• Published 23rd Dec 2012
  • 13,167 Views, 439 Comments

Pony bound - Shortcourt



Losing your innate body isn't as easy as it seems, especially on earth.

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Jessica


“Welcome back to Jackass! I’m Johnny Knoxville, and today we will watch a pregnant woman ice skate with a regular skateboard!”

I shut down my television set and yawned. When I started to get off the bed, my hind legs seized and I began staring at my green hooves. I don’t know if it’s me but my hooves look bigger than they were a few days ago. It’s like it grew or something. If they really do grow then I’m definitely getting a manicure; I don’t want to look like the pony version of Wolverine right now.

I looked at my wall, which currently was a blank structure with nothing but streaks of pink color. Damn, looking at this reminds me how live my wall used to be! I took down all my posters of male models and childhood crushes because I simply can’t look at them the same way I used to. Funny thing is now I’m thinking about hanging up pictures of naked women. I mean, I had pictures of women but they were some shitty pop singers that I been stopped liking before I changed.

I frowned. Yeah, I’m going to have to change that pink color also because pink isn’t the manliest color in the world. It’s very gay to be honest.

Okay, it's not a gay color. Maybe I can keep it... but the pictures of the dudes had to go! Well, actually, maybe not. It's still... no! I don’t care if he looked like a woman, that Justin Beiber shit had to flex out of here!

I flexed my wings while yawning. Even though I haven’t been outside in awhile to fly, I still gotta keep my wings in check. It would be a total dubb if I get a cramp, but it would be even worse if my wings get injured!

But, I ain’t letting that happen. Nah, I’m gonna do all types of wings exercise known to man, even ones that weren’t invented. That includes wings pushups, wings sit ups, hot wings sit ups; and if I go outside, cross the road with wings-no chicken sit ups! Wait, that doesn’t makes sense.

I smirked. “I’m doing the most, aren’t I?” I said aloud.

That’s probably what Shawn thought when I came to his house two days ago. Man, Shawn probably hates me now…

I mean, he hasn’t texted me back ever since. Usually when we argue I call him and he doesn’t pick up; all he does is text me back saying ‘I’m too angry to talk’ or ‘I’m too busy to talk’. He even occasionally says ‘I’m too fucking busy to be busy fucking with you.’

Let me see what this bum been up to…

I grabbed my phone from under my cover and a pencil from my peach designed dresser. I used the pencil to press on the fb app on my phone and began to check my messages.

I sighed. No messages from Shawn, just a few kids talking bout shit I don’t even care about. However, the main thing that caught my attention was my profile picture. Yeah, my old picture; the picture when I was still a girl. I don’t know if I should update it or not because it does bring back classic memories. But, that isn’t me anymore. I am not showing my real face and that avatar can clearly be preserved in my photos. Maybe I should change it…

Meh, I’ll decide to change it permanently after the announcement. If they could turn ponies back into humans, I’m definitely keeping it. However, if they can’t… I guess it’s time to introduce the new me.

But, do I want to keep it? Do I want to be a human again? I’m not sure I want to sit down while peeing again, and I actually feel powerful for once in my life! Not on the internet, but in real life! Like, I don’t feel weak and have to always have to look up to people; now people/ponies have to look up to me!

Yeah, I probably got a little shorter, but I actually got real muscles for once in my life! The closest I got to muscles was steroids, but that fucked me up and went to my ass. That didn’t help me with fighting, but it did with another f letter word. Suddenly, my phone began to ring, causing a snippet of “Blurred Lines" to travel across the room. Ugh, so addicting. You know, I always thought about changing my ringtone to the chorus of ‘Drake-Marvin’s room.’ I should since it is fitting now.

I looked at the caller I.D. and saw a picture of... Shawn? Wow, Shawn is calling? Shawn is actually calling me? I wonder why all of the sudden Shawn… is

This better be good!

I used my nose to accept the call and brought the phone to my ears. "Speak,” I grunted hotheadedly, hearing nothing but my heart pounding. I'm actually kinda worried that Shawn might be calling to break it off, but I’m also angry that I had to answer the phone for us just to talk! Shawn snubbed me harder than what that guy did to Betty Broderick, but I’m answering the phone like nothing happened?

Oh, what the hell.

"Hey there..." a feminine voice answered.

"Who the hell are you?” Oh crap, I forgot Shawn been bent! “Hey there,” I corrected my tone and tried not completely sound like a brute.

