It makes me think of antifreeze - syrupy sweet but lethal.
My main issue is that it was too fast paced and your OCs could use more development.
Still, pretty good.
And this particularly struck close because just last month, my grandmother suffered a stroke... She's pretty much recovered but I know all too well what the aftermath of a stroke can do. Brr.
Very nice story, granted some parts were rushed. But I did not expect that ending, then again it did have a tradegy tag so it could have only went one of two ways heh. Well maybe 3 if you want to go way dark. I WANT SEQUEL AND MORE!
It was obvious from the description that Dash was going to end up in some sort of position like that, but even if it was predictable, it was a well executed beginning. You did a REALLY good job with the two villains; they both felt like real psychopaths. In the middle, I was sort of annoyed that the friends seemed like they were going to give up on storming the house, but then they actually did, and it actually went exactly the way things could be expected. Most similar stories have some dumb reason for the heroes to fail completely somehow so that the AB stuff can go on (perhaps on all of them), but instead they won... which normally means the story is over. Then it looks like this is going to be weird AB stuff with rehabilitating Rainbow Dash... but then that turns out to mostly be a real story of slow rehabilitation with minor shipping.
Everything that happened felt logical, but as a story it was really weird to shift from the creepy AB stuff to the second half of the story.
2155791 This. Pretty much the only thing I would change to this for my opinion is that although the change was unusual, I thought it was a really nice show of friendship when her friends got Rainbow back on her hooves, figuratively at least. The start was indeed pretty damn creepy, which was good and well-written, but Dash always seemed a little passive about escaping and her situation in general. Many times I expected Dash to say something like "Buck you! Let me outta here or I'll break your bucking neck!" but to be honest she seemed like a bit of a wimp (only a bit, mind you). I've always hated the deus ex machina writers get when it comes to using magic to sort things out, like the "Magic doesn't work in here!" line usually pulled out of nowhere, or even when unicorns don't even bother to use their crazy-powerful telekinesis at all (with the dogs?) There were some grammar mistakes here and there and a few other things — Cloud's Dale, for example, is Cloudsdale. Overall, however, it was a good story. I liked it.
I think your idea was unique and different than most stories I've read I like the ay you portrayed your OC's Buttercup and Ironhoof(He's dick and deserverd what happened to him) I liked how at the begining the pace of the story was slow and gradually picked up with each new chapter I read but after they all escaped the pace seem to be a little too fast. I enjoyed your writeing style the way you discribed Rainbow's condition (by the way she still got at least 200 times the normal dose from that sringe so she probably still be dead) and the way wrote her communications was very cool but when she broke her wing, leg and got burned I kinda felt like you were being mean. Now I did have a few problems but many for like grammer, there was very little grammer misakes but they were some. A) You said she was blind , if so how could she type? B) You said she was limp and stiff you can't be both. C)I feel like she recovered to quickly like all of a sudden get her sight back and talking. You can ingore the next 2 if you wish D)This is the BIG one for I don't like it when people use the word hand or arm when they are refering to a pony they have hindlegs, forelegs, and hooves. But hey thats just me. E)Since I'm sadistic as pinkimeana I was hopeing for a way sadder ending like a lethal dose and alot of moping and copeing from the other 5 but o'well its your story.
Overall it was a very enjoyable read as I do love Rainbow Dash tragedy so I give you a out of 5 mustaches and a /) (this is also the longest comment I have ever given)
Reading this felt bad. I even considered stopping reading it, because I didn't like it. But not because it was written bad, no... you did a good job, it's just I don't like even imagining what you described. I hated the whole story. Which is good, because it's probably the emotion it was supposed to make me feel. And I even liked the second part, after RD was saved. So: I really didn't like it. That means a good job, I suppose! (And I read the whole story in one session. That counts, too!)