"…Jessica... I...-"

"You what?" I raised an eyebrow. Yeah, stumbling is not a good way to start up a conversation.

"I... look, just get over here right now. It's easier to just tell you in person."

"Um, no thanks. I'm good," I glanced out the windows. Even though I would love to go out, I still have my doubts. I don't want to go all the way to Shawn's house just to be disappointed by something again. I bet whatever Shawn has to tell me won’t repair our relationship AT ALL. "Why don't you come here? To my house."

"Um, I rather not. You see, I had a real long day and-"

"Oh really? What was so exhausting about your day that you can't come to my house?" I asked in disbelief.

“Well, I killed someone who was actually an alien... so..."

I chuckled. "Being a smartass like always, huh?"

"What? No, I'm serious. I really killed an alien." Shawn said in deadpan.

"Pshh, yeah right. You're so random sometimes. I bet the alien you killed wanted revenge against us ‘earthlings’ for killing E.T., right?"
"First of all, that joke was horrible. Take yo life.” I rolled my eyes. I thought my joke was funny...

“Second, I'm seriousssss! I swear to my Mom- my uncle! I swear to my uncle that I really killed an alien!"

"Fronting.”

"My face is straighter than a model chick’s eyebrow."

Well... that's pretty straight. Shawn is never known for hyperboles, so it must be real!

"...I don't believe you," I hissed.

"You don't? Check the news, I bet they will show it."

"Nope. I just went past the news and didn’t see anything."

"Huh? That's funny, I expected it to be real... news worthy. You sure?"


“…Wow. So, it was like an exchange, right? She traded her Double D’s for his D?”

“Yes… and her D grade.”

“Damn.”

We both became silent for a few seconds.

“So, now that you're done making up bs stories, can you tell me what you really called to tell me?"

"I told you I need to speak with you in person, and my story is not BS!" Shawn screeched, "I'm dead ass! Look it up on youtube, because I know two ponies beating up a man going rival is a friggin given!”

"Two ponies? What are you talking about?"

"Well, Kaise was with me and kinda turned into a pony…” Shawn said softly.

"Kaise? Kaise turned into a pony too?"

"Yep. He's at my house right now."

"Oh… that's what’s up. I didn't know anyone else from our school turned into a- oh my god!" My mouth gaped as I made a disturbing connection.

"What? What happened?"

"You liar! You told me you didn't like dudes!" I spat into the phone, ready to crack it across the floor.

Shawn paused. "I did? When did I? Oh! Yeah... about that..."

"About that? Oh my god, I knew it! You leach!" My face scrunched up.

"W-what are you talking about?"

"You didn't want to have sex with me because of KaiseShawn, right? Wow, ain't this something. You were cheating on me for your best friend? I'm your girlfriend! Well, I was, but really? How could you jump f-from m-me... to your friend? At least we were in a relationship, but how is Kaise-"

“Ho! Shut. The fuck. Up!” Shawn shouted. I don’t know why, but I instinctively sealed my lips. “Thank you. Anyways, Kaise ain’t even a dude anymore, and really? Me cheat on you? You’re talking to the person that hates rats, why would I do that?”

"Oh! So what? You aren't into dudes or stallions? You could be- wait, what? Did you just say Kaise isn't a dude?"

"Yeah, crazy, huh? Kaise went down the same road I did and I think she likes it!"

So, Kaise turned into a chick just like Shawn and supposedly enjoys it? I got one word... lol. Kaise out of everybody though. Not to be edgy or anything, but I always thought Kaise would kill himself if something like that ever happened.

"I don't believe you."

"Kaise, here is the phone."

I heard a faint voice in the background say something in a questioning tone. I'm guessing that must be Kaise?

"Yo, what's up Jessica?" a new voice spoke. The voice sounded familiar but completely different. It had the same gangsta drawl as Kaise’s but was way more high-pitched. I could totally picture Kaise talking like this if his parents ate more apples before giving birth to him.

"Kaise? Is that you?"

"You already know, cuz. So, what's good with you? You chilling?"

Yep. When I hear 'cuz' being thrown around, I know it is Kaise. And Kaise is now a girl... damn. I feel dissapointed that I may never be one again honestly, but I don’t need to complain. Being a dude isn't as bad as I thought! Looks like the femnazi's in my school were exaggerating about all the advantages girls have over boys. Yeah, I said it! Iggnit fools!

"Oh, me? Um, yeah. How about you guys? I heard you killed somebody..."

"Really? Damn, Shawn spreads information like a fucking email." I heard Shawn shout 'hey!' in the background, eliciting a chuckle from me.

"Anyways, yeah. It's pretty assed up. We were in a cab with this dude and he was driving like he was trying to kill us. I mean, he was trying to kill us by driving like that! Anyways, when we asked to stop he stopped but locked the doors, and then the mothafucka threatened to keep us in there forever."

I paused. "Damn... are you okay?!"

"Of course I am! Well, I had blood on my horn, but I'm good."

"Horn? What do you mean horn?"

"I'm a unicorn, you feel me? I got this tumor on my head that can perform magic, I but I don't know how to use it yet. It has erectile dysfunction or some shit. Still, it's litt."

"Wow, that's cool! I'm a Pegasus, which means I have wings. You wanna hear something cool? I can fly!"

"Get the fuck out," Kaise hissed.

"No funny shit. I was flying a few days ago, but my parents won't let me go out the house so I can't practice anymore!"

"Wow, that's crazy. I'm mad jealous."

I snickered and relaxed my head on the pillow. "Why?"

"Because I don't know how to use magic..." Kaise grumbled.

"Aww, don't worry. I'm sure you will soon," I said in a soothing tone. Hey, I could still try to sympathize with people, right?"

"Thanks, boo. I'll talk to you later because Shawn wants the phone again.”

I smiled.”No problem, boo."

"Bye."

I rolled my eyes. Man, I was actually enjoying conversing with Kaise, now I'm going to have to get serious with serious Shawn again. Hehe, serious Shawn. That is such a good nickname.

I waited a couple of seconds for Shawn to pick up again. Keeping my ears close to the phone, I heard Shawn whisper ‘watch your mouth’ in the background.

"Hello? Jessica?"

"Yeah?" I yawned.

"Look, remember a few days ago?"

Even the slightest reference Shawn made caused me to shiver. Of course I'm gonna remember that day! It seemed I couldn't avoid taking L's that day, and that’s terrible because I'm usually a winner.

"A few days ago? Oh yeah, I remember when you totally left me on scene. Jerk,” I sarcastically replied.

"Jessica... look, I'm sorry for that, baby. I really am."

"You should be! I came all the way to your house because I thought you broke up with me! Then you tell me you love me, but you were just fronting! I should back hand you for that! Matter of fact, I would open hand you if I had hands because that hurts more!"

An irritated sigh snuck into my ears. "See, this is why I want you to come to my house. I knew you were gonna try to argue with me. I have so much to tell you but you going King Kong at me on the spot is making it hard for me to show you."

"Show me what? Did you find your junk?

“… Are you retarded? I mean… between you and me… I’m not into mares,“ Shawn whispered, which is dumb since Kaise is in the room and can clearly hear. He must be checking to make sure there isn’t anyone in my room.

"So?"

"That means I'm attracted to stallions you piss-ant!”

"Oh. Wait, so... does that mean you can-"

"Be with you? Yes! Even though I'm afraid talking to you like this, I think we can still make this work, Jessica!"

"..."

"What? That's all? No reaction?"

"I don't know... you hurt me real badly..."

"Jessica, come on! I had a rough day and I still was a full guy that time!"

"How about now? Are you still a full guy?"

"Well... I don't know. I'm kinda going through something and... look! Okay, my word choice was wrong. I wasn't attracted to stallions, but I am now I guess. It was also my first day while you were in your what, third day?"

"Yeah, so what? You think you went through hell that day? When I went home that day I was caught lacking and almost got mugged! I also thought you broke up with me!” my voice jumped up a few octaves during my black out. “I needed affection and I bet you are calling me cause you need affection!"

"What? No! I don't need any affection! Damn it, Jessica, why won’t you shut up and let me -"

"Nothing more! Talk to the hand... or hoof. You fucked up missy! I mean mister! Tell Kaise to holla at me though. As for you, get yourself a restraining order because if I see you in the open, I’ll bite your lips off! And that’s word to me!"

I hung up the phone and slammed it on my bed. Man, the nerves of that kid! She- I mean he calls me immediately after killing someone and says that he likes stallions? He went a whole day without talking to me yesterday and chooses this day to talk? Geed his body!

Though, I am curious about the video and why it wasn’t reported on the news. This is some pretty heavy shit that deserves acknowledgement. Maybe the people at the news's station are aliens and don't want to show it?


I frowned. Yeah, I should check. Where is my laptop though?