Haha, awesome. While I don't expect this story is for everyone, it's nice to see while others don't entirely like it, they can appericate it for what it is :)
Reading a longer short story in one sitting without gettting side-tracked is pretty impressive. It also means there might've been something about it that glued ya to it
I will be honest and say that this isn't my cup of tea, but I usually end up reading these kinda fics anyway. Why? I couldn't explain it if I wanted to. I will say that I think you did a good job on this, cause I feel exactly how Dash felt at the end of the trial: Aware that justice was served, but unconsolidated because it doesn't change anything.
So, while I don't usually enjoy this kinda story. I will say it was nice in a strange way. It made me think quite a bit and I've actually realized somethings about myself and my thoughts because of this. Keep up the good work and I'll be looking at more of your stuff.
Thanks for your input. I'm not ignoring it and I do enjoy fanfics that don't go in the fannon direction, too. Looking for sometihng that isn't too wordy but all encompassing, Mane 6 seemed natural. So, what would you suggest, then?
I started reading this because I like padded stories and the occasional NC about it is fun, but mostly as the character grows to enjoy it... but I finished the whole thing at once because it gripped me, I cared about the characters. I grew to cheer at the end of part 2, but feel dread as I read part 3. It's not a happy ending in the conventional sense, but that makes it the best ending.
You Sir (or Madam) remind me of a young pony version of Stephen King's works. Disturbing, dark, not a happy ending, but yet for all those reasons so much more real and terrifying. Good job.
Welp, I have read it through and held my toungue, now its comment time. sharp inhale.
This story was great. It made my skin crawl, it scared me, I laughed, I came very close to crying (i would walk off and grab drinks and stuff while feeling bummed out, then tell myself everything was okay and come back) All the characters were spot on, the villeins were artwork, true honest artwork. Scary, but in no way cleche and they fed off one anouther well. And the exposition at the end was both satifying and heartwarming.
I'm not really a fan of dark/sad stories, but there's at least a reasonable amount of hope at the end, so that was ok. The subject matter isn't really my thing, but it is well-written. It's worthy of an upvote, but not a fave (from me, at least).
I must know, however - how does a pony use a typewriter, especially while blind?
That's a question a few have asked. Some people (ponies in this case) have a natural apptitude for things, even if they've never used them at any length. I can type with my eyes closed and could do so pretty slowly when I first started out (to the surprise of my classmates). A bit of a stretch for that particular character, but it works as an idea
2473866 First of all I would like to say that I thank your for writing this story, and that your are my 80th story in my favorites lest congratulations! I reach chapter the wholething in one day.
I'm not really a fan of dark/sad stories, but there's at least a reasonable amount of hope at the end, so that was quite excellent. The subject matter isn't really my thing, but it is well-written. There I said it it's out in the open.
But you hooked me form the start I just couldn't stop reading it. Iron Hoof and Butterscotch made excellent two head villain. One ruthless and evil to the core, how was deluding himself into committing these acts out of some twisted sense of love. The other a a passing sympathetic weakling unable to handle the truth. Which made their fall all the better to read about. The hope full sentiment and the end that the Rainbow Dash friends coming to her aide and pulling her out was really a good topper to this piece.
One thing that nagged me I do not think Celestia would say "Main6" She would probably say something along the lines of, "My faithful Student and Her Friends" or "My Most faithful Student and Honored Subjects"
It is a story like this that make me happy to read it but sad that I do not think I will ever be able to write one like it myself.
But all and all thank you. I hope for the best in the future And good luck in future stories.
It's a pleasant surprise to see how many fellow FiMfiction users aren't all that into the subject matter for one reason or the other (the darker aspects or the infantilism), but have given it a chance and enjoyed it. It makes my day to get a message like this ^^
I will be changing the "Mane 6" line sometime soon. Thanks for the suggestions. I have my reasons for wanting to leave it that way right now (has to do with gauging my understanding of MLP and fanfics as time goes on). When I go on to my next tier of stories, I'll be editing all my recently writen fics to reflect a better understanding of the fandom and the fics.
Hope you don't mind me saying, I am an admirer of your work and not afraid to admit it inspired me to a certain extent in parts of this here and there. Appledash is awesome
The whole Dash torture/Recovery dynamic with friends helping her (example Rarity making her a garb to cover up the external signs of damage). I did my own thing with it naturally, but I hadn't come across anything like that in the fandom outside of your stories up to that point. It wasn't just and I was happy for that ^^
Truth be told I was looking for an alternate ending to Cupcakes which had that type of dynamic going on, so it was a pre-existing idea in my head, but I do have a weakness for Appledash, not to mention the way you did it actually brought my curiosity away from the alternate endings and on to more of your works and the works of others which played at the heartstrings. In that way, it helped me find things I like in the fandom
2526745 I loved your twist too. I seriously thought that Pinkie was gonna be the second victim, then I thought that all 6 would be regressed. That's what caused me to read it all in one sitting, that twist.
Dash being stuck in that wheelchair hurts my heart something fierce, but there's still resolution in the end and she's found happiness...
Plus that bitch is rotting in prison .
All in all, a very interesting and entertaining story. I'll also parrot a few others in that I decided to read it all in one sitting as well (barring dinner and a long island iced tea, of course ). Thanks for writing it and consider yourself very thoroughly followed . I look forward to more, good sir .
It wasn't...awful. Some interesting ideas. Buttercup is a more interesting character, so when the focus shifts primarily to Ironhoof(who wasn't very interesting, I dub him the Deus Ex Machina pony) the story suffers considerably. Not enough was really made of Buttercup's wealth near the end- an open or shut case or not, story would have benefited from far more for the defense.
I was brought out of the story several times at the mention of phones and other devices, and frankly I felt you could have called it Equestria or Texas and the story would have been the same. Same goes for treating it all more or less like a modern country- considering who Twilight is and her pull with Celestia, I doubt a social worker would be called, and it seemed like a plot point that went nowhere but managed to pull me out anyway. Same with the simple line that a nurse called dash the R-word. Maybe it's because of my experiences in similar situations at hospitals or the fact my family seems neck-deep in the medical field, but it really tickled me poorly- they simply don't do that, especially in the middle of a hospital. Whether the patient can hear it or not is inconsequential; I knew a nurse who lost her job for saying it and it being reported by her best friend.
Tone chance was rather dramatic. It went from diaper fetish/dash torture to dash torture/adventure to drama. There were many grammar and spelling errors, and the writing seemed to blast around in quality. Also, using 5 or 6 instead of the word, abbreviations for names, and generally not treating it like a story should be treated made it feel cheaper.
Thank you for your critique. While the opening left me not knowing where exactly you were going with it, you shared some things I can use and I appreciate it
The only thing I don't understand is the Deus Ex Machina reference for Iron Hoof... is it his methods? I'm probably over thinking it
In retrospect, I see some of the flaws you've mentioned, especially the one about the phones. Since I've tried not to include them, which has often made for some interesting explanations as to how they're communicating
Ironhoof is a deus ex machina- giving increasingly impossible solutions to unsolvable problems. Who made everything? Ironhoof. Why are the drugs so effective? Ironhoof. Who has the plan to stop any efforts? Ironhoof. Who is able to knock out two of the mane six and force them to agree to a plan he comes up with? Ironhoof. The story becomes 90% Ironhoof once Dash is strapped in when it counts. Story would have benefited greatly from increased focus on Buttercup, who was more interesting in every way- including in terms of flaws and motivation, which for Ironhoof are reduced to, "He's crazy" in both instances.
It would also have benefitted from either being more about infantilism/the breaking of Rainbow Dash, or on the recovery. The rescue in the middle was pulled off okay, but took too long- and the tension never existed. Removing the perspective of the others and keeping it just Rainbow Dash the whole time until she is freed would have made it more dramatic.
Loved it. I walked in expecting just another story about a pony (strange that it's Dash so often ) being regressed, but it turned a corner I never would have expected. I normally don't like mixing ponies and violence, but the tension of the fight with the dogs kept my interest, and I kept worrying that somepony wasn't making it out of the fight. The shift into Dash's rehab was surprising, and even though it makes my heart hurt to know that Dash never makes a full recovery, seeing the progress that was made was heartwarming.
Technically, there were little bits that could have been fixed (I wasn't a fan of the Mane Six being referred to as such, for one), but not enough that it detracted from the story.
Thanks for a great read and a dose of something I wouldn't have expected!
And I also read this all in one sitting, since I see others are mentioning it. All when I'd wanted to sleep badly. So that says something for how much I enjoyed it!
so i saw this
thought it might be good
then i saw that it was an infantilist fetish clopfic
but since it has dash torture in it i figured i might as well read it
and even with the fetish shit it was a really good story
so good job
2139448 It's finished.
The infantilism part was played for pure nightmarish terror.
And Buttercup's personality is creepy. It makes me think of antifreeze - syrupy sweet but lethal.
My main issue is that it was too fast paced and your OCs could use more development.
Still, pretty good.
And this particularly struck close because just last month, my grandmother suffered a stroke... She's pretty much recovered but I know all too well what the aftermath of a stroke can do. Brr.
That was amazing to read through.
I don't know why, but I imagined the Inspector Pony from Game Ponies more than your OC which strangely fit the role as the Rich Pony.
I love this story, keep writing to your hearts content.
Very nice story, granted some parts were rushed. But I did not expect that ending, then again it did have a tradegy tag so it could have only went one of two ways heh. Well maybe 3 if you want to go way dark. I WANT SEQUEL AND MORE!
It was obvious from the description that Dash was going to end up in some sort of position like that, but even if it was predictable, it was a well executed beginning. You did a REALLY good job with the two villains; they both felt like real psychopaths. In the middle, I was sort of annoyed that the friends seemed like they were going to give up on storming the house, but then they actually did, and it actually went exactly the way things could be expected. Most similar stories have some dumb reason for the heroes to fail completely somehow so that the AB stuff can go on (perhaps on all of them), but instead they won... which normally means the story is over. Then it looks like this is going to be weird AB stuff with rehabilitating Rainbow Dash... but then that turns out to mostly be a real story of slow rehabilitation with minor shipping.
Everything that happened felt logical, but as a story it was really weird to shift from the creepy AB stuff to the second half of the story.
2155791 This. Pretty much the only thing I would change to this for my opinion is that although the change was unusual, I thought it was a really nice show of friendship when her friends got Rainbow back on her hooves, figuratively at least. The start was indeed pretty damn creepy, which was good and well-written, but Dash always seemed a little passive about escaping and her situation in general. Many times I expected Dash to say something like "Buck you! Let me outta here or I'll break your bucking neck!" but to be honest she seemed like a bit of a wimp (only a bit, mind you).
I've always hated the deus ex machina writers get when it comes to using magic to sort things out, like the "Magic doesn't work in here!" line usually pulled out of nowhere, or even when unicorns don't even bother to use their crazy-powerful telekinesis at all (with the dogs?)
There were some grammar mistakes here and there and a few other things — Cloud's Dale, for example, is Cloudsdale.
Overall, however, it was a good story. I liked it.
Ok im gonna tell you what I think of this....
I think your idea was unique and different than most stories I've read
I like the ay you portrayed your OC's Buttercup and Ironhoof(He's dick and deserverd what happened to him) I liked how at the begining the pace of the story was slow and gradually picked up with each new chapter I read but after they all escaped the pace seem to be a little too fast. I enjoyed your writeing style the way you discribed Rainbow's condition (by the way she still got at least 200 times the normal dose from that sringe so she probably still be dead) and the way wrote her communications was very cool but when she broke her wing, leg and got burned I kinda felt like you were being mean.
Now I did have a few problems but many for like grammer, there was very little grammer misakes but they were some.
A) You said she was blind , if so how could she type?
B) You said she was limp and stiff you can't be both.
C)I feel like she recovered to quickly like all of a sudden get her sight back and talking.
You can ingore the next 2 if you wish
D)This is the BIG one for I don't like it when people use the word hand or arm when they are refering to a pony they have hindlegs, forelegs, and hooves. But hey thats just me.
E)Since I'm sadistic as pinkimeana I was hopeing for a way sadder ending like a lethal dose and alot of moping and copeing from the other 5 but o'well its your story.
Overall it was a very enjoyable read as I do love Rainbow Dash tragedy so I give you a out of 5 mustaches and a /) (this is also the longest comment I have ever given)
Well this wasn't my cup of tea but it was still good.
Reading this felt bad. I even considered stopping reading it, because I didn't like it. But not because it was written bad, no... you did a good job, it's just I don't like even imagining what you described. I hated the whole story. Which is good, because it's probably the emotion it was supposed to make me feel. And I even liked the second part, after RD was saved. So: I really didn't like it. That means a good job, I suppose!
(And I read the whole story in one session. That counts, too!)
2159391
Haha, awesome. While I don't expect this story is for everyone, it's nice to see while others don't entirely like it, they can appericate it for what it is :)
Reading a longer short story in one sitting without gettting side-tracked is pretty impressive. It also means there might've been something about it that glued ya to it
2158359
Thank you for appreciating the story and giving the review/reaction although you said it wasn't your cup of tea :)
2172734
I will be honest and say that this isn't my cup of tea, but I usually end up reading these kinda fics anyway. Why? I couldn't explain it if I wanted to. I will say that I think you did a good job on this, cause I feel exactly how Dash felt at the end of the trial: Aware that justice was served, but unconsolidated because it doesn't change anything.
So, while I don't usually enjoy this kinda story. I will say it was nice in a strange way. It made me think quite a bit and I've actually realized somethings about myself and my thoughts because of this. Keep up the good work and I'll be looking at more of your stuff.
Dam that was a good story
2292560
Thanks for your input. I'm not ignoring it and I do enjoy fanfics that don't go in the fannon direction, too. Looking for sometihng that isn't too wordy but all encompassing, Mane 6 seemed natural. So, what would you suggest, then?
I started reading this because I like padded stories and the occasional NC about it is fun, but mostly as the character grows to enjoy it... but I finished the whole thing at once because it gripped me, I cared about the characters. I grew to cheer at the end of part 2, but feel dread as I read part 3. It's not a happy ending in the conventional sense, but that makes it the best ending.
You Sir (or Madam) remind me of a young pony version of Stephen King's works. Disturbing, dark, not a happy ending, but yet for all those reasons so much more real and terrifying. Good job.
>this story
I lol'd
Welp, I have read it through and held my toungue, now its comment time.
sharp inhale.
This story was great. It made my skin crawl, it scared me, I laughed, I came very close to crying (i would walk off and grab drinks and stuff while feeling bummed out, then tell myself everything was okay and come back)
All the characters were spot on, the villeins were artwork, true honest artwork. Scary, but in no way cleche and they fed off one anouther well. And the exposition at the end was both satifying and heartwarming.
Well done.
I'm not really a fan of dark/sad stories, but there's at least a reasonable amount of hope at the end, so that was ok. The subject matter isn't really my thing, but it is well-written. It's worthy of an upvote, but not a fave (from me, at least).
I must know, however - how does a pony use a typewriter, especially while blind?
2472809
Thanks for the kind words
That's a question a few have asked. Some people (ponies in this case) have a natural apptitude for things, even if they've never used them at any length. I can type with my eyes closed and could do so pretty slowly when I first started out (to the surprise of my classmates). A bit of a stretch for that particular character, but it works as an idea
2473866 First of all I would like to say that I thank your for writing this story, and that your are my 80th story in my favorites lest congratulations!
I reach chapter the wholething in one day.
I'm not really a fan of dark/sad stories, but there's at least a reasonable amount of hope at the end, so that was quite excellent. The subject matter isn't really my thing, but it is well-written. There I said it it's out in the open.
But you hooked me form the start I just couldn't stop reading it.
Iron Hoof and Butterscotch made excellent two head villain.
One ruthless and evil to the core, how was deluding himself into committing these acts out of some twisted sense of love.
The other a a passing sympathetic weakling unable to handle the truth.
Which made their fall all the better to read about.
The hope full sentiment and the end that the Rainbow Dash friends coming to her aide and pulling her out was really a good topper to this piece.
One thing that nagged me I do not think Celestia would say "Main6"
She would probably say something along the lines of, "My faithful Student and Her Friends" or "My Most faithful Student and Honored Subjects"
It is a story like this that make me happy to read it but sad that I do not think I will ever be able to write one like it myself.
But all and all thank you.
I hope for the best in the future
And good luck in future stories.
Um...
Wow. Just wow.
Dark and disturbing infantilism? Truly masterfully crafted villains? Feels and lite Appledash?
Sir, may I shake your hoof???
10/10 Fantastic!
2513075
Well, thank you kindly
It's a pleasant surprise to see how many fellow FiMfiction users aren't all that into the subject matter for one reason or the other (the darker aspects or the infantilism), but have given it a chance and enjoyed it. It makes my day to get a message like this ^^
I will be changing the "Mane 6" line sometime soon. Thanks for the suggestions. I have my reasons for wanting to leave it that way right now (has to do with gauging my understanding of MLP and fanfics as time goes on). When I go on to my next tier of stories, I'll be editing all my recently writen fics to reflect a better understanding of the fandom and the fics.
2526160
*shakes your hoof*
Thank you much for the fav. and kind words
Hope you don't mind me saying, I am an admirer of your work and not afraid to admit it inspired me to a certain extent in parts of this here and there. Appledash is awesome
2526626 Oh? May I ask what parts? Just curious. I love it when my stuff inspires other stuff.
2526673
The whole Dash torture/Recovery dynamic with friends helping her (example Rarity making her a garb to cover up the external signs of damage). I did my own thing with it naturally, but I hadn't come across anything like that in the fandom outside of your stories up to that point. It wasn't just and I was happy for that ^^
Truth be told I was looking for an alternate ending to Cupcakes which had that type of dynamic going on, so it was a pre-existing idea in my head, but I do have a weakness for Appledash, not to mention the way you did it actually brought my curiosity away from the alternate endings and on to more of your works and the works of others which played at the heartstrings. In that way, it helped me find things I like in the fandom
2526745 I loved your twist too. I seriously thought that Pinkie was gonna be the second victim, then I thought that all 6 would be regressed. That's what caused me to read it all in one sitting, that twist.
2526775
It's flattering to see so many have read it in one sitting
Dash being stuck in that wheelchair hurts my heart something fierce, but there's still resolution in the end and she's found happiness...
Plus that bitch is rotting in prison .
All in all, a very interesting and entertaining story. I'll also parrot a few others in that I decided to read it all in one sitting as well (barring dinner and a long island iced tea, of course ). Thanks for writing it and consider yourself very thoroughly followed . I look forward to more, good sir .
2559002
Thanks for the kind words, fav, and watch, pardner
You are quite welcome. I'm glad to see so many Bronies are enjoying reading the story as much as I enjoyed writing it
Honestly, I don't know if I'll ever be able to write another story quite like this, but I do have other ideas I'll be working on soon enough
I feel like I just drank warm milk with honey.
2559002
Are you kidding me? Prison alone isn't enough for her.
They should of stabbed her with 9001 of those needles that impaled Dash, THEN sent her to prison.
It wasn't...awful. Some interesting ideas. Buttercup is a more interesting character, so when the focus shifts primarily to Ironhoof(who wasn't very interesting, I dub him the Deus Ex Machina pony) the story suffers considerably. Not enough was really made of Buttercup's wealth near the end- an open or shut case or not, story would have benefited from far more for the defense.
I was brought out of the story several times at the mention of phones and other devices, and frankly I felt you could have called it Equestria or Texas and the story would have been the same. Same goes for treating it all more or less like a modern country- considering who Twilight is and her pull with Celestia, I doubt a social worker would be called, and it seemed like a plot point that went nowhere but managed to pull me out anyway. Same with the simple line that a nurse called dash the R-word. Maybe it's because of my experiences in similar situations at hospitals or the fact my family seems neck-deep in the medical field, but it really tickled me poorly- they simply don't do that, especially in the middle of a hospital. Whether the patient can hear it or not is inconsequential; I knew a nurse who lost her job for saying it and it being reported by her best friend.
Tone chance was rather dramatic. It went from diaper fetish/dash torture to dash torture/adventure to drama. There were many grammar and spelling errors, and the writing seemed to blast around in quality. Also, using 5 or 6 instead of the word, abbreviations for names, and generally not treating it like a story should be treated made it feel cheaper.
It isn't a bad story, but needed some work.
2808219
Thank you for your critique. While the opening left me not knowing where exactly you were going with it, you shared some things I can use and I appreciate it
The only thing I don't understand is the Deus Ex Machina reference for Iron Hoof... is it his methods? I'm probably over thinking it
In retrospect, I see some of the flaws you've mentioned, especially the one about the phones. Since I've tried not to include them, which has often made for some interesting explanations as to how they're communicating
Thanks again.
Peace pardner
2808950 Glad you're receptive!
Ironhoof is a deus ex machina- giving increasingly impossible solutions to unsolvable problems. Who made everything? Ironhoof. Why are the drugs so effective? Ironhoof. Who has the plan to stop any efforts? Ironhoof. Who is able to knock out two of the mane six and force them to agree to a plan he comes up with? Ironhoof. The story becomes 90% Ironhoof once Dash is strapped in when it counts. Story would have benefited greatly from increased focus on Buttercup, who was more interesting in every way- including in terms of flaws and motivation, which for Ironhoof are reduced to, "He's crazy" in both instances.
It would also have benefitted from either being more about infantilism/the breaking of Rainbow Dash, or on the recovery. The rescue in the middle was pulled off okay, but took too long- and the tension never existed. Removing the perspective of the others and keeping it just Rainbow Dash the whole time until she is freed would have made it more dramatic.
2811156
I never saw it that way. While I wouldn't say 90%, I can definately see what you're talking about. Thanks again for the insight
I was hoping for the mane 6 to be captured....
2884251
Heh. You're not alone
Loved it. I walked in expecting just another story about a pony (strange that it's Dash so often ) being regressed, but it turned a corner I never would have expected. I normally don't like mixing ponies and violence, but the tension of the fight with the dogs kept my interest, and I kept worrying that somepony wasn't making it out of the fight. The shift into Dash's rehab was surprising, and even though it makes my heart hurt to know that Dash never makes a full recovery, seeing the progress that was made was heartwarming.
Technically, there were little bits that could have been fixed (I wasn't a fan of the Mane Six being referred to as such, for one), but not enough that it detracted from the story.
Thanks for a great read and a dose of something I wouldn't have expected!
And I also read this all in one sitting, since I see others are mentioning it. All when I'd wanted to sleep badly. So that says something for how much I enjoyed it!
Woah, definitely no sugar coating this story brutal ending but awesome morals and everything turned out alright to a degree, nice work
I'm speechless that was... More than incredible, more than cool, it was
3235115 Thank You you should follow my sister TwilightPoopSparkle she's writing really good trollfic
PINKIE PIE STYLE!
...I will never picture Rainbow Dash the same way I did before reading this...MIND...BLOWN