I looked at my closet wondering if I left it in there. I got off the bed and walked towards it, preparing to open it. Before I could open it, I heard my phone's ringtone go off again. I grunted.

"Damn it, who is it now?"

I marched back towards my phone and picked it up, taking a second to identify caller I.D. Oh, it was Shawn again. Geez, ain't that something. Should I hang up or what?

Hmm, I'm feeling generous today.

"Hello?"

"Jessica..." Kaise stammered.

"Oh, hey Kaise? What's up?"

"Oh, nothing much... except Shawn is crying and everything."

My right eye twitched. Heh, funny how this is something I would usually do when Shawn threatened to break up with me. I remember one time my friend called Shawn just to tell him I was crying after our argument. Nostalgia...

I waited a few seconds, but no voice came from the phone's speakers. "Shawn?"

Instead of a proper reply, I heard a sniff. Wow, he really is crying... damn. I intended my words to sting him like that, but after hearing the sounds, I regret it.

"Shawn? Are you good?"

"J-Jessica... I said I'm sorry... but... y-you don't understand me...,” he said in between sobs. "It wasn't my f-fault that you c-came so abruptly without calling or a-anything..."

I sighed. Now I feel like a jerk. Alright, I can at least be honest. "Shawn, I can't come to your house. My parents won't let me."

I heard something in the background, but couldn't comprehend it fully.

"Jessica?" Kaise muttered.

"Speak."

"I have a suggestion: Why don't you open your window and fly here?"


"Damn..." he grunted, “Fine, we'll be there in an hour or something. Stay up."

"Bye."

When the other line hung up, I dropped the phone on the bed. I laid back in the bed and put my hooves on my face. Maybe I didn't handle that as good as I could’ve. I was angry, I really was, but blind fury isn't the answer. Shawn sounded real sincere... and if Shawn does come over here, then maybe he does mean everything he said? I wouldn’t go anywhere when I just finished killing someone for my life, so that would tell a lot.

Well, we will see. In the meantime... it's time to check YOUTUBE!
............................................................................................................................................................
"You're a good actor," Kaise complimented with a smirk that had cynicism written all over it.

I sniffed and rendered a sinister smile on my face, despite my weepy state. "Hehe, you really think I’m gonna cry when it comes to being dumped? I’ve been through that road many times!"

“Fuck outta here!!!” Kaise and I chanted in unison while giving each other daps.

I glanced at the box of cut up onions on the table and closed my eyes swiftly. Without looking, I knocked the box of onions off the table and was welcomed to the sound of the buds bumping on multiple spots on the floor. I giggled and ecstatically loosened my eyes. “Anyways, I understand why Jessica is mad though. I was kind of a mook a few days ago, but so was her!”

Kaise blinked multiple times before responding. “I still don’t understand why you are trying so hard since you’re asexual. You’re a dubb and ain’t gonna do nothing, so why even go?”

“It’s simple, Kaise. You see, even though I’m asexual, I could still be in a relationship with Jessica. There will just be no touchy, cuddly, sexy time. No mas.”

Kaise twitched. “Then what’s the point? No cuddly time? Mothafucka, that right there isn’t even the friend zone, call it the ‘stranger’ zone. You’re bugging and it would be best if you just-“

“Aajaiasjwiebrt,” I mumbled in an attempt to mock Kaise. “This isn’t your business, so shut the hell up and--FUCK!” I shouted while wrapping my hooves over my eyes reflexively, feeling a sudden sensation that flared my iris with punctuated strength. It feels like the human torch gave my eye a needle or something!

I heard Kaise gasp. “Are you good, boy?”

“My eyes are starting to burn for no reason and-“

Oh yeah, I forgot the onions were still cut.

Kaise snickered. "Man, there isn't a dumb moment when it comes to you, Shawn. If this was a TV show, you will be the mule and I’ll be the one riding you, no homo. But yeah, I will be flexing with my mule while- “ Kaise’s sentence ended with a scream from her vocal cords. “SHAWN YOU ASSNOSE!”

Author's Note:

This chapter was longer, but I decided to condense it and get to the point. Truthfully, It's miles better than the original So, basically, Shawn is still iffy about losing identity, Kaise treats it normally, and Jessica is trying too hard and comes off as spurious. Looks like Kaise needs to teach both of them a lesson and counsel their relationship.

As for phone conversations, I'm getting better at it but it's evidently one of my weaknesses. Don't worry, there won't be any more in the future